Any legal tips for a BS here?

[PegNosePete]

I found music helped me sleep at first. Something soothing like Pink Floyd or the Halo soundtrack.

[Yasuandio]

Saul, I never give on anything, period. Even I presented with a dead body.

 

Actually, my cat, Demon, was close to death, and I got the bags of fluid, and kept the poor creature hydrated day and night. I force fed with a hypoderm. He received two for more years.

[Saul Goodman]

I found music helped me sleep at first. Something soothing like Pink Floyd or the Halo soundtrack.

Music just seems to give me a headache, no matter how peaceful it is.

 

I might give meditation a go. Something to promote an "aura of calm". Or I could try repeatedly banging my head against a wall. That'll give me some rest.

 

The thing that is putting me on edge, is wondering what the mOM and the BW are up to right now. I have this feeling that things are going to get worse.

 

Saul, I never give on anything, period. Even I presented with a dead body.

 

Actually, my cat, Demon, was close to death, and I got the bags of fluid, and kept the poor creature hydrated day and night. I force fed with a hypoderm. He received two for more years.

 

Okay. Now imagine that your cat could talk. Now imagine that it said "stop keeping me hydrated day and night, and stop feeding me with hypoderm. I want to die."

 

That hypothetical talking cat would have the same attitude as my wife (except that my wife obviously isn't near death, and most likely doesn't want to die).

Edited August 23, 2011 by Saul Goodman
Feeling sleepy.

[Yasuandio]

Music just seems to give me a headache, no matter how peaceful it is.

 

I might give meditation a go. Something to promote an "aura of calm". Or I could try repeatedly banging my head against a wall. That'll give me some rest.

 

The thing that is putting me on edge, is wondering what the mOM and the BW are up to right now. I have this feeling that things are going to get worse.

 

 

 

Okay. Now imagine that your cat could talk. Now imagine that it said "stop keeping me hydrated day and night, and stop feeding me with hypoderm. I want to die."

 

That hypothetical talking cat would have the same attitude as my wife (except that my wife obviously isn't near death, and most likely doesn't want to die).

 

 

You asked. I don't give up on anything. Because I could see in Demon's eyes that he wasn't to stay. I felt in my heart. I gave everything possible.

 

I didn'nt force fed. Him, he licked up his liquid food just fine. He just needed to build his stenge to fight whatever else was ailing him

 

I wrote that post too quickly. Everything I did for demon was a procure Vets would use, but it's very costly and timeconsuming. So they showed me how to do it. He did get plumped up again, and we enjoed him another 2+ years.

-----------------------------------------

 

After that 2.5 years, he did get sick again, and I tried again the second time. It did not go well. I had to squish the bags of fluid into him as his body kept getting skinisr and skinier. He wasn't licking up the food from the hypooderm. He did not want be picked up anymore, so I stopped treatment. Soonafter, I saw him keel over sideways and I picked him up. I

 

His head had totally fallen back, and I called vet to find out if he was dead or not. It took some convincing, but I saw that Demon was dead.

 

I believe Demon would have said the first go round," thank you Carol, for helping I'm stay alive! I really got to eat some speciall food and treats that I never had before. They were not "heart heathy" choices, but it was totally worth it. I was still enjoying life and my final years.

 

After the two years, you were wasting you time. I was 17.5 years old, what do you expect? Thank for hold me until my body grew cold. I so enjoyed living in all the interesting places we have been! Demon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything I did for Demon was supervised by my vet. When Demon recovered fir those two plus addional years, he enjoyed his life and the most expensive catfood on the shelf . I also let him , induldge in canned tuna and salmon, as well as sour creme. He picked up some weight, and lived to be 17 years old!

 

That's just how I Am. After almost 3 years of separation, I have learned so much, but there was no way to apply my new found knowledge if I did not know. And I still am not In a position to invoke it properly - I am still angry and confused, but my long term hope is at it's end (the hope will always be there, but he who waits too long may lose what they have. I will always love him, and carry the hope. The question is will I be in a posion to act upon it. This is the risk he has run). I have give the proper

"wait time".according to marriage builders.

 

Some new opportunity may me droping in the picture for me. It is enough to at least get me inspired. As soon as I finish up a coulpe lose ends, I'll talk on Sos. Hope that answers your question more fully Saul. You flattered me!

Edited August 24, 2011 by Yasuandio

[Saul Goodman]

Some new opportunity may me droping in the picture for me. It is enough to at least get me inspired. As soon as I finish up a coulpe lose ends, I'll talk on Sos. Hope that answers your question more fully Saul. You flattered me!

 

Mmhmm.

 

Anyone else feel the East Coast Earthquake?

[andyg99]

Comments in BOLD

 

Suffering from insomnia these past few days. Damn it's late. What do you guys recommend? Sleeping pills don't seem to work on me. Tried a 2 hour work out, but I seem to perk up pretty quickly afterwards, which never used to happen.

 

My advice is don't fight the insomnia, don't lie in bed - read a book, watch a movie, pay bills, do paperwork.... of course this is assuming the insomnia is short-term, most of it is but check with the doc to see at what point you should get help (counseling, meds).

 

Kids aren't doing well. I'm doing my best for them, but jeeezus, there is so little that I can say or do for them when they ask about their mother, that will make them feel better. Counselor hasn't been too useful. I plan on taking them on a holiday or something.

 

Try a different counselor then... as far as making them feel better just keep showing them that dad is strong and dad is always someone they can count on

 

Anyway, been speaking to my lawyer. The fact that my wife has done a runner has simplified a lot of the paper work (because she isn't there). It's also made some of it more complicated (because she isn't there). Hmph, I think you all know what I mean.

 

I'm really starting to miss her. Not the angry, lying, manipulative, apathetic woman that left her family, but the cheerful, beautiful, intelligent woman that used to love to play the violin (really well) every night. She has the most incredible smile (I f_cking well can't put it into words). Reminiscing is a good way to get depressed.

 

totally normal - at this point our minds are all over the place, we get so low sometimes that if the ex walked back in the door we'd take them back with no questions asked. That's just our pain putting some irrational thoughts in our minds. We know that in reality the person they used to be is no longer.

 

Can I ask you something Yas (everybody else can answer this too, if they want)? Have you ever reached that point where you have done everything that you can, and just given up? I reached that point a while ago. My wife doesn't want or need my help.

 

You may now call it "giving up" but eventually when we keep trying to fit the round peg in the square hole it makes sense to just stop what we are doing and move on to something else... and yes, she is a grown woman, when she says "I'm out of here, don't contact me I'll contact you" do you know what she means by that? she meant exactly what she said... you can only control what YOU do... and right now you are doing fine Saul, you're in pain of course but keep being there for your kids and take care of your health...

 

I've sent some papers over to the BW's workplace anonymously. No contact from her. Presumably the mOM will pull some crazy stunt off soon enough.

 

Bleh, I don't know.

[BlindRage]

Mmhmm.

 

Anyone else feel the East Coast Earthquake?

 

No, but I was reading the McRib Locater's website: "RT @JayEmbee: The #earthquake was STILL not enough to make me thaw my emergency #McRib. It's still in the freezer. @mcriblocator"

 

HA!

[Trimmer]

Okay. Now imagine that your cat could talk. Now imagine that it said "stop keeping me hydrated day and night, and stop feeding me with hypoderm. I want to die."

And then imagine that it flips you off...

 

I sometimes felt like my wife leaving was like handling the loss of a death. And then I decided that most deaths are still overlaid with layers of love and caring and concern.

 

This is more like a death where the dying person says an angry "F**k you" as their last words before slipping away.

 

(Not intending to compare the magnitude of the loss of a death against someone leaving - it's just a non-quantitative allegory...)

[Yasuandio]

It looked to me the cat enjoyed the two years he got, in return for the two weeks of serious medical care.

 

During treatment, I never got the impression he was trying to escape from it. The cat was alwas mildly tranquilized when he got the IV (which is painless in the fat of his neck), and he got cuttled during the whole process. His reward was to slurp up the goodies in the hypoderm. He never refused. He never turned away. I held him most of the time, and his strength came back. Then he was normal another two years.

 

(The was no fighting him to give treatment, no holding him down, no eff you snrawls. He sealed to soak it all in.)

 

The second was another story. He refused treatment, would not hold still, meds were imposible to get in him. And the only way to feed was direct force down his throat. I did it one time and couldn't do it again. I tempted him with his favorites, sour cream, tuna, Etc. I carried him to his food bowl, and he went into another room and died. Nothing worked. He was ready to die. I held him thinking, maybe it was a sesuire from dehydration, and perhaps if I pushed fluids...... The kind vet on the phone, who was my teacher had me perform several tests that confirmed Demon was dead.

 

Human or quadroped, 17 years is a long time. I guess I'd do anything to save relationships of this length and longer.

[LifesontheUp]

This is more like a death where the dying person says an angry "F**k you" as their last words before slipping away.

 

I remember telling someone when I found out about my xH affair it was like grieving the loss of someone you love but the body is still here. So hard to go through the grief when you can still see them

 

How are you and the kids Saul?

[Saul Goodman]

How are you and the kids Saul?

Managed to get 10 hours of sleep for one thing. No special techniques. I just got overwhelmed with exhaustion.

 

Anyways, I'm taking the kids on a mini-vacation this weekend. Something to look forward to. Anythings better than sifting through paperwork, ya know?

[John Michael Kane]

Managed to get 10 hours of sleep for one thing. No special techniques. I just got overwhelmed with exhaustion.

 

Anyways, I'm taking the kids on a mini-vacation this weekend. Something to look forward to. Anythings better than sifting through paperwork, ya know?

 

Good you deserve the time off.

[andyg99]

I remember telling someone when I found out about my xH affair it was like grieving the loss of someone you love but the body is still here. So hard to go through the grief when you can still see them

 

 

Yes it is... I know this might sound weird but have you ever read Pet Semetary? when a marriage dies it is sometimes like that (especially when there is cheating involved) - that person is still there in your life (when kids are involved) but you barely recognize them... just like the kid who was buried in the book and came back...

[GorillaTheater]

Yes it is... I know this might sound weird but have you ever read Pet Semetary? when a marriage dies it is sometimes like that (especially when there is cheating involved) - that person is still there in your life (when kids are involved) but you barely recognize them... just like the kid who was buried in the book and came back...

 

Hahaha; the last line of the book, if I remember right: " 'I'm home', it said."

 

"It", indeed.

[Memphis Raines]

I've been checking out divorce lawyers in the area. She doesn't know that I know, and I'd like to keep it that way for now. So, before I bite the bullet and tell her, is there anything I should know first? And what are some things that I should look out for during the divorce process? From people with personal experience?

 

What you should know is that no matter how much of a cheating ho your wife is, she will still be entitled to half the marital assets. There is nothing you can do about that. Except maybe get a bulldog of an attorney that will drag things out and lean on her a bit and hope she gives up some concessions just to get it over with.

 

but if her attorney is smart, they won't let that happen.

 

and I gather by how long you have been married that child custody isn't an issue.

and if it was, she'd get custody. being a cheating tramp doesn't factor in to child custody. It should, but it doesn't. I guess the courts don't care if kids are raised by someone with the morals and scruples of a snake.

 

So basically all I can tell you is you are both entitled to half the marital assets, don't settle for less.

 

If she wants the house, then she owes you 1/2 the equity, and vice versa if you want the house.

 

And alimony, for the most part, is a thing of the past really, unless you are really wealthy. But that doesn't mean her attorney won't make a run for it. You fight that tooth and nail!!!

[Saul Goodman]

Got a call from my wife this morning. Seems like this is going to become a weekly thing (guess it gets lonely in Michigan). Forgive me for the spiel but I have been thinking a lot about what we said to each other, which made work quite difficult today.

 

It was an honest convo I think, far more honest than anything said in MC anyway. It was also nice to hear her communicate to me, without all the screaming and f__k you's, so I guess she has cooled off a bit. It reminded me of who she was when I first met her, and not who she is now. Know what I mean?

 

Anyway, I'm taking the kids on a theme park marathon tomorrow. Have a good weekend everyone.

Edited August 26, 2011 by Saul Goodman

[GorillaTheater]

I hope you and your kids have a good weekend too, Saul. Put all this crap in a box, put it on a shelf, and try not to think about it at all until next week.

[broken140]

Divorce is very difficult and tends to bring out the worst in the most loving people. My ex plotted for years or months on how to ruin me and continues to do so. He shut down and refused to go to counseling all while having an affair with another women. Just watch out she might be planning to push you over the edge so she can justify the divorce. If you are pretty sure you want the divorce interview a good attorney and make sure to cover your basis including custody/visitation with any children.

 

Keep a diary and documentation of anything you can like the emails.

 

 

 

Basically, been married 21 years. I was making a backup of some of my wife's files on her laptop. Found out my wife was having an affair with another married coworker for around a year and a half. Lots of flirtatious messages. Emails about meeting up. Says she's "in love with him and and has fallen out of love with me".

 

I was going to talk about it during MC (intimacy problems for the past year, and now I know exactly why that is), but some of her messages basically say that she plans on leaving me and running off with the OM. Makes me feel like continuing MC would be a waste of time and it would be best to let her go off and do her own thing, rather than crawl on my feet and beg her to stay.

 

I'd be entirely understanding, had she been upfront about this initially, instead of wasting both our time. But considering that she had been keeping quiet for the past year, and lying during MC (so she's been wasting our money too), I can't say I'm too sympathetic.

 

I see two possibles reasons for her actions (from what I have gathered from MC). She has either been exceedingly unhappy for a few years now, and expected me to use my magical mind-reading powers to figure that out, instead of just saying something to me. Or she is going through a MLC and has decided to cover me and our 2 kids in her personal rubbish.

 

I've been checking out divorce lawyers in the area. She doesn't know that I know, and I'd like to keep it that way for now. So, before I bite the bullet and tell her, is there anything I should know first? And what are some things that I should look out for during the divorce process? From people with personal experience?

[Saul Goodman]

Divorce is very difficult and tends to bring out the worst in the most loving people. My ex plotted for years or months on how to ruin me and continues to do so. He shut down and refused to go to counseling all while having an affair with another women. Just watch out she might be planning to push you over the edge so she can justify the divorce. If you are pretty sure you want the divorce interview a good attorney and make sure to cover your basis including custody/visitation with any children.

 

Keep a diary and documentation of anything you can like the emails.

 

Read through your story. Sorry about your situation. An absent spouse sounds better than an outright malicious one. I don't know how people can act so coldly towards one another sometimes. I sort of question my own actions (which, as Yas has pointed out, were quite nasty). Makes you think about how fragile relationships really are.

 

Had a eventful weekend. My younger son (8) had a great time. Older one (16) had very mixed feelings. Something to keep their minds busy anyway. Hope you all had a good weekend too.

 

It's weird guys. I don't really feel much towards my wife anymore. I feel sadness about what we had (it was a long and happy relationship for the most part), and sadness at how things have ended. But little towards her personally. That is a huge contrast to some of the other stories I've read on here, ya know? Is it normal to "let go" within weeks?

 

I guess it's because of the magnitude of what she has done. Straight out of daytime television or something. I'm sure I would've been a lot more torn if things had ended on a more bittersweet note.

[Alive_Again]

Oh darn ... you were looking for legal tips. Wrong place. Sorry.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Alive_Again
Posted in the wrong place

[Saul Goodman]

Oh darn ... you were looking for legal tips. Wrong place. Sorry.

 

Not anymore friend.

 

Today I feel like I had an epiphany: I can let go. My wife has done what she has done. She isn't coming back, and if she does, I don't want any sort of relationship. She lives her life and I live mine.

 

Now I look to the future.

 

Insomnia is getting better btw.

[andyg99]

Not anymore friend.

 

Today I feel like I had an epiphany: I can let go. My wife has done what she has done. She isn't coming back, and if she does, I don't want any sort of relationship. She lives her life and I live mine.

 

Now I look to the future.

 

Insomnia is getting better btw.

 

I'm glad to hear that you are looking forward. You may be healing faster than normal, there's no timeline here. You'll go up and down for a while but keep looking towards the future and pretty soon the present will be looking just as good!

[2.50 a gallon]

Yes, my feelings for my Ex died within days. I terribly missed what we had, but at the same time I knew that I could never trust her again.

 

It was over

[Saul Goodman]

You may be healing faster than normal, there's no timeline here.

It's strange. But I'm sure that this "epiphany" is only one part of the healing process. The roller coaster ride isn't over yet.

 

Yes, my feelings for my Ex died within days.

I thought that I would hold onto her as a person for longer. But she's fading away. Anyone else relate to that, other than us two?

 

I think a lot about the significance of her (and my own) actions though. The romantic weekends that we spent together. The dates that we had before we got married. The times that we had together when the kids weren't home. Holidays all over the world. I think about how she would play her violin after dinner, and I would just sit down and listen. I remember gifting my wife with my mother's ring when I thought "she's the one" and feeling both appreciative and sad that she left it behind on d-day.

 

Sorry for the sappiness, but you guys get my train of thought right?

[carhill]

Think of it like a tide. It ebbs and flows. You may wake up one day in the distant or not so distant future and experience strong emotions. There are no absolutes. It's a process. With children, the ebb and flow will be more marked and/or long-lived, IMO.