Wife feels like she is no longer in love with me.

[deerslayer365]

Hello,

 

Hopefully looking for some advise on what to do in my marriage. My Wife and I have been togather for almost 7 years now and just got married May of last year. Anyways for the past few weeks she has been really shady to me and I grew suspisoius and started watching how she has been acting. Anyways I noticed that she had been taking her cell phone with her in every room she walked into. So I questioned her about it and she denied anything was going on. So I looked up her Verizon account and saw that since Wed. of that week she had been texting someone almost 600 times. So I called her into the room and questioned her about it and she finally broke down and told me it had been the FedEx driver at work and they we texting back and fourth. So I immeditally grabbed her phone and she began fighting me for it aggressively. I told her even though she deleted the messages I could still read them in her (cache) folder which I complelety bluffed. But she believed it so she told me that she began sexually text messaging the guy since earlier that week and met him before work on Thursday and kissed him. I was pissed I told her to go upstairs so we could take alone in our bedroom. We have 2 kids and I didn't want them to over hear it. So I acted as if I was reading them and she was flipping out on me to give her the phone. Anyways she began crying and I told her that I could forgive her somehow but I can't trust her so I broke her cell phone. So we calmed down and later in the day I noticed she sent picture messages to the guy and he sent some too. Turns out they had a little photo scession down stairs while I slept. I was so pissed but I guess I could somehow get over it. She said she felt terrible about it and was going to end it on Saturday.

 

So we talked this week off and on and I decided to get her a new phone and gave it to her since I like for her to have one for emergencies. We went on and I tired to be more intimate with her by holding hands and kissing but she acted drained from it. So one night I asked her what we can do to get the spark back in our relationship. She said she didn't know what to do. So for the weekend I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner at the melting pot and go bowling a semi version of our first date. We went to dinner and talked truthfully like never before with some crying and it felt good to get it off our chest. As we drove from dinner we held hands and alked outside the bowling alley about working on this to stay togather. I told her that I didn't want to stay with someone unhappy and she needed to make some changes. We bowled and I let her win twice out of six times so she felt good and we came home. We went upstairs and my dad had the kids so we proceeded to have sex. It was ok but I could tell she wasn't really into it. So the next morning I tried a different approach and told her in kinky talk to have sex with me. Same thing terrible sex this time.

 

Now we both work somewhat split shifts from each other to watch the kids so she comes home at 9 and I am usually home at 5. Now we shower togather like we used to the other day and talked and I told her that she needs to make some sort of attempt to make this work because I feel like she isn't trying at all. I told her I felt used and lied to along with a long list other other ways I should feel.

 

Today she looked up a marriage therapist in our area to start talking to but I feel like she's just doing it to appease me and not for us. I told her she has until Sept. to figure this out and after that I am done. Our ages are different by 6 years shes 31 and I am 25. She says she's not attracted to me anymore but I am an attractive guy. I am also always horney and want to have sex like everyday but I didn't tell her that until now. I looked today at an online survey she took and she answered that she needed advise on whether or not she should leave me or not instead of advise on trying to make it work. She also answers that layers of resentment and hurt have built up over the course of the marriage. So now I feel like she wants advise to end it. I am just so hurt anymore and don't know what to do or how to go about anything. I am so depressed and I am not good with being depressed at all. I don't want to keep bringing it up with her everyday because I feel like it will make it worse. What should I do?

[worldgonewrong]

You're new here, obviously in a semi-state of shock, and you're going to get a lot of advice. I've been here since January and like everyone else, riding my own horrible rollercoaster. So, sadly, welcome.

 

One word to you, based on your story:

Start to redesign your new life NOW without your wife.

She has checked out, and you're gonna fight like a dog for something that she no longer wants. Don't do it. Spare yourself the heartache.

[deerslayer365]

I am just so hurt and she says she doesn't want to end it but instead of trying to rekindle anything she will just read a book instead. Now the other day she went out and got some books that in the day used to really turn her on and she said that they would help her with the sex problem but she reads the other book about a murder mystery instead. It's only been two weeks since she did this but I don't know how ling I can hold out with something some response. I want to try to give this a try for my kids. And she says the same thing. I told her its just more convenient to her for us to stay togather and she tells me not to say that bc it makes it sound terrible. But its killing me. She comes home tonight at 900 and i am going to tell her I need something an answer to what you want or I just give up.