I feel like crap

[cerridwen]

Ignoring the sexual stuff, Dust suggested to go with my gut.

 

And obviously I'm divided on this issue.

 

If the dude wasn't there, I would have asked her out already.

 

He is an obstacle, one that is always present. It's kind of hard to ask somebody out when some dude is giving her a massage or hitting her in her back, if you get what I mean. He almost seems like her annoying brother but she's never stopped him.

 

During class I usually only have her for 5 minutes to myself. Though I can find out her relationship status if I focus.

 

And then there is the question that Elswyth asked if I could date a girl who is that close to a male friend and that answer is probably no.

 

Ugh, this sucks. I can never catch a break. There is always some sh*t to mess things up.

 

I love Elswyth but let's not put the cart before the horse, yeah?

Just get the date.

Get it.

GET IT!

Eye of the tiger, buddy! Eye of the tiger!

[somedude81]

I love Elswyth but let's not put the cart before the horse, yeah?

Just get the date.

Get it.

GET IT!

Eye of the tiger, buddy! Eye of the tiger!

OK, that makes more sense.

 

Just a date.

[Teknoe]

Hm. This doesn't sound bold. What do you mean by "test the waters"?

 

 

I'd like SD to answer this myself.

[somedude81]

Ugh today did not go as planned.

 

She did get back to me on the 15th, last Saturday and we made tentative plans to hang out this Friday, the 21st.

 

I sent her a text on Wednesday to confirm that we were still on. She didn't get back to me. I sent her another text several hours later to turn on her phone, just a joke. Still no text from her.

 

The next day I sent a text asking if she got my previous message. No reply. By then I've been pretty pissed at her. A couple of hours later, I sent her a text accusing her of ignoring me.

 

About an hour later she got back to me, telling me that she had two midterms, two papers she wrote and several quizzes in that time frame and to get over myself, it wasn't about me. Still trying to hold on to my anger I replied that she could have at least sent me a message telling me that she can't make it to Friday.

 

Then she replied and apologized about forgetting about Friday because she was so busy with school, that she hadn't checked her phone in a couple of days and also missed messages from her friends.

 

I asked her, why she always has a perfectly rational explanation and it's impossible to stay mad at her. She lol'd and then said if it makes me feel better, we can hang out next week. I replied, "Even after being such an ass." Then she said it's OK, that I had a right to be angry.

 

And now we're going to be hanging out Monday.

 

I had every intention of chewing her out and she perfectly diffused everything.

 

Of course I feel like a total jerk

[Els]

Well, cerridwen does make a good point about the cart before the horse. I guess I was just extrapolating my own general trend of thought.

 

IMO you should not react this way to first date plannings, SD. Just call her up the day before or something to confirm that it is still on, not so many texts.

[somedude81]

Oh, I want to make sure that my most recent post was the main girl that I always right about, not the new girl I'm considering.

[Els]

Whaaaat. Why are you still trying with her?!!?

[somedude81]

Whaaaat. Why are you still trying with her?!!?

Heh, re-read what I wrote.

 

My main goal was to end everything.

[Teknoe]

My main goal was to end everything.

 

 

Here's the problem, although that WAS your goal, your technique was done in a way as to prolong it. And guess what, it has.

 

I can't believe you're taking this pity hang-out with her. Dude, re-read that part.

 

Let's face it. This is a case of a 21 year old girl (?? super early 20s from memory recall) who JUST DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER how to properly end this type of indifferent relationship.

 

She doesn't know how to properly say no. She doesn't know how to properly exercise her healthy boundaries.

 

You are waiting for a girl who doesn't know how to end things TO end things.

 

This is the fatal flaw right here, and why this relationship will continue sputtering along, until you eventually lose it and blow up on her.

[cerridwen]

Heh, re-read what I wrote.

 

My main goal was to end everything.

 

:laugh:

 

some(never say 'die')dude81.

[Cracker Jack]

What if she cancels on you again?

[somedude81]

If she wasn't so understanding I would have ended it.

 

I was seriously mad at her and she basically said all the right things.

 

If she does cancel on me again, I'll be annoyed. Though I don't think it will happen as midterms have ended.

 

For now I just need to keep my head cool.

[ptp]

somedude,

 

I can't believe you don't see it. This is battered wife syndrome and this has been going on for a while now. It is the same cycle repeating over and over again.

 

She disrespects you

You get angry and lash out.

She apologizes for her actions

You forgive and go back to her

 

She disrespects you

and the cycle continues.

[somedude81]

LOL! And I'm the wife?

 

If she was being honest with me, I don't really have any reason to be mad at her. She basically put her social life on hold because of school. It wasn't just me that she didn't reply to.

 

Also, she didn't have to invite me out next week.

[Teknoe]

If she wasn't so understanding I would have ended it.

 

 

Is she really understanding?

 

Or simply a young girl who doesn't know how to put her foot down?

 

You have to look beyond whether a person says yes or no. Look at their heart. Right now, this poor girl is reluctantly saying yes, but hoping that you would back off. I suspect in 5 years when she turns 26 she'll have a better grasp of exercising healthy boundaries with people. But right now she's just a puppy who is hoping you get the signals. Signals which you have time and time again bulldozed your way through like a bull in a china shop.

 

 

somedude,

 

I can't believe you don't see it. This is battered wife syndrome and this has been going on for a while now. It is the same cycle repeating over and over again.

 

She disrespects you

You get angry and lash out.

She apologizes for her actions

You forgive and go back to her

 

She disrespects you

and the cycle continues.

 

I feel sympathy for SD. He cannot (or refuses) to see what the REST of us sees. And trust me, I have been in HIS shoes many times before. I used to have a WHOLE message board tell me don't don't don't with Girl X. The signs were obvious to everyone but me.

 

Right now SD is in a zone where he is right and the rest of us are all somehow ultimately wrong. He won't snap out of it until cold reality hits him in the face. That's what it took, MANY TIMES OVER, for ME to get out of my desperate funks.

 

 

LOL! And I'm the wife?

 

If she was being honest with me, I don't really have any reason to be mad at her. She basically put her social life on hold because of school. It wasn't just me that she didn't reply to.

 

Also, she didn't have to invite me out next week.

 

There's nothing funny here to LOL about, SD.

 

You are exactly right -- she didn't have to invite you out next week... but she HAD to. In other words, she's a young puppy who doesn't know how to say no for good, instead she's hoping her lack of commitment signals to you to back off, but you aren't. Thus she gives you a pity-guilty invite.

 

You know this is a dead-end. You know she isn't going to change her heart. Why you keep coming back to her -- you really ought to seek out a therapist. What's holding you back from seeing another therapist?

 

 

If she does cancel on me again, I'll be annoyed. Though I don't think it will happen as midterms have ended.

 

For now I just need to keep my head cool.

 

 

This won't end well.

Not trying to be cocky, or mean. But this is just truth.

 

This will not end well.

[ptp]

LOL! And I'm the wife?

 

If she was being honest with me, I don't really have any reason to be mad at her. She basically put her social life on hold because of school. It wasn't just me that she didn't reply to.

 

Also, she didn't have to invite me out next week.

 

Dude it isn't funny it is sad.

 

let me draw you 2 more parallels:

 

1)Her inviting you out next week = Abusing husband buying beaten wife flowers the next day to atone for his mistakes.

 

2)You saying "I replied that I was surprised, even after I'd been a jerk to her" = Abused wife saying to abusing husband "I know you hit me, but it was my fault for provoking you. I shouldn't have asked you where you were all night and why you came home drunk".

 

This isn't funny it is sad and this will continue until you choose to stop it.

 

You will eventually see that you have wasted from Feb to now almost 9 months on this.

[betterdeal]

Having been in all 3 positions (had a groupie, been a groupie, been an interloper), viz the dance girl, fat guy is a small hurdle. A fly in the ointment. An inconvenience. Certainly not a stumbling block. Get in there, get your back wheels wet, have some sexy times. It'll put a spring in your step, and that might get the other girl's juices bubbling.

 

It's a classic slingshot effect.

 

Be a bastard. A lovely bastard.

[betterdeal]

Dude it isn't funny it is sad.

 

let me draw you 2 more parallels:

 

1)Her inviting you out next week = Abusing husband buying beaten wife flowers the next day to atone for his mistakes.

 

2)You saying "I replied that I was surprised, even after I'd been a jerk to her" = Abused wife saying to abusing husband "I know you hit me, but it was my fault for provoking you. I shouldn't have asked you where you were all night and why you came home drunk".

 

This isn't funny it is sad and this will continue until you choose to stop it.

 

You will eventually see that you have wasted from Feb to now almost 9 months on this.

 

Give over. It's more like Millhouse and Lisa in The Simpsons, except Millhouse has a bit of the Yosemite Sam in him. You're comparing a rubber duck with a fleet carrier.

[cerridwen]

Having been in all 3 positions (had a groupie, been a groupie, been an interloper), viz the dance girl, fat guy is a small hurdle. A fly in the ointment. An inconvenience. Certainly not a stumbling block. Get in there, get your back wheels wet, have some sexy times. It'll put a spring in your step, and that might get the other girl's juices bubbling.

 

It's a classic slingshot effect.

 

Be a bastard. A lovely bastard.

 

I love it!!

Betterdeal, you're a sexy beast!

Somedude, make it happen babe.

[betterdeal]

I love it!!

Betterdeal, you're a sexy beast!

Somedude, make it happen babe.

 

And I love you too, cerriders.

[AHardDaysNight]

52 pages of this.

 

Man, you never learn. And until you do, you will continue to make the same mistakes.

[somedude81]

Heh, I love the responses I got last night, making her everything from a scared little girl to an abusive husband who wants to give me flowers.

 

Yeah I know that her seeing me on Monday is just a pity invite. So maybe I can get a pity BJ as well?

 

I'll also try and ask out the other girl on Tuesday or at least set some groundwork.

[Teknoe]

Yeah I know that her seeing me on Monday is just a pity invite.

 

 

You are more than willing to take her up on a 1 on 1 pity hang out, I see.

 

Yet earlier this summer, you refused to have dinner with her and her parents because you claimed that was a pity invite.

 

What has changed?

 

Take her parents out, and suddenly you're all in? Add in her parents, and suddenly you don't want to go? Hmm, that does say something about you and who you feel comfortable being around and interacting with.

 

Also recall in the summer topic you said you didn't care to go to dinner with her folks because it was a pity invite and also, you would have more opportunities in the future.

 

Did those opportunities ever come?

 

That's why I told you to just go to dinner with her folks. But you said no, pity invite + there will be other opportunities in the future.

 

I've been there before. I always tell myself "Don't worry T, there will be other days..."

 

What we don't realize sometimes is... there aren't any other days.

 

Self-sabotage sucks, man. It saddens me that that's what it seems like you've been constantly doing in your relational life. You don't put yourself out there, you settle for crumbs, and then you complain and wonder why you didn't get the full course meal.

[somedude81]

LOL,

 

Last time I saw her was at her house and her parents bought pizza for all of us. They're really nice. Her Dad is pretty cool for an old dude. He's a gamer and was also watching Seaquest. Didn't seem to care at all when me and her went away by ourselves.

 

Anyways, I haven't seen her in a long time. Pity invite or not, I want to see her. If anything, she's making it up to me for canceling even though she was really busy with school.

[Teknoe]

Last time I saw her was at her house and her parents bought pizza for all of us. They're really nice. Her Dad is pretty cool for an old dude. He's a gamer and was also watching Seaquest. Didn't seem to care at all when me and her went away by ourselves.

 

 

Interesting father, to say the least.

 

Her father didn't care that his 21 year old daughter was alone with a 30 year old male in HIS house under HIS roof?

 

Interesting father...