Women, why can't you guys just be straight forward? Ambiguity kills us guys.

[durkadurka]

I know that what I've said is fairly generalized, some girls I know are VERY direct (almost to the point where it's insanely harsh).

 

Recently, I had an experience with a girl where we just don't see eye to eye. We dated briefly, however after a time she decided that she wants to be friends. I told her why it wouldn't work. We've had this discussion many times now over the last few months, and we've reached an impasse.

 

Basically, we couldn't be friends because every few months she'd unload on me saying she was really upset that we didn't work out. She'd cry, get upset, then put the walls up again, leaving me a bit of a wreck. It's counterproductive for me moving on, but more importantly, it made me cathartic and I'd unload on her. It made being friends impossible. I told her that if she could promise to leave the emotions, discussions of our prior relationship, the crying and other stuff out of it, there might be a chance we could be friends.

 

Finally, she snapped a few days ago. I guess hearing 'no' for a girl is something that's pretty hard to hear. She said she wished me well, that she couldn't have this conversation anymore, that she was excited to hear about what I do in life, and all the best.

 

I was a little confused because the message was all over the map. I plainly and straightforwardly asked her: Is what you're asking is for me to never try and talk to you again?

 

Up to that point, I was getting responses from her instantly, but when I ask her that, she falls off the face of Earth.

 

Some of us would just like to move on with our lives, and for the life of me I can't get why this has been made so complicated. It's a yes or no question, it's pretty simple.

[spiderowl]

I'm rather puzzled too. Why would she snap finally? Saying something like that implies she was under pressure. If so, where from?

 

I can't understand why you kept having this same conversation. Something must have initiatited it and brought these issues to the surface. I suspect maybe you were inadvertently provoking this discussion, perhaps by commenting on how you were just friends now, maybe making a point that you were no longer lovers with her. This making a point in various ways could be seen as putting pressure on her.

 

I may be completely wrong, but having been in a similar position recently with a guy, I have experienced that kind of pressure. I felt he was expecting the same kind of level of communication and attention as when we were together and making not-so-subtle comments and digs when that didn't happen.

 

Of course, this may be nothing to do with it and you may be doing your bit and she's just freaking out over nothing. She seems to be trying to draw a line. I can understand your confusion about it all. Why not let her have a break away from you for a while to get her thoughts together? She will either miss you or she won't. It would then be up to you whether you accepted her back as a friend or not.

[Audrina]

As a woman, if there were me, I'd be tired of talking about it at this point.

 

Christ, I mean she's basically telling you that she wants to be with you and is really upset it didn't work out, and you tell her that you can't be her friend when she talks to you about this.

 

Obviously it makes her upset and she's made a decision here for what's best for her:

 

She said she wished me well, that she couldn't have this conversation anymore, that she was excited to hear about what I do in life, and all the best.

 

Sounds like she doesn't want to keep arguing about this, you said you've been going through this cycle for months. When she's able to talk to you about your life and not how she feels about the past relationship, she'll do that but until then, all the best.

 

The reason she didn't respond? Because she just said she couldn't have this discussion anymore and probably didn't know the answer to that question.

 

Irritating, yes, but pretty easy to see through. Not all women are this way but I think many of us don't think it's hard to understand.

[durkadurka]

As a woman, if there were me, I'd be tired of talking about it at this point.

 

Christ, I mean she's basically telling you that she wants to be with you and is really upset it didn't work out, and you tell her that you can't be her friend when she talks to you about this.

 

Obviously it makes her upset and she's made a decision here for what's best for her:

 

 

 

Sounds like she doesn't want to keep arguing about this, you said you've been going through this cycle for months. When she's able to talk to you about your life and not how she feels about the past relationship, she'll do that but until then, all the best.

 

The reason she didn't respond? Because she just said she couldn't have this discussion anymore and probably didn't know the answer to that question.

 

Irritating, yes, but pretty easy to see through. Not all women are this way but I think many of us don't think it's hard to understand.

 

You've actually got it backwards. When she unloaded on me about our relationship, and that she missed me all that jazz, the first thing I did was suggest she come visit me in New York, while I'm here for the summer. Then she disappears, says she doesn't want to date me, but still wants to do all these things, but as friends.

 

She has specifically said she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, but I'm still expected to fulfill (at least temporarily when she unloads on me) a role bigger than that of a friend.

 

The way I see it, the only way we can avert this cycle is simply by never talking about our prior relationship. It's not that hard. When you unload on someone like she unloads on me, I get pissed off and upset.