User-123 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 It's been nearly 3 months since my wife's affair. We have been recovering and building a stronger marriage. She has been great, she whole-heartily regrets her one-night stand with another man. The thing that has helped me recover is how much she has changed and how much she realizes now how much I mean to her. My question is a weak subject for me. She wore her wedding ring and diamond engagement ring during the one night stand. Flaunting it and even her partner may have commented about it. He knew she was married regardless of the ring. The problem I have is how disrespectful it was of her to flaunt the very symbol of my love to her and the very symbol of her bond in a union between her and I. I've been recovering from the event, and perhaps this is something I need to get over as well. But, I just don't feel she deserves this diamond ring at times. I wish she had another to wear or something as the ring is a reminder to me of what she did. I'm still paying on the ring because it was so expensive. She really loves the ring and wants to keep it. She just wants me to get over it, but it's hard knowing the ring, in a way, represents me and she proudly wore it and flaunted it while committing adultery. Any suggestions? Also, once I've recovered more I plan to browse this forum more often and attempt to help others who have had their wives cheat on them as mine has on me. I want to help others as it's difficult to go through.
Oceanblue47 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Hi 123 What I have found is that Women cheat for 2 reasons 1/ Lack of Good sex 2/ Lack of emotional connectivity Sounds like you "busted your arse" (Australian for going to great lengths) to buy the ring for your girl. The fact that she had a "one night stand" some one she did not really know is of major concern, if this is the early days of the relationship, you my friend would be well advised to covertly monitor her emails and text's Men have affairs for sex only in general Women have affairs for more emotional reasons "he does not understand my needs" Once a woman decides to have an affair, they become emotionally attached In my opinion, if she has behaved like this in the early days of a marriage the future does not look too bright
Bryanp Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 If the roles had been reversed do you think she would have been as accepting as you have been? Have you both been tested for STD's? As far as the wedding rings goes; it really showed a total lack of regard to your commitment and relationship. Leaving these rings on sent a clear symbolic message that the rings meaning have no meaning to her whatsoever. How nice that she regrets it. Sounds to me like it was no big deal to her. She did not even have the decency to take off her rings. What is wrong with this picture?
Oceanblue47 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Lil, I could not have said it better myself, you hit the nail on the head
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 If you can get over the affair itself so easily, you can surely get over the fact that she wore her wedding ring during it. By the way, while there are lots of commonalities in these situations, none of them, like none of us, are ever exactly the same. Only you know you, only you know your wife and your relationship. There are many here who present a dogmatic, one size fits all outlook. Be careful who you let influence you in this place. Some posters will be trying to help you, others will be merely trying to ram their own bitter opinions down your throat.
TigerCub Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Well since you're choosing to stay with her - that's your decision but... maybe you can take the ring back as a penalty ;p why not?! - she f**ked someone else, you're willing to work it out - there still has to be some repercussions - why not take the ring back! its obviously hitting a sore spot with you, and she obviously likes it - I think you should get the ring back as a penalty. And...if the reconciling doesn't work - hey! at least you'll have the ring!!
Memphis Raines Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 It's been nearly 3 months since my wife's affair. We have been recovering and building a stronger marriage. you say this above, then this below: But, I just don't feel she deserves this diamond ring at times. since you will never forget what she did, and feel this way at times, the marriage isn't going to be built "stronger". maybe it can be good again, but stronger? not as long as triggers exists. and they will, always. I wish she had another to wear or something as the ring is a reminder to me of what she did. I'm still paying on the ring because it was so expensive. She really loves the ring and wants to keep it. She just wants me to get over it this isn't the attitude of someone that wants to rebuild the marriage. its the attitude of someone that wants to skate by unless you take the ring when she doesn't know and hock it, you'll have to let her keep it as long as you keep her. personally I'd get rid of both. but you gotta do what you gotta do. by my opinion is since she flaunted the ring and screwed the guy the same night, and wants you to get over the "ring" thing, then it seems the reason she wants to rebuild the marriage is more for what you can give her in terms of materialism. not saying she doesn't have any feelings for you, but look at what it is. She is showing off a ring one minute, effing the guy the next.
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 "She/he just wants me to get over it" is the attitude (at least initially) of virtually every cheater who ever lived, whether they really want to rebuild the marriage or not.
Memphis Raines Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 "She/he just wants me to get over it" is the attitude (at least initially) of virtually every cheater who ever lived, whether they really want to rebuild the marriage or not. ya, and???
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 ya, and??? And you can't say this is the attitude of someone that doesn't want to rebuild the marriage. They ALL act like that at first. It's human nature. In and of itself it means little or nothing. You may be right, but if you are it isn't because of that.
road Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Sell the rings pay off the loan. Then buy whatever new gold band that you can afford without a loan.
Memphis Raines Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 And you can't say this is the attitude of someone that doesn't want to rebuild the marriage. They ALL act like that at first. It's human nature. I beg to differ. first, someone who is flippant when they got their hand caught in the cookie jar are not showing true remorse. 2nd, I don't believe one of the rare remorseful cheaters, such as JaneyAmazed, told her husband to get over it. She was humble from the get go. either way, if a cheating spouse tells their BS to "get over it", then the BS needs to stand up for themselves. Sorry, the WS doesn't get to go get laid with someone else, then later tell the BS, whom they just mentally abused basically and given a vision of an affair pretty much for the rest of their life, to "get over it". if someone with this attitude wants to rebuild a marriage, they are wanting to do so on their terms. Sorry, the ball isn't in their court anymore. That is the response of an entitlement jackass.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 If you can get over the affair itself so easily, you can surely get over the fact that she wore her wedding ring during it. By the way, while there are lots of commonalities in these situations, none of them, like none of us, are ever exactly the same. Only you know you, only you know your wife and your relationship. There are many here who present a dogmatic, one size fits all outlook. Be careful who you let influence you in this place. Some posters will be trying to help you, others will be merely trying to ram their own bitter opinions down your throat. I get that the ring is a reminder, a trigger for you.. But, imagine if she had taken them off? Honestly, wouldn't you have felt worse if she DID take off her rings during that one night stand? Reboot makes a good point, you've forgiven her and worked through the A easily, of course it helps she recognizes she messed up and is working hard with you to make things better.. Decide what is more important in the bigger picture here. The rings or all the hard work you two have done to get to where you are now?
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