FWB who has a second friend

[Sanman]

I think the idea is more total honesty than real exclusivity. Most people I know who have exclusive FWBs more have, "As long as we're hooking up, we're exclusive, but if you decide to date and/or hook up with someone else, you have to be honest about it which will likely sever the arrangement."

 

I don't understand how you could really trust a guy in a FWB to tell you that though, knowing he'd end his convenient situation, unless he was an actual friend who you knew was a good, honest guy.

 

 

Exactly my point. It works in theory, but I don't buy that both sides will be totally honest. Even if both are, it messes with emotions. I was a somewhat exclusive fwb with my last ex-gf before we got together (we had sex fairly quickly, but wanted to get to know each other a little better). In the end we both favored each other as we were already having sex. I was often too lazy to even follow through on dates with other women since I was already having sex and honestly had other stuff on my mind since I was sexually satisfied. There just seem to be too many pitfalls.

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't understand how you could really trust a guy in a FWB to tell you that though, knowing he'd end his convenient situation, unless he was an actual friend who you knew was a good, honest guy.

I accept that men in FWB situations might lie to their FWB for their own benefit.

 

But I think those same guys are the guys who are going to lie to dates, girlfriends, and wives, for their own benefit.

 

Becoming exclusive or getting married do not suddenly cure character defects such as dishonesty and lack of compassion.

 

You have to accept a certain degree of risk that any person you trust could lie to you, and this is true in any relationship.

 

Is an FWB more likely to lie to his FWB than a husband is to his wife? I would say not really. Boyfriends and husbands are expected to be a lot more "perfect" than FWBs, so it could be argued that they have more reason and incentive to lie.

 

I would bet that the same % of guys who lie to their FWB roughly equals the % of guys who lie to their girlfriend or wife.

[zengirl]

Is an FWB more likely to lie to his FWB than a husband is to his wife? I would say not really. Boyfriends and husbands are expected to be a lot more "perfect" than FWBs, so it could be argued that they have more reason and incentive to lie.

 

I would bet that the same % of guys who lie to their FWB roughly equals the % of guys who lie to their girlfriend or wife.

 

My point is you don't KNOW your FWB (unless he's an actual friend). Hopefully your partner (BF/husband) is also your best friend and you know him. So, that's as good as your people-picker. No one has a good FWB people-picker (right away at least) as having a good people-picker isn't about magically spotting liars; it's about getting to know people and understanding them through interaction. If you're just getting naked with a guy, you're not really getting to know him. But I know there are an array of FWB relationships.

[Stockalone]

If people can't understand why two people who are struggling to find real love would turn to the next best thing to alleviate what can sometimes be a bitter loneliness and sadness, I think those people don't have much compassion.

 

I don't think it's necessarily a lack of compassion, rather the result of the apparently huge discrepancy (and incompatibility) in the way people think.

 

For you, it's the next best thing to real love. I can't relate to this at all because for me, a FWB situation or casual sex in general isn't something I would ever consider as an option. And to think of it as a substitute (the next best thing) for real love, ...ewww.

[somedude81]

If nothing else, these experiences have taught me to be less judgmental and more compassionate.

 

We all want affection of some kind, and not being able to get it in the conventional ways does NOT mean you're not trying. I used to think that guys who turned to prostitutes were just lazy. Now I realize that is not always true. Some of those guys might even be working a lot harder than other guys who are in relationships, but they have factors working against them.

You are one of the few women who seem to understand. Believe me, having to pay for sex is something I'm not proud of. Also there is no intimacy whatsoever. So it's ultimately an unfulfilling experience. Still I'm considering getting one next month for my 30th birthday.

 

And yes, I've been working very hard with not success. As you said before that being without a partner makes you feel lonely, hopeless, and unhealthy but getting into a FWB helps alleviate those feelings. There is nothing for me that gets rid of those feelings and I have to live with them everyday. And somehow I have to be able to attract a woman enough to make her give me the time of day.

Were they attractive? Were they better than what you normally can get? For me to even consider it, the girl would have to be good looking better than what I am used to.

 

I have often thought about what it would be like but, I don't think I could get it up if I knew I was paying for sex. However, I do understand your frustration.

Better than what I can get or used to?

 

Well, since I can't get anything at all whatsoever. Yes, a prostitute is better than that. But not that much so, which is why I go years between them.

[sweetbutcheeky]

If you have no feeelings for him why do you even care?

 

I don't emotionally and I said that I only do for safety, I don't want to catch something because he has other partners.

[sweetbutcheeky]

I don't understand the concept of "well I can't find a relationship, so I will settle for no strings attached sex". How about, "well, I don't want a relationship at this stage in my life, I just want sex :lmao:".

 

If you cut out that aspect of your life, yes, you're still "alone" but you aren't being used and you aren't using the other person.

 

I don't think that your using someone if they are agreeing and open to the idea/FWB relationship. I feel it's only using if you lead someone on ...

 

I also don't see it as settling. I see it as I can't find everything I want/need so why not get part of what I want/need until the person who can give me everything comes along. VS having nothing and waiting.