danmorisson Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Very true that most relationships aren't that sophisticated, but I doubt anyone is dumb. I don't mean dumb as in uneducated or even unintelligent in a sense. I just mean dumb as in they believe everything they're told by the media etc kind of dumb. Most people are easily brainwashed Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) Oh God. I got off work a few hours ago. Bored out of my mind thinking it might be time to go to bed soon. Look at the clock. 8:24 FML Tomorrow is going to suck. Got the day off because I was supposed to be spending it with her. Now I got nothing to do at all. Why even bother getting up? Edited November 5, 2011 by somedude81 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachgirl8 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Tomorrow: Get your A$$ UP! And go do something. No excuses. You are really lucky I don't live in socal or I would come over with a golf club and poke your sleeping negative depressed butt with it until you got super annoyed and accompanied me to Starbucks glaring at me. Another argument for a winggirl! Go make something happen. Accept that you can't materialize a girlfriend tomorrow, but go shake things up and go talk to some new people. No moping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Tomorrow I'm planning on cutting my nails, doing laundry and working out. Then I work Sunday and back to school Monday. I would love some company. The lack of it is why I hate getting up in the morning I've been waking up angry, just about everyday for the past couple months. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachgirl8 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Right-- that's totally understandable. You need human interaction. Friends would help with that. Which in turn will bring you a step closer to getting a gf. You're smart, and you have a good personality and a good sense of humor. Make tomorrow's mission to get out and talk to some people and make some new friends. If they end up sucking, so what. Keep trying. When I moved to Miami I didn't know a single person and was sooooooooo lonely. It took a lot of trial and error but I have friends now.it took a massive amount of effort, making a fool of myself, and going and doing things when I felt stupid and didnt feel like it. But the effort will pay off if you just keep trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 I wish friends were the answer. But I was still depressed when I had a group of friends. Sure I'd have fun when I was with them, but when I get home I realize how alone I am. I'd also get very jealous when one of my friends talked about his girl or whatever. I hated always being the guy who didn't have a girl with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachgirl8 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 You might be like, depressed depressed. Nobody likes being the only one in a group who is uncoupled. But that isn't a reason to give up on friends. You have the strength of charachter and intelligence to Change your situation, unlike others on this forum who I won't name but you know who they are. You might be depressed but even with all the self depreciation and negativity there's no doubt in my mind you can get your **** together and change your situation. Not all in one day. And certainly not on your own. Hence, friends! Not competition. Friends. I am your friend on the Internet. Im not the only one. Stop being so stubborn. Listen to your friends! Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I had a great Friday night. Went to church for a fellowship event with young adults. Pastor gave a great message on qualities of a young adult: 1. Walking in Wisdom 2. Leave the Past Behind 3. There is Hope in the Future (with Christ) Had a blessed time talking amongst friends and praying for each other. Tomorrow night going out for dinner and ballroom dancing... something I would NEVER do on my own, but because my friends are spurring me on, I'm doing it. Friends make a positive difference, man. And that's the point of my post here. I still believe if you were to check out a small group activity night, you'd be blessed by it somehow. Can't hurt to try... you can always cut your nails and surf the 'net anytime. Put yourself out there and just try. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Friends are part of the answer, not the answer. And sure you may feel down when alone, but you won't feel down when in company. The biggest factors affecting successful recovery from major mental health issues including depression are friends, family and community. Relationships in other words. At your age, friends who are couples are likely to introduce you to single women, play matchmaker if you will. So as well as company, you get a free "this one isn't a psycho" pass too. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 My first shag was when I was 23. She was 23 too and just started working where I was working. I'd invited her out for a drink after work, and then a house party the next week and a club night the week after. She liked my friends a lot. By the middle of the week after that, she'd come over with a bottle of wine and f*cked my brains in. She'd figured I was a virgin but her friend (who also came over for one of the nights out) told her to do it anyway. Don't underestimate the power of friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Friends are part of the answer, not the answer. Exactly. To SD, everything is all or nothing. Life isn't like that. He's missing out on so much by being isolated. Isolation will slowly kill you, slowly eat away at you. Man was not made for isolation. I'm not talking physical intimacy only, either. We need relationships to flourish and thrive, that includes healthy platonic friendships. The fact you have none is a red flag. And I'm not surprised you're in such a huge rut. You have no one in real life to turn to. Time to mingle and make some friends again. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Isolation can be good too. Gives you time to figure stuff out for one thing. I like your story about your church meeting, Teknoe. Not my thing, but it works for you, and that's what matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Isolation can be good too. Gives you time to figure stuff out for one thing. Don't get me wrong -- I completely agree with this. I do love me some alone time. I get time to think and just recharge my batteries. The key word though is SOME. I can't say for sure, but it sounds like SD is isolated 24/7. Sure, he goes to school, goes to work, goes to the gym... but I bet these are largely solo pursuits (he himself has said he has no friends other than that 1 lady friend of his, and we all know how that "friendship" is -- completely unhealthy in other words). He mentioned about 6-7 weeks ago how he knows having a social circle is important. But has he done anything to work toward that? Probably hasn't. I like your story about your church meeting, Teknoe. Not my thing, but it works for you, and that's what matters. Sure, diff strokes for diff folks. Yes, it does help me. Thing is, I bet it would help SD, too. Problem is, he won't even give it a shot because he grew up being raised Christian, but saw some bad things in church and got turned off on God. Right now, if I were him, I'd try anything potentially healthy to try and find some meaning of my life. I don't see how going to ONE activity night could hurt him. If anything, it'd help him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 My first shag was when I was 23. She was 23 too and just started working where I was working. I'd invited her out for a drink after work, and then a house party the next week and a club night the week after. She liked my friends a lot. By the middle of the week after that, she'd come over with a bottle of wine and f*cked my brains in. She'd figured I was a virgin but her friend (who also came over for one of the nights out) told her to do it anyway. Don't underestimate the power of friendship Her friend convinced her? I wonder how much influence a woman's friends have? Could that be one reason why I haven't gotten anywhere with women. When ever I was with a girl it was always just the two of us and I never met her friends. And therefore, there was nobody telling her that she should hook up with me after I left. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I wonder how much influence a woman's friends have? It depends on the female, but in general, it has more weight than you might think. A girl getting approval or a nudge from her girlfriends is HUGE in her mind. It's like a sign of confirmation. Of course, the biggest thing is how she feels about you, but if she's 50/50 on ya and her girlfriends are urging her to give you a shot, chances are, you're in business. Could that be one reason why I haven't gotten anywhere with women. When ever I was with a girl it was always just the two of us and I never met her friends. And therefore, there was nobody telling her that she should hook up with me after I left. Now you're on the right track. You gotta expand your horizons, expand your networking. Time to mingle and make some friends. This is what/why we've been telling you all along it's important to have friends. This is also why you should be looking to make some guy friends. If you meet a lady's girlfriends, she might want to meet your guy friends. It's gonna kill your chances when she finds out you have none. If you have guy friends, you and your buds can go bowling with her and her buds. KA-CHING. So many possibilities open up. That's why life sucks as a lone wolf. You are a lone wolf. That's why you're in this huge rut. You need to open up, swallow your pride and fears, and make some guy friends. It's not THE answer, but an important part of the answer to a healthier you... one which will able to attract a girl to you physically. Now is it making more sense why we've all been pushing the friend thing on ya for so long? You get the same advice over and over because they've proven to work/help out. So get to work on it Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Her friend convinced her? I wonder how much influence a woman's friends have? Could that be one reason why I haven't gotten anywhere with women. When ever I was with a girl it was always just the two of us and I never met her friends. And therefore, there was nobody telling her that she should hook up with me after I left. That was one factor, sure. I did give you a few more clues there too. Take from it what you will. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Look there is nothing complicated about relationships. If you're attractive looking, you get a mate. If you're not attractive looking, you don't get a mate. If you're attractive looking, you make friends easy (you don't even have to try). If you're not attractive looking, you're practically a loner (unless you become famous or something) Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Believe me, I don't care, I'm not looking for a date anyway. The reason I post about these things is because I'm sick of reading crap like this all over the Net http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-509397/Why-ugly-boys-gorgeous-girls-The-secrets-physical-attraction-revealed.html I know what it's like to be ugly and those articles are bull****! I never see ugly people dating beautiful people, maybe in the celebrity world but that doesn't count. Plus these articles make women out to be less shallow! It's so maddening! Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Look there is nothing complicated about relationships. Incorrect. Relationships are complicated because PEOPLE are complicated. You get two or more people together and guess what, things are going to be complicated/murky unless you know how to COMMUNICATE. People who claim there's nothing complicated about relationships obviously have little to no experience with r/ships. If you're not attractive looking, you don't get a mate. If you're not attractive looking, you're practically a loner Uh, yeah. So what about all the ugly to average looking guys with decent looking to good looking girlfriends? It ain't all about looks from the female's perspective! Ever notice how rare it is to see a hot guy with an ugly girl? But don't you notice hot girls with average looking guys? Guys are extremely visual, that's why, but girls, they tend to care more about a guy's heart, attitude, beliefs and what he stands for and lives for. This is why you don't have a be a hot hunk to attract a decent looking girl to ya. It just takes the right perspective, attitude and know-how. People who play the ugly card are just making excuses, plain and simple. Obviously, we have guys who look worse than you in r/ships. What is it that they're doing that you aren't? Probably this: -Healthy friendships with both genders -Cares for others -Not selfish -Positive -Upbeat -Works hard -Strives to be a leader (girls love this) -Humble -Admits when he's wrong -Gentle -Kind -Respectful -Loving selflessly (puts others' needs before himself) -Encouraging -Has a goal, direction and passion in life If all you do is sit around and complain about life, and that's all you do, don't be surprised you're alone. Which girl would want to date a self-hating, self-condemning guy? Until you change this, you will always be single. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 But don't you notice hot girls with average looking guys?Nope. Well, yes, but only in the in the celebrity world. Why do you people hold such bizarre unrealistic views of the world? What you describe only happens in those Hollywood films where the hot girl will chose the geek with good personality over the hot dude with **** personality. That's not reality. Also, personality comes in at the very bottom of that long list you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Why do you people hold such bizarre unrealistic views of the world? Because I see it in real life, lol. You may not have, but I have, as many others here can attest to, as well. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening. Heck, I'm an average looking guy (5/10, 6/10 on a good day maybe), and my ex was a solid 8 out of 10. It does happen, but you have to be about something in life. You can't just have no friends, no ambition, no drive, no passion, no hope. Who wants to date a person like that? Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) Welll I'm sorry but I just don't see it. My view of reality sides with science in that we live in a 'winner takes all society' and that women seek 'good genes' and men seek 'sex'. Edit: That women hold all the power, we inject our seeds into the woman and therefore women were designed to be much less diverse to filter out 'bad' genes Edited November 5, 2011 by danmorisson Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'll post a link to this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/p00545b0/ It's a 'winner takes all society' out there and all based entirely on looks, wealth and/or social status. Why this guy (fat guy) had confidence Because he was a winner and he knew it! Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) I like this post Famous people are gods among men. It doesn't matter who they are, if they're famous they're just better. If you've insulted a famous person then you have violated the rules of life. I think Hitler deserves a big apology It doesn't matter who they are or what they look like, if they're famous (famous = winner) they're just better. If you've insulted a famous person then you have violated the rules of life. Edited November 5, 2011 by danmorisson Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 To answer the question Teknoe keeps asking. This post Link to post Share on other sites
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