I feel like crap

[somedude81]

and I'm so tired of it. I'm sure everybody is sick of hearing me complain too.

 

What's really messed up, is that it would be so easy to make me happy and feel that life is worth living. But I feel as if it's not up to me and I'm at the mercy of whatever woman I happen to fancy at the time. Right now I feel like garbage because the current girl has ignored the two texts I sent her today about trying to make plans for next week. I'll leave her be for a couple days then call her. In a way, I wish she would just tell me off and get it over with. It would make things simpler for me.

 

Life would be so much easier if I didn't have any desire for sex or to have a woman in my life. That way I would not feel that anything is missing. Unfortunately the opposite is true and I feel that a cruel joke is being played on me.

 

I just wish I could sleep forever. But I can't even get a good night's sleep as I have insomina that insists on waking me up at four in the morning every day.

 

Sigh.

[somedude81]

And I'm up at 3 am, yay...

[HeavenOrHell]

Ugh, I'm sorry And yeah, if this women isn't up for meeting then why can't she be straight with you.

I've got major insomnia lately too, can't think straight, making me feel like s***

Have you tried the whole getting to know women friends online and seeing if more can come from it?

The Passions sites can be quite good for meeting lie minded people, they have different categories of interests. I'm not your average pub/club person and I'm quite shy, so online has been a good place for meeting people.

[Els]

OP, I'm always at a loss for words when I read your threads. I guess I sort of know how it feels, having not been asked out once by a guy I desired in my teens. I wish I could tell you it'll get better. I could tell you that you deserve a girl more than many of the shmucks around here, but I don't think that is going to help.

 

What I can tell you, though, is that you are not alone in wanting something simple that you have not had. Plenty of people wish for something simple, but life simply dictates that, for the moment, they are unable to have it. Have you ever heard of the saying, 'We all have many wishes, but a cancer patient only has one - to get well'?

 

At least you have some control over this part of your life, whereas the cancer patient does not, even though his wish is possibly simpler than yours - to get well and survive. I hope you find some contentment, as you work on yourself to obtain the girl you seek.

Edited July 29, 2011 by Elswyth

[tman666]

Girls do not ignore their phones. Let me repeat that: GIRLS DO NOT IGNORE THEIR PHONES. Have you ever watched how a girl who is interested in a guy treats her phone? She'll make it a point to get back to them, even if it's not right away, but it's usually pretty fast. Two days is a long time. If she doesn't respond to you by then and hasn't been in a) a foreign country b) on a cruise ship or c) trekking through no-man's land, you can bet that she's seen your text and doesn't respect you enough or care enough about you to respond.

 

More disturbing is the fact that you let yourself be emotionally tied to her actions. I understand the feeling of ugliness, worthlessness, and despair that you're feeling because I've been there: letting my happiness be dictated by what some girl is saying or doing.

 

You have the power to change this, and no, a girlfriend is not the answer. That will come after you stop letting your sense of self worth be controlled by someone else.

 

In your case, as a guy who is pushing 30 and want for a long term, meaningful relationship, I can see how the highs would be higher and the lows (such as this) would be lower. I can see why you would question whether or not you're worthy of love from a woman. But you have to learn to be strong. Right now, you're not strong. It's as simple as that.

 

Faith in yourself that you have the ability to make some girl out there extremely happy is the key. You need to work on being strong emotionally, just like you work on being strong physically in the gym. In the gym, you progressively lift heavier and heavier and push yourself to adapt to those new heavy weights. As you get stronger, the weights that previously were a strain or were impossible become easier.

 

You can train yourself to be emotionally strong in the same way. If you continually push the limits, things that were a big deal before will become little things that are easy to brush off.

[Ross MwcFan]

You need to work on being strong emotionally, just like you work on being strong physically in the gym. In the gym, you progressively lift heavier and heavier and push yourself to adapt to those new heavy weights. As you get stronger, the weights that previously were a strain or were impossible become easier.

 

You can train yourself to be emotionally strong in the same way. If you continually push the limits, things that were a big deal before will become little things that are easy to brush off.

 

I totally agree with this, in fact I've experienced it myself.

[akazid]

heh ... my way of communication is:

 

1) (1 week advance) Email.

 

If email is unanswered then:

 

2) (Days 3 or 2 before 'meeting' - if no communication have been responded) Voicemail. First unanswered call is a voicemail. I might call a second time though if it's time critical. If it's past the 'time-critical' stage I proceed to a text.

 

If voicemail is unanswered then:

 

3) (Day 1 before or day of 'meeting' - if no communcations have been responded) Text message. If no response from text within 12 hrs I start making tentative plans with other people.

 

Basically, the communication moves from email (Hard to respond / need to sit down) to voice over phone (Easier but still needs effort) to text (Easiest / Quickest to respond to).

 

Most people respond within 1 and 2. Some people do 3. I've had a response happen after the 'day of meeting' (as in, travling 250+ miles to visit family and hoping to meet up and the person responds after I left the area I traveled to. They are/were fully aware that I'd be making the trip.). I just texted them with a "You're OK and busy! Maybe we can meet next time. Have a good one." Yes, the person was genuinely busy (as per text ... 10 hours later). Nonetheless, I believe that they were/still are avoiding me ...

 

I've pretty much stoped caring when/if the person responds. If they respond late then I'll do something with family and/or other friends. Also, when communicating I don't mention anything about being ignored / etc. Pointless/needless drama - especially if it's someone I don't know well enough. If I know someone well enough and it's out-of-their-character to ignore people/friends I will ask what is happening ...

[somedude81]

Ugh, I'm sorry And yeah, if this women isn't up for meeting then why can't she be straight with you.

Yeah I don't know why she's acting this way. We've known each other for a long time so I'd figure we're beyond the whole randomly ignore each other thing.

I've got major insomnia lately too, can't think straight, making me feel like s***

Insomnia sucks so bad. I'm usually able to get to sleep an hour after I wake up. But I'm tired when I wake up for real.

 

For me, It's caused by stress.

 

Have you tried the whole getting to know women friends online and seeing if more can come from it?

The Passions sites can be quite good for meeting lie minded people, they have different categories of interests. I'm not your average pub/club person and I'm quite shy, so online has been a good place for meeting people.

I've never tried to meet anybody online. I just don't think I have a chance at all trying online dating.

 

Can you give me a link to the passions place? I'll at least check it out.

OP, I'm always at a loss for words when I read your threads. I guess I sort of know how it feels, having not been asked out once by a guy I desired in my teens. I wish I could tell you it'll get better. I could tell you that you deserve a girl more than many of the shmucks around here, but I don't think that is going to help.

Thank you Elswyth.

 

I know I deserve so much more. Every now and then I read a thread where a girl is posting how her BF or husband is doing or not doing XYZ and it just pisses me off because I know I could do better.

 

Then it really sucks seeing douchebags do well with women when all they want is sex. While the girls just grin and take it.

 

What I can tell you, though, is that you are not alone in wanting something simple that you have not had. Plenty of people wish for something simple, but life simply dictates that, for the moment, they are unable to have it. Have you ever heard of the saying, 'We all have many wishes, but a cancer patient only has one - to get well'?

 

At least you have some control over this part of your life, whereas the cancer patient does not, even though his wish is possibly simpler than yours - to get well and survive. I hope you find some contentment, as you work on yourself to obtain the girl you seek.

LOL, it brought a smile to my face thinking that my inability to attract a woman is as serious as cancer.

 

Of course it's silly to think that. It shouldn't be this hard to get a woman.

 

"Plenty of people wish for something simple, but life simply dictates that, for the moment, they are unable to have it."

 

I've been believing for a while now that life has decided I'm not to have a partner. That its been set that I will spend the rest of my days alone.

 

Once I fully accept that, it will all be over.

Girls do not ignore their phones. Let me repeat that: GIRLS DO NOT IGNORE THEIR PHONES. Have you ever watched how a girl who is interested in a guy treats her phone? She'll make it a point to get back to them, even if it's not right away, but it's usually pretty fast. Two days is a long time. If she doesn't respond to you by then and hasn't been in a) a foreign country b) on a cruise ship or c) trekking through no-man's land, you can bet that she's seen your text and doesn't respect you enough or care enough about you to respond.

Honestly, this girl is a bit weird and forgetful.

 

The last time we were going to hang out, she went to an arcade in the wrong city. The city I live in and the city she went to both have beach in the name and somehow she got them mixed up So her forgetting to respond to a text is very minor.

 

Still It's not a good sign that she isn't responding right away. I sent her a text a few minutes ago. I don't know if she'll respond or not.

 

More disturbing is the fact that you let yourself be emotionally tied to her actions. I understand the feeling of ugliness, worthlessness, and despair that you're feeling because I've been there: letting my happiness be dictated by what some girl is saying or doing.

 

You have the power to change this, and no, a girlfriend is not the answer. That will come after you stop letting your sense of self worth be controlled by someone else.

I don't understand how to not do this. The very basis of getting a girl is dependent on if they approve of me or not. When a girl shows that she likes me and is interested, it makes me feel that I'm doing a good job and I'm happy. When a girl shows me that she doesn't like me, it crushes me. More so when the girl is somebody important to me. When I try very hard to make a girl like me, I feel like crap when they show me that they don't.

 

In your case, as a guy who is pushing 30 and want for a long term, meaningful relationship, I can see how the highs would be higher and the lows (such as this) would be lower. I can see why you would question whether or not you're worthy of love from a woman. But you have to learn to be strong. Right now, you're not strong. It's as simple as that.

Yeah you seem to understand what I'm going through. And I know I'm not strong.

 

Faith in yourself that you have the ability to make some girl out there extremely happy is the key.

I completely agree with you.

 

But how can one have faith in themselves that they can do something they have never done successfully?

 

Honestly, I know I can be a great boyfriend. But nobody has ever given me the chance to prove myself.

You need to work on being strong emotionally, just like you work on being strong physically in the gym. In the gym, you progressively lift heavier and heavier and push yourself to adapt to those new heavy weights. As you get stronger, the weights that previously were a strain or were impossible become easier.

 

You can train yourself to be emotionally strong in the same way. If you continually push the limits, things that were a big deal before will become little things that are easy to brush off.

I'm trying to do that, but I feel I've hit a wall.

 

I need some kind of breakthrough. Without it, I'm not able to get any stronger.

 

I just don't know how to get past this stage where I really care what girls I'm invested in think about me. I've gotten better where I don't care as much what girls I don't know that well think, but somebody I really like; how do I not care?

Edited July 29, 2011 by somedude81

[amethyste]

You have received some great advice. Will you also accept a hug and a bunny?

[tman666]

I need some kind of breakthrough. Without it, I'm not able to get any stronger.

 

I just don't know how to get past this stage where I really care what girls I'm invested in think about me. I've gotten better where I don't care as much what girls I don't know that well think, but somebody I really like; how do I not care?

 

I'd argue that you've already made breakthroughs! You say you've gotten better where you don't care as much what girls you don't know think about you. That's a start.

 

You're always going to care. There's no getting around that. People who don't care at all about what others think of them tend to have massively inflated senses of self importance and are generally douche-bags. You don't ever want to go completely aloof.

 

From the sounds of it, it seems like you tend to put the girls you like on a pedestal. You need to realize their humanity. The hot ones, the fat ones, the old ones, all of them. They all have fears, desires, passions and secrets, just like you. Many people, including myself, keep this under wraps most of the time. Some go as far as acting "too cool for school" about all of it. Once you realize that it's all a facade, you can go up to just about anyone and start up a conversation. That's all it is. You can gauge from their responses whether their interested in you or not. If they're not reciprocating, you can gracefully bow out without looking (and subsequently feeling) like an awkward weirdo.

 

I think that learning to read people's responses has been one of the best things that I've learned (not that I'm some sort of social wizard or anything). It makes it a lot easier to engage a wide variety of people in conversation, including girls you might be interested in.

 

Start small. I recommend that you don't focus on the end goal of finding the love of your life, getting laid, or even going on a date. Start by being comfortable with flirting with all girls. Learn and practice frequently the art of complimenting their desires, fears, and passions. That's not to say that you have to agree with everything they say. It just means that you should be able to talk intelligently, earnestly and politely about a wide variety of subjects. If the girl (or person, in a broader sense) is shut out from everything you say, there's not a whole lot you can do. That's when it's time to gracefully bow out and talk to someone else.

 

I've also found that a big part of making yourself more attractive is by being seen socializing. Girls are afraid of guys who have no friends or seem to spend the majority of their time alone. It sends off their warning bells. A lot of flirtations/social interactions tend to snowball off of each other.

 

I'm sure there are how-to books out there (possibly even classes) on how to strike up conversations, socialize, etc. The key is practice. Force yourself into situations that you normally wouldn't be comfortable in, and do it as often as you can.

 

Another thing to take very seriously is your body image. While it sounds shallow and egotistical, I truly believe that having a good body that I'm proud of and have worked very hard on has helped me out. Not only does it provide a certain confidence that cannot be found elsewhere, but it gives a shoe in to a lot of conversations. Granted, it's not like people will walk up to you wanting to talk about working out (always avoid the bad joo joo: politics, religion, and working out in conversation with strangers), but if you look good, you'll feel good, and you'll be able to exercise your social skills readily.

 

I dunno bro. I'm not an expert, but I truly don't think it's an impossible task, even for someone like yourself. You're not a hideous beast, nor are you too old. There are plenty of improvements to your outlook and sense of self confidence that you can make.

 

In short:

 

1) Work on adjusting your outlook on life, girls, and yourself. It'll take practice.

 

2) Push yourself into social situations that make you uncomfortable, as long and as often as you can. Go out of your way to do this; don't wait for it to come to you.

 

3) Take your gym time, your body, and performance very seriously. The positive effects YOU earn will spill over into the rest of your life.

[somedude81]

And she hasn't responded to my text that I sent her this morning. Is this really how it's going to end?

 

All I can feel is that I'm such a loser.

I'd argue that you've already made breakthroughs! You say you've gotten better where you don't care as much what girls you don't know think about you. That's a start.

They feel completely meaningless. I still haven't gotten anywhere close to what I really want to accomplish.

 

From the sounds of it, it seems like you tend to put the girls you like on a pedestal. You need to realize their humanity. The hot ones, the fat ones, the old ones, all of them. They all have fears, desires, passions and secrets, just like you.

I don't think I pedestal anybody. It's just that when I like somebody, I want them to like me too. Also I've known this girl for a long time now, I'd expect her to have some respect for me by now.

 

I know her actions are her own, but I feel like a failure for not being able to make her like me. Isn't that my job as a man?

 

Many people, including myself, keep this under wraps most of the time. Some go as far as acting "too cool for school" about all of it. Once you realize that it's all a facade, you can go up to just about anyone and start up a conversation. That's all it is. You can gauge from their responses whether their interested in you or not. If they're not reciprocating, you can gracefully bow out without looking (and subsequently feeling) like an awkward weirdo.

Starting a conversation is very different from asking somebody out. There is nothing to lose with having a conversation.

 

I think that learning to read people's responses has been one of the best things that I've learned (not that I'm some sort of social wizard or anything). It makes it a lot easier to engage a wide variety of people in conversation, including girls you might be interested in.

 

Start small. I recommend that you don't focus on the end goal of finding the love of your life, getting laid, or even going on a date. Start by being comfortable with flirting with all girls.

How do I learn and practice flirting when I never get any feedback if I'm doing it right? Actually since the girls I'm trying to flirt with all reject me, that tells me that I'm doing it very poorly.

 

I've also found that a big part of making yourself more attractive is by being seen socializing. Girls are afraid of guys who have no friends or seem to spend the majority of their time alone. It sends off their warning bells. A lot of flirtations/social interactions tend to snowball off of each other.

Having friends is a whole different issue. Yes it's a big deal and a real struggle but I feel I'm stressing with enough things already to really worry about it.

I dunno bro. I'm not an expert, but I truly don't think it's an impossible task, even for someone like yourself. You're not a hideous beast, nor are you too old. There are plenty of improvements to your outlook and sense of self confidence that you can make.

I really don't know anymore.

 

I would love to believe that there is hope. Getting a small sign would be great. My outlook is completely based on how my life really is. It's foolish to think that things will suddenly get better.

 

Well I'm getting ready to go to bed. Here's hoping I don't get stuck with insomnia again.

[somedude81]

Wow, so much anger today.

 

I did a nice bike ride, almost an hour long but my mind keeps going and I was basically pissed the whole time.

 

A while later I got a call from my job telling me that there isn't a lot to do and I could take the day off, which I gladly did. With a new feeling of happiness I called up the girl I like wanting to hang out. Unfortuantely she didn't answer and I left her a voice mail. About 30 minutes later I sent her a text. Then I sent her another text 5 hours later. And I still haven't heard from her. The last time something like this happened she actually lost her phone. Hopefully that's the case.

 

I haven't seen her a while now and really wanted to see her today since she has family coming over for the weekend and I'd need to wait until next week.

 

Either way, I've been mad for most of the day. Today could have been the one good day I can have all week. Now I'm going to be bored for the rest of the f-ing week.

 

Damn my life sucks.

 

Ugh, I'm turning 30 at the 30th. I am not looking forward to that at all. How did I screw things up with my life so much?

 

Honestly though, I wish the girl would just be rude to me so I can yell and scream at her. She has caused me so much anger, sadness and frustration. I'm just waiting for a reason to blow up at her. There's a lot of things I want to say to her. Of course I would never touch her.

 

It's funny how feelings can switch between love and hate so quickly. Both are really strong emotions so that's probably part of it.

Edited August 5, 2011 by somedude81

[Dust]

Wow, so much anger today.

 

I did a nice bike ride, almost an hour long but my mind keeps going and I was basically pissed the whole time.

 

A while later I got a call from my job telling me that there isn't a lot to do and I could take the day off, which I gladly did. With a new feeling of happiness I called up the girl I like wanting to hang out. Unfortuantely she didn't answer and I left her a voice mail. About 30 minutes later I sent her a text. Then I sent her another text 5 hours later. And I still haven't heard from her. The last time something like this happened she actually lost her phone. Hopefully that's the case.

 

I haven't seen her a while now and really wanted to see her today since she has family coming over for the weekend and I'd need to wait until next week.

 

Either way, I've been mad for most of the day. Today could have been the one good day I can have all week. Now I'm going to be bored for the rest of the f-ing week.

 

Damn my life sucks.

 

Ugh, I'm turning 30 at the 30th. I am not looking forward to that at all. How did I screw things up with my life so much?

 

Honestly though, I wish the girl would just be rude to me so I can yell and scream at her. She has caused me so much anger, sadness and frustration. I'm just waiting for a reason to blow up at her. There's a lot of things I want to say to her. Of course I would never touch her.

 

It's funny how feelings can switch between love and hate so quickly. Both are really strong emotions so that's probably part of it.

 

Life is about now. Be proud you’re turning 30 it is in no way old and unless you have some physical disability you’re just as strong as you ever were. Since you had such a bad attitude most of your 20’s I’ll even argue your 30’s could be filled with more energy then you ever had before if you just decide to change.

 

I have my own struggles in life and so do you. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and create a reality where you always fail. It’s also easy to enjoy your life and have fun taking on the challenges. Any pressure you feel to get girls to like you and have them reject you is made up by you. You do it to yourself. Seriously I could care less if some random girl likes me. Stop basing your happiness on random girls you latch onto. Just have fun trying. Imagine if you were like this about everything else in your life.

[fortyninethousand322]

Somedude you sound so much like how I was. The girl did exactly enough to keep me interested and feeling like just possibly there was something there, but far enough away so that we never really had a real relationship. She would ignore texts or phone calls (but return a few once in a while) and always say she forgot her phone or that she left it somewhere. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't, it frustrated me nonetheless. Because of her parents she could only hang out once a week, when something came up and she couldn't hang out, I was crushed, like literally crushed. I've had problems putting myself out there for dating ever since, because I didn't want to go through that storm of emotions ever again. I want a girlfriend, but I don't want my happiness to be in someone else's hands. It's a tough balance, one that I've never figured out.

 

Honestly, as much as you hate to hear this (as I've said it before) I think you should drop her. Don't waste six months of your emotional well being for this girl. I don't know what else to tell you except I hope things eventually (probably with another girl) work out.

[Dust]

Somedude you sound so much like how I was. The girl did exactly enough to keep me interested and feeling like just possibly there was something there, but far enough away so that we never really had a real relationship. She would ignore texts or phone calls (but return a few once in a while) and always say she forgot her phone or that she left it somewhere. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't, it frustrated me nonetheless. Because of her parents she could only hang out once a week, when something came up and she couldn't hang out, I was crushed, like literally crushed. I've had problems putting myself out there for dating ever since, because I didn't want to go through that storm of emotions ever again. I want a girlfriend, but I don't want my happiness to be in someone else's hands. It's a tough balance, one that I've never figured out.

 

Honestly, as much as you hate to hear this (as I've said it before) I think you should drop her. Don't waste six months of your emotional well being for this girl. I don't know what else to tell you except I hope things eventually (probably with another girl) work out.

 

He’s got it really good. He says he’s right on track to get his dream career. He’s turning 30 which is actually cool. He just feels sorry for himself and he actually has the nerve to come on here and talk about how he’s getting his txt’s ignored and he just wishes the girl would put him out of his misery already. Why would she ever put him out of his misery that his job, as in if he doesn’t like it he can move on to things better suited toward him.

 

I’ve seen what the guy looks like because he insists on showing his picture to seek approval. He’s a normal dude who is into normal looking chicks and he really should have no problem getting girls of her caliber or preferably much better he just never tries. He spends more time coming on here and acting confused and helpless then actually trying ****. The extent of him trying is talking about how he obsesses over one girl and never so much as tried kissing her. He’s his own worst enemy and he could literally decide to stop stressing himself out and just have fun this moment if the switch flipped in his head.

 

Some times when I start feeling sorry for myself I think of him and how I know how easily he could turn things around and I say I can turn things around to. I have problems too, worrying about girls is not one of them.

[fortyninethousand322]

I understand Dust, but if there's one thing I've learned in my (admittedly short) time on this planet, it's that human emotions are often sporadic and devoid of logic. Sometimes when you often emotions invested in someone (even if you try to remain even keel) you just simply can't act normally logically. Also, a paralyzing fear of screwing things up can make you complacent, the "Marty Schottenheimer Syndrome" that causes people to not make the moves they need to.

 

He likes this girl, and just like the girl I mentioned who was very similar, I'm sure she's a lovely person. Problem is she's clearly not into him, or at least not enough into him for things to work out. Sometimes it's really difficult to accept and understand that. If I had known loveshack existed, 2 years ago I would have been posting some of the very same stuff.

 

Maybe he does need to flip a switch in his head. If only there was a literal switch to flip instead of a metaphorical one maybe things would be a little easier.

[somedude81]

Life is about now. Be proud you’re turning 30 it is in no way old and unless you have some physical disability you’re just as strong as you ever were.

Be proud?

 

What is there to be proud of? Socially my life is a complete failure. I've done pretty poorly in school my whole life. It's a miracle I'm even in college now.

 

Since you had such a bad attitude most of your 20’s I’ll even argue your 30’s could be filled with more energy then you ever had before if you just decide to change.

You make it seem as if changing was something I could easily do. From what I gather, there is something fundamentally wrong with the way I think.

 

The "bad attitude" I've had isn't something that was limited to my 20's. I've been this way my entire life. I have no idea how I've made it so long with out ending up in jail, on drugs or dead.

 

I have my own struggles in life and so do you. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and create a reality where you always fail. It’s also easy to enjoy your life and have fun taking on the challenges. Any pressure you feel to get girls to like you and have them reject you is made up by you. You do it to yourself. Seriously I could care less if some random girl likes me. Stop basing your happiness on random girls you latch onto. Just have fun trying. Imagine if you were like this about everything else in your life.

The problem is that they aren't random girls.

 

I've known this girl since February of last year. We've spent a lot of time together. Heck, she's the closet thing I've ever had to a girlfriend. Which is so f-ing pathetic.

 

As for other girls, trying would be fun if I ever got a yes. But what is there to enjoy about getting nothing but no's?

Somedude you sound so much like how I was. The girl did exactly enough to keep me interested and feeling like just possibly there was something there, but far enough away so that we never really had a real relationship. She would ignore texts or phone calls (but return a few once in a while) and always say she forgot her phone or that she left it somewhere. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't, it frustrated me nonetheless.

She's alrways been good at returning text's and calls She's only done something like this on two other occasions. The first one was when teased her a little too much and got her mad. She basically ignored me for a week. Then she got over it. The other time she said she lost her phone. Which I have no reason to not believe her. This time, I don't know what the case is. I don't think I said something to get her mad, so I'm hoping she forget her phone somewhere again.

 

I can see how the teasing thing can get annoying. Just dangling the carrot out of reach.

Honestly, as much as you hate to hear this (as I've said it before) I think you should drop her. Don't waste six months of your emotional well being for this girl. I don't know what else to tell you except I hope things eventually (probably with another girl) work out.

As for my situation; I know she doesn't like me. And I'm on a foolish crusade to make her. Things would be so much better if I just walked away. But then I'll always carry a deep feeling of regret that I didn't try my hardest.

 

This year, she has been the only girl who actually let me spend time with her. Every other girl I was interested in rejected me. She's basically all I have left. Walking away from her would leave me with nothing and no hope for a future.

 

Because of her parents she could only hang out once a week, when something came up and she couldn't hang out, I was crushed, like literally crushed. I've had problems putting myself out there for dating ever since, because I didn't want to go through that storm of emotions ever again. I want a girlfriend, but I don't want my happiness to be in someone else's hands. It's a tough balance, one that I've never figured out.

I think that a real important thing to do, is figure out how to not give girls emotional power over us. It's stupid to have someone else actions devastate us. I just wish I knew how to control is.

 

He’s got it really good. He says he’s right on track to get his dream career. He’s turning 30 which is actually cool.

Can I have some of what you're smoking?

 

He just feels sorry for himself and he actually has the nerve to come on here and talk about how he’s getting his txt’s ignored and he just wishes the girl would put him out of his misery already. Why would she ever put him out of his misery that his job, as in if he doesn’t like it he can move on to things better suited toward him.

Why wouldn't she? It would make things much easier for me. Unless I get a rock solid no, I will always believe that there was hope and that will haunt me forever.

 

I’ve seen what the guy looks like because he insists on showing his picture to seek approval.

Uh, I've posted my picture on this forum twice. I've been a member for four years. The thread where I showed the picture of me and her together was not to get approval. The first thing I wanted to do was show people what kind of girls I'm after and that I'm not going after super hot girls that I have no business chasing. In spite of that, I wanted people to still say that she was out of my league and that I should leave her alone. Instead I got pretty much the opposite reaction which really threw me for a loop.

 

 

He’s a normal dude who is into normal looking chicks and he really should have no problem getting girls of her caliber or preferably much better he just never tries. He spends more time coming on here and acting confused and helpless then actually trying ****. The extent of him trying is talking about how he obsesses over one girl and never so much as tried kissing her. He’s his own worst enemy and he could literally decide to stop stressing himself out and just have fun this moment if the switch flipped in his head.

I am trying so freaking hard with this girl. It's much more complicated then, "just kiss her."

 

I do admit that I am my own worst enemy. I would love to flip the switch if I could. I am so tired of the way I think.

Some times when I start feeling sorry for myself I think of him and how I know how easily he could turn things around and I say I can turn things around to. I have problems too, worrying about girls is not one of them.

Good to know that thinking about how bad somedude life's sucks that it makes you feel better about yours. I know that's not exactly what you meant.

[Dust]

Somedude81 here is what I’m going to recommend. Come out and visit me for a week. Get a hotel and we’ll get you a vacation gf and maybe that will show you its not so fricken impossible. Vacation gf’s are easier to get by the way and the memories last a life time..

[somedude81]

Heh, that might be interesting.

 

Unfortunately school starts for me really soon. I don't get a break until December though it is a month long.

[Dust]

Heh, that might be interesting.

 

Unfortunately school starts for me really soon. I don't get a break until December though it is a month long.

 

Well the offer stands. I know for a fact that the hotels around here are teaming with lovely young ladies who are very friendly

[Dorie]

Heh, that might be interesting.

 

Unfortunately school starts for me really soon. I don't get a break until December though it is a month long.

 

Something tells me a week with Dust could be quite fruitful for you.

Consider it seriously, somedude81.

[Els]

I think it's great of you to offer to help get him out of the dumps, Dust. I would've, but I somehow don't think MORE time spent playing video games with an unavailable woman is going to help him much.

 

You really should go, somedude (with appropriate precautions, of course ), and have a good time.

[somedude81]

If that does happen, it won't be until December. Not exactly something that's going to be happening soon.

 

Getting back to my crappy life

 

I sent her a message at 8:30 PM saying that I haven't heard from her in a while and if everything was OK. She finally back got to me at 11:30 pm telling me that her cousin and fiance are in town. I sent her another text saying that she told me that they were in town and that I was wondering why she stopped replying. I haven't heard back from her.

 

So this basically means that she ignored my voice-mail and couple of texts I sent her on Thursday, the most recent text was asking if she lost her phone again.

 

Choosing not to get back to me, that makes me feel like sh*t.

 

The least I want her to do is to tell me that she doesn't want to see, hang out with or talk to me again. But just deciding to ignore me after knowing each other for a year and a half and spending so much time together, that's f-ing rude. I just don't know how to do bring it up in a way that doesn't close the door for good.

 

It's becoming plain as day that this girl does not respect me. I know I should drop her. But that will leave me with nothing. Right now I have a small amount of misguided hope that I can win her over and that when we do hang out, it's really fun. If I forget about her, I won't have any of that.

 

My days will be nothing but sitting around not doing anything and then working three days a week. There will be nothing to look forward to. This is also the first semester where I'm not excited about going back to school. I really gave it my all in the spring, trying to get a girl and nothing worked at all. I have zero hope of landing a date this year. I'm so tired of meeting and getting rejected by new girls. There just isn't a point any more. And that applies to so much more than just asking out girls.

 

BTW, I went to sleep at 12 AM and started typing this a 4 AM. Yay for insomnia.

[Els]

If that does happen, it won't be until December. Not exactly something that's going to be happening soon.

 

Getting back to my crappy life

 

I sent her a message at 8:30 PM saying that I haven't heard from her in a while and if everything was OK. She finally back got to me at 11:30 pm telling me that her cousin and fiance are in town. I sent her another text saying that she told me that they were in town and that I was wondering why she stopped replying. I haven't heard back from her.

 

Stop doing this. It is not attractive. At all. Even if you did have a chance with a girl, if she told you that she was out with friends and you kept badgering asking her why she is not replying, it's a pretty much instant killer of attraction.

[HeavenOrHell]

You're coming across as sounding desperate and this could well be putting women off. For eg "It's becoming plain as day that this girl does not respect me. I know I should drop her. But that will leave me with nothing." This comes across as desperation, she will probably pick up on that and think 'sod this he only wants me cos I'm his only option/he's got no-one else.' I wouldn't want someone interested in me cos they've no other option, would you?

 

Never, ever make someone the main event in your life, or rely heavily on them for your happiness and well being, it is essential you build up your life before attracting a partner.

I think no-one will respect you until you respect yourself, sorry to sound harsh.

 

Your life sounds quite empty "My days will be nothing but sitting around not doing anything and then working three days a week. There will be nothing to look forward to."

I lack confidence and have social anxiety, and have suffered with anxiety all my life, I've had to work so hard to make a life for myself, doubly so after my ex left after nearly 20 years, I had to start again.

 

Life's always been a battle to me, but I'd rather continue to try to make it better, rather than give up and admit defeat, we only get one chance at life, it's over before you know it. I've learnt that feeling sorry for myself and relying on others to make life exciting for me isn't helping/working.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If that does happen, it won't be until December. Not exactly something that's going to be happening soon.

 

Getting back to my crappy life

 

I sent her a message at 8:30 PM saying that I haven't heard from her in a while and if everything was OK. She finally back got to me at 11:30 pm telling me that her cousin and fiance are in town. I sent her another text saying that she told me that they were in town and that I was wondering why she stopped replying. I haven't heard back from her.

 

So this basically means that she ignored my voice-mail and couple of texts I sent her on Thursday, the most recent text was asking if she lost her phone again.

 

Choosing not to get back to me, that makes me feel like sh*t.

 

The least I want her to do is to tell me that she doesn't want to see, hang out with or talk to me again. But just deciding to ignore me after knowing each other for a year and a half and spending so much time together, that's f-ing rude. I just don't know how to do bring it up in a way that doesn't close the door for good.

 

It's becoming plain as day that this girl does not respect me. I know I should drop her. But that will leave me with nothing. Right now I have a small amount of misguided hope that I can win her over and that when we do hang out, it's really fun. If I forget about her, I won't have any of that.

 

My days will be nothing but sitting around not doing anything and then working three days a week. There will be nothing to look forward to. This is also the first semester where I'm not excited about going back to school. I really gave it my all in the spring, trying to get a girl and nothing worked at all. I have zero hope of landing a date this year. I'm so tired of meeting and getting rejected by new girls. There just isn't a point any more. And that applies to so much more than just asking out girls.

 

BTW, I went to sleep at 12 AM and started typing this a 4 AM. Yay for insomnia.