HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Wilsonx and I were chatting late last night about our ex's and basically getting into that healed mindset that everyone who is suffering from a breakup wants. The conversation was light in the beginning and we both did our share of cracking jokes until he linked me to his post about affirmations. you can find that here --> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289608/ After discussing affirmations I thought why not turn those affirmations into actual beliefs, subjects where you don't need to repeat them daily or every so often in order to live by them. I started explaining how you can create or replace beliefs and the model that you need to go by in order to do so. I learned this from a psychology class I took about a year and a half ago, and yes there are multiple models you can go by but this one makes the most sense to me and has stuck with me all this time. After our discussion Wilsonx recommended that I post this on here to help all of you. So let's get started shall we... What is a belief? A belief is a statement or idea in which you live by. You do not need to seek validation once a belief is established and you do not accept ideas that conflict with your beliefs. There are 2 kinds of beliefs that we hold. core beliefs are our main values and what we ultimately strive to protect. once a core belief is challenged the believer will do undoubtedly anything in order to protect that philosophy. In psych the other belief was just known as a regular belief, during our class my instructor had us call them by stem beliefs. the reason for this is because a belief system is shaped kind of like a spider web. Or if you are remotely familiar with the human brain and how memories work, you can view this system like the structure of neurons with passageways creating memories. Stem beliefs branch off from our core beliefs and can also branch off from other stems. When someone challenges our stem belief one of two things will occur. 1.) we will just brush off the challenge or 2.) we will try defending, But in the case of option 2 (defending) we are not necessarily defending that stem belief. We are defending the core belief that is linked to it. Example: Core belief: I am a smart person, Stem belief: Wilsonx is the most knowledgeable person on LS. (Wilsonx, I hope you don't mind me using you in this example) Someone opposes my stem belief and flat out says "Wilsonx is far from being the most knowledgeable person on LS". I'll try to defend this by showing some outstanding posts from wilsonx with hopes of changing that persons name... why? because my core belief is "I am a smart person" and this person is telling me I am wrong. am I defending wilsonx? yes but what am I ultimately defending when all is said and done? my core belief. Exercise you should try Form a statement from an idea that you strive for. It can be relatively anything from "I use to love my ex" to "I use to suck at driving". Notice I added the words use to, bringing those statements into the past tense. Think of something in your current situation and change it to the past tense, basically look at it now and say it as it was a past issue and you do not struggle with it any more. We'll use "I use to love my ex" as an example here. Say it out loud to yourself... feel weird? almost like you are lying? Now say it in the mirror to yourself... Still get the same feelings? Time for you to get very scared, Walk up to anyone and while looking them in the eyes say that statement without blinking. After doing this exercise and repeating this several times you will generally start to accept your statement and it will become easier to say. After you feel you can say your statement without too much negative feeling proceed to the next part of this exercise. Think of your goal for the future, I'll use "I am completely healed from my breakup". Notice that I am using this statement as if it is already true. Bring something from future tense to present tense. Now do the same thing from part 1 of this exercise... Say it out loud to yourself... feel weird? almost like you are lying? Now say it in the mirror to yourself... Still get the same feelings? Time for you to get very scared, Walk up to anyone and while looking them in the eyes say that statement without blinking. This exercise will help you better prepare for creating a belief Creating a Belief System For most of you this is going to be extremely difficult but if you read this with a completely open mind I am sure it will help you. In order to create a belief (in accordance to this model) you need to go through 5 primary stages: Form, Accept, Challenge, Feedback, Submit. Form First stage of the 'Creating a Belief' model. In this stage you will be forming a statement or idea that you feel you should live your life by. Wilsonx's affirmations are good examples of the statements you should make although I do suggest making a belief that is directly about your ex. I will use "I Do Not Care About My Ex" as an example throughout the stages. Accept Now we have a desired belief formed in our mind, but at this point it is really only a statement or idea. Repeat the statement to yourself, just like with wilsonx's affirmations. You need to get to a point of accepting your idea/statement. When you get to the point of accepting your idea you should be able to say "I Do Not Care About My Ex" without any of the negative feelings you would experience as if you were lying. This stage will take some time, don't expect to do all of these stages in the course of a few hours or even a few days. Challenge Congratulations, you have reached acceptance of your idea. Don't celebrate yet though there's still a long way to go and you just might backtrack into the Accept stage. This stage is very difficult for most people because you will be involving others into your belief. In this stage you are seeking to challenge your belief against other people. So in this case go up to your close friend, family, co-worker, someone that was there to comfort you while you suffered from your breakup. Look this person(s) directly in the eyes and say (your desired belief) "I Do Not Care About My Ex". In doing this you are throwing yourself out there for people to criticize you and in doing this leap of faith you complete the Challenge stage. Feedback During this stage you have already challenged your desired belief against another person. Now you are waiting for them to either say "Yes, I completely agree with you" or "No, I think you are a little off in saying that". Scared?... Don't be. In this stage it doesn't matter whether you get positive or negative feedback, and if you do get negative feedback simply ask "why?", don't argue with the person. Getting this feedback will either send you forward into the Submit stage or it could send you all the way back to either Form or Accept. If you get sent back to the Form stage you will modify your statement a little bit, "I am close to not caring about my ex". Or if you get sent back to the Accept stage you will just repeat the process until you get the proper feedback to proceed into Submit. (Note: Wilsonx was concerned that this may be seeking validation in yourself through someone else. I completely agree with him while you are in the challenge and feedback stages; however, once that idea becomes a belief you no longer need validation from other people. View these steps as not seeking validation through others, but as seeking validation through yourself.) Submit The Submit stage is nothing more than your idea being taken in by your subconscious mind and being manifested as an idea. This is the point where you can congratulate yourself on making that idea a belief. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Very nice post... Im definitely going to look more into it a little more =) in a bit Link to post Share on other sites
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