Are you serious? Really?

[donnamaybe]

i thought D DAY is discovery day?

 

I have seen it used here in terms of discovery, yes, but of an A. Never of anything else. I discovered his selfishness long before I finally had given him what I thought was enough time to learn the right way to treat his so-called loved ones. It was over 10 years after our divorce when he called and admitted he had f'd up our R.

[John Michael Kane]

I have seen it used here in terms of discovery, yes, but of an A. Never of anything else. I discovered his selfishness long before I finally had given him what I thought was enough time to learn the right way to treat his so-called loved ones. It was over 10 years after our divorce when he called and admitted he had f'd up our R.

 

Doesn't mean he's completely remorseful about it. Probably was fishing to see if he can fool you again. Cheaters and their motives.

[donnamaybe]

Doesn't mean he's completely remorseful about it. Probably was fishing to see if he can fool you again. Cheaters and their motives.

 

He never cheated. He was very open about his selfishness.

 

No, I genuinely think he had learned some life lessons and just wanted to make amends.

[donnamaybe]

Didn't you know Donna, that in JMK's world everyone is a cheater?

 

Yeah, I know, and in the world many others live in as well. Just read the last couple posts.

[John Michael Kane]

Didn't you know Donna, that in JMK's world everyone is a cheater?

 

And of course you would make such an assumption.

[rafallus]

The chance of struck by lightning is what? 1 in millions? 1 in thousands?

 

The chance of a divorce is what? 1 in 2. 50%.

 

So no .. i wont worry about lightning. Bad relationship, yeah .. the probability warranted it.

 

Would you worry about it if your plane has a 1 in 2 chance of crashing tomorrow?

It's easy to talk about probability, when it's on your side.

 

For those who happen to be in the unlucky bunch, I'd guess it hardly matters. Like this guy.

 

Point is, all you can do is mentally prepare yourself IF it happens. Yet I don't see any point in spoiling fun in relationship with paranoia, (while relationship lasts at least), because there is 1/2 chance that you will end up divorced.

 

I would even say, that fact, that it may end (and maybe ugly) is another reason to enjoy good times, while they last.

Edited August 21, 2011 by rafallus

[wheelwright]

Maybe we should have waited until the scumbag had gone into a modern office building/skyscraper then hijacked a plane and flown it into that building - killing THOUSANDS of innocent people - in front of millions of innocent bystanders while it was televised all over the world. Would that have been better than doing it in front of the few "innocent" bystanders in the room at the time? And golly, how innocent can those bystanders really BE if they were in the company of an insane piece of sh*t who engineered the death of THOUSANDS of innocent people, hmm?

 

 

I don't really see the series of events in such a black and white way.

 

There have of course been numerous wars instigated for motives of profit. By my own country and the US. There have been endless massacres, some motivated by revenge, some by greed, some by cold calculation about the best outcome as projected by powerful people. It's all very sad.

 

I can see the need in the world to take stark action and remove harmful people from the environment. I just don't think there should be self-congratulation about the death of a man, taken in revenge.

 

Relief, a sense of calm even - if the revenge removes a threat.

 

9/11 shook the world. The behaviour in Rwanda shook the world.

 

I think it is very difficult for most people to understand the full politics of war, terrorism and power.

 

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every

man is a piece of the continent, a part of the

main. If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory

were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or

of thine own were: any man's death diminishes

me, because I am involved in mankind, and

therefore never send to know for whom the bell

tolls; it tolls for thee."

 

 

John Donne said it well.

Edited August 21, 2011 by wheelwright

[PatFinkle]

Meanwhile every day two million innocent children are dying somewhere in the world due to easily-preventable disease, malnutrition, or some other reason that the world could solve but just doesn't care enough about.

 

So please don't expect me to give a rat's @ss if some commandos decide to blow some terrorist's head off somewhere.

 

I won't lose a tear over an @sshole like OBL.

[wheelwright]

Meanwhile every day two million innocent children are dying somewhere in the world due to easily-preventable disease, malnutrition, or some other reason that the world could solve but just doesn't care enough about.

 

So please don't expect me to give a rat's @ss if some commandos decide to blow some terrorist's head off somewhere.

 

I won't lose a tear over an @sshole like OBL.

 

Should neglect be promoted to murder in the law books?

 

Let's look at that idea on a global scale and fail to scream until our lives mean nothing...

[seren]

If shooting OBL means that one less person gets blown up, or one less soldier is killed, or one less terrorist is trained then it was worth it. Had he been taken alive, then it wouold have prompted hostage scenarios, revenge acts until he was released etc

 

I don't think anyone should celebrate his death, but, TBH, I am glad.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Oh yes, my one line paper soap box tirade was truly a wonder to behold. Especially coming from you. A poster that has, for the most part, kept his "radical" opinions nice and concise. Puh-lease, get off your high horse.

 

I'll take your bait and go on a tirade, Cold. It's going to be a big one though. I'm in quite a good mood and I'm on a lunchbreak. Of course I know the "type". I see it in pro-marijuana legalisation groups. Straw feminists. Militant vegetarians. Militant atheists and theists. Gun rights activists. Pro and anti-abortion groups. The usual suspects.

 

Here's the usual clichés: We need to see the big picture. We shouldn't be bound by the laws of conventional morality. We need to rage against the system. Look beyond the rules set in front of us. Avoid the mainstream. Rise above mediocrity. Decide our own destiny. It's like something out of a charming inspirational poster that you find in an office cubical. Oh, and let me guess, it's beyond our tiny brains to understand the other side's point of view, right? We just couldn't understand something so morally complex. Oh my.

 

As entertaining as it is to watch the smaller group of loudmouths get on their soap box, and lecture the larger group of loudmouths, it is ultimately, a futile effort.

 

I've read through this entire thread. Your comments bore me Cold. You fail to entertain or educate me. I find you too predictable, like a robot with nothing but preset commands. But let me guess, you don't care about my opinion right? And since I didn't bow down to your glimmering insights, you will no doubt rebut me with the usual mock condescension, or perhaps grudging acknowledgment if I'm ever so lucky. Nothing personal. I'm not trying to be rude, but I'd rather just go with blunt honesty.

 

Please, go ahead and continue goading that Repair Minded person into lambasting you. He's just as predictable with his comments. Feel free to continue your little war against the BSs here.

 

Ciao.

 

LOL... amazing post =x : I it

(I just wanted to exalt it... in and out I am)

[Woggle]

We live in a world where our enemies are brutal and we need to match their brutality. The only language people like that understand is violence. They look at peace and civility as weakness and count on the fact that in most cases his targets won't strike back as hard.

 

Some people just need to be dealt with in a harsh manner and this is one example.

[wheelwright]

The Rwanda massacre was allowed to happen because those who could have done something to stop it simply didn't care enough to do so. They didn't see any advantage to themselves to do so ( no oil, exports or strategic value) so the country was allowed to implode while a handful of well intentioned UN soldiers ( mostly Canadian and Belgium) did their best to try and put a halt to something beyond their control.

 

It was only when some Belgian soldiers were killed and the first news pictures of machete hacked bodies reached the west that real action took place.

(I highly recommend the book "Shake Hands With the Devil" written by FRomeo Dalaire, the Canadian general who was in charge of the UN operation there who saw what was going to happen, asked the UN for more support and was told that Rwanda didn't really matter)

 

an tragic example of what happens when we turn a blind eye to the pain of others because we rationalize that it's not our problem, not our fault or we simply don't care because it doesn't directly affect us ( or, even worse, that we gain no personal benefit from caring )

 

I will check out the book. And I do agree.

[Kitsune77]

That was a lovely thing to say:)

 

Those people "over there" feel joy, and pain. Anger and sorrow. They have lives they live trying to be happy. They eat, pray, love, and hope the days events let them sleep at night.

 

Just like us.

[nyrias2]

Some people care more about their next orgasm than about destroying their family. And there is always someone willing to help them do just that.

 

a) There is no orgasm in EAs, unless you are talking figuratively.

 

b) Not every A destroys a family.

 

c) Yes, there are always someone willing to help. What do you expect? Attraction is not exclusive between spouses.

 

Try to be a little more accurate next time?

[mzdolphin]

Why not more venom for the person who actually cheated? I didn't know MM was married. But HE KNEW he was married.

 

People question OW. You found out he was married, what took you so long to leave? Well, you found out he was cheating (for three years) why don't you leave?

 

See how silly? The person who deserves the venom is the liar and the cheat. Sure their are cold calculating OW/OM. But most are there for support in getting out of a relationship with someone they loved who they discovered was a liar and a cheat. Same as many of the people here.

 

Last time I checked a marriage license only has two people who have signed on for that commitment. The OW/OM is not the person breaching the contract.

[mzdolphin]

I will check out the book. And I do agree.

 

So now the OW/OM are machete wielding murderers? Puh-leeze.

[mzdolphin]

But what is the rationale for sneaking around instead of dealing honestly with the marital problems? Oh, yeah. That self serving thing.

 

This is why most of the blame must lie with the cheater. Because often not only has this person lied to the spouse, they lie to OW too. They do any and everything to justify getting their needs met.

 

They steamroll over other people's feelings. So save some venom for the cheat and a little sympathy for the person the cheat dragged into this mess.

 

Note: sympathy only for OW/OM who were lied to about marital status. It's much harder to end a relationship in that case. For those who already knew the person was married, you knew what was coming.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Those people "over there" feel joy, and pain. Anger and sorrow. They have lives they live trying to be happy. They eat, pray, love, and hope the days events let them sleep at night.

Just like us.

 

Yes, but you need to admit that a good many of them have a different value structure from those on this end of the board.

 

Also... they rarely go into other parts of the forum... even the regulars.

[reboot]

Yes, but you need to admit that a good many of them have a different value structure from those on this end of the board.

 

 

Do they really?

[silic0ntoad]

**** them anyway. I have absolutely zero tolerance for their ridiculous claims of morality and hysterics. Look at stone cold's earlier posts. What righteous fury!

 

Alot of them make pompous and ridiculous claims about human nature, etc. The greatest thing about everyone over there is their complete inability to face their own inner weaknesses that drive them to seek out married persons with whom to conduct affairs. They will belittle your suffering and in the same sentance claim their own - sickening. They deserve love and respect and dignity just as much as a serpent. Ever are the treacherous distrustful.

[nofool4u]

Why not more venom for the person who actually cheated?

 

there is

 

Last time I checked a marriage license only has two people who have signed on for that commitment. The OW/OM is not the person breaching the contract.

 

so that make it ok to help oneself to someone elses spouse? sure the MM/MW is the direct offender. that doesn't absolve someone else from bad behavior who would seek to interfere.

[seren]

I disagree.

while i think some people who get into affairs with married men/women do have a different value structure ( i am refering to those who consider affairs to be their relationship of choice) , many don't like being in an affair, and part of the reason they are so unhappy is that is goes against their fundamental value structure- they care that someone is being hurt .

 

 

I agree with this Frozensprouts, most BS know where the blame for hurting them lies, I don't think it helps to shift it away from the WS and also that demonising the OW/OM isn't helpful to reconcile and creates a stereotype of BS that we don't always fit. Each situation is different. However, I don't blame the OW, but I do think there is an enabling role. I have far more respect for those that say come back when you are divorced or at least own their part in the A, there are many on LS who do this.

 

I don't get the, if I knew the BS I wouldn't do it statements as the act and hurt are the same, and don't think it should matter if the BS is known or not, but I suppose it makes it easier to not think of the BS as a person. Don't know.

 

There are some very helpful people on both sides of the fence and equally as many not so, stereotypes aren't helpful and just allow the they do/feel/think this and we do/feel/that and it can prevent learning and understanding. It's that side of things I have found most helpful on LS. Hurt is hurt, perhaps if we responded to the situation and not make sweeping statements it might help. If I had a penny for ever time I have been told I am in denial, bitter, lacking in self esteem or just pick a stereotype, just because I stayed and worked on my marriage. But I suppose some people need stereotypes.

[nofool4u]

**** them anyway. I have absolutely zero tolerance for their ridiculous claims of morality and hysterics. Look at stone cold's earlier posts. What righteous fury!

 

Alot of them make pompous and ridiculous claims about human nature, etc. The greatest thing about everyone over there is their complete inability to face their own inner weaknesses that drive them to seek out married persons with whom to conduct affairs. They will belittle your suffering and in the same sentance claim their own - sickening. They deserve love and respect and dignity just as much as a serpent. Ever are the treacherous distrustful.

 

absolutely right. well said. sickening to say the least.

[MilfinBerle]

For the most part, they are psychologically disturbed, amoral sociopaths.

 

A simmering stew of dysfunction.