I feel like crap

[Teknoe]

An update?

 

Well I'm mad at her.

 

And very close to starting an argument with her.

 

We hung out at school for a couple of hours on Wednesday at which time I tried to set up something for Friday, which is when none of us have school and I don't have to work. She told me to talk to her on Thursday.

 

Surprise surprise, she's too busy because she has to do HW and study. No sh*t, school started and now I won't be surprised if she uses that excuse for the rest of the year. Nobody is so busy with school that they can't do anything on the weekend. That's bullsh*t.

 

I almost replied telling her that thought, but decided against, it for now. I'm going to contact her around Sunday to hang out after class on Monday and get her off campus again. If she declines, I'm considering provoking her. I need her to tell me that she doesn't want to hang out, not that she is too busy to, which is just a half assed excuse.

 

What I don't understand is that she obviously enjoys my company when we are together and has fun, but actually making it happy is like pulling teeth. I wish she would just stop saying no, let go, and just enjoy herself.

 

 

You can't control other people's feelings or how they respond to you. All you are in control of are your thoughts, your words, your actions, reactions and behavior.

 

It is obvious you are adamant to keep this relationship with her going, until she flat out rejects you VERBALLY, but reading between the lines it's pretty clear she sees you as disposable and replaceable.

 

If I were you, I would seriously just back off. I ain't making someone a priority who sees me as disposable. GOTTA GET THAT IN YOUR HEAD. You're way too invested and caught up in this relationship with her, when she sees it as "whatever" (for a lack of a better term).

 

You really have 2 options here:

 

1. Keep what you're doing, and watch yourself get angrier and angrier

 

2. Stop what you're doing, and back off

 

Why don't you try #2 for a change? She knows you're interested (i.e. you're interested in hanging out, as well as BF/GF interest). All you're doing now is showing her how clingy and needy you are. And the more you contact her, the more it's going to lead her to sprout half-excuses. I don't doubt she'll be busy with school work, but if she really digs you and sees you as a good friend, she'll make the time for you.

 

You let her come to you. You be the MAN for a change, rather than a little over-anxious puppy humping her leg, hoping for a little action.

 

Please, before you respond with your first gut instinct, which I'm sure is something defensive like "LOL no" or "You couldn't be further from the truth" -- just take a quiet moment to consider how life might be different if you adopted the attitude of backing off a little bit and focusing on some other (healthier) things. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't. But at least you'll have some dignity about it.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Teknoe

[somedude81]

You let her come to you.

That will never work, with any woman, for as long as I live.

 

I know I'm disposable and replaceable. That's why I can't back off.

 

Nobody chases trash...

[D-Lish]

LOL! Are you still mad at me from the last thread where we had a little back and forth?

 

Yes:o

 

But I'll try harder.

[somedude81]

Just so you know D-Lish. I wasn't my intention at all to upset you back then. As you hinted at in your thread, I don't understand female dynamics.

 

Which is one reason I'm struggling so much with "my" current girl. I don't have a clue what is going on in her head. And what makes things even more frustrating, there are certain things she's uncomfortable with about herself and she doesn't want to talk about them.

 

Women are too f-ing complicated!

[D-Lish]

Just so you know D-Lish. I wasn't my intention at all to upset you back then. As you hinted at in your thread, I don't understand female dynamics.

 

Which is one reason I'm struggling so much with "my" current girl. I don't have a clue what is going on in her head. And what makes things even more frustrating, there are certain things she's uncomfortable with about herself and she doesn't want to talk about them.

 

Women are too f-ing complicated!

 

So are men, I experience the same dilemma.

[Teknoe]

That will never work, with any woman, for as long as I live.

 

I know I'm disposable and replaceable. That's why I can't back off.

 

Nobody chases trash...

 

 

aaaaand... the rest of what I said just flew over your head. You know, that stuff about dignity, a healthy thought life, etc.

 

You go straight to the junk/negative thoughts/beating up of self. Great. And you wonder why women don't rush to hang out with you more? Your attitude is KILLING you, man. Until you get that seriously examined/fixed, you're always going to be in the same rut. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

The really sad thing is, you should be SUPER OPEN to all suggestions people give you, yet you haven't.

 

Bottom line = you can't help someone who doesn't care to help himself. I don't care what you say -- ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. You want to get better/be healed/self-improve, but you don't take any of our sound advice. Sorry, not much we can do to help you, then.

 

This thread has been you beating yourself up, we give you sound advice, you ignore it and beat yourself up some more, rinse and repeat.

 

GAH!

[somedude81]

I don't give a damn about dignity. What does that do for me?

 

My negative attitude is not what is keeping women from me. I'm very careful to show women zero negativity. That's not even a problem because I'm energized when I'm around them.

 

I've already covered the reasons way women aren't into me thousand times. I'm short, not physically attractive, and I don't know how to talk to women in a way that excites them. I'm also very poor at actually reading women.

 

Asking out any girl is just taking a blind leap of faith which will most likely just get me hurt.

 

The above are the reasons why I've always been stuck in a rut.

[Teknoe]

I don't give a damn about dignity. What does that do for me?

 

My negative attitude is not what is keeping women from me. I'm very careful to show women zero negativity. That's not even a problem because I'm energized when I'm around them.

 

I've already covered the reasons way women aren't into me thousand times. I'm short, not physically attractive, and I don't know how to talk to women in a way that excites them. I'm also very poor at actually reading women.

 

 

We know why you THINK you can't attract women. Everything you listed stems from a negative attitude/outlook on yourself. How can you say that is NOT a big reason why women avoid getting intimate with you? Then you go on to cite reasons why, and it's all negative attitude.

 

Don't you see 5'5" guys with attractive girlsfriends? Don't you see guys who look worse than you with girls WAY out of their league? I see it all the time. What separates these guys and you? I'll tell ya:

 

-Positive attitude

-Confidence

-Self belief

-Conviction in life (they're about something)

 

I was like you not long ago. I finally hit rock bottom and admitted I need to change the way I was thinking. It really is amazing what happens when you start to shift the way you think and see the world.

 

Get some new lenses on life, man. Quit all this "I'm 5'5" boo hoo not physically attractive woe is me" crap. I also bet your body language, despite what you claim, gives off major negative vibes. You say you are energetic around women and careful not to project a negative image. I don't buy that based on your true thought life as seen here on LoveShack. If your mind and soul is contaminated with all this self-hatred and venom, there's no way you can pull off positive body language around the ladies. NO WAY.

 

You might be able to fool yourself to believe that, but you haven't fooled anyone else, especially the ladies.

 

They can smell desperation and a non-confident guy miles away.

[D-Lish]

I don't give a damn about dignity. What does that do for me?

 

My negative attitude is not what is keeping women from me. I'm very careful to show women zero negativity. That's not even a problem because I'm energized when I'm around them.

 

I've already covered the reasons way women aren't into me thousand times. I'm short, not physically attractive, and I don't know how to talk to women in a way that excites them. I'm also very poor at actually reading women.

 

Asking out any girl is just taking a blind leap of faith which will most likely just get me hurt.

 

The above are the reasons why I've always been stuck in a rut.

 

What do you consider short? The last 2 men I've dated have been slightly shorter than myself. If I were to show you pictures you'd probably see them as less than average (my friends did- but liked both of them). I fell for their personalities.

[somedude81]

I'm 5'6, which is four inches shorter than the average man. My height doesn't bother me that much because most women are either the same height as me or a little shorter.

 

While I've never heard it in person, I've heard/read countless time that women are attracted to tall me and many have said they won't date a man under 5'10. Some women even went as far as saying that being short was one of their top turn offs in a man.

 

With my abysmal dating history, I can only assume that my height is one reason why women are not attracted to me. I've had many women tell me that they don't like me in that way, but no woman has had so little tact to actually say, "I don't like you because you're short."

 

I think my major issue is that my personality is not attractive to women. Sure they like my company and want to be friends, but it's never anything more than that. I just don't know what I can change to start getting some results.

 

Basically my belief is that because of my height; I need to have a killer personality that can overcome me being short, and I don't have that.

[D-Lish]

I'm 5'6, which is four inches shorter than the average man. My height doesn't bother me that much because most women are either the same height as me or a little shorter.

 

While I've never heard it in person, I've heard/read countless time that women are attracted to tall me and many have said they won't date a man under 5'10. Some women even went as far as saying that being short was one of their top turn offs in a man.

 

With my abysmal dating history, I can only assume that my height is one reason why women are not attracted to me. I've had many women tell me that they don't like me in that way, but no woman has had so little tact to actually say, "I don't like you because you're short."

 

I think my major issue is that my personality is not attractive to women. Sure they like my company and want to be friends, but it's never anything more than that. I just don't know what I can change to start getting some results.

 

Basically my belief is that because of my height; I need to have a killer personality that can overcome me being short, and I don't have that.

 

The average woman is not 5'10"!

 

I am 5'7" and my last bf was 5'6 1/2... The one before him was 5'6".

 

I am taller than most of my friends and co-workers!

 

Height doesn't bother me.

[somedude81]

Huh, I never said that the average woman was 5'10, I said man.

 

Though it is interesting that you dated two men who were 5'6m and shorter than you.

 

So that shows me that there is some hope.

[D-Lish]

Huh, I never said that the average woman was 5'10, I said man.

 

Though it is interesting that you dated two men who were 5'6m and shorter than you.

 

So that shows me that there is some hope.

 

Of course there is hope.

 

Height doesn't bother me.

 

I'm more into eyes and personality.

[somedude81]

Believe me, hope is what I need the most right now. It's the only thing keeping me going.

[D-Lish]

Believe me, hope is what I need the most right now. It's the only thing keeping me going.

 

Sorry I bitched you out the other night- and don't stress about height dude- are you serious all the time or do you have a silly side?

 

I like men with a silly side- a lot of girls do!

[somedude81]

Oh, I'm definitely not serious all the time even though it seems that way here. This is just where I come to vent. I also only post when I'm alone at home and this is where I feel the most depressed.

 

I'm pretty much a completely different person when I'm with people, and especially around girls. I tell jokes, laugh and goof off. I'm pretty sure that if I was serious all the time, girls wouldn't even want to be friends with me.

 

As for what happened a few days ago, it's OK. I know now that it was an issue very personal to you. It also made me think.

 

If I ever do end up having sex with this girl and she somehow gets pregnant, I would completely freak out and not know what to do. Though my reaction would really be affected by how long we've been together.

 

At this point in my life, I've never really been close to a woman so I don't understand how they think and I still have an us vs. them mentality.

[cerridwen]

 

At this point in my life, I've never really been close to a woman so I don't understand how they think and I still have an us vs. them mentality.

 

It would be wise to start shifting away from that now before it takes a firm hold.

 

As a woman, I dig interacting with you.

You're much fun and many laughs.

I never get a hostile vibe but maybe you're just acting for me.

 

Bottom line, resist allowing that mentality to harden within you.

I like who you are now.

And your girlfriend will too.

[visualbasicide]

I don't understand how they think

 

Welcome to the rest of your life. Lol. It's like a chimpanzee trying to figure out quantum mechanics. It ain't happening. How they think usually has tons to do with how they feel, and it varies greatly at times based on a variety of stuff. Probably why it takes so long to get to know them well. Part of the magic

[somedude81]

It would be wise to start shifting away from that now before it takes a firm hold.

 

As a woman, I dig interacting with you.

You're much fun and many laughs.

I never get a hostile vibe but maybe you're just acting for me.

 

Bottom line, resist allowing that mentality to harden within you.

I like who you are now.

And your girlfriend will too.

You know, I really don't want to be so negative. I hate carrying this anger around with me. I just don't know how to get rid of it. My only hope is that positive experiences can lift it from me.

 

Though as time goes by and the more I see without getting anywhere, I can feel myself hardening. Also I'm just not happy and I don't have a lot to look forward to.

 

No, I'm not acting for you, I don't even know how to do that. You're also very understanding and I don't think you've ever said anything that I didn't agree with.

 

Thank you for liking who I am.

 

Hopefully I can meet a woman in the real world who likes who am, strongly enough to want to go beyond friendship.

Welcome to the rest of your life. Lol. It's like a chimpanzee trying to figure out quantum mechanics. It ain't happening. How they think usually has tons to do with how they feel, and it varies greatly at times based on a variety of stuff. Probably why it takes so long to get to know them well. Part of the magic

 

That's the trick! I need to learn magic!

 

Then I'll use a decomplicateis spell.

[visualbasicide]

That's the trick! I need to learn magic!

 

Then I'll use a decomplicateis spell.

 

pfft, then you would basically be dating a man with a womans body....

[somedude81]

pfft, then you would basically be dating a man with a womans body....

Why would that be a bad thing?

 

A best friend who likes everything I do, that's physically attractive, and has a sex drive that matches my own. What's not to like?

 

Seriously, clone me, but turn one of the chromosomes into an XY and I'll be set.

[visualbasicide]

Why would that be a bad thing?

 

A best friend who likes everything I do, that's physically attractive, and has a sex drive that matches my own. What's not to like?

 

Seriously, clone me, but turn one of the chromosomes into an XY and I'll be set.

 

Yeah I thought about that before but then I figured the similarities would be TOO alike and I'd have to kick my own ass.

[somedude81]

Yeah I thought about that before but then I figured the similarities would be TOO alike and I'd have to kick my own ass.

LOL! So there could be issues.

 

Me, I'm really easy to get along with. I can't imagine fighting with my fem-clone about anything. Maybe about stuff like cooking and cleaning which I don't like to do, but we'll just have to take turns.

 

I just hope that I'll be what she wants and doesn't end up leaving me. Other than that it could be amazing.

[visualbasicide]

LOL! So there could be issues.

 

Me, I'm really easy to get along with. I can't imagine fighting with my fem-clone about anything. Maybe about stuff like cooking and cleaning which I don't like to do, but we'll just have to take turns.

 

I just hope that I'll be what she wants and doesn't end up leaving me. Other than that it could be amazing.

 

I think it would negate the need for conversation, witch would be a killjoy.

[Eclypse]

Why would that be a bad thing?

 

A best friend who likes everything I do, that's physically attractive, and has a sex drive that matches my own. What's not to like?

 

Seriously, clone me, but turn one of the chromosomes into an XY and I'll be set.

 

Sounds good but it's males who are XY. You'll want an XX for a woman, or are you hiding something?