j_nelson Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Okay...here's the deal I had been in a relationship with an amazing girl for nearly 5 years. She is a year younger than me. After our third year together I moved 1500km away for University. We decided to stay together and try the long distance thing. Despite some rough times, it worked out for the most part. This year she moved away to school too. We were still 1500km apart. This year was much tougher. It started out great but things got progressively worse. We started arguing a lot on the phone and we didn't communicate like we should have in order to stay together. I think we went nearly a month without talking to each other on the phone. To be honest, most of the fights and arguments were completely aviodable and were caused by me. I didn't trust her as much as I should have and I believe I took her for granted. After another month or so of this behavior she decided that she was constantly unhappy from all of the fighting and told me things aren't working out. At the time I thought she was right and agreed to break up. We went the last month or so of school without really talking (except the odd MSN conversation). Now I want her back. I realized what an idiot I was and how special she really is. I know I can make her happy (since we had 3 years together which were the best years of my life) and I need another chance to show her that. I will do anything in the world to get her back and treat her the way she deserves to be treated - all the time. Now though she is moving away for the summer. She'll be living 2 hours away from here with her Dad (she moved because her and her mom do not get along well). She was in town this weekend to get some things for the summer...she called and we hung out a couple times..She has told me she still loves me but that doesn't really help at this point. I tried to kiss her but she told me it would be too hard and she would miss me more if anything like that happened. I really need a chance to show her that I can make her happy again. I have thought about everything and I know she is what I want. It sucks being apart for each other during the school year and now the summer too, but I could accept and deal with that if we were together. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
catspajamas Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 She said she would miss you more if you kiss her... so do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted April 27, 2004 Author Share Posted April 27, 2004 As I mentioned, she still has feelings for me...she's told me that she still loves me and called me to hang out together...she even tells me to call her if I want.... I want to be back with her but being friends might be too hard...I don't know what to do. Is it better to try and be friends and prove to her that I can treat her well and see what happens or should I try and minimize the contact with her and wait for her to come back (if she does...) Link to post Share on other sites
InVinoVeritas76 Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 They're the smarter gender because they're less honest. I don't care how much you try and deny it - love is a game. Either start playing smart or prepare to have your soul hollowed out and served to you with a side of torturous lament. I have lived through the worst of them (barely) and I can tell you without a shred of doubt that they ALL come back if you were a "nice guy" to them. The bad news is that they come back even more screwed up then when they left and you are toast if you take them back. Ever had sex with a girl who's in a relationship with someone else? I rest my case. It's not hard to get them to cheat. They rationalize it without reason and they would rather beg forgiveness than chance the truth because truth must be faced - forgiveness is self-absolving. That's the bad news - here's the worse news... You can't get what you want. You can't take her back because you'll just be thinking of all the crap she's already put you through. True - crap makes things grow, but that's where my cynicism "stems" from. Go see a counselor and if he / she doesn't commit suicide after hearing about how everything sucks and life isn't fair - then you're not as bad off as you feel. Always remember that you aren't the one that made the mistake, but you can't get her back because of the fact that you want her back. Life's a bitch - treat it like one. Best of luck in these worst of times, Brandon Link to post Share on other sites
doubledown Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 In Vino Veritas 76, that was probably the most profound and insightful advice I have read on any forum anywhere. Bravo! Original Poster: Listen closely to his advice, you will thank yourself later. ************ "The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again." Link to post Share on other sites
winterwonderland Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 My advise....move on and learn from this experience........and when you do find someone else treat him the way he should of been treated in the first place. There is enough hurt in this world, not sure why everyone wants to feed on it. Link to post Share on other sites
jnelson Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 first of all its about a girl, not a guy...so its "she" not he...second of all, all of you guys are giving terrible advice...its not like I just met this girl...we spent 5 years together....no, i have never slept with a girl in a relationship and if I can go without cheating on a girl, a girl can definitely go without cheating on me.... update...things are going better with this girl...we started off talking again as 'friends' and it has slowly progressed....all you pessimists should learn from this and realize that not every girl is a slut, and it is possible to get back with an ex... Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted June 1, 2004 Author Share Posted June 1, 2004 first of all its about a girl, not a guy...so its "she" not he...second of all, all of you guys are giving terrible advice...its not like I just met this girl...we spent 5 years together....no, i have never slept with a girl in a relationship and if I can go without cheating on a girl, a girl can definitely go without cheating on me.... update...things are going better with this girl...we started off talking again as 'friends' and it has slowly progressed....all you pessimists should learn from this and realize that not every girl is a slut, and it is possible to get back with an ex... Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted June 1, 2004 Author Share Posted June 1, 2004 oh yeah....so what exactly is your advice? "I can't get her back because I want her back?"...are you suggesting that I might get her back if I act like I don't want to be with her? Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 People who give advice here have gone through similar experiences. Do what you must...it was you who asked for the advice. She said she was unhappy. You cannot make someone happy if they're unhappy. You have to let them/her find what makes them/her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
musictex Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 hey...i am in pretty much the exact situation (except it was 4 years and we broke up 6 months ago) and i am the one in your spot. i would love to talk to you about it and love to know if anything works for you - i would do anything to fix things too and to really show him how amazing i think he is. we still love each other, i just don't want to get hurt more by making myself so vulnerable when we agreed to just be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 j_nelson I am in the same similar situation that you are except that me and my b/f lived about 8 hours away and now he is gone to the marines. I think you need to talk to her and tell her that your life without her is not complete and that you both need to be together. I know that when it is meant to be it is meant to be and you or her cannot fight it. So good luck and win her heart over again. But this time don't let it go and make her want you more than before. Good Luck. Buttercup Link to post Share on other sites
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