Wife is about to make it physical.

[Dreama_70]

Wow, I leave this thread alone for a day and plenty of new pages of comments. I think everyone here needs to take a deep breath;

 

1.) Everyone is going to have their own perspective on what marriage suits them best. There was another thread about a married couple that became closer after having threesomes. Say what you have to say that you think will help Van. If you have a disagreement with someone, don't overload this thread arguing.

 

2.) Dreama, thank you for your input. This is an infidelity thread, and as such, you posting about an open marriage will get under people's skin. Don't take any posts personally, as your views are going to get under people's skin. I disagree with some of your views on marriage, and if you would like to set up a thread, I would be glad to debate you on the topic.

 

3.) There is a difference between "tough love" and rude and degrading posts. Calling Van a coward and expecting him to defend himself on LS isn't going to help him in any way. I'm sure this site is the last thing on his mind right now, and I think he's handled it well so far considering his circumstances.

 

4.) Stone Cold, Trimmer, Tech, Dreaming, and anyone else I missed, keep contributing your perspectives and views for Van, if/when he comes back.

 

5.) I'm pretty sure everything I just stated was obvious

 

Yes, thank you, I did -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291447/ doesn't get a lot of play though. lol.

[ver13]

LOL, I couldn't agree more. She's going through a mid-life crisis. Tired of the grind, tired of seeing dreams disappear, tired of being tired, tired of the same isht different day. I swear if I thought my husband would just let me have an affair on the side we probably wouldn't be in divorce talks right now.

 

And for all of you men out there, when I married my husband 15 years ago, I didn't even ask him for fidelity, for a lot of reason; one being that monogamy isn't even natural to the human animal. What I asked him for was THIS:

 

1. Never bring drama in my life. Let chicky know I'm number one. I don't want to see it or hear it. No phone calls at my house, no disrespect in the streets, no underwear in the cars. bblah blah

 

2. Don't bring anything else home either ->strap it up.

 

3. Don't fck with my money, do you out of your allowance I don't care if she has to go half on the room. I WILL NOT go into debt or be paying for fancy gifts and trips to the spa that I DON'T GET. Take care of house first, what you have left over is yours.

 

caveat - If it ever comes to my attention that you are having an affair then that's an automatic "get some dck free" card.

 

In 15 years I have never had reason to believe my husband has cheated. That doesn't mean he hasn't, almost every man we know has/does, but I've never had a reason to suspect it. I don't look for it either. He goes out with friends about once a week and he sometimes travels to the south to visit his family and old friends without me. I have never had the urge to check his cellphone or email acts. I know women that have driven themselves crazy chasing after a man trying to make sure he wasn't cheating, they find their evidence that he is and then try to prevent it from happening again. They have ALL gotten (or in one case, are getting) a divorce.

 

My advice to Van - let her have it. She'll grow tired of it soon enough. If you make it an issue, she'll leave. She may regret it terribly as an afterthought but right now the only thing she cares about is having her outlet.

 

 

And for those that will call you a "cuckold" or other such nonsense ->just check out their bitter divorce stories and feel their anger and resentment, I bet more than one wish they had done the same thing. You certainly wouldn't be the only man to do it, and women have been doing it forever.

 

An your point is ? Looks like you have many issues yourself which enable you to agree with the way in which his wife is disrespecting their family. For you this is all part of the game and I'm sure that it's based off how you have been conducting your own business which is all good for you I guess. IMO some people are not able to have stable relationships with anyone due to the trama that they have been through in their past. I just saying why project your own reality into someone else's situation. Since none of us will ever know why his W has chosen to destroy her family just the re-capture something that can't be caught. You sound like your really talking about your own desires and if that is true please feel free to go out there and do your own thing and then post it so that we can tell you how screwed up you are too.

[Severely Unamused]

Wow, I thought I was the only one who got that vibe. No offense for sure but there is a certain level of build up.

 

To bring up my previous post.

 

Yes. I have noticed a curious, almost voyeuristic tone in this thread. I wonder what that says about us. And about Van.

If this is real, feel free to disregard what I have typed. But...

 

Looks like you have many issues yourself which enable you to agree with the way in which his wife is disrespecting their family.

Yeppers. It's not just the physical act itself, but also the purely selfish and spiteful way in which Van's wife is acting. What kind of person would tolerate that kind of attitude, in any non-affair situation?

 

I did say to keep your personal biases under control (you know who you are).

Edited August 15, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow, I thought I was the only one who got that vibe. No offense for sure but there is a certain level of build up.

 

I had that little sense here but I have a pretty strict "never call troll" personal policy because you never know when it is the real deal and you don't want to diss someone that is legit when they have it tough already.

 

If a troll has to go so far as to concoct a long, drawn-out post then they need attention anyways, so they can get help that way.

 

There seems to be an engaging storyline on here often, they can't all be true.

 

But this one seems more legit then some of the others I have read.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if 75% of the infidelity threads were faked though.

[dreamingoftigers]

To bring up my previous post.

 

If this is real, feel free to disregard what I have typed. But...

 

Yeppers. It's not just the physical act itself, but also the purely selfish and spiteful way in which Van's wife is acting. What kind of person would tolerate that kind of attitude, in any non-affair situation?

 

I did say to keep your personal biases under control (you know who you are).

 

To answer the question. A small but incredibly determined percentage of people, there was a thread not long ago that just wouldn't die about a guy whose gf was cheating and he still wanted to marry her because he had a lot in common with her and felt his prospects weren't any better. She wouldn't even give up guy #2, and he was married.

[Severely Unamused]

I had that little sense here but I have a pretty strict "never call troll" personal policy because you never know when it is the real deal and you don't want to diss someone that is legit when they have it tough already.

Oh no, I understand. I'm not trying to be cruel, but I used to write short stories as a child and teen, so I recognise some familiar techniques. Also, I troll in real life, so I have some experience there. I'm just feeling some bad juju vibes here. It's just the way that this "plot" seems to be slowly unfolding, with little details being thrown here and there, to suck us back in, that makes me suspicious.

 

Of course, fact is often stranger than fiction.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if 75% of the infidelity threads were faked though.

More like 90% of everything on the internet. Maybe 95%.

 

A small but incredibly determined percentage of people, there was a thread not long ago that just wouldn't die about a guy whose gf was cheating and he still wanted to marry her because he had a lot in common with her and felt his prospects weren't any better. She wouldn't even give up guy #2, and he was married.

So, people with no backbone? Depressing.

 

Anyway, this is becoming a T/J.

Edited August 15, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[wezol]

Been following this thread, but first time posting in it. I feel there's something that needs to be brought up.

 

There seems to be a lot of arguing going on between posters on what and what not to do. But I have yet to see a recent post, that has any concern for how Van is doing right now. We haven't heard from him, and we all know this is probably the WORST thing he has been through in a very long time.

 

Isn't that what this site is for? A place to turn to in a time of turmoil, without judgement, and for support from people who may or may not if been through the same?

 

For those judging him, drop it. Yes, it's easy to be an arm chair general, but remember, everyone is different, and NO ones situation, is always the same.

 

I say to you Van, no matter what you choose to do, we are here for you to help you along. YOU do what YOU think is right in your heart, whatever it may be.

 

We are here for you buddy.

[Calif_hope]

This thread has caught the attention of a few who absolutely have to have the last word, with egos that can't let anything pass.

 

This is not a debating venue, thus is a place for some to vent, or ask for advice. This is not a place for amature experts to debate amongst themselves.

 

Look how many pages this new thread has accumulated - ask yourselves - is this new, is it helpful to Van - post it. If not, or you feel the need to debate, don't post - just count to ten, take deep breaths - you will live....trust ne.

 

Let's refrain from posting responsive debate points - let's try to hold off until Van post again, if I was him I wouldn't. Just too many personal agendas - nit so helpful.

Edited August 15, 2011 by Calif_hope

[wezol]

This thread has caught the attention of a few who absolutely have the last word, with egos that can't let anything pass.

 

This is not a debating venue, thus is a place for sone to vent, or ask for advice. This is not a place for amature experts to debate amongst themselves.

 

Look how many pages this new thread has accumulated - ask yourselves - is this new, is it helpful to Van - post it. If not, or you feel the need to debate, don't post - just count to ten, take deep breaths - you will live....trust ne.

 

Let's refrain from posting responsive debate points - let's try to hold off until Van post again, if I was him I wouldn't. Just too many personal agendas - nit so helpful.

 

Thank you, this is exactly what I was trying to convey in my previous post.

 

This has turned into a debate, which is what it should of never been. This is about Van, not about us.

[dreamingoftigers]

I am sure that Van has the wit about him to figure stuff out.

[wezol]

I am sure that Van has the wit about him to figure stuff out.

 

You're right, he does. But this thread, created by him, was him asking for help and a little guidance in an extremely rough time in his life, and it looks like it turned into a pissing match. That's all.

 

I think we need to take a step back, and remember who this is about, that's all.