I feel like crap

[PelicanPete]

All bark n' no bite.

 

Everyone grab a violin and play a wistful melody for SD as he drowns in the knee high pool of self pity.

[Teknoe]

All bark n' no bite.

 

Everyone grab a violin and play a wistful melody for SD as he drowns in the knee high pool of self pity.

 

 

+1

 

It's annoying how he ignores certain responses, because he knows it's the hard-hitting truth and he just can't get himself to admit it. He always ignores the hard replies, wait until someone else posts something "easy" -- and he will choose to respond to that instead.

 

I've asked him if he's tried anything this past summer. He says it's true his thought life hasn't progressed much, but I want to know if he's at least DONE ANYTHING about it. I am betting he hasn't, but I want confirmation from him himself.

 

He's ignored it, and that tells me the answer is he hasn't done much if at all to change his "lot in life." And are you surprised SD81 that your thoughts haven't progressed much?

 

Your thoughts won't progress much just sitting at home, refusing to try different activities.

 

All he does, I notice, is keep asking people questions, trying to twist some meaning to HIS liking. While ignoring the very basic sound truth that he is so against.

 

I'm getting tired of this myself Pete. I guess why I have such a "soft spot" for SD81 is he honestly reminds me of my 23 year old cousin, James. James is socially awkward and everyone in my family has given up on James. But I haven't. I hang out with him often and talk to him, try to lift him up. See that he's doing OK.

 

Unlike SD though, James does make a concerted effort to improve his lot in life. He's open to different events, and recently finally got over his fear of driving and earned his driver's license. I was so proud of him.

 

Bottom line = you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. SD is the most stubborn poster I've met on the internet. It's sooooo frustrating because you see the way he is going he just won't ever self-improve... he's stuck in his own deathbed with his vicious self-defeating thought life, with no friends and no drive in life beyond finding a girlfriend.

 

I honestly don't see how his life will change the way he is going. He rejects every idea, every notion. This thread will hit 35 pages and his thoughts will still be the same. It's sad.

[somedude81]

It's annoying how he ignores certain responses, because he knows it's the hard-hitting truth and he just can't get himself to admit it. He always ignores the hard replies, wait until someone else posts something "easy" -- and he will choose to respond to that instead.

No, I just don't want to spend 10+ minutes making a reply to something that I feel isn't going to help me.

 

Sorry, I'm not here to get a "good boy!" and a pat on the head.

[Teknoe]

Somedude,

I know my post above was a little "hard-hitting" but man, this is not a time for "softness." I gotta be real with you as friends are real to friends they care about. Seriously bro, the way you're going is extremely unhealthy and we don't need a crystal ball to foresee the future events. This thread has over 350 replies (nearly more than my post count!) and your thoughts haven't progressed much if at all. Aren't you a little perplexed by that fact? Don't you think maybe it's time to try out the different ideas we've given you WITH AN OPEN MIND?

 

Maybe this will reach you in a different way. Please see the following thread on your down time, and notice how MY thoughts changed over time. Threads are meant to help you in the thought/healing process, but you have to do your part too! NOT JUST PLAY THE VICTIM. Observe my thoughts (and how they change over time) in the thread below.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252255/

[Teknoe]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252255/

 

 

Just an excerpt from that thread, which, by the way, has nearly 17,000 views and been voted 5/5 stars by 9 different posters... hmmm, maybe that says something about the quality of the content in that thread and the way we (mainly me and a girl named French) processed our thoughts throughout the topic.... *wink*

 

That thread BTW is basically about me talking about how I lost a really close female friend, and how I recovered/moved on from it.

 

 

It sounds like you understand yourself and the situation quite well, which I think shows real maturity. I don't know how old you are, but regardless I'm impressed by your self-insight. The way you miss her (thinking of her as a missed opportunity when you watch a romantic movie) really does suggest that you're not just sad about losing a good friend, but sad about losing a woman you felt something stronger for. I don't think you should see it as a situation where you messed up though. I sounds to me like you handled it just fine.

 

 

Thank you. Well, I'm at the point of my life where I feel I'm humble enough to accept life for what it is, and I understand you can't control anyone or force them to like you, see you, or even speak to you.

[somedude81]

Wow, you sure wrote a lot about a girl you haven't seen in nearly a year.

 

And I was starting to think I was bad for continuing to talk about my crush even though we talk/text every few days and hang out every couple of weeks or so.

 

Oh yeah, everybody please rate this thread with one star. Somehow it hit 5 and I'm trying to rate it down. thanks

Edited September 15, 2011 by somedude81

[betterdeal]

Teknoe, I pop into this thread every so often and notice you're still trying to help the OP. Something I've learnt having followed pretty similar path to you to pull myself out of a rut, is that sometimes people aren't ready to change in the same way I have. The OP is one of those people IMO.

 

He's more interested in what female posters have to say, because they're female, which is how he's chosen to approach his own personal growth. And part of my happiness optimisation is knowing when to accept when to put my energy into something else.

[somedude81]

 

He's more interested in what female posters have to say, because they're female, which is how he's chosen to approach his own personal growth. And part of my happiness optimisation is knowing when to accept when to put my energy into something else.

Uh, I've replied to just about everybody who posted in my thread regardless of their gender...

 

But I do want to point out that the female posters address different issues than the men do.

[betterdeal]

Point noted.

 

You have a girlfriend, I hope you realise? You just don't have a life and you've not added a physical apsect to the relationship.

Edited September 15, 2011 by betterdeal

[Teknoe]

see next page

[Teknoe]

Wow, you sure wrote a lot about a girl you haven't seen in nearly a year.

 

And I was starting to think I was bad for continuing to talk about my crush even though we talk/text every few days and hang out every couple of weeks or so.

 

You are wrong on the first part. E and I hung out February 2011. That was the last time we saw each other.

 

Unlike you though, I've decided to walk away with some pride intact. I refuse to settle for crumbs, as seen in my thread:

 

honestly, she doesn't owe me an explanation. Would it be courteous on her part to? Of course, but she doesn't owe me jack squat.

 

I'm walking with some pride intact.

 

which is something you would do well to learn. having some pride. big deal, you text your lady friend everyday. based on the interaction you've shared with us and how she treats you as absolutely disposable, I rather be in NO contact and happy and with some pride than to be desperate and clingy.

 

 

Teknoe, I pop into this thread every so often and notice you're still trying to help the OP. Something I've learnt having followed pretty similar path to you to pull myself out of a rut, is that sometimes people aren't ready to change in the same way I have. The OP is one of those people IMO.

 

He's more interested in what female posters have to say, because they're female, which is how he's chosen to approach his own personal growth. And part of my happiness optimisation is knowing when to accept when to put my energy into something else.

 

Good stuff betterdeal. Yeah, I'm pulling out on this SD81 crusade. I'm getting tired of his BS over and over again. At some point I think we even enable him. It really is like One Goal 2.0, except I thought SD81 was reachable. I certainly can't help him. At this point, his issues are much grander than what any stranger on the net can do to help him. He needs real life PHYSICAL accountability, like people who can come to his house and slap him into reality. As online strangers we can't do much to help him. He clearly takes what he wants, and leaves what he doesn't agree with.

 

Look at this thread. It's ridiculous. Nearly 25 pages (25 now...), over 350 replies, and no signs of growth/maturing whatsoever from him. It's the same BS... unbelievable. So you're right, I'm through wasting time on this endeavor. I'll just sit back and witness the scene... rubbernecking, if you will.

 

Let the SD81 self-pity party continue

[betterdeal]

Chill man, chill. We all have to plough our own furrow.

[AHardDaysNight]

One thing I've noticed about SD is that he seems to have everything going for him, and still he has trouble.

 

I struggle with social anxiety, on top of bipolar and ADD. I have an excuse for being single.

 

I can't seem to figure out why the girls aren't going for the OP.

[somedude81]

You are wrong on the first part. E and I hung out February 2011. That was the last time we saw each other.

 

Unlike you though, I've decided to walk away with some pride intact. I refuse to settle for crumbs, as seen in my thread:

Do you really want to go there?

 

He needs real life PHYSICAL accountability, like people who can come to his house and slap him into reality.

That's your opinion.

 

He clearly takes what he wants, and leaves what he doesn't agree with.

And I have every right to do so.

Chill man, chill. We all have to plough our own furrow.

Exactly what I was thinking. He takes this way too personal.

One thing I've noticed about SD is that he seems to have everything going for him, and still he has trouble.

 

I struggle with social anxiety, on top of bipolar and ADD. I have an excuse for being single.

 

I can't seem to figure out why the girls aren't going for the OP.

My only guess is that I'm short and don't know how to flirt properly.

 

If I had one or the other, I'd do fine. Since I'd be attracting women through my appearance or though my actions. But I have neither.

[Teknoe]

He takes this way too personal.

 

I did. It was because I saw someone who I can identify with (have a 23 year old cousin who is similar to you and my thought life was also once like yours)... I wanted to reach out and help. I, along with many others, like Pete and Tman, we've given you very sound practical advice, but you ignore them and say that's not for you either because it's just not for you or it didn't work out in the past, so why would it work now? (don't you think that logic is flawed? otherwise, we'd still have whites only bathrooms in the US. Thank God people in the '60s stood up for what they believed in and didn't just say "Oh well, why try again, we saw the past results. Nothing will change so let's just go with the flow...")

 

But I'm cool now. I'm chilling. Just gonna sit back and watch this thread.

 

It is true that only when one hits absolute rock bottom will they finally seek to truly change.

 

 

My only guess is that I'm short and don't know how to flirt properly.

 

If I had one or the other, I'd do fine. Since I'd be attracting women through my appearance or though my actions. But I have neither.

 

If you truly believe those are the two reasons holding you back...

[Badsingularity]

 

But I'm cool now. I'm chilling. Just gonna sit back and watch this thread.

 

I admire the persistence and patience you've shown in trying to help Mr.somedude. Hard to keep giving advice to someone who constantly ignores it or tells you it's wrong.

[somedude81]

If you truly believe those are the two reasons holding you back...

And why would they not be?

 

A woman has to be attracted to a man before she will date him. Do you disagree?

 

That attraction can be physical and/or it can be based on how he makes her feel. That is why men who aren't physically attractive can still get women if they are smooth.

 

Can anybody tell me why I'm wrong?

[Badsingularity]

And why would they not be?

 

A woman has to be attracted to a man before she will date him. Do you disagree?

 

That attraction can be physical and/or it can be based on how he makes her feel. That is why men who aren't physically attractive can still get women if they are smooth.

 

Can anybody tell me why I'm wrong?

 

Flirting is not all about how you talk or the exact words you use but also how you feel when you are flirting. If you feel at ease, sure of yourself, confident, and strong the woman can sense it and that causes her to feel attracted to you. When a women feels that attraction to you, things like being short will fade into the background.

Edited September 16, 2011 by Badsingularity

[somedude81]

That makes a lot of sense.

 

When I am flirting with women, I don't think I'm sure of myself, confident and strong. And that is because I've had so much failure with women. How can I be sure of myself when I've never done it right?

 

Knowing what to say also matters. And I lack in that area as well. Most of my conversations with women are very casual and shallow. There's also been a couple of times where innuendo was possible but I just blew it. My first thoughts are almost always too innocent.

[Teknoe]

I admire the persistence and patience you've shown in trying to help Mr.somedude.

 

I'm a teacher. I like to help those who are in need and suffering. Patience and persistence comes naturally to me.

 

 

Can anybody tell me why I'm wrong?

 

The only person who can tell you that is yourself.

 

 

And why would they not be?

 

But I'll throw in my 2 cents anyway. Height has already been discussed. We see guys who are UNDER 5'6" with girlfriends. Heck, one of my best friends is only 5'3" (on a good day) but he's married. His wife is 5'7" -- 5'9" in heels. She married him because she loved him. It has nothing to do with height.

 

So why you keep beating yourself up over being 5'6" (which really isn't THAT bad... hey, be thankful you're not 5'3" like my friend is) is unhealthy. Besides, if a girl won't date you because you're 5'6" -- YOU'RE WAY BETTER OFF NOT DATING HER. Shallow women are to be avoided.

 

The flirting thing... I think it's more than flirting. It's confidence.

 

Do you agree that people who flirt are confident? (at least in the moment?)

 

You said earlier in this thread what does self-respect and dignity matter?

 

Those qualities help you be CONFIDENT.

 

When you're feeling confident, you can do things like flirt.

 

You just listed flirting as something you lack.

 

You can build up to it by gaining more confidence and dignity (i.e. not beating yourself up over being 5'6" and thinking that's one of the key reasons why no girl wants to get intimate with you).

 

Everything's connected. You can't just discount dignity and self-respect. They are the basis for being a MAN who can stand on his own two feet.

[Teknoe]

That makes a lot of sense.

 

When I am flirting with women, I don't think I'm sure of myself, confident and strong. And that is because I've had so much failure with women. How can I be sure of myself when I've never done it right?

 

 

Now you're on the right track. You said it: CONFIDENT.

 

Confidence is connected to self-respect and dignity as well.

 

I don't give a damn about dignity. What does that do for me?

 

Do you see how your original opinion is flawed? Dignity DOES matters. And to answer your question, dignity does a lot for you. i.e. helps you gain confidence.

 

Your negative attitude is one big reason that prevents you from having success with women.

 

 

My negative attitude is not what is keeping women from me.

 

Are you still sure of this? Be honest with yourself now.

[D-Lish]

My only guess is that I'm short and don't know how to flirt properly.

 

If I had one or the other, I'd do fine. Since I'd be attracting women through my appearance or though my actions. But I have neither.

 

Would you please get over the short thing- I've told you I don't care about height, one of my very best friends from highschool- who was the most popular, most sought after girl in highschool married a guy 4 inches shorter than her.

 

She's 5'10"- a tall, leggy, hot girl. The most popular girl in my HS, and her husband is average looking- much shorter, and they love one another like crazy. They've been a couple for almost 20 years (they hooked up when she was 22 and he was 25).

[AHardDaysNight]

There is still no denying that shortness matters to a lot of women.

[D-Lish]

There is still no denying that shortness matters to a lot of women.

 

Well, I've just given you an example of a woman that doesn't care about that. Can you at least accept that there are women out there that aren't wrapped up in height after hearing me say so and giving you an example of a close friend that is a really hot girl that married a man four inches shorter than her?

 

I think men view height in the way women view their weight.

 

I've been taller than my last 2 ex's and my exH was the same height as me (5'7").

[D-Lish]

There is still no denying that shortness matters to a lot of women.

 

Alright, my input about this is obviously useless then.

Peace out.