Author fishman3226 Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 Gets better!! Tonight after I went to bed about 9pm, my ex rings me at 11pm. Deadset I thik she rang me to tell me she has reacivated a profile online that we met thru. Mind you she tells me not two weeks before she wants to be single. Man, I am fuming!! I told her if she wants someone here I am - I also pointed out that she seemed to want to tell me - man, what a bitch!! She is now going to approach me and her with her therpist - which should be interesting - I do kind of take solace out of the fact that she cannot seriously expect that I wont continue seeing the new woman - who I told her about. Also, funny thing is one of her contact is a deadset clone of me - agewise, ethnicity - everything!! My god!! Either one or two things will happen in the next fortnight - she will be wiped or come back. I am sick of it. Funny thing to do when you want to 'be alone.' Link to post Share on other sites
katy_katt Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 You two are in a power struggle now. You told her about the new woman, she retaliates by telling you about reactivating her profile and trying to find someone else, and she's winning because you're obviously upset by it. Your relief is that you can somehow 'get back at her' by continuing to see this new woman (think about it...what is your real motive for seeing this lady?). None of this is making things any better, and in the end everyone's going to get hurt. It's time to take a stand for yourself. Break all contact with her...don't answer her calls, try to avoid her at work. If you're seeing someone, don't bother telling her! It seems to me that in doing so, you're just trying to make yourself feel better by making her feel bad. Give it some time for you and her to heal...that's all you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fishman3226 Posted May 8, 2004 Author Share Posted May 8, 2004 I actually - after a niught of tossing and turning - told her to make a decision. All or nothing. No more, I cant take it anymore. I have said that she has two weeks to decide that I am sick of putting my life on hold and that if she does not want a relationship with me but nothing more - I am sick of being hurt and humiliated by her and the situation. I know too she has been on contact with someone who is ALOT like me - it is freaky to say the least. I also was honest with the other woman and she is a bit disappointed but said she will wait. Turbulent times ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnite Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 It is obvious you are a man of mercy and unconditional love. Qualities to be admired. Emotions, as many of us who read here are aware, are so unpredictable. Your girl can tell you, as she has, one day she wants a life with you, and the very next, she is unsure. And back again in 2 weeks. By placing a demand on her and a time frame, I do not see any resolution to your feelings or agony. What if she says, no, I do not want to share my future with you....you'll still doubt and hope, because you love her. There is nothing wrong with loving her. You do not have to defend that love. In time, you'll see her true character and intent, and you will see if your feelings change. Dixiecron is right. Be still and wait. We always feel like we have to "do" something. We cannot control others. My ex-husband who has left and come back numerous times, became jealous when I dated a man during our divorce and I was so sure I'd never take him back. His counselor, and brother, and pastor all called me to tell me how he had changed. I broke off the relationship with the other man and hurt him deeply. Deep in my heart, I knew I still loved the ex. I should have waited until I had no emotional tie to him, and not hurt someone else. I too compare it to an illness, like cancer etc. One does not stop loving the sick one because they are sick, sometimes helpless, grouchey, and distant. Your g/f has a sickness, depression. Again, you are faithful to continue to love her unconditionally. My ex suffers from depression and personality disorders. He went with me to counseling, but the counselor says he only talked about relationship problems, not his personal problems. Only then, can he be prepared to deal with a relationship. Don't lose heart if you really love her which it sounds like you do. It's a good thing she is in counseling. You've written the counselor. Allow your G/f time to figure some things out for herself, and then she will be better equipped to handle a more healthy relationship with you. Her counselor will probably let you know or suggest to your g/f when she feels the time is right to include you in the sessions. The profile deal. Been there too. It hurts, but you know, it doesn't really mean anything. Like you've noticed, she's looking for someone like you...she thinks of you. She will miss you if you do not give her what she wants now...Let her ask for it, then your needs are met too. You're a good and faithful man Fisherman...hang in there. Find a new interest or project to help pass time while she is healing. Blessings... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fishman3226 Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Well I am back here.. And she is back. In the two months since I posted I gave the ex the flick - I had had enough and started a relationship with someone new. I had a few arguments with the ex about things and I told her that I was with someone else. I found out she had been going out with someone who looked like me (her friend thought it was me...) Anyways about 2 weeks ago she rings and I ignore it. My new gf (who is a lovely girl) says 'answer it.' I ignore it and she tries ringing again a total of 5 times. In the end I sms her and say 'look I will send you an email.' I send her an email and here we go again. We pass some idle chat about how she is going and her therapy and so on. Anyhow, about a week later I get an email form her simply saying "......" like she was trying to tell me something but not saying it - looking for a response. I replied. I got stuff like 'I miss your company.' I said I never have discounted an 'us' and no response of anything negative to this idea... She asks me about my new girl, I say to her that I have some doubts (I am not over the ex at all) and anyhow we start chatting (mind you this is thru work email - she is in the same building as me.) Anyhow, we chat for a bit and we have agreed Monday week to meet up for a chat. SHe keeps saying 'as friends' and I replied: "At the moment M*****, thats all it will be, and maybe the only thing from now on. But who nows?" Her replies to this baiting were nothing of "it will never happen" or anything like that at all. All I got was "OK" and "cool." It is like she has warmed to me and her hanging out again but not dismissing anything else. It throws me into a quandry because this new woman is in love with me or infatuated with me. I dont want to hurt her, but without meaning to sound like she is second prize, I want to see what happens with the ex - I know I still love her. If nothing does then this new woman is there - I care for her but do not have the same vibe as I do with the ex. The new girl is a wonderful person, but not the ex.. if that makes sense. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
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