Wife is about to make it physical.

[2long]

Is there any way you could file for DV and have her served while she's still in Cuba?

 

That way, she would have the option of STAYING there!

 

-ol' 2long

[Try]

@Try – Thanks, but I DO need the pics/videos because as they say “a picture is worth a thousand words” Especially when someone as (formerly) well-grounded and level-headed as my wife engages in such behaviour. Convincing someone with visual evidence is much easier than spoken words and text.

Are you saying that if the PI gets nothing you will do nothing?

[Chi townD]

Are you saying that if the PI gets nothing you will do nothing?

 

I think what he's trying to say Try, is that his wife has painted herself as the loving wife that always puts her family first to her friends and family. Therefore, it would be hard for them to believe that she would be capable of running out on her family to have an affair. Thus, making him look like the insane and jealous husband that she's a victim to. Pictures from the PI would only validate his claim that she has been cheating on him and the pictures would be hard to dispute.

 

Van, has she tried to make contact since she's been in Cuba?

[Severely Unamused]

No silly! There is a storm forming in the Atlantic.

 

Well gee, I know that Van's wife is acting like a b1tch, but there's no need to refer to her as a storm.

 

the only advice i can add would be to handle the situation in the way that feels right for you, and it's okay if you make a few mistakes... you are going through a experience that is very emotionally draining and it's bound to happen. just do whatever feels right for you.

 

I hope things get easier for you. While your wife is away, is it possible for you to take your kids on a "mini vacation" away for the city for a few days?

 

I concur with frozensprout's advice. Do what you must.

[mysteriousbox]

Hi Van,

 

Sorry to hear about your situation and I hope things get better in time. As for lawyers, I don't know any divorce/family lawyers but two suggestions. Either call up some of the big law firms in Toronto, Fraser Milner Casgrain, Norton Rose, etc. and ask them for a d. lawyer though it could be expensive. Another option is to tap your professional network for recommendations as all successful professionals general have a strong network of other professionals to call in times of need. If you have an investment adviser, accountant, doctor, or even real estate broker (you'll need one to sell the house anyways) they will probably know a couple.

 

Also my only other advice is to get in front of the story and tell everyone you know now instead of waiting until your wife gets back. Tell all your friends and family that your wife is cheating on you. Tell all your friends and family that you will divorce her when she returns. Even if you don't have photographic evidence, you've still got the taped conversations, the e-mails and the fact that your wife left against your consent which is more than enough. The upside is that you've got X amount of time to tell your story to your friends and family as your wife will be too busy doing other things and too far away to make a impactful defence of her actions.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

[Try]

I think what he's trying to say Try, is that his wife has painted herself as the loving wife that always puts her family first to her friends and family. Therefore, it would be hard for them to believe that she would be capable of running out on her family to have an affair. Thus, making him look like the insane and jealous husband that she's a victim to. Pictures from the PI would only validate his claim that she has been cheating on him and the pictures would be hard to dispute.

I know that hard core photographic evidence from the PI would be nice, but there is a very real possibility that such evidence will not be forthcoming from the PI. Let me now ask you, are you saying that if the PI gets nothing, that nothing should be done and he should take her back?

[Try]

Also my only other advice is to get in front of the story and tell everyone you know now instead of waiting until your wife gets back. Tell all your friends and family that your wife is cheating on you. Tell all your friends and family that you will divorce her when she returns. Even if you don't have photographic evidence, you've still got the taped conversations, the e-mails and the fact that your wife left against your consent which is more than enough. The upside is that you've got X amount of time to tell your story to your friends and family as your wife will be too busy doing other things and too far away to make a impactful defence of her actions.

This is great advice.

[bethelily]

Wait, let me offer a different opinion. It's August 2nd--did she go? Yes, she probably did.

 

You wanted to hire a PI or you already did--put that time and money into YOU going to Cuba. Have your mom or her mom or SOMEONE to take care of the kids and go have an affair with your wife IMMEDIATELY. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. THE BIGGEST EMERGENCY OF YOUR LIFE.

 

She wants excitement, something new, and she's not getting it with you but she still loves you. I kind of understand her.

 

Go get her!!! Please go get her! She's trying to shake things up a bit and doesn't have a clue of how this could ruin her life for the rest of her life. She's too naive and thinks she actually has something with this guy. You know better.

 

Divorce is a life-long commitment. You'd still be dealing with each other for the rest of your life. Might as well try to make this one work. She'd rather have you be her knight in shining armor. She wants something different, so do something she'd never expect you to do.

 

Grow a pair, use your credit card, and go get her!! Think with your heart not your brain. She needs you. I know it sounds crazy, but she secretly wants you to do this. She wants some Cuban/Chilean lovin', so show her some!!

 

Tell your boss you have a family emergency, grandmother died, WHATEVER lie you need to tell to make this happen. You built a world together, don't let her rip it apart 'cause she's kind of dumb (sorry) and will totally regret her actions 5, 10 years from now. She'll wish it never happened. Go. get. her.

[Chi townD]

I know that hard core photographic evidence from the PI would be nice, but there is a very real possibility that such evidence will not be forthcoming from the PI. Let me now ask you, are you saying that if the PI gets nothing, that nothing should be done and he should take her back?

 

 

If it were me in that situation to take her back, oh HELL NO! Van stated that he has other photo's, text and e-mails that is more than enough evidence. The PI (if the guy can get anything on her) is just the cherry on top of a whole pile of crap. He hopes that the guy can get some damning photo's and if she's really stupid about how she handles things down there, he just might. She knows he's still in Canada, so she might let her guard down. But, there's always that strong possibility that the guy comes up with nothing.

[itmustbeme]

Wait, let me offer a different opinion. It's August 2nd--did she go? Yes, she probably did.

 

She wants excitement, something new, and she's not getting it with you but she still loves you. I kind of understand her.

 

Go get her!!! Please go get her! She's trying to shake things up a bit and doesn't have a clue of how this could ruin her life for the rest of her life. She's too naive and thinks she actually has something with this guy. You know better.

 

This woman has been going on trips for years without her husband. She goes with a friend that cheats on her husband. She knows exactly what she is doing. He gave her a chance. Even though she was cheating on him he just asked her not to go. She could not even do that for her husband.

 

 

Divorce is a life-long commitment. You'd still be dealing with each other for the rest of your life. Might as well try to make this one work. She'd rather have you be her knight in shining armor. She wants something different, so do something she'd never expect you to do.

 

So if he just looks the other way she can go bang other guys and she can continue to keep cheating on him. I am sorry but this sounds like a romance novel. She cheats and the cuckold husband chases after her. Great life for her but it sucks for him.

 

 

Grow a pair, use your credit card, and go get her!! Think with your heart not your brain. She needs you. I know it sounds crazy, but she secretly wants you to do this. She wants some Cuban/Chilean lovin', so show her some!!

 

I agree with you here. He does need to grow a pair and not go running off after a woman who cheats on him. It just makes him look pathetic. She would be pissed if he just showed up. This is not a romance novel it is real life.

 

 

Tell your boss you have a family emergency, grandmother died, WHATEVER lie you need to tell to make this happen. You built a world together, don't let her rip it apart 'cause she's kind of dumb (sorry) and will totally regret her actions 5, 10 years from now. She'll wish it never happened. Go. get. her.

 

I would not do that. If she cared for her husband at all she would not go. When women get like this they are not worth having as a spouse. It is far better to get rid of this person than keep them.

 

She made her choice. She wants to go sleep with another man more than anything in her life. Very sad but her husband means nothing to her. Except as a baby sitter and an ATM.

 

Having a wife that likes to sleep with other men is the worst thing that can happen to a man. Best to move on.

[Severely Unamused]

I am sorry but this sounds like a romance novel

 

Yep, this isn't a chick flick.

 

She made her choices clear.

[Steadfast]

...you can imagine the nail-biting I’m going thru. What kind of pics will I see? Will I see them making out, intimate gestures, sexual dancing? Will I be able to handle it? “Knowing” of the affair is WAY different than “seeing” the affair. Brutal, just brutal.

 

I've told you of the comparisons between my ex and your wife. Like others, I've been there. I know what you're going through.

 

IMO, your current 'plan' will leave you more confused and angry than you already are. I understand you've already made the arrangements, but building evidence between what she says and your 'proof' isn't going to have the impact you think it will. The greatest impact it will have is on you; more suffering, disappointment and heartache. What you'll discover through photographic evidence pales in comparison to what you already know. It's nothing measured against the most obvious fact; she isn't there.

 

We all must go our own way and I wish you luck with yours. In the aftermath of the great 'exposure' to family and friends will be this realization: those who don't already know will be joined by those who don't really care. In fact, your 'case' against her will be used to demonstrate why she cheated on you to begin with. In the end, it'll be viewed as just another vindictive twist in an already sad story. Experience counts here.

 

Again, IMO, your focus and energy should be directed towards your healing, the well being of your children, writing the divorce/visitation schedule and protecting yourself financially. Unnecessary drama and posturing will only suck the energy from you and slow the healing process.

[reboot]

Wait, let me offer a different opinion. It's August 2nd--did she go? Yes, she probably did.

 

You wanted to hire a PI or you already did--put that time and money into YOU going to Cuba. Have your mom or her mom or SOMEONE to take care of the kids and go have an affair with your wife IMMEDIATELY. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. THE BIGGEST EMERGENCY OF YOUR LIFE.

 

She wants excitement, something new, and she's not getting it with you but she still loves you. I kind of understand her.

 

Go get her!!! Please go get her! She's trying to shake things up a bit and doesn't have a clue of how this could ruin her life for the rest of her life. She's too naive and thinks she actually has something with this guy. You know better.

 

Divorce is a life-long commitment. You'd still be dealing with each other for the rest of your life. Might as well try to make this one work. She'd rather have you be her knight in shining armor. She wants something different, so do something she'd never expect you to do.

 

Grow a pair, use your credit card, and go get her!! Think with your heart not your brain. She needs you. I know it sounds crazy, but she secretly wants you to do this. She wants some Cuban/Chilean lovin', so show her some!!

 

Tell your boss you have a family emergency, grandmother died, WHATEVER lie you need to tell to make this happen. You built a world together, don't let her rip it apart 'cause she's kind of dumb (sorry) and will totally regret her actions 5, 10 years from now. She'll wish it never happened. Go. get. her.

 

This has gotta be a woman....

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I've told you of the comparisons between my ex and your wife. Like others, I've been there. I know what you're going through.

 

IMO, your current 'plan' will leave you more confused and angry than you already are. I understand you've already made the arrangements, but building evidence between what she says and your 'proof' isn't going to have the impact you think it will. The greatest impact it will have is on you; more suffering, disappointment and heartache. What you'll discover through photographic evidence pales in comparison to what you already know. It's nothing measured against the most obvious fact; she isn't there.

 

We all must go our own way and I wish you luck with yours. In the aftermath of the great 'exposure' to family and friends will be this realization: those who don't already know will be joined by those who don't really care. In fact, your 'case' against her will be used to demonstrate why she cheated on you to begin with. In the end, it'll be viewed as just another vindictive twist in an already sad story. Experience counts here.

 

Again, IMO, your focus and energy should be directed towards your healing, the well being of your children, writing the divorce/visitation schedule and protecting yourself financially. Unnecessary drama and posturing will only suck the energy from you and slow the healing process.

 

He needs so-called closure through the PI (as would I in the same situation).

 

Yes many may not care, and really it does not matter. What van needs is proof (short of being in the room). She may even in the face of the "proof" claim they did not go "all the way". Or in the best case scenario (if that is what Van wants) snap out of it.....

 

Doesn't matter if she doesn't want back in the marriage. Like another poster said "mushrooms in the sunlight die". It needs to be done for his sanity so he doesn't think this is no more then paranoia.

 

Simply this chapter (the PI) will be closed in 5-7 days.

Edited August 4, 2011 by Toodamnpragmatic

[StoneCold]

Wait, let me offer a different opinion. It's August 2nd--did she go? Yes, she probably did.

 

You wanted to hire a PI or you already did--put that time and money into YOU going to Cuba. Have your mom or her mom or SOMEONE to take care of the kids and go have an affair with your wife IMMEDIATELY. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. THE BIGGEST EMERGENCY OF YOUR LIFE. .

 

A little grandiose dont you think?

 

She wants excitement, something new, and she's not getting it with you but she still loves you. .

 

This could very well be the case....and apparently shes addressing this.

 

 

Go get her!!! Please go get her! She's trying to shake things up a bit and doesn't have a clue of how this could ruin her life for the rest of her life. She's too naive and thinks she actually has something with this guy. You know better. .

 

Shes a big girl....shes capable of handling her own stuff.

 

Divorce is a life-long commitment. You'd still be dealing with each other for the rest of your life. Might as well try to make this one work. She'd rather have you be her knight in shining armor. She wants something different, so do something she'd never expect you to do.

 

Grow a pair, use your credit card, and go get her!! Think with your heart not your brain. She needs you. I know it sounds crazy, but she secretly wants you to do this. She wants some Cuban/Chilean lovin', so show her some!!

 

Tell your boss you have a family emergency, grandmother died, WHATEVER lie you need to tell to make this happen. You built a world together, don't let her rip it apart 'cause she's kind of dumb (sorry) and will totally regret her actions 5, 10 years from now. She'll wish it never happened. Go. get. her.

 

Good god this girl needs a hero.....either that or shes been reading too many harlequin novels. What is it with some women that think that just because they have a pussy they are absolved of any form of effort and/or responsibility?

[StoneCold]

I've told you of the comparisons between my ex and your wife. Like others, I've been there. I know what you're going through. .

 

Yeah but in as much as the spouses are similar...they are different just like Van is different from you.

 

Which leads me to....

 

IMO, your current 'plan' will leave you more confused and angry than you already are. I understand you've already made the arrangements, but building evidence between what she says and your 'proof' isn't going to have the impact you think it will. The greatest impact it will have is on you; more suffering, disappointment and heartache. What you'll discover through photographic evidence pales in comparison to what you already know. It's nothing measured against the most obvious fact; she isn't there..

 

Well now you dont know this...as it applies to Van

 

We all can agree that from a legal/divorce proceeding standpoint...he has enough. But Van stated that he needs this PI data for him so we gotta respect that. Nobody knows Van better than Van and different people deal with the same things differently.

 

All you can do is wish him luck and hope he made the right choice for himself.

[John Michael Kane]

Divorce this female.

[Tech_E]

How are you doing today? Has there been any word from her at all?

[reboot]

Divorce this female.

 

If you'd bothered reading any of the thread, you'd know that's already his plan and therefore trite advice.

[Vanhandle]

I was doing ok from last evening till this afternoon. Now I feel like sh*t again. I was pacing around the house like a caged animal, going thru things and noticed/remembered a few things:

- She took her sexy silk kimono that she used to wear whenever she felt frisky and in a sexy moody.

- Her vibrator and lube and all (FYI, she's one of those women who has never been able to have a full orgasm. Believe me I tried and I'm no slouch in that department. Therefore we always used it as a supplement to our sex in search of that elusive orgasm)

- Her new favourite perfume (which I mentioned in a previous post)

- She took her new sexy thongs

 

Am I reading too much into this? I know someone in my situation will tend to obsess and over-analyze things to death but seriously...am I? I just chucked my dinner coz the imagery flashed in my head.

 

So basically...potentially...she'll finally be getting off with the help of this guy...wow! my head is spinning.

[SoulStorm]

I was doing ok from last evening till this afternoon. Now I feel like sh*t again. I was pacing around the house like a caged animal, going thru things and noticed/remembered a few things:

- She took her sexy silk kimono that she used to wear whenever she felt frisky and in a sexy moody.

- Her vibrator and lube and all (FYI, she's one of those women who has never been able to have a full orgasm. Believe me I tried and I'm no slouch in that department. Therefore we always used it as a supplement to our sex in search of that elusive orgasm)

- Her new favourite perfume (which I mentioned in a previous post)

- She took her new sexy thongs

 

Am I reading too much into this? I know someone in my situation will tend to obsess and over-analyze things to death but seriously...am I? I just chucked my dinner coz the imagery flashed in my head.

 

So basically...potentially...she'll finally be getting off with the help of this guy...wow! my head is spinning.

 

Sending you strength...

 

I wouldn't be there when she got back. she obviously has plans to go all the way. It's as plain as the sky is blue.

 

I...would..be..............gone.

[Bryanp]

You know that you are not reading too much into this. Why would she bring these things unless she planned to use them? She clearly thinks that you will never have the guts to divorce her and that she can manipulate you quite easily. Nobody deserves what you are going through. I wish you luck.

[sparten]

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
   Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual.
   
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
   Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
   
3. Bargaining — "I'll do anything to change this."
   
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?";
   
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   

Edited August 5, 2011 by sparten

[MusicMan1234]

..break this womans heart into a thousand pieces. She sounds like a terrible human being. I'm reeling.

[Try]

So basically...potentially...she'll finally be getting off with the help of this guy...wow! my head is spinning.

No matter what she says. No matter how much you will want to believe her. You will always know that she had sex with this other man, and the above thought will haunt you forever. You will also know that your wife went to see this man, even though she knew that she was doing this to you. I am sorry to say your marriage is over.

 

I am so sorry this has happened.