helpme Posted September 8, 2000 Share Posted September 8, 2000 My sister in-laws brother had been going out with this girl for quite a while, both who are around my age (18-19). And even had a baby together. Well I knew of this girl for a long time, only through her boyfriend which is my brother's brother in-law. Make sense? heh Well only in the last 2 months I actually began to talk to this girl, in which I found out some things. Her boyfriend treated her bad, didn't provide support for the baby. And recently she broke up with him. Over the course of the 2 months I began to feel something for her. Well it was only recently when I wanted to be more than a friend, I wanted to get to know her and maybe go out eventually. Anyways, I think she likes me but I'm not sure. About a month she began joking around saying we would get married and now she always asks when we are getting married. Everytime she comes over our eyes meet and it's like a sparkle lights up, and she smiles with the sweetest smile I ever seen. And then about 4 days ago she was over here and we hugged, big deal... nothing. But then tonight she came over and we held hands and talked, but then she drew closer and gave me a short, gentle kiss on the lips. Just a peck... but still it was that moment that I wish could of lasted forever. Anyway she told me she was going to a Bar and Grill type place with some friends and told me to come at 9, which is around the time they would be there. Anyway, I arrived at 9 and they didn't get there until 9:15 or so. Throughout the whole night this girl said only one thing to me, which was "be right back" and that was it.. I was stuck at a table with 3 people I didn't know and felt very uncomfortable. That night I went home with a heart that felt like it been ran over by a steam roller. First of all, is it wrong for me to be mad at the situation? I realized that it wasn't a date just for us, so I shouldn't of been mad. But I don't know what to do, I don't knwo how she feels about me, or if she likes me, or if she is just using me as a way out of her old relationship. Please help, what can I do? I wish I could get into some deep details, but it just doesn't make sense righ tnow Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 8, 2000 Share Posted September 8, 2000 Don't judge anything by your experience with her at the Bar & Grill Place. However, I would mention to her that you felt sort of out of place and ask her why she had so little to say to you. I personally think it was rude of her to invite you to this group situation and not make you feel more included. Sometimes people invite us to things in a moment of weakness or vulnerability and regret it later for various reasons. Sometimes they don't really think we'll show up. Ladies sometimes accept dates but a few days later, after some thought, "get sick" and cancel the date because they start to feel differently. One day, you will suddenly discover that a lot of people are just plain screwed up. That's part of life. It could be you won't get a straight answer from her because she may not have told her friends about you..whether she is fond of you or not. She may feel it's not good to bring you into the picture so soon after her break-up with this other guy. She could have even wanted these friends to go back and tell her ex she brought a guy to this outing to piss him off. Or maybe she had told her friends you were just an acquaitance in order to avoid pissing off her ex. It happens all kinds of ways and you will probably never know the complete truth. You need to be concerned more about how YOU feel in situations. There is a great possiblity she is still emotionally attached to her ex and still in love. Having a child together forms a pretty strong bond. It doesn't make much difference how crappy he treated her. We are talking a teenager here. Tread softly in this area and, again, don't even think for a minute that she wouldn't use you to piss off her ex or make him jealous, I don't care what their relationship was like. Dealing with a young girl who has a baby is a whole different situation. Absolutely let her know how uncomfortable and unincluded you felt and tell her nicely you don't want that to ever happen again. I personally leave situations like that, get in my car, and go elsewhere. Life's too short to feel like crap. But that's me. Nothing, I mean NOTHING, beats straight away, good, honest communication. You need to cut to the chase and tell this girl somewhat how you feel and let her know you'd like to upgrade the friendship to more at some point. Ask her how she feels about that. Maybe she's been practicing flirting on you for future ventures away, who knows. But talking to her will get things out in the open and you'll see where you stand. She may tell you she's not ready for anything. If she does, move on and maybe you'll be single when she is ready. Trying to be friends with someone for whom you have much greater feelings is very taxing and difficult, especially if that person starts seeing other people. If you want to go there, do it and see for yourself. Once you talk to her, you'll have a better idea of the direction you should take this...or, at least, take yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
helpme Posted September 8, 2000 Share Posted September 8, 2000 Tony, I realize that I wasn't mad at her, but I was upset with the situation. The only thing I can really be upset with her is the fact she invited me to come, but then I show up and she says a total of maybe 4 words and left me hanging with 3 people I didn't even know. I don't know if she thought I would really show up, but if you invite someone to something then you should always assume they will show up... I swear she look suprised when I showed up like "I can't believe you actually came". If that is or was her reaction, I don't know and probably not. What I don't understand is, if she feels that it's not good to bring me into the picture so soon, why does she keep acting like she likes me when ever I see her. I mean she'll come over and she'll come into my room and hug me and smile, and every time our eyes meet I see this sparkle light up. But it just threw me off when she just gave me that kiss on the lips, I mean I know it was just a peck... but still why would she of done that? I don't know right now, maybe I'm just wanting something so bad my mind is playing with me. I just wanted that kiss to mean something, I mean it was a long passionate kiss, it was a soft kiss on the lips and it was so sudden... it was that moment when all worries went away. That moment when I wish time would just stand still for that moment. I don't think she still is attached to her ex, she wanted out of that relationship. I mean she even looked me straight in the eyes once and told me "the only good thing that came out of that relationship was the baby". She didn't want to stay with him, she wanted out so bad. Because she didn't like his ways, his ways of doing drugs and spending money on drugs all the time. I don't know what to think, I would like to think that the moment we had last night meant something to her. But I don't know, I mean I understand the fact that yeah.. she could be using me to make her ex jealous, or using me as a way to get out of her ex's life... cause as far as I know the ex wants her back but she doesn't want him... I don't want to be the reason for her to say no to this guy. And I'm worried about that, that I am just her way out and once she is out then I'm out of the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 8, 2000 Share Posted September 8, 2000 You have got to talk to her and ask her how she feels. Link to post Share on other sites
helpme Posted September 9, 2000 Share Posted September 9, 2000 Life just doesn't get any better. My best friend knows how bad I need to talk to someone, so she told me to call her tonight and we'll just go somewhere and I could talk to her about my problems. She had a set time for me to call, I do and then she isn't home God I don't think my life can get any worse... well except dying but that isn't in my plan for another... oh 60 years hopefully. I just don't understand it, why doesn't anyone want to be around me? I'm not abnormal or anything, I just don't get it Link to post Share on other sites
bubblesxoxo Posted September 10, 2000 Share Posted September 10, 2000 well i have liked a boy for about a year and just a few days ago he finally talked to me but just because of the fact that my best friend told him i liked him well anyway he started talking to me and he was saying that how could i like him for a year and not tell him and i said well that is called a secret crush well anyway we talked and we ended up kissing and then he told me he had a fling with this girl and i understood but then when i kept seeing him i kept asking if he talked to her about me and he kept saying no so then finally when we were together we kissed and kissedand then he had to leave but then the next day his friend told me he goes out with the girl that he had his fling with i was super upset that i cried now just the other day i saw him again but when he saw me he started kissing his girlfriend so what should i do because i want him for me and she has only liked him for a month i liked him for a year what can i do to get my man back because i know he still likes me but he will not show it thank u Link to post Share on other sites
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