I feel like crap

[HeavenOrHell]

You said a woman initiated giving you her number at college (uni?), but you were disappointed she only wanted f/ship.

 

 

 

 

Of course it's been me always doing the pursuing.

 

All of my friendships with women developed because I invited them do to something with me. 90% of the time I actually wanted a date or a pre-date but I wasn't obvious enough for her.

 

Then over time, a platonic friendship just happened, even though the whole time I'd be wanting to sleep with her. And just because I wanted to have sex with them, didn't mean I did not consider them friends. I just wanted to be more than platonic friends.

 

I also quickly develop feelings for women I spend time with. So I've had at least a little crush on every female friend I've ever had. That's one reason why I'm not to eager to make female friends because I know I'd develop feelings for her, and that's the last thing I need now.

 

I'm sick of liking girls.

[somedude81]

You said a woman initiated giving you her number at college (uni?), but you were disappointed she only wanted f/ship.

Eh I didn't really count her.

 

She just wants to be class buddies and texts me about what the homework is and stuff like that. I don't see her outside of class at all and I have no desire to do so. It's just safer that way.

[somedude81]

I told her that I wanted to hang out tomorrow and she said that she can't because she still has school stuff to do.

 

I asked her to contact me if she has time to hang out, and she said she will.

 

Now we'll see if she actually does. I'm not going to contact her again if she doesn't message me first.

[Teknoe]

I told her that I wanted to hang out tomorrow and she said that she can't because she still has school stuff to do.

 

I asked her to contact me if she has time to hang out, and she said she will.

 

Now we'll see if she actually does. I'm not going to contact her again if she doesn't message me first.

 

 

You gotta stay strong now. I've been there. There will be times in the coming month, possibly earlier (weeks or days) where you will be tempted to contact her first. We all have those weak moments. Be strong, and let her come to you.

 

If she doesn't, you have your answer.

 

I suspect though, you already know you have her answer, but if this will provide you with the kind of closure you need/seek, by all means.

 

I'd just say don't expect her to contact you anytime soon, and be ready to move on.

[somedude81]

Yeah, I can handle this.

 

I also know that even if she does contact me, it doesn't mean that she's interested.

[Teknoe]

Yeah, I can handle this.

 

I also know that even if she does contact me, it doesn't mean that she's interested.

 

 

Sounds good.

 

I'm glad BTW you never blasted her. It's natural to get those nasty thoughts, but I'm glad you didn't act on them. Please, whatever you do, do not verbally beat her up if she doesn't contact you anytime soon.

 

Just accept it for what it is, and walk away with your head held up.

 

No need to try and sucker punch her. I learned this the hard way. It's always a BAD idea to burn a bridge.

[Els]

I told her that I wanted to hang out tomorrow and she said that she can't because she still has school stuff to do.

 

I asked her to contact me if she has time to hang out, and she said she will.

 

Now we'll see if she actually does. I'm not going to contact her again if she doesn't message me first.

 

I really hope you follow through with this.

 

Good luck!

[betterdeal]

So a bit of an update on my last post. Turns out one of the girls from the second pair that joined me and my housemate took his number and has been texting him a fair bit. We're probably catching up with them on Friday, same place. The Irish one, really cute, was very tactile with me and I'd definitely be up for sexy times with her. She has flawless skin, and is full of beans. Okay, she's 12 years my junior, which is definitely a bit perverted! Thanks to the wingman for keeping me in the loop!

 

Been doing yoga every other day recently. I'm thinking of adding a cardio workout on the off days to really get the fat loss going. Work is okay, although I do need to step up a gear. Waiting for first invoice to be paid (fingers crossed, this week - need the cash!) Once I've reduced 4" on the waistline I'll start Salsa classes. Hmm. No, maybe Tango. One or the other.

 

Life is good.

[somedude81]

Uh, good for you?

 

BTW, Salsa is much easier to learn than Tango.

[Teknoe]

So a bit of an update on my last post.

 

[snip]

 

Life is good.

 

Sounds good my man. Since we're updating each other, I'll throw my own update into the mix. That girl I liked, and had controlled my desire for because it seemed she only saw me as a friend -- we been around each other in one sense or another A LOT lately. She'd always smile at me and wave hi. Eventually, I twisted it into something that was not. She's just super friendly and she's the ministry leader. Of course she will be super nice to me. Anyway, recently I invited her to hang out with some mutual friends. She told me she's super busy and won't be available to join us anytime soon.

 

Read between the lines: Not interested in you romantically.

 

There's no need for me to confess (ew), no need to dump my emotional garbage on her. I have her answer indirectly, I KNOW her answer directly.

 

Girls when they reject us nicely and indirectly are praying that we don't make a big deal out of it, because they don't want the unnecessary drama. Also, they like to keep us around as a casual friend, but if we go all melodramatic on them it just destroys everything.

 

Have I had to swallow my pride? Yes.

 

Have I had to bite my tongue? Absolutely.

 

Why? Because I've learned... this is how you handle situations like this with class and pride.

 

Have a little self respect for yourself. So it didn't work out with this one girl. So what? You don't want to be with someone after all who doesn't want to be with you. This is how I now approach girls. So whenever it doesn't work out, I don't cry -- I REJOICE. It means I'm getting closer to finding the right one for me.

 

Life really is all about perspective. It colors everything, your attitude and your emotions. Gotta keep things in a tight perspective! My advice to everyone out there.

[somedude81]

Yeah, this isn't the place for other peoples stories and life updates.

 

I thought I made that clear with my response to betterdeal.

[Teknoe]

Yeah, this isn't the place for other peoples stories and life updates.

 

I thought I made that clear with my response to betterdeal.

 

 

Actually, my post, although it is about my life, has quite a bit in common with your situation. And that's why I posted it here in this topic. You can learn from reading other people's stories on similar situations. (because you're not the only one who is going through it or has gone through something similar)

 

My intent (I can't speak for betterdeal although I feel the spirit of his post was in a similar vain) was NOT to just talk about myself, but to share with everyone (though to share with the topic creator SD predominantly) a real life story of a similar situation and how I handled it.

 

Instead of being quick to say "THIS IS MY TOPIC!!" why don't you look more at the content and the heart in which it was written. My post in particular was written for your benefit, not for mine.

 

When one's perspective is so self-centered that they can't see the real message behind something, it might be a signal to stand back and re-examine things. Always look for the message and the spirit in which something was written. My post, at least, was written for you SD, not for me

[betterdeal]

Uh, good for you?

 

BTW, Salsa is much easier to learn than Tango.

 

Thanks, chap!

[betterdeal]

Sounds good my man. Since we're updating each other, I'll throw my own update into the mix. That girl I liked...

 

Well played! It's good to act with good grace. That gives you a good reputation. You can accept what is, and that makes you a good candidate for taking a friendship a bit further, maybe becoming lovers, and if it doesn't work out, you're not going to do anything silly. And maybe not with that girl, but word gets around and someone somewhere will be interested in you, and that will help her to see it's not a huge risk to take those baby steps with you. A virtuous circle, if you will...

[betterdeal]

Yeah, this isn't the place for other peoples stories and life updates.

 

I thought I made that clear with my response to betterdeal.

 

Well, there's room for everyone and, let's face it, no-one has been able to offer you any useful advice so far, so what's to lose? Like Tekno said, you might get some inspiration from men who are in similar situations to you telling their stories. And you can of course skip these posts if you wish.

[PelicanPete]

Betterdeal with the 3 posts in a row, jeeze laweeze eh? . Just rakin' in the post count. 'Atta boy.

 

If we're all talkin' about the females, I'll join in on the fun.

 

I had a bit of a thing for a girl that worked at the bank. Had a lot in common, so when I finally got her as my teller again I asked her out. She seemed really happy, quickly gave me her phone number and smiled at me as I left. But something didn't feel right about the whole thing.

 

Anyway, I phoned her twice over those next few days and they both went to voice mail. Gave her my number to call me back, but she never did . Oh well, life goes on.

 

So a few weeks ago I went back to the bank, and lo and behold she was working that day. I just knew I'd end up with her as my teller, and I literally just watched her put on a happy face right before she called me over. She immediately started telling me about how busy she has been implying that was the reason she didn't call me back, and started asking all about me and how I've been doing, and asking all these questions and showing interest in my life. I just smiled, watched her squirm a little, and played along until my business was done and I left.

 

Thing is, if she is apparently so interested in me and what I'm up to, why didn't she call me back? In the end I guess she did me a favour not calling me, since her behaviour seems a bit too two-faced for my liking, and I'd probably be too distracted by her curves to notice .

 

Women are a dime a dozen, they will come and go. In that dozen there may be one high quality female that is just a fabulous fit. Until you meet her though, don't be scavenging and dealing with the scrap metal just for the sake of being with someone. Be happy with yourself and an independent person that doesn't need women, and that diamond in the ruff will come to you.

[turnera]

Yeah, this isn't the place for other peoples stories and life updates.

 

I thought I made that clear with my response to betterdeal.

Wow. No wonder you're single.

[somedude81]

Damn, I haven't seen her in nearly three weeks. This really sucks. But it does make me see that if she doesn't like me enough to call me up and hang out with her, there is no way I'll ever date her. She always seems to really enjoy my company but when I'm not with her, it's like she's a completely different person.

 

I hate how girls are so fake. PelicanPete's story did a good job of showing that.

 

I felt too depressed to go to my dance class today. I'm sure I didn't miss anything. The only reason I'm even in that class is to meet girls and it turned to be very disappointing in that area. It just doesn't seem like anything is going to happen there.

 

There was one girl at my work that I was starting to kind of like but she started getting cold towards me. I wonder if she was figuring out that I may be interested and that's her way of keeping me away. I've only ever been friendly and upbeat with her, oh well.

 

So now I'm basically back to zero again, with no prospects. I can already tell that the rest of the year is going to completely suck.

[Els]

Damn, I haven't seen her in nearly three weeks. This really sucks. But it does make me see that if she doesn't like me enough to call me up and hang out with her, there is no way I'll ever date her. She always seems to really enjoy my company but when I'm not with her, it's like she's a completely different person.

 

I hate how girls are so fake. PelicanPete's story did a good job of showing that.

 

I felt too depressed to go to my dance class today. I'm sure I didn't miss anything. The only reason I'm even in that class is to meet girls and it turned to be very disappointing in that area. It just doesn't seem like anything is going to happen there.

 

There was one girl at my work that I was starting to kind of like but she started getting cold towards me. I wonder if she was figuring out that I may be interested and that's her way of keeping me away. I've only ever been friendly and upbeat with her, oh well.

 

So now I'm basically back to zero again, with no prospects. I can already tell that the rest of the year is going to completely suck.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. But cmon, dude, chin up. Losing a crush always sucks (been there, done that), but there's plenty worse things that can happen.

 

We may have different ways of expressing it, but I think many of us here are genuinely rooting for you.

[somedude81]

I'm sorry to hear that. But cmon, dude, chin up. Losing a crush always sucks (been there, done that), but there's plenty worse things that can happen.

 

We may have different ways of expressing it, but I think many of us here are genuinely rooting for you.

Thanks Elswyth.

 

But the thing is, it isn't just losing a crush. I've lost every single crush I've ever had in my entire life.

 

Also I've been much closer to her than I've ever been with any woman.

 

I've wanted a girlfriend for so long and I was amazed when I got to know her that she basically fulfilled every thing I've wanted.

 

That's why I liked her so much, and it hurts knowing that it's not going to work out.

 

This is so fk-'d up.

[Beachgirl8]

We are all rooting for you. Even though that might mean crap to you at the moment, it's true. You will get through this disappointment. The other guys posting their stories for you was nice- it shows you're not alone. We all struggle with these issues, to one degree or another. Anyway I don't have advice for you today, I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and wishing you well.

[Teknoe]

So now I'm basically back to zero again, with no prospects. I can already tell that the rest of the year is going to completely suck.

 

 

A. Actually you have one prospect, and this is the big one: yourself

 

B. If you convince your mind it's going to suck, it will. If you at least attempt to adopt a positive outlook, perhaps thing won't suck so much.

 

But if you already claiming it'll suck no matter what, don't be surprised when it just... sucks. Self-fulfilling prophecy, as talked about like, way back on page 8.

[turnera]

I've lost every single crush I've ever had in my entire life.

 

So...say 20 girls...one guy...none of the girls stuck to that one guy...don't the odds tell you that it's the one guy who's doing something wrong? Not the girls? Are you ready to look at yourself yet?

[somedude81]

So...say 20 girls...one guy...none of the girls stuck to that one guy...don't the odds tell you that it's the one guy who's doing something wrong? Not the girls? Are you ready to look at yourself yet?

Do you honestly think I haven't thought about that yet?

 

I told the same thing to my therapist a couple years ago.

 

I said that I've been rejected by a lot of girls and I knew the girls weren't wrong I was. That I was the one constant. Then he gave me some line on how I wasn't constant that I've changed a lot over the years and even in the few months that we've been having sessions.

 

The problem is, that I don't know if the issue I have is even fixable. I need to make some major changes and I don't know if I can do it by myself.

[fortyninethousand322]

Do you honestly think I haven't thought about that yet?

 

I told the same thing to my therapist a couple years ago.

 

I said that I've been rejected by a lot of girls and I knew the girls weren't wrong I was. That I was the one constant. Then he gave me some line on how I wasn't constant that I've changed a lot over the years and even in the few months that we've been having sessions.

 

The problem is, that I don't know if the issue I have is even fixable. I need to make some major changes and I don't know if I can do it by myself.

 

I'm fully convinced that a lot of posters on LS can't relate to the problems of some of the guys on here. All of the advice that's ever given is the (sincere and heart felt) canned cliched advice of "try" or "stop caring", etc. And then of course Teknoe's "get your life in perfect order first" strategy which is equally misguided.

 

The last part that I bolded is the most frustrating part of it all. We (the guys with the problems) know that something is wrong yet we can't figure out what it is and sometimes it seems impossible to fix. You seem to have a particularly hard time (having no friends in addition to no female attention) so I hope you figure it out soon. And if you do I'd like you to publish your memoirs so we can know how you did it.