I feel like crap

[somedude81]

I actually made a thread in the dating forum for the clone thing, check it out.

 

And yes, I missed up with the chromosome. I even looked it up on Wikipedia first and still got it wrong.

[Teknoe]

I think my major issue is that my personality is not attractive to women. Sure they like my company and want to be friends, but it's never anything more than that. I just don't know what I can change to start getting some results.

 

 

It's simple, but you're making this harder than it has to be.

 

What needs to change is you need to adopt the attitude of "I DON'T CARE IF I'M SINGLE. I'M LOVING LIFE TOO MUCH TO CARE."

 

Once you start to believe in that, girls will come naturally. It's when you're obsessing over it that no girls come, why, coz they can smell the angst and desperation a mile away.

 

Care too much and get none.

 

Don't care and get some.

 

It's a little funky, but that's just how it is.

 

Why don't you just experiment and try it? But you're going to have to give it about 6 months. It takes time to switch your thinking from "I need a girl to make my life matter/enjoyable" to "Sure I'd like a GF, but I'm good alone!"

 

What have you got to lose?

 

You already know if you do the same things, you'll continue to fail.

 

Why not just try the opposite?

 

Which is, STOP CARING TO FIND A GF!

 

If you do, she'll find you.

 

It helps to have healthy platonic friends, and social hobbies too. And a rich satisfaction knowing you're achieving your life goals and dreams. That will attract girls like you wouldn't believe.

 

That's why I'm saying... check out that activity night. It's just bowling. Or hanging out. Or watching a movie. There is no Bible Study. Beats staying at home posting on LoveShack...

 

Remember, half of life is just showing up.

 

SO SHOW UP!

[somedude81]

Care too much and get none.

 

Don't care and get some.

 

It's a little funky, but that's just how it is.

How's that working out for you?

 

Based on your thread, you've managed your desire which is great. And now girls are asking you out right?

[Teknoe]

How's that working out for you?

 

Based on your thread, you've managed your desire which is great. And now girls are asking you out right?

 

 

It's working out GREAT for me. The amount of anxiety and stress that has been REDUCED is heavenly. Peace of mind and being content in your heart and soul go a LOOOONG ways.

 

That's the main reason to stop caring. The perks of course, is that girls are more interested to know you, because they see this confident guy who seems to have got "it going on."

 

I wrote in my thread recently that a girl flirted with me... probably the first time ever to the extent that this girl did! I was confident, self-assured, wearing clothes that made me feel comfortable, and she noticed my positive energy. After the college event ended, I was walking out and she was totally trying to talk me up. Eye contact and smiles both ways. I would have seized the opportunity more but I was on the meter and didn't want a $40 parking ticket.

 

Then, as I was walking to the parking lot, another cute girl from the event I noticed, so I walked up to her and said hello. I was bold and courageous. I didn't even think of "Should I say hi?" or "How should I say hi? Should I say What's up or Hey instead?" It was none of that "Paralysis By Analysis" crap! I saw her, I immediately felt the urge to talk to her, and my body followed suit naturally. I wasn't even tripping on the semantics of it (i.e. how I would say hi, what if she rejects me, etc.)

 

She responded with a hearty hello back (eye contact, smile) and she followed with a question. We enjoyed a nice little chat but again, I had to rush to the parking lot b/c I was 10 minutes over my limit. Otherwise, I would definitely have gotten her email.

 

Girls at church have also been coming to me more often than ever before. Yesterday I got two emails from two girls I consider very attractive.

 

Man, I'm telling you, my life has been more stress-free since I stopped caring so much, analyzing, etc. Now that I've adopted this new attitude and outlook on relationships and life, girls see I'm confident and happy in my own skin (i.e. I don't beat myself over the fact that I'm only 5'6"... which I am 5'6" just like you, except I don't see it as a curse).

 

When you stop caring and obsessing so much, at the very least, you'll be making more female friends.

 

And eventually, one day, the right one is gonna come along and take an interest in you that's beyond friendship.

 

I know that is your heart's desire. It is mine, too (for myself and for you). Obviously what you've been doing hasn't been working out. Why not try a different approach? Honestly, why not?

[somedude81]

Cool, so you reduced a lot of stress an anxiety. I could definitely use getting rid of those.

 

That's the main reason to stop caring. The perks of course, is that girls are more interested to know you, because they see this confident guy who seems to have got "it going on."

I'm still waiting for proof on that.

 

I wrote in my thread recently that a girl flirted with me... probably the first time ever to the extent that this girl did! I was confident, self-assured, wearing clothes that made me feel comfortable, and she noticed my positive energy. After the college event ended, I was walking out and she was totally trying to talk me up. Eye contact and smiles both ways. I would have seized the opportunity more but I was on the meter and didn't want a $40 parking ticket.

 

Then, as I was walking to the parking lot, another cute girl from the event I noticed, so I walked up to her and said hello. I was bold and courageous. I didn't even think of "Should I say hi?" or "How should I say hi? Should I say What's up or Hey instead?" It was none of that "Paralysis By Analysis" crap! I saw her, I immediately felt the urge to talk to her, and my body followed suit naturally. I wasn't even tripping on the semantics of it (i.e. how I would say hi, what if she rejects me, etc.)

 

She responded with a hearty hello back (eye contact, smile) and she followed with a question. We enjoyed a nice little chat but again, I had to rush to the parking lot b/c I was 10 minutes over my limit. Otherwise, I would definitely have gotten her email.

Hmm, it all depends on what you consider a victory. Chatting with girls and getting smiles and mild flirting is so common for me I just don't care about it anymore. Mainly because I know it's meaningless.

 

Just because a girl is all smiles doesn't mean that she likes me and would go out with me.

 

When you stop caring and obsessing so much, at the very least, you'll be making more female friends.

I've got zero interest in making female friends. But it will happen anyways.

[HeavenOrHell]

Ditto! Especially them not talking about stuff and not knowing what's going on in their head

 

 

So are men, I experience the same dilemma.

[HeavenOrHell]

I don't think many people are attracted to people who don't have dignity or respect for themselves.

Like we've said before people will pick up on your negativity or desperation, people can sense stuff which is unspoken.

 

I don't give a damn about dignity. What does that do for me?

 

My negative attitude is not what is keeping women from me. I'm very careful to show women zero negativity. That's not even a problem because I'm energized when I'm around them.

 

I've already covered the reasons way women aren't into me thousand times. I'm short, not physically attractive, and I don't know how to talk to women in a way that excites them. I'm also very poor at actually reading women.

 

Asking out any girl is just taking a blind leap of faith which will most likely just get me hurt.

 

The above are the reasons why I've always been stuck in a rut.

[somedude81]

Ditto! Especially them not talking about stuff and not knowing what's going on in their head

Personally, I'm very open and will say exactly what I'm thinking about.

 

I get really frustrated when I hear women complaining about how their partner doesn't do xyz and I know what I do.

 

Sigh.

[HeavenOrHell]

Same here!

 

 

Of course there is hope.

 

Height doesn't bother me.

 

I'm more into eyes and personality.

[Teknoe]

Hmm, it all depends on what you consider a victory.

 

 

Yes, it all depends on what you consider a victory. In other words: LIFE IS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE. Yours is messed up. Sorry, that is the truth. You harbor a very unhealthy, overly-girlfriend-wanting-obsessive mindset, and that's going to get you nowhere but frustrationville.

 

Until you make moves to shift your perspective, you're always going to feel defeated in life.

 

And you still haven't answered my question: WHY NOT TRY SOMETHING NEW? What you have been doing obviously hasn't worked too well for you.

[Teknoe]

And you still haven't answered my question: WHY NOT TRY SOMETHING NEW? What you have been doing obviously hasn't worked too well for you.

 

 

SomeDude, would like to hear your thoughts on this. I notice this is a question you've constantly ducked, dodged and avoided throughout this whole thread.

 

I know it's scary/unsettling to try something (new), to put yourself out there, rejection is not easy, but life is not easy. You can't just sit back, stay in your room, spending hours on LoveShack obsessing, and one day magically the girl of your dreams will love you back. You gotta do some work. Posting about dating your female version will not help you improve. Gotta get out there in real life, meet new people, make an effort to make some new friends. Scary, yes. Worth it, absolutely. Your future wife will thank you for the efforts you make TODAY.

 

If you don't make these efforts, you may remain single forever.

 

It's just like someone who is jobless. They have little qualifications for their dream job. But instead of working toward it, they just sit on their butt all day dreaming about it and cursing the world for their personal shortcomings. Rather than thinking positively and working toward their dream bit by bit, step by step.

 

You can't do nothing somedude, and expect to one day magically have a (quality) girlfriend. Something's got to change, and as always, the change needs to start on the inside (gotta learn to love yourself and be at peace with your own skin). Then others will see that, grativate toward you, you make friends, further develop your confidence, seek out more of life's adventures, and eventually, a good girl will come along and take stock of you, going "Hmmm, wow, this SomeDude81 has got it going on. That's the kind of guy I want to be with..."

 

Gotta have the goods to get the goods. And it has nothing to do with being 5'6". It's much more about YOUR HEART and convictions/drive in life.

Edited September 12, 2011 by Teknoe

[somedude81]

And it turns out that the girl who gave me her number last week has a boyfriend. We started texting back and forth pretty frequently though it was just about school stuff at this point.

 

We walked out of class together talking about the homework and lo and behold, there was a guy waiting for her. I didn't pause to see how they greeted each other and I just quickly took off. So while he could just be her friend, I doubt it.

 

I'm going to find out what her relationship status is on Wednesday and if she's taken, I'm not going to bother talking to her again. The last thing I need to do is start thinking about a woman who is unavailable.

 

That leaves a couple of girls in my dance class who are possibilities. Once I cross them off, all that's left is the other girl. Based on advice I received from somebody, I'm going to leave her alone for this week and see if we can make something for next week happen. If not, then things may be coming to a close. There are also a couple of girls at work who may be a possibility but I'm only working two days a week, so I don't have a lot of opportunities to try.

 

Ugh, after seeing that girl leave me and go with another guy I've just been full of anger today. And I mean really angry.

 

Right now I'm so desperate I latch onto any female attention as possible interest.

 

I'm getting so sick of this life.

[HeavenOrHell]

So you write off any potential friends just because they won't be a girlfriend?

So many of us have said you need to make a social life for yourself, build up your contacts, friends lead to more friends, a single person with an active social life is going to much happier than a single person with no friends on their own all the time, and who knows what it may lead to when the time is right, (ie when you're stronger in yourself and more appealing to potential partners).

 

You seem to switch attention from one female to the next pretty quickly, which really comes across as desperate, like you're chasing pretty much after anything in a skirt, what about clicking with a person, getting to know them as a friend first??

And what are you angry about exactly? Someone giving you their number doesn't automatically mean they want to date you, it means they would like to hang out with you though, which is a good thing, so why the anger? Surely not with her, maybe with yourself for assuming too much in the first place?

 

'All that's left is the other girl' !!!!!! Wow, she'd be so flattered if she read that

 

Seriously, you need to take a step back from pursuing women. Like Teknoe said you need to try something different, what you're doing so far isn't working, doesn't that scream out at you that you need to change the way you do things?

 

You're making yourself angry, no-one is doing it to you.

 

Take some of the advice from all these posters trying to help you here.

 

What do you mean by 'If not, then things may be coming to a close.' ?

 

 

And it turns out that the girl who gave me her number last week has a boyfriend. We started texting back and forth pretty frequently though it was just about school stuff at this point.

 

We walked out of class together talking about the homework and lo and behold, there was a guy waiting for her. I didn't pause to see how they greeted each other and I just quickly took off. So while he could just be her friend, I doubt it.

 

I'm going to find out what her relationship status is on Wednesday and if she's taken, I'm not going to bother talking to her again. The last thing I need to do is start thinking about a woman who is unavailable.

 

That leaves a couple of girls in my dance class who are possibilities. Once I cross them off, all that's left is the other girl. Based on advice I received from somebody, I'm going to leave her alone for this week and see if we can make something for next week happen. If not, then things may be coming to a close. There are also a couple of girls at work who may be a possibility but I'm only working two days a week, so I don't have a lot of opportunities to try.

 

Ugh, after seeing that girl leave me and go with another guy I've just been full of anger today. And I mean really angry.

 

Right now I'm so desperate I latch onto any female attention as possible interest.

 

I'm getting so sick of this life.

[Teknoe]

Ugh, after seeing that girl leave me and go with another guy I've just been full of anger today. And I mean really angry.

 

Right now I'm so desperate I latch onto any female attention as possible interest.

 

I'm getting so sick of this life.

 

 

I've been telling you for MONTHS and MONTHS now that if you don't attempt to make some positive changes in your life, it's going to be the same repeating patterns of doom for you. You never take this advice seriously, and are you surprised when the latest "failure with a girl" episode takes place?

 

Your mindset right now is unhealthy. It's way too focused on finding a girlfriend. Wanting a girlfriend is normal. But the way you're consumed with it is clearly not normal, nor is it healthy. You're putting yourself in this lose-lose situation, and only you can get out of it. But you have to be willing to make some changes.

 

 

So you write off any potential friends just because they won't be a girlfriend?

So many of us have said you need to make a social life for yourself, build up your contacts, friends lead to more friends, a single person with an active social life is going to much happier than a single person with no friends on their own all the time, and who knows what it may lead to when the time is right, (ie when you're stronger in yourself and more appealing to potential partners).

 

We keep telling him this, but he never listens. He's so caught up on how anything different from his own viewpoint must be automatically wrong. We can all see the fire that's in front of him, but he can't. We're offering him buckets of water to get rid of the fire, but he refuses our help because he denies there's a fire in the first place.

 

Clearly, something is psychologically off with SomeDude. I have never met someone this dense. Weird thing is, his advice in other people's threads seem very reasonable and sound, but when it comes to his own situations, he's as dense as One Goal is. (One Goal is a notoriously sad LoveShack poster whose one goal in life is to hook up with a girl)

 

 

You seem to switch attention from one female to the next pretty quickly, which really comes across as desperate, like you're chasing pretty much after anything in a skirt, what about clicking with a person, getting to know them as a friend first??

 

Because SD sees a girl as either his girlfriend, or nothing at all. It's all extremes with this dude. And that's why I don't believe him when he says he's energetic around ladies and there's no way they can smell his desperation. His actions as described through his postings to me scream desperation, and I know girls in real life can smell it a mile away. He's not fooling me, and he's certainly not fooling girls in real life. The way he talks about girls is really demeaning too. Treating them as trophies and meat, rather than human beings with wants, desires, dreams, aspirations, failures, quirks, etc. It's sad to see a guy so wrapped up in trying to find a girlfriend. At some point he needs to ask himself "What can I offer a girl?" Doesn't sound like much right now. He can't even love himself. How can he love someone else? Gotta learn how to love yourself first!

 

 

And what are you angry about exactly? Someone giving you their number doesn't automatically mean they want to date you, it means they would like to hang out with you though, which is a good thing, so why the anger? Surely not with her, maybe with yourself for assuming too much in the first place?

 

He's angry because his 3 goals are:

 

1. Find a GF

2. Find a GF

3. Find a GF

 

When it doesn't work out, he goes nuts. It's the same rerun over and over.

 

 

Seriously, you need to take a step back from pursuing women. Like Teknoe said you need to try something different, what you're doing so far isn't working, doesn't that scream out at you that you need to change the way you do things?

 

You're making yourself angry, no-one is doing it to you.

 

Take some of the advice from all these posters trying to help you here.

 

YES! Take our advice. We've given you, SomeDude, some very practical and SOUND advice... things that have personally worked for us... and you know many of us were once in your shoes. You don't think we've gone through what you're going through? We found ways out of that dark abyss, and what better way to learn than to learn from those who came out of it?

 

Is it being super dense or being in super denial? At some point you gotta do the healthy thing... which is stepping back from all this girl chasing, and just work on you. You posted this thread in self-improvement after all, but you're not really about self-improvement right now, are you? You're still focused heavily on the dating end of your life.

 

 

Again, I ask you this:

 

 

And you still haven't answered my question: WHY NOT TRY SOMETHING NEW? What you have been doing obviously hasn't worked too well for you.

 

 

Please, for the love of God, take a break from chasing girls. Find a community of folks who can love you (that's why I suggest going to an activity night -- reach out and others will reach back!) and just take this time to work on you. That's why this single time is for... to make a better you.

 

If you ignore this, and keep doing the same crap you've always done, I expect to read more future angry self-defeated posts from you, and I fear I will be repeating the same advice, hoping that magically this time, the 62nd time, will be the time you finally admit it's time for a (positive) change

[somedude81]

So you write off any potential friends just because they won't be a girlfriend?

So many of us have said you need to make a social life for yourself, build up your contacts, friends lead to more friends, a single person with an active social life is going to much happier than a single person with no friends on their own all the time, and who knows what it may lead to when the time is right, (ie when you're stronger in yourself and more appealing to potential partners).

Having female friends has never led to anything more. I have never met the friends of girls I've spent time with. In other words, become friends with a girl is not a key to getting a social life. Friendship is a dead end in many ways.

 

I would have loved to meet the friends of the girls I hung out with, but it just never happened. It was always a one on one thing. Same goes for the girl I know the best right now. I can't tell you the names of any of her friends.

You seem to switch attention from one female to the next pretty quickly, which really comes across as desperate, like you're chasing pretty much after anything in a skirt, what about clicking with a person, getting to know them as a friend first??

I thought I already established that I was desperate.

 

Clicking with a person and getting to know them as a friend first is a sure fire way to get stuck in the friendzone. I've been rejected by too many girls that I've considered my friend that I don't see the point in making female friends anymore. Also I fall for girls that I spend time with even if they aren't my type. So either way I'd still get hurt.

 

And what are you angry about exactly? Someone giving you their number doesn't automatically mean they want to date you, it means they would like to hang out with you though, which is a good thing, so why the anger?

I'm angry that she's just another girl who gave me some attention that is crossed off my list. Other than that, I don't have a real reason.

 

I just want to get somewhere with somebody.

 

'All that's left is the other girl' !!!!!! Wow, she'd be so flattered if she read that

I've been practically in love with her for over a year. It would be absolutely amazing if we can get together. She is my top choice. But I know the odds of that happening are very low. (I have no idea why a smily is in that sentence. I can't get rid of it.)

 

So yes, once every other girl rejects me, all that's left are my feelings for a girl that may never pan out.

 

Seriously, you need to take a step back from pursuing women. Like Teknoe said you need to try something different, what you're doing so far isn't working, doesn't that scream out at you that you need to change the way you do things?

Taking a step back from pursuing women isn't going to do sh*t for me. I will always have this need haunting me. I can't turn it off.

 

BTW, I'm not even really pursuing women at the moment. I haven't asked out anybody since May.

 

I don't even know what I can do differently. And I'm not talking about going to a church activity.

 

What do you mean by 'If not, then things may be coming to a close.' ?

The last few weekends I have tried to hang out with her, she's always been too busy with something. Though she's still fine for the weekdays as I saw her last Wednesday. I have a feeling that she is trying to dial back our hangouts to school only again. I want to find out why.

 

I always think of the worst case scenarios first and there is a chance nothing at all could be happening and I'm just overreacting.

Edited September 12, 2011 by somedude81

[somedude81]

Because SD sees a girl as either his girlfriend, or nothing at all. It's all extremes with this dude. And that's why I don't believe him when he says he's energetic around ladies and there's no way they can smell his desperation. His actions as described through his postings to me scream desperation, and I know girls in real life can smell it a mile away. He's not fooling me, and he's certainly not fooling girls in real life.

Unfortunately you can't interview girls I know in real life. The only girl who gets hints of desperation from me is the one I'm always writing about.

 

The way he talks about girls is really demeaning too. Treating them as trophies and meat, rather than human beings with wants, desires, dreams, aspirations, failures, quirks, etc.

You sure do love to judge me. You don't have a clue what I really think about girls or how I talk to them.

 

Yes I do see women as prizes, all men do. But that's not the only way I perceive and know them.

At some point he needs to ask himself "What can I offer a girl?" Doesn't sound like much right now.

There is a lot I can offer a girl. No I'm not going to waste my time making a list for you to judge.

 

He can't even love himself. How can he love someone else? Gotta learn how to love yourself first!

Irrelevant.

 

The number one reason why I can't love myself, is because nobody loves me. I need to feel wanted. But nobody in real life gives a sh*t about me.

 

We've given you, SomeDude, some very practical and SOUND advice... things that have personally worked for us.

No offense, but I don't see it working for you. You don't have a girlfriend, you haven't been dating and you still have a crush on some girl. You just say that you're happy with the way things are.

 

Whether or not you're happy is your business. But until you actually get some girls, don't try to tell me that your way is correct.

[Teknoe]

Irrelevant.

 

The number one reason why I can't love myself, is because nobody loves me. I need to feel wanted. But nobody in real life gives a sh*t about me.

 

 

Loving yourself is irrevelant? Wow. You cannot be serious.

 

You love yourself first, then others love you.

 

It doesn't work the other way around.

 

 

No offense, but I don't see it working for you. You don't have a girlfriend, you haven't been dating and you still have a crush on some girl. You just say that you're happy with the way things are.

 

Whether or not you're happy is your business. But until you actually get some girls, don't try to tell me that your way is correct.

 

I'm content knowing I can be happy on my own, and content knowing if I keep my nose clean and work on my core, one day the right girl will come along and I'll be prepared.

 

I think we're getting too caught up here on who is right and who is wrong. Let's not focus on that. Let's focus on what is right and what is healthy. I do apologize if my previous post came off as judgmental. I merely was expressing my frustration because I been in your shoes, and I want you to get healthier. You just seem to refuse to see any issue from any angle that isn't yours. So my previous post was probably posted with some 'edge' to it. I apologize if it offended you. But honestly, I am a little miffed why you keep doing things that haven't worked for you?

 

 

 

Again, I ask you, why not try something differently?

[somedude81]

Loving yourself is irrevelant? Wow. You cannot be serious.

 

You love yourself first, then others love you.

 

It doesn't work the other way around.

When you have had feelings for a woman, thought not in a relationship with her, did you truly care if she loved herself?

 

For me, it's nothing I've ever thought about. Now that it's on my mind, I have a suspicion that the girl I currently have feelings for, might not love herself, since there are many things about her that she is uncomfortable with.

 

Does that stop me from developing feelings about her? Of course not. In fact it makes me want to work with her to build up her self-esteem.

 

My only requirement is that a woman loves herself enough to not be damaging herself. Meaning I would have a hard time dating a girl who was a cutter or did something that caused her psychological harm.

 

I'm content knowing I can be happy on my own, and content knowing if I keep my nose clean and work on my core, one day the right girl will come along and I'll be prepared.

Fair enough. Though that, one day, may be 50 years from now.

 

For me, I can't see myself waiting more than a few years.

 

I think we're getting too caught up here on who is right and who is wrong. Let's not focus on that. Let's focus on what is right and what is healthy. I do apologize if my previous post came off as judgmental. I merely was expressing my frustration because I been in your shoes, and I want you to get healthier. You just seem to refuse to see any issue from any angle that isn't yours. So my previous post was probably posted with some 'edge' to it. I apologize if it offended you. But honestly, I am a little miffed why you keep doing things that haven't worked for you?

One thing I need to point out, the day you got your first relationship, you lost the ability to be in my shoes.

 

It is much easier believing that you can get something, if you've already had it before.

 

Again, I ask you, why not try something differently?

OK, what are things that are different?

 

And please don't say get friends because I know it's important and I tried that already. Same goes for anything church related.

[Teknoe]

One thing I need to point out, the day you got your first relationship, you lost the ability to be in my shoes.

 

 

I'm really not much different from you. Yes, I did have a girlfriend. But only once so far in my life. And you know what, that girlfriend was 7 years ago! 2004. Only for 7 months we were together.

 

And you know what else? She broke up with me to go back to her ex. You know how much that hurt? She didn't cheat on me, which would have hurt even more, but it was a notch below cheating on me. When her ex came back into her life, she didn't dare tell him about me. He didn't know she was taken. She hid anything in her apartment that had to do with me. She was too ashamed to admit she had me as her BF.

 

Do you know how much that hurt?

 

Be thankful you haven't experienced THAT. Trust me, it hurts a lot when your girlfriend stabs you in your back and in your front.

 

I still remember the day he was coming over to her apartment, and she kicked me out. Before I left, I saw she was taking down everything she had displayed that was from me. I was depressed for a long time following our break-up.

 

A relationship can be a great thing, but please don't fool yourself: a relationship doesn't magically suddenly make life worth living. Sometimes it even makes life more painful. As much as you feel like you're hurting now, can you imagine if you got a girlfriend, and found out she was cheating on you 1 month into the relationship? I'm scared to think what you might do to yourself as a result.

 

Girls are awesome, man. But there's more to life than girls. That's all I'm trying to say. That's all EVERYONE'S trying to tell you. You can't pin all your hopes and happiness on someone else. No person is good enough to stand up under all that pressure.

 

 

OK, what are things that are different?

 

And please don't say get friends because I know it's important and I tried that already. Same goes for anything church related.

 

"I tried that already." I see you write this a lot. Don't you think it's a little extreme to think "Well, it didn't work for me in 2005, 2006 or 2007. So, why try it again? It's never worked before, why will it work now?"

 

You can't write things off so quickly, because you're closing out your options.

 

And to requote for emphasis, this was the best thing to come out of this thread. Every word tman wrote below is 100% true:

 

 

Here's the thing though... The advice will always be the same because it's what you actually need to do. It's tried and true stuff that a lot of us, including myself, have experienced positive results with firsthand. When you have a bunch of random strangers on the internet (who do not know each other in real life) telling you essentially the same thing, doesn't it strike you as sort of arrogant to think that they're all wrong? If this were the case, wouldn't you simply dismiss us all as a bunch of idiots and not come back?

 

I agree with you that "work on your confidence" is a lame answer. I believe that confidence is gained through accomplishments, i.e. it can be built MANY different ways. When people say that you need to branch out, make new friends, find new activities, learn new skills, etc. it's NOT to divert you away from your goal of having someone to love, but rather to help you build traits that will not only improve your quality of life, but make you more desirable to a woman.

 

I also think that the type of confidence you need is not the balls to go up to a girl and talk to her/ask her out/etc., it's the confidence to be your own person. THAT's what a girl is going to see and be attracted to, not your smooth words, your clothes, your approach, your timing, or all that other BS that some people think "confidence" entails.

 

A woman does not want a broken man, nor does she want to be responsible for making someone else whole or happy. You are constantly saying that getting a girlfriend will make you happy and solve your issues, but what you don't realize is that you're going about it all the wrong way. You're trying to ride the bike backwards, so to speak.

 

Success is a habit. Great successes are often the sum of many small successes. You've got your eye on the ball, but you're disregarding the steps you need to take to hit it out of the park.

[Imageiko]

I haven't read through this whole thread but do you work out or participate in a sport regularly?

 

You're not going to believe me but regular exercise literally puts you in a better mood without you realizing it. If I've had a bad day or am pissed about something going for a run or sweating up a storm literally puts me in a good mood without really doing anything to improve my situation.

[somedude81]

Yeah, that sucks Teknoe. But still you had somebody. And I see that you're out of ideas for what I can do differently.

I haven't read through this whole thread but do you work out or participate in a sport regularly?

 

You're not going to believe me but regular exercise literally puts you in a better mood without you realizing it. If I've had a bad day or am pissed about something going for a run or sweating up a storm literally puts me in a good mood without really doing anything to improve my situation.

Yes I do work out regularly. Unfortuantely it doesn't put me in a better mood. When I actually played competitive sports it put me in a worse mood because I wasn't as good as I wanted to be.

 

Hitting the gym just makes me sore. It doesn't do anything to git rid of anger.

[PelicanPete]

 

 

Irrelevant.

 

The number one reason why I can't love myself, is because nobody loves me. I need to feel wanted. But nobody in real life gives a sh*t about me.

 

LOL, perhaps one of the most ignorant responses I've ever read.

 

If you want people to care about you, you need to give them something to care about. Not this sloppy pity party you got goin' on. No one wants to clean up someone elses mess.

 

I would have a hard time dating a girl who was a cutter or did something that caused her psychological harm.

You wouldn't even date yourself, so how can you expect someone else to? You don't even fit your very desperate dating criteria, so what kind of girl is going to be attracted to you?

 

One thing I need to point out, the day you got your first relationship, you lost the ability to be in my shoes.

 

It is much easier believing that you can get something, if you've already had it before.

 

Teknoe has been in your shoes at some point in his life, just like a lot of the people that are trying to help you. Wouldn't that make his advice that much more valuable considering he overcame a challenge you're currently faced with? He's got first hand experience.

 

Being in relationships can make people happier, but just like all the fine things in life they take a lot of work to maintain. If you're not even wanting to work on yourself, I doubt a relationship for you right now will be a positive experience.

[Teknoe]

And I see that you're out of ideas for what I can do differently.

 

 

That's because you're ignoring our most common, simple advice.

 

Although, I just had a new one come to mind. Why don't you go skydiving? I actually went last weekend and it was thrilling. The view from 15,000 feet in the air may help to give you a fresh(er) perspective in life. And let's face it, skydiving isn't done by anybody. It will give you a cool little accomplishment on your belt, get you experiencing a different slice of life many have not.

 

So how about it? Before you say it's too dangerous or whatever know these facts:

 

-It's tandem skydiving. You're strapped to a professional and he pulls the parachute, so you don't have to worry about that

 

-The parachute has an automatic device that springs open should you reach a certain altitude and the parachute hasn't opened yet (rarely does it get to this point though)

 

-You're more likely to die from driving or flying than you are skydiving

 

It's a pretty cool experience, worth doing at least once in life. Especially if you're in a rut. The skydiving professionals take good care of you, and who knows, you may even get a female partner, and you can practice talking/flirting with her. My female partner was pretty damn cute, and walking to the airplane and on the airplane ride we talked a lot. Skydiving could add to your confidence. Certainly couldn't hurt.

 

What do you think? It's not too expensive too. You could find coupons to jump 10,000 feet for only $99

 

 

 

Being in relationships can make people happier, but just like all the fine things in life they take a lot of work to maintain. If you're not even wanting to work on yourself, I doubt a relationship for you right now will be a positive experience.

 

PelicanPete, I found this out myself not too long ago. My good friend, who keeps me in check from time to time (another reason why having friends is important!), told me this simple truth.

 

"OK Teknoe, say you tell Jenn you like her. And let's pretend she says she likes you back. OK great. But now what? I like you. You like me. Happy forever? No. A relationship is more than just two people liking each other and looking to the other for fulfillment. There's gotta be a vision, gotta be some life goals you both tackle individually and cohesively. It's not enough to just like someone."

 

It took me some time, but I got what he was saying one day.

 

So what if I confess to my crush, and she likes me back? If I'm not in a relatively healthy state of being, the relationship will never be satisfying and certainly would not last.

 

That's why I'm "going back to the drawing board" so to speak, to make sure I'm about something and living for something that is beyond finding a GF. Girls are always attracted to guys who have drive and ambition in life. Or confidence. Hard to be some girl's boyfriend if you have neither...

[somedude81]

If you want people to care about you, you need to give them something to care about.

And I do.

 

I just don't know why nobody does.

You wouldn't even date yourself, so how can you expect someone else to? You don't even fit your very desperate dating criteria, so what kind of girl is going to be attracted to you?

I never said I wouldn't date myself. If you actually read my post you'd know that I did say there is a lot I can offer a girl.

 

 

Teknoe has been in your shoes at some point in his life, just like a lot of the people that are trying to help you. Wouldn't that make his advice that much more valuable considering he overcame a challenge you're currently faced with? He's got first hand experience.

He hasn't had a GF in a long time and yet he's trying to tell me that his way is right.

Being in relationships can make people happier, but just like all the fine things in life they take a lot of work to maintain. If you're not even wanting to work on yourself, I doubt a relationship for you right now will be a positive experience.

I know there will be work involved in maintaining a relationship, and I look forward to the challenge.

 

BTW, where do you get the impression that I'm not working on my self.

 

You sure are assuming a lot about me.

 

Teknoe,

 

Skydiving could be interesting. It's something that my dad used to do a lot. He's talked to me about it before.

 

I don't see how it's related in anyway to my issues though.

[Teknoe]

Teknoe,

 

Skydiving could be interesting. It's something that my dad used to do a lot. He's talked to me about it before.

 

I don't see how it's related in anyway to my issues though.

 

 

Hmm, maybe you could ask your dad if he would like to go with you? That could be a fun father-son activity.

 

Well you asked for me to list something different other than making friends or going to church(-related activities). So I did. It would be a really good experience for you. Trust me, 15,000 feet in the air is AMAZING. It might add some new shades of perspective into your life. Skydiving could only be a good thing for you