youaretheone Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I am having my first long-distance relationship and it is giving me hell of a time. My gf went to her hometown to visit her family and friends. Of course, she has many guy friends that she considers close that I haven't met yet. I have several questions that run through my mind and I couldn't answer because of my subjective and destructive thoughts of jealousy and I beleive people here could help me with that. 1) She spends one of her days at a guy friend's house and they watch tv series/movies and do karaoke. This is what I usually do with my gf when we are at her or my place and I couldn't help being jealous and uncomfortable, seeing that she is doing these with another guy. Is it acceptable for her to do that? 2) Regarding her close friends living in her hometown, I have only met one of her female best friends in person and has seen another very close female friend in her photos. Since I am not introduced to other friends, including close guy friends, I can't stop feeling insecure and jealous of the guy friends she is spending time with. Should I have a right to ask her to tell me about these guys, how they met, etc. to make me feel more comfortable? Is it OK that she hasn't shown me their photos or hasn't mentioned them before she left? Am I right to think that she could tell me about these guys beforehand so that I am not drawn into these insecure feelings? As a sidenote, she always tells me what she did that day and usually tells me that she misses me and loves me. Nevertheless, I can't avoid these thoughts eating my brains out. Link to post Share on other sites
azsinglegal Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 If she's spending time with guys that are truly friends, then you have every right to ask about them. If she gets angry or hides anything - you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 1) She spends one of her days at a guy friend's house and they watch tv series/movies and do karaoke. This is what I usually do with my gf when we are at her or my place and I couldn't help being jealous and uncomfortable, seeing that she is doing these with another guy. Is it acceptable for her to do that? Well...it's not like watching tv and doing karaoke are super special things, so no I don't think you should get upset about those activities in particular if you are ok with her spending the day at another's guy house. Now whether you should be ok with her spending the day at his house is another matter. That is something you have to decide. Personally, I would not be ok with it. How long have you guys been together? 2) Regarding her close friends living in her hometown, I have only met one of her female best friends in person and has seen another very close female friend in her photos. Since I am not introduced to other friends, including close guy friends, I can't stop feeling insecure and jealous of the guy friends she is spending time with. Should I have a right to ask her to tell me about these guys, how they met, etc. to make me feel more comfortable? Is it OK that she hasn't shown me their photos or hasn't mentioned them before she left? Am I right to think that she could tell me about these guys beforehand so that I am not drawn into these insecure feelings? ABSOLUTELY you can and should ask her about these guys! And I totally agree she should tell you about them beforehand. But since she hasn't, ask her! I don't really think it's appropriate for somebody who's in a relationship to be spending one on one time with all of these other guys, but it's up to you and your GF to establish the boundaries of your relationship. You are definitely not being too jealous or crazy, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 its her Nothing wrong with her having guy friends. Having guy friends who she spends time with alone while away from you. unacceptable. especially considering she hasn't introduced you. there is a reason she hasn't introduced you to her guy friends and I think you already know the reason why. tell her your concerns. If she gets defensive, there is your answer. break up with her and find someone less shady with their friendships when you are out of sight, out of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaretheone Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 I have sent her an e-mail, nicely asking her to introduce her close friends to me because that's what I do to her and expect her to do the same. To avoid any insecurities or controlling behaviour on my side, I made it clear that it is a beauty of a relationship to get to know about who my partner is seeing and how it makes me more content and happy. I just said even mentioning how they met and a little introduction on the phone when she tells me what she did that day should suffice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaretheone Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Did I do the right thing? Could someone please help? Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 you should've left out the explanation, and just told her "hey i've introduced you to my friends, when do i get to take a trip to where yours are and meet your friends?" don't volunteer too much information. you invited her to tell you what you wanted to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
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