I feel like crap

[danmorisson]

1. I'm trying to make the guy feel better by letting him know that others out there are in a much worse position

 

2. What's the point of showing you my pic? I never said that every single person on this planet was an arsehole.

 

And 3. I am my own worst enemy? Are you saying it's my fault? So it's my fault that people call me ugly when all I'm trying to do is go shopping? You make no sense. The only bad thing I have done was come into this world. Quit trying to blame completely innocent people for others' evil actions.

[AHardDaysNight]

1. No, you are making yourself feel worse by rationalizing your own low self esteem against his low productivity. SD is known for obsessing over this girl, who does not want him. Telling him that at least he's attractive does not help his situation, because he knows he's somewhat attractive, and it does not help your situation, because you're using your own self hatred to rationalize why things go wrong in your life.

2. The point of showing me your pic is for me to tell you what is attractive about you. Look, I was called a monster and told to kill myself and that no girl would ever sleep with me, on a different site. The people here, and most people, call me average looking. As a result, I have abandoned my self loathing and my BDD issues, and considered that, perhaps, I am indeed average looking and I don't need to hate myself for it.

3. You are your own worst enemy, because you come here to throw a pity party, and ignore all advice that people tell you. In that sense, you are trolling, although I believe you are genuine in your self loathing. You need to A.) get a therapist, B.) get on medication, C.) move away from the dangerous neighborhoods that scare you so much, and D.) stop hating yourself.

[danmorisson]

Dude **** off.

 

And to the OP: Don't change for any of those evil bastards out there! You're not a murderer. You're not a rapist. You're not a pedophile. Let them show how evil they are. Be yourself! **** them if it makes you a loner!

[AHardDaysNight]

Dude **** off.

 

And to the OP: Don't change for any of those evil bastards out there! You're not a murderer. You're not a rapist. You're not a pedophile. Let them show how evil they are. Be yourself! **** them if it makes you a loner!

 

You obviously don't want to change. I feel pity for you.

[somedude81]

Amusing little discussion we got going on here.

 

As for me, I got nothing new to report until I actually talk to her.

 

Though we've been texting back and forth and I told her that the girl I wanted to ask out has a boyfriend. Then we somehow drifted to the topic of sex drives. But she went to bed before I could get some info from her. We're starting to reach that point where we can talk about everything. It's being able to fully open up to somebody.

 

As for that girl. Nobody acknowledged that I talked to her and found out she had a boyfriend. So I made some progress there.

 

Assertiveness training. I have no issues saying no.

 

Dating coach. I would love to. I wish I had some cash to afford something like that. Though right now I'm a full time student living on grants and loans plus a part time job. I make enough to pay rent, eat and have a small amount of cash for entertainment. One session with a dating coach won't be enough and the cost can be very expensive. I actually spent about $2,000 for a dating workshop several years ago and it turned out to just be a waste of my money.

[cerridwen]

Amusing little discussion we got going on here.

 

As for me, I got nothing new to report until I actually talk to her.

 

Though we've been texting back and forth and I told her that the girl I wanted to ask out has a boyfriend. Then we somehow drifted to the topic of sex drives. But she went to bed before I could get some info from her. We're starting to reach that point where we can talk about everything. It's being able to fully open up to somebody.

 

As for that girl. Nobody acknowledged that I talked to her and found out she had a boyfriend. So I made some progress there.

 

Assertiveness training. I have no issues saying no.

 

Dating coach. I would love to. I wish I had some cash to afford something like that. Though right now I'm a full time student living on grants and loans plus a part time job. I make enough to pay rent, eat and have a small amount of cash for entertainment. One session with a dating coach won't be enough and the cost can be very expensive. I actually spent about $2,000 for a dating workshop several years ago and it turned out to just be a waste of my money.

 

Good job asking out the girl with the fat friend!

Of course you're making progress!

Duh.

[somedude81]

Actually, I didn't have to ask her out. She just brought it up in conversation.

 

I was walking with her out of class and she said that her boyfriend said something. I was going to ask her out right then, as that was why I was walking with her, she just saved me the trouble.

 

Still, everything else was set up and my intention was there.

[danmorisson]

You obviously don't want to change. I feel pity for you.

 

You don't get it, do you? lol Are all people on the Net this arrogant? Trust me, believe me, the real world aint no Hollywood film, when you are the true definition of ugly (check the dictionary) people who you think are nice turn satan on you, a completely different personality comes out. I could show you some people (especially famales), their Facebooks, you'd think alot of them were angels from heaven. Trust me when I say this, if you were as ugly as me you'd have a completely different view of people.

[betterdeal]

As for that girl. Nobody acknowledged that I talked to her and found out she had a boyfriend. So I made some progress there.

 

Fair point - good on you for making progress there.

 

Assertiveness training. I have no issues saying no.

 

Oh, okay.

[danmorisson]

You obviously don't want to change. I feel pity for you.

 

Btw...

 

Do you think all the youngish people where I live are bad? They're not. They just don't like ugly people and I can see it on their faces -- the ones that are nice enough to answer when I say 'hiya' never smile or even give eye contact. It's a different story for my dad though, the whole lot (every single female) answers and with a big smile and always eye contact

[Lucky_One]

Somedude, why not do the free 30 minute phone consult? What will it hurt?

 

And I think you might be surprised what you could get from just 1 or 2 in-person sessions. She could give you honest critiques/tips on the bare bones at least - hair, breath, clothes, mannerisms. She may not be able to teach you how to flirt in 2 hours, but she might at least teach you a good way to open a conversation and keep one going.

[somedude81]

Damn, I just realized that I'm completely out of options. And like an idiot, I'm trying to turn back to the original girl.

 

We may be going to a martial arts show on Saturday. She seemed to be interested, now I'm just waiting for her to give me the go ahead and buy tickets. I'll see what happens.

 

Right now I'm really bummed out that this is going to be the end of another year where I got nothing. I'm getting so tired of this crap. There just isn't any point.

[betterdeal]

Have you tried not contacting her? Treat 'em mean; keep 'em keen sort of thing?

[somedude81]

Have you tried not contacting her? Treat 'em mean; keep 'em keen sort of thing?

Yup and I never heard from her.

 

We were basically no contact from April of 2010 till September that year. Then again from December 2010 till about March of this year. The only reason we got back in touch was because we had a class together and I approached her again.

 

I get a strong feeling that she's the somewhat anti-social, really passive type who doesn't reach out to people. That goes for me and her other friends. She's lucky people keep inviting her out or she'd be completely alone.

 

I guess that's one of the pluses of being a woman. If she was a dude, she'd be a loner.

Edited October 29, 2011 by somedude81

[betterdeal]

Hmm. Doesn't sound like there's much sizzle between you guys. She's more like an urban sister than anything IMO. One day, one of you is going to get swept off your feet by someone else, and the other will be upset by it, but whoever it is will get over it.

 

It's all good.

[somedude81]

Urban sister? I've never heard that expression before.

 

The sizzle is entirely one way.

 

I think you're only partially correct about the getting swept thing.

 

If she gets a boyfriend while where still talking and I'm single. I would be extremely pissed at her and I would never talk to her again. The only reason I've put up with her for so long is because she has remained single and I'd like to be the guy to change that. If another man comes into the picture and does what I can't, I'm gone.

 

On the other hand, I don't think she'll care at all if I get a girlfriend. If anything she'd be relieved that I'd finally leave her alone. Maybe I'll try to stay friends with her, but I doubt it. For some reason, I don't think she'll miss me.

[Ross MwcFan]

What's an urban sister?

[betterdeal]

Someone you treat more like a sister.

 

http://www.foyles.co.uk/blog-rise-and-rise-of-the-urban-family

[somedude81]

That seemed like an article about roommates.

 

Either way, I don't see her as a sister or would want to be strictly platonic with her.

[cerridwen]

That seemed like an article about roommates.

 

Either way, I don't see her as a sister or would want to be strictly platonic with her.

 

So, you've not accepted her as just a friend then, a "wing girl".

[cerridwen]

Urban sister? I've never heard that expression before.

 

The sizzle is entirely one way.

 

I think you're only partially correct about the getting swept thing.

If she gets a boyfriend while where still talking and I'm single. I would be extremely pissed at her and I would never talk to her again. The only reason I've put up with her for so long is because she has remained single and I'd like to be the guy to change that. If another man comes into the picture and does what I can't, I'm gone.

 

On the other hand, I don't think she'll care at all if I get a girlfriend. If anything she'd be relieved that I'd finally leave her alone. Maybe I'll try to stay friends with her, but I doubt it. For some reason, I don't think she'll miss me.

 

I wouldn't call yourselves friends then, sd, not when it's so conditional.

She may grow to assume you're a true friend and will "be there" for her--given she made her non-interest clear, and has never deviated.

Little does she know, if she falls for someone else, you're history.

The friendship/trust she invested would be for naught.

[betterdeal]

It is an article about house mates. But that's the idea - these are people who are part of your landscape and you aren't in any particular arrangement with each other. You're just there and you do stuff together. House sharing in the past was a pretty isolated affair. People did not do house activities; just lived around (not with) each other.

 

As much as you say you don't want a platonic relationship with her, you have one. You can accept what it is you two have and leverage it - as cerridwen says - by considering her your wing girl. It's a lot easier to pull when you have a wing girl, and it makes going out more enjoyable too even if you don't get it on with someone.

Edited October 29, 2011 by betterdeal

[somedude81]

So, you've not accepted her as just a friend then, a "wing girl".

I don't think I'll ever be able to accept her just as a friend for as long as I'm single.

 

As a wing girl, she's pretty useless. I've known her for nearly two years and I've never met a single one of her female friends. She's also never talked about helping me get a girl even though she knows I'm not happy being single.

 

Though if I do somehow manage to date somebody else, then I'll have no issue being her friend. But I'd also probably stop trying to hang out with her so the friendship would just dissolve.

I wouldn't call yourselves friends then, sd, not when it's so conditional.

I've been saying that from the start. I never had any intention of being just friends with her.

 

She knows I have very strong feelings for her, and she hangs out with me anyways.

 

I'm not going to deny that we are friends on some level. She can't exactly call me her acquaintance since we've known each other for so long and have been pretty close.

 

Heh, I'm sure it's easier for her to say, "This is my friend SD." Then, "This is SD. He really likes me and wants to be my boyfriend but I'm not interested in him that way. Though I do enjoy his company and that's why we spend time together."

 

Likewise, it's easier for me to call her a friend then, "A girl that I'm obsessed with and desperately want to date. I really enjoy talking to and spending time with her so I do it whenever I can."

 

She may grow to assume you're a true friend and will "be there" for her--given she made her non-interest clear, and has never deviated.

Little does she know, if she falls for someone else, you're history.

The friendship/trust she invested would be for naught.

While she's made her non-interest clear, I've made my interest very clear. So I guess they cancel each other out. Honestly, It's basically a condition of us hanging out. She's acknowledged that I have feelings for her, so for as long as she spends time with me, I'm going to keep pursuing her. If she's not OK with me trying to date her, then she doesn't have to see me. It's that simple.

 

Of course I'm very respectful so she's found me easy to tolerate. Even then I've said a couple of stupid things and am quite surprised she hasn't sent me packing by now.

 

She's actually never asked anything of me. I don't think she's ever wanted me to "be there for her." I really have no idea if she considers me a true friend or not.

 

Also, I don't thinks she's invested anything into our friendship. If anything, I'm just some guy she spends time with when she's bored.

 

So if she does get a boyfriend, she would have no use for me. If she liked it, she shoulda put a ring on it.

It is an article about house mates. But that's the idea - these are people who are part of your landscape and you aren't in any particular arrangement with each other. You're just there and you do stuff together. House sharing in the past was a pretty isolated affair. People did not do house activities; just lived around (not with) each other.

We are not part of each others landscape. We don't see each other in our day-to-day lives. We don't run in the same social circles. We only hang out because I made plans.

 

As much as you say you don't want a platonic relationship with her, you have one.

And I'm trying my hardest to change the relationship. Right now I'm focused on figuring out the mystery that she is. There are still many layers I have to go through to get to her box

 

The most likely way I see our "relationship" going is towards a fiery crash. We almost went there two weeks ago but she managed to avert disaster.

 

There are a few ways I see things happening.

 

1. She tries to do the fadeout on me, I'll get mad and provoke her to finally respond. We'll end up having a fight that ends the friendship.

 

2. Same as one but without the fadeout.

 

3. She gets a boyfriend and I'll either disappear quietly or go out with a bang.

 

4. Hell freezes over.

[cerridwen]

Do you still plan to ask for feedback from her?

(What you could do differently/better, all that.)

[somedude81]

Do you still plan to ask for feedback from her?

(What you could do differently/better, all that.)

Oh definitely. There is still a lot I can learn from her.

 

As I said earlier, we're finalizing plans to go to a martial arts show on Saturday. She's just not 100% sure she wants to go yet. We last talked about it yesterday morning. At around 10 PM last night I sent her a text saying that we should get lunch on Monday to discuss the coming weekend. She hasn't gotten back to me yet for whatever reason so I'll just send her another text Sunday.

 

What I'm planning on doing on Monday is having the feedback conversation. And then ask her a few things about her dating issues, hopefully getting to the bottom of the issue. Then what I might do is propose going to the event as a date. I'd tell her that it would be nothing serious, basically what we've been doing this year, and just a date in name only, but I'd expect at least a hug at the end.

 

If she's not comfortable with that, I'd try to find out why and just see where the conversation goes.