Not feeling quite myself.

[halfaman]

Hello all,

 

I have never done this before, so bare with me.

 

In this past month or two I have been going through an awakening. By that, I mean I am having trouble being religious. I have found myself in a dark place of not knowing why I am here. Its not just questioning a higher being (God) but also questioning my faith in humanity. For all of the wars raging on and innocent people getting killed its really hard to keep my faith for this very reason. Why is it that we live in such a place that we have to kill each other for not only money but also drugs (these 2 go hand in hand). "Money", is green paper that has poisoned our very existence. Why has it gone this far? Its printed paper that has been having a detrimental effect on our society. "Drugs", since when did we start killing each other for a man made chemical? What killing for drugs boils down to is money.

 

That being said, I am at struggle. I live in a world that is filled with greed. I work a dead end sales job that really gets to me. I hate trying to talk people into things just so I can get there money. They say you have to be very personable with people to be good in sales. Since when did being personable just to get in someones wallet become...... ok?

 

I feel like I need to get back in touch with myself and leave this place. Go to some unknown place and discover myself. I feel that this thought alone is all just a dream .

 

I am a newly wed as of last summer and all I can think about is leaving. I love my wife dearly and I dont think that I could leave her or introduce a crazy idea of "Hey do you want to just pick everything up and move to the middle of nowhere" idea? I can sense that she knows something is wrong. I have been a little stand off-ish and have been really touchy lately.

 

I seriously feel.... well.. disconnected. However I want to fix this.

 

Can someone please chime in and help me with this. This makes me feel really uneasy and I am trying to seek help. I can appreciate constructive criticism because I feel deep down that these are some very selfish thoughts.

 

Apologies for the blog like thread but I almost feel a little better asking for help and thats just half of whats going on in my mind.