I feel like crap

[Teknoe]

No, it's because I have no social anxiety issues at all and it makes zero sense to me that somebody who does can still get women.

 

No, Pete is right. Sigh. This thread is unbelievable. Over 400 posts, been going since July and your thoughts are still the same as before. Sorry dude but honestly here, this is the worst "attempt" at self-improvement ever. This is more of a raging vent on your end. We might as well give up replying to you, coz nothing said you ever EVEN take into consideration. It's always an immediate "No (followed by ignorant reason why)"

 

Here are quotes from this thread that you need to just admit deep in your heart, instead of denying them. You're only hurting yourself.

 

 

That's your problem. You're prideful. You are stubborn. And you have noted these things, but you won't do them. Noting them does crap. Doing them just might. SO DO 'EM!

 

You really are making it harder than it is.

 

Guess what, nothing ventured nothing gained.

 

Here's the thing though... The advice will always be the same because it's what you actually need to do. It's tried and true stuff that a lot of us, including myself, have experienced positive results with firsthand. When you have a bunch of random strangers on the internet (who do not know each other in real life) telling you essentially the same thing, doesn't it strike you as sort of arrogant to think that they're all wrong? If this were the case, wouldn't you simply dismiss us all as a bunch of idiots and not come back?

 

I agree with you that "work on your confidence" is a lame answer. I believe that confidence is gained through accomplishments, i.e. it can be built MANY different ways. When people say that you need to branch out, make new friends, find new activities, learn new skills, etc. it's NOT to divert you away from your goal of having someone to love, but rather to help you build traits that will not only improve your quality of life, but make you more desirable to a woman.

 

I also think that the type of confidence you need is not the balls to go up to a girl and talk to her/ask her out/etc., it's the confidence to be your own person. THAT's what a girl is going to see and be attracted to, not your smooth words, your clothes, your approach, your timing, or all that other BS that some people think "confidence" entails.

 

A woman does not want a broken man, nor does she want to be responsible for making someone else whole or happy. You are constantly saying that getting a girlfriend will make you happy and solve your issues, but what you don't realize is that you're going about it all the wrong way. You're trying to ride the bike backwards, so to speak.

 

Success is a habit. Great successes are often the sum of many small successes. You've got your eye on the ball, but you're disregarding the steps you need to take to hit it out of the park.

 

Always full of excuses.

 

D-Lish, excuses from SD81? Yes. His problem is paralysis by analysis. He overanalyzes every little thing and finds excuses not to do anything.

 

LOL! D-Lish are you still mad at me from the last thread where we had a little back and forth?

 

you did it again. Another "LOL, [insert denial here]" reply.

 

you need to humble yourself. Humbling oneself is a key step in the healing process... you need to humble yourself and instead of LOL + denial, then take it like a man and say "Shoot, I am full of excuses. Let's see what I can do to stop that..."

 

 

Anyone notice a damaging, unhealthy, crippling problem here?

 

1. SD never does anything

 

i.e. He said he would sign up for therapy back in what July but last we heard this month he said he didn't yet (big shocker there). The self-help links Ross sent him like waaaaay back on page 13 -- I wouldn't be surprised if SD didn't listen to them yet either. All he seems to do is whine and cry on LoveShack about his "cursed" lot in life

 

2. SD is actually very prideful (which is a very bad thing, especially for someone currently in his state of mind)

 

By venting his frustrations BUT not accepting anybody's help, even doing his defensive "LOL no (+ list reason why)" act, shows me his true character. He likes the "reward" of anonymous attention, and he likes the lack of "risk" (i.e. he avoids any accountability with us because he can). This is actually a form of stubborn pride. He's so scared to do anything because not just of fear, but believe it or not it's also through a form of pride. It's true. This is why I've told him he needs to humble himself. What he's doing right now is just beating himself up. There's a difference. When one truly humbles himself, and admits they need help AND WANT HELP, then true change can occur. Until then, it's just us hopelessly trying and SD laughing off each one of our suggestions.

 

3. SD's problems require real life professional help

 

'Nuff said.

 

SD, what are you going to do about all this to FIX it? Do you really want to fix it? At this point, it's getting really hard to tell. If you honestly do want to fix it, the first step is to ditch the loser's/victim's mentality.

 

Do I hope for positive change for SD? Absolutely. All of us are.

 

Will he make a concerted efforts at those positive changes? Only he can determine that. So far, he's been determined NOT to.

[somedude81]

What happened to you taking a break?

[Teknoe]

What happened to you taking a break?

 

 

You should be a lot more concerned about yourself.

 

You know what was written in my previous post is TRUE. That's why you could only respond with what you did above. You know it's true. Deep down in the pit of your heart you know it's true. That's good. That's a start at least.

 

Now what courses of ACTION do you plan to take in order to start the healing process?

[turnera]

SD, to spare me reading the whole thing, what exactly have you done in the way of therapy, reading, classes have you done to explore your personality?

[Els]

Ohhhh, gosh. I really did not expect this thread to still be alive...

[AHardDaysNight]

No, it's because I have no social anxiety issues at all and it makes zero sense to me that somebody who does can still get women.

 

You just said in that thread that you might have social anxiety. So how does this make sense?

 

You are the ruler of your world, somedude. You can either:

 

- Be single, and whine about being single and that girls don't like you and that the world is unfair and blah blah blah

- Be single, but be content with the fact that this may change, at any given moment. Drop all girls that use you, keep the ones that value you, and don't let yourself be friendzoned. Value yourself, first of all, before you can begin to think about someone else valuing you.

 

I was doing number 1, but proceeded to doing number 2, and I'm much happier for it. Will I get a girlfriend? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm not going to let it eat me up.

 

Accept what you cannot change, and change what you cannot accept.

[somedude81]

You just said in that thread that you might have social anxiety. So how does this make sense?

Check the times when the posts were made.

 

As for myself, I can't leave getting a girlfriend to a maybe.

 

I've decided start looking at PU material again and maybe I can learn something new.

 

It shouldn't be impossible for me to get a woman. I believe I have all the necessary tools, I just need to learn how to use them.

[AHardDaysNight]

Check the times when the posts were made.

 

As for myself, I can't leave getting a girlfriend to a maybe.

 

I've decided start looking at PU material again and maybe I can learn something new.

 

It shouldn't be impossible for me to get a woman. I believe I have all the necessary tools, I just need to learn how to use them.

 

That's a good first step.

 

I have also started looking at PU tools. If it helps me, great; if it doesn't, there's no loss.

 

I'm glad you've come to the same conclusion. Now, drop that oneitis and go after girls who will treat you with respect and dignity!

[somedude81]

Heh, I'm not ready to drop her just yet. I'm planning on trying some new things with her.

 

But that will not stop me from going after other girls.

[AHardDaysNight]

Fail.

 

...........................

[Beachgirl8]

Hey you!

I have an idea- I didn't read all 28 pages of this thread but I've talked to you before. If this has already been suggested to you I'm sorry- but what about finding a "winggirl"? A girl best friend who you can go out with who will introduce you to her friends, provide social proof, talk you up, etc. I dunno. Just a thought.

[somedude81]

Fail.

 

...........................

LOL.

 

It's not as if she's holding me back or anything. I just need to keep control of my feelings and I should be OK.

 

Every time we hang out I learn a little bit more about her and she a big ball of mystery. I think that part of my obsession with her is that I see her as a project. Once I start working on a project, I hate to see it left unfinished. Now I'm wondering what I going to learn about her tomorrow when we get together.

Hey you!

I have an idea- I didn't read all 28 pages of this thread but I've talked to you before. If this has already been suggested to you I'm sorry- but what about finding a "winggirl"? A girl best friend who you can go out with who will introduce you to her friends, provide social proof, talk you up, etc. I dunno. Just a thought.

 

Are you offering

 

I love the idea. I just don't know any girls that can fulfill that roll. I'd have to make a new platonic female friend and I'm a little doubtful that I can pull it off, without getting attached to her.

 

How do I even find somebody like that?

[Beachgirl8]

I'd totally wing girl for you!

Locate an outgoing, happy, not stuck up female who you would date, but doesn't want to date you. Then explain what you want her to do. Girls love projects and as long as you are sincere, respectful to her, and maybe offer to buy her a drink or two I can't imagine why she wouldn't get a kick out of it. Just be fun, don't get all Eeyore on her, and try it. The worst thing that can happen is you make a new friend and have some laughs.

[Teknoe]

Now what courses of ACTION do you plan to take in order to start the healing process?

 

I'm not shocked you didn't publicly answer this, rather you waited for other responses to reply to. I just hope you're taking time to think about my question privately. I see you're going to look up some of the PU stuff. Well, at least you're going to do SOMETHING. Though I will say, from my viewpoint, I still believe you're going about this the wrong way. I don't think it's a healthy time for you to continue chasing girls since the root problem here isn't your inability to get intimate with a girl, rather, your root problem is not being comfortable in your own skin (which is the big picture here).

 

Anyway, I attended service today and the messages really made me think of you. I know you may not receive the following, or even read it, but I'm going to share anyway and hope it blesses SOMEBODY.

 

The fastest animal on dry land is the cheetah. It can go from 0 to 47 MPH in four leaps. The gazelle, however, escapes the cheetah 18 times out of 19. Why is it that the cheetah only catches the gazelle 1 out of 19 times?

 

MOTIVATION.

 

The cheetah wants to eat, BUT the gazelle wants to stay alive.

 

This made me think of you because the speaker basically said "When you're in a rut, you gotta keep moving! Some of us need to move, period! Don't stand still! That's the worst thing you can do: doing absolutely nothing at all."

 

He also said "When you find yourself caught in an orbit, how do you get out of it? By extending EXTRA energy! You've got to work extra hard! It's true we as human beings by nature don't like or welcome change. And it's true that one can only change when they finally put their foot down and say 'I'VE HAD ENOUGH!'"

 

Speaker goes on to talk about the victim's mentality. "I call it a link of catastrophe. You start out thinking one negative thought, like 'I am too short.' This leads to the next bad thought 'No girls will date me because of my short height' which leads the next bad thought 'I will be lonely and miserable the rest of my life.' One link leads to the next. You can build up this chain until it chokes you, dragging you down to your very demise. Don't believe in these lies. It's what the world wants you to believe. It's what the devil wants you to believe. He wants you to beat yourself up and not be a productive member of society. He just wants you to wallow in your self-pity, be isolated and depressed. That way, you're not living the abundant life God has called you to live."

 

Basically, humans talk about wanting change. But too often that's where it stops. Talk talk talk. No action. SD, I don't need a crystal ball to tell me... if you don't even attempt to make any changes in your life, in your thought life... then things will be the same for you 5 years from now as they are now. Only difference will be you will be 5 years older and have 5 more years of regret. I'm not saying this to be harsh, but I see the road you're traveling on, and it's not a pretty one. As long as you continue to focus all your energy on girls and finding a girlfriend, you're always going to feel empty.

 

But what do I know, right? Go ahead, laugh me off.

 

We'll see how things are going for you not 5 years from now, but we'll see 5 weeks from now, when this thread hits page 40 and you're still complaining about the SAME tired old things. I've seen this movie before. Heck, I've lived this movie before. It's not fun, it's not healthy and it's not wise. But go ahead, learn the hard way yourself. Sometimes that's what it takes for us to hit rock bottom and TRULY desire change for the better.

 

I'll be tuning in and see how things change (or don't) for you the rest of 2011. I already know how this movie will play out. But I'll tune in anyway...

[Beachgirl8]

I'm not shocked you didn't publicly answer this, rather you waited for other responses to reply to. I just hope you're taking time to think about my question privately. I see you're going to look up some of the PU stuff. Well, at least you're going to do SOMETHING. Though I will say, from my viewpoint, I still believe you're going about this the wrong way. I don't think it's a healthy time for you to continue chasing girls since the root problem here isn't your inability to get intimate with a girl, rather, your root problem is not being comfortable in your own skin (which is the big picture here).

 

Anyway, I attended service today and the messages really made me think of you. I know you may not receive the following, or even read it, but I'm going to share anyway and hope it blesses SOMEBODY.

 

The fastest animal on dry land is the cheetah. It can go from 0 to 47 MPH in four leaps. The gazelle, however, escapes the cheetah 18 times out of 19. Why is it that the cheetah only catches the gazelle 1 out of 19 times?

 

MOTIVATION.

 

The cheetah wants to eat, BUT the gazelle wants to stay alive.

 

This made me think of you because the speaker basically said "When you're in a rut, you gotta keep moving! Some of us need to move, period! Don't stand still! That's the worst thing you can do: doing absolutely nothing at all."

 

He also said "When you find yourself caught in an orbit, how do you get out of it? By extending EXTRA energy! You've got to work extra hard! It's true we as human beings by nature don't like or welcome change. And it's true that one can only change when they finally put their foot down and say 'I'VE HAD ENOUGH!'"

 

Speaker goes on to talk about the victim's mentality. "I call it a link of catastrophe. You start out thinking one negative thought, like 'I am too short.' This leads to the next bad thought 'No girls will date me because of my short height' which leads the next bad thought 'I will be lonely and miserable the rest of my life.' One link leads to the next. You can build up this chain until it chokes you, dragging you down to your very demise. Don't believe in these lies. It's what the world wants you to believe. It's what the devil wants you to believe. He wants you to beat yourself up and not be a productive member of society. He just wants you to wallow in your self-pity, be isolated and depressed. That way, you're not living the abundant life God has called you to live."

 

Basically, humans talk about wanting change. But too often that's where it stops. Talk talk talk. No action. SD, I don't need a crystal ball to tell me... if you don't even attempt to make any changes in your life, in your thought life... then things will be the same for you 5 years from now as they are now. Only difference will be you will be 5 years older and have 5 more years of regret. I'm not saying this to be harsh, but I see the road you're traveling on, and it's not a pretty one. As long as you continue to focus all your energy on girls and finding a girlfriend, you're always going to feel empty.

 

But what do I know, right? Go ahead, laugh me off.

 

We'll see how things are going for you not 5 years from now, but we'll see 5 weeks from now, when this thread hits page 40 and you're still complaining about the SAME tired old things. I've seen this movie before. Heck, I've lived this movie before. It's not fun, it's not healthy and it's not wise. But go ahead, learn the hard way yourself. Sometimes that's what it takes for us to hit rock bottom and TRULY desire change for the better.

 

I'll be tuning in and see how things change (or don't) for you the rest of 2011. I already know how this movie will play out. But I'll tune in anyway...

 

I love this. LOVE.

[Teknoe]

SD, any updates?

 

i.e. how are things going with the girl?

did you look up PU yet?

did you set up an appointment for therapy yet?

are you doing anything outside posting on LoveShack?

[Teknoe]

SD, any updates?

 

are you doing anything outside posting on LoveShack?

 

 

I've noticed SD hasn't been popping in this thread often anymore. Wondering if he's been on LS at all, I decided to do a quick search of his post history. It only took me 15 seconds to do it. The first page of results showed me his last 25 posts. His 25 previous posts have all been made in the Dating forum in the past 24 hours.

 

Not judging here but doesn't take a rocket scientist to DISCERN either. SD do you REALLY want to change for the better? It seems you're so caught up in the dating scene, the girlfriend obsession thing... that it's really unhealthy and won't lead to any positive changes.

 

I don't think LS is inherently a bad place. But for you, posting in Dating as much as you are... you could definitely be doing better things with your time.

 

It's just baffling to meet someone who claims they want to self-improve, but really they don't. At least, they don't want to do the WORK it takes to change. Change isn't always easy. And change can be scary.

 

But change is how we survive. Change is how we thrive.

 

SD, how bad do you want change? Bad enough to work AT it? Bad enough to work FOR it? I suggest stepping away from the Dating forum mess, and getting out of your own head.

 

Only person who can stop you from living life the way you want is YOU. You have been your biggest enemy. It is my prayer and hope that you would start to see things from a new perspective. Taking a break from LS Dating forum would be a good start. It's like how an alcoholic should avoid going to the bar.

 

Do you really want change?

[somedude81]

Dude you are hilarious.

 

That is all.

[Teknoe]

Dude you are hilarious.

 

That is all.

 

You've gotten to the point where you don't even attempt to answer people's replies seriously, anymore.

 

I just don't get it.

 

How could someone who claims they want to self-improve refuse to do nothing at all?

[Cracker Jack]

Teknoe, you got to chill. I'm sure you're interested in helping, but you seem to be taking certain things (like a lack of a response to some of your questions) a bit too personal. Not knocking you or anything, since you make great posts. I just think at a certain point, it's best to just a take a step back and see how things play out.

 

Just saiyan.

[somedude81]

You've gotten to the point where you don't even attempt to answer people's replies seriously, anymore.

 

I just don't get it.

 

How could someone who claims they want to self-improve refuse to do nothing at all?

No, I've gotten to the point where I don't try to answer YOUR replies seriously.

 

I've already told you to back-off several pages ago and I sent you a PM telling you that I no longer read your posts and that you should use your energy elsewhere and here you are...

 

I'd appreciate it if you stopped your little crusade.

[Teknoe]

Teknoe, you got to chill. I'm sure you're interested in helping, but you seem to be taking certain things (like a lack of a response to some of your questions) a bit too personal. Not knocking you or anything, since you make great posts. I just think at a certain point, it's best to just a take a step back and see how things play out.

 

Just saiyan.

 

 

Yeah I know. In some sick way, I feel like I've failed, but I know it really has nothing to do with me. I just like to think my suggestions would help someone out in need. It's frustrating that it hasn't, because the person hasn't tried any of it.

 

But in the end I know it's his life and his choices. He is free to do as he pleases. It's just maddening that he talks about change, but does nothing to change. You'd figure at some point this guy would put his foot down and say "OK, I'm open to all ideas for I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."

 

Alas, I guess our friend is going to learn the hard way.

[somedude81]

Ugh, I have a big headache.

 

I just got back from spending the whole day with her. We had a lot of fun together. And it seems like we'll be able to do it many more times.

 

But I don't think she likes me at all. Just the way she said bye to me told me everything. We were at her house, she opened up her door, "Thanks for coming" and that was it. No little conversation, no room to try for an awkward hug. Nothing.

 

I know she likes me as a friend but now I'm almost certain that's all she sees me as. I was hoping she was starting to develop feelings for me and now I don't think it will ever happen. I'm just not the kind of guy that girls fall for.

 

Right now I want to talk to her next week and ask her how she sees me, but I don't know if I should bother. Do I really need her to tell me that she doesn't like me?

 

I feel that if I walk away now, I would lose everything I've done. I don't want to go back to ground zero, find a new girl and start all over again. Odds are the next one won't like me either so what's the point

 

Why am I only good enough to be a girls friend and never anything more?

[cerridwen]

Ugh, I have a big headache.

 

I just got back from spending the whole day with her. We had a lot of fun together. And it seems like we'll be able to do it many more times.

 

But I don't think she likes me at all. Just the way she said bye to me told me everything. We were at her house, she opened up her door, "Thanks for coming" and that was it. No little conversation, no room to try for an awkward hug. Nothing.

 

I know she likes me as a friend but now I'm almost certain that's all she sees me as. I was hoping she was starting to develop feelings for me and now I don't think it will ever happen. I'm just not the kind of guy that girls fall for.

 

Right now I want to talk to her next week and ask her how she sees me, but I don't know if I should bother. Do I really need her to tell me that she doesn't like me?

 

I feel that if I walk away now, I would lose everything I've done. I don't want to go back to ground zero, find a new girl and start all over again. Odds are the next one won't like me either so what's the point

 

Why am I only good enough to be a girls friend and never anything more?

 

Yes, unless you can move on completely without hearing it from her lips.

[PelicanPete]

Ask all the same questions, but ignore all the answers.

 

Solid logic SD.

 

How's it workin' out for ya?