I feel like crap

[somedude81]

Huh, I saw one mention it in her own thread about not being able to get guys some time ago. But I could have been wrong.

Oh, I think you're talking about Titania. I don't think she was serious about that. Even if she wasn't on the other side of the world, I think she's too old for me for various reasons.

Look at it this way: Most of us who are in relationships have gotten them through ONE of the ways in which we are suggesting them to you.

Eh, the ways I've heard so far are, find somebody online, volunteer, online date, approach random women in the street or at bars.

 

That's about it.

 

 

If you don't want to try any of them, well... *shrugs*. I really don't think God is the person to blame.

 

Yeah, you could blame Him for making you 'short' and 'average-looking' and 'not smooth',

Oh, God/fate is very much to blame. If just one of the above was positive then I'd have a fighting chance with women.

 

Look at it this way. If each of the tems above had a value of three points that leaves a max of 9.

 

The average guy is a 6, getting two's across the board.

 

As for me, I'm like this

 

Height: 1

Looks: 2

Charm/game/smoothness: 1

 

I'm a 4. When a 6 is average, it's easy to see why women don't like me.

 

 

 

but have you any idea how many other men and women don't give out excellent first impressions, but have partners? I'm one of them. Where do you think the difference lies? Luck? Or willingness to give other things a shot, perhaps?

I'm strongly in favor of luck. BTW as a woman, you're not even playing the same game I am.

 

Willingness to find their niche? You want a geeky gamer girl who enjoys doing geeky things with your geeky gamer self. Where do you think those girls hang out?

I met the current girl in Japanese class. I've met other girls also in Japanese classes, anime club and Japan clubs on campus. Heck I even met a geek girl on the bus I took home. It was about 5 girls and they all rejected me.

 

I've also asked out girls I met in my dance classes and they rejected me too or they were giving me what I interpreted as strong interest signals and ended up having boyfriends

 

It's not LDRs in particular that I'm talking about, but simply the fact that you are ticking off option after option that has been suggested to you. If you do that, I'm not sure how you expect to 'get lucky'. Sure, there is a huge element of luck, but you also need to be receptive to it when it comes. If you cannot fathom the thought of 'falling in love' with a person without physical intimacy, then you should certainly not try LDRs, but then you would definitely need to work on brushing up your first impression instead of waving it away.

Then we are in agreement.

 

As for brushing up my first impressions, I don't even know where to start. My appearance is fine and I'm friendly and joke around. I don't know what else I have to do.

[Teknoe]

when you're unemployed (i.e. single) and claim you want employment (i.e. want a girlfriend) you don't get employed (i.e. get a girlfriend) by just sitting at home complaining about the hand you were dealt.

 

You take on all interviews (i.e. opportunities) so that someone may hire you.

 

Right now, you're rejecting interviews, when you should be accepting each one.

[Els]

Eh, the ways I've heard so far are, find somebody online, volunteer, online date, approach random women in the street or at bars.

 

I'm strongly in favor of luck. BTW as a woman, you're not even playing the same game I am.

 

As for brushing up my first impressions, I don't even know where to start. My appearance is fine and I'm friendly and joke around. I don't know what else I have to do.

 

I think it was also suggested to you to improve your appearance via working out in the gym and learning to dress, improving your social skills via socializing more, etc.

 

If you think women just sit around and have the perfect relationship drop into their lap without doing anything about it, SD, you're terribly mistaken. The 'hot' girls who 'do nothing' and get approached all the time actually spend a helluva lot more time and effort in improving their appearance than you have ever done, probably more than you will ever consider doing. The others work on their subtle flirting and signals and social cues, or socialize a lot and simply meet lots of people all the time. Those like me, who refuse to play both of the abovementioned games, find their niche and do not eschew certain types of relationships.

 

To be honest, I have seen you turn down so many things; I have not met a person, man or woman, who refuses to do all of them and yet has been in relationships, other than the odd high school date or so. Sure, they exist, I've just not met them.

Edited October 18, 2011 by Elswyth

[danmorisson]

Women do this at their own accord. Quit making us men out to be shallow! Most men like women of all shapes and sizes. Woman have always been obsessed with their looks, it's just something they do, we don't ask them to pay that much attention to it. What do you think we men are? Just be yourselves, quit wearing makeup when you don't even need it, rip a few farts (guys like confidence), and you'll get a man easy.

[betterdeal]

The thing with this thread is, SD doesn't actually ask for much help. It's more a sounding board for his feelings, especially those from his shadow side (we all have one). What he posts, when not responding to advice, is most often statements.

 

One theme in your statements, SD, is a sense of exasperation in not being able to read women. I'm going to guess you don't read men too well either, although you're not concerned about that. Do you read yourself well? Maybe that's a good place to start? And what would "reading" someone mean, to you?

[Els]

The thing with this thread is, SD doesn't actually ask for much help. It's more a sounding board for his feelings, especially those from his shadow side (we all have one). What he posts, when not responding to advice, is most often statements.

 

Fair enough. I guess I would happily stop responding, if he truly prefers to just rant and not get advice.

 

Women do this at their own accord. Quit making us men out to be shallow! Most men like women of all shapes and sizes. Woman have always been obsessed with their looks, it's just something they do, we don't ask them to pay that much attention to it. What do you think we men are? Just be yourselves, quit wearing makeup when you don't even need it, rip a few farts (guys like confidence), and you'll get a man easy.

 

You definitely don't speak for all men, and you definitely missed my point.

[danmorisson]

Well if I were to date a woman I'd avoid all women with the "Women don't fart" mentality. I'm talking about those super models that act non-human, like an alien from another planet, to the point where it just makes them unsexy. These women live on another planet

[betterdeal]

Fair enough. I guess I would happily stop responding, if he truly prefers to just rant and not get advice.

 

I wasn't suggesting you do that! Just observing that, well, he's not asked for how to X Y or Z; rather, he's thinking out loud.

[somedude81]

when you're unemployed (i.e. single) and claim you want employment (i.e. want a girlfriend) you don't get employed (i.e. get a girlfriend) by just sitting at home complaining about the hand you were dealt.

 

You take on all interviews (i.e. opportunities) so that someone may hire you.

 

Right now, you're rejecting interviews, when you should be accepting each one.

But were they actually opportunities at all?

 

Getting into a relationship with a woman thousands of miles away, no matter how attractive she is, is meaningless to me. I know exactly what I need and a LDR can not meet that.

I think it was also suggested to you to improve your appearance via working out in the gym and learning to dress,

I think I dress pretty good considering my surroundings and income level. I make sure to always be groomed and smell good.

 

I do work out in the gym. If I didn't, I'd be much smaller and have no muscle.

 

 

improving your social skills via socializing more, etc.

I try to socialize when ever I can. If the situation allows it, I'm always talking to girls. I've been that way for a couple of years now. Though I am aware that I still need to get better. I don't have any experience in deep intimate conversations. Mostly just a lot of fluff.

 

If you think women just sit around and have the perfect relationship drop into their lap without doing anything about it, SD, you're terribly mistaken. The 'hot' girls who 'do nothing' and get approached all the time actually spend a helluva lot more time and effort in improving their appearance than you have ever done, probably more than you will ever consider doing.

And if they didn't do anything about their appearance they'd still get asked out. Sure they might not get asked out as frequently, but it would still happen.

 

Frankly I think that women put so much effort into their appearance to feel good about themselves and to compete with other women for the title of being the hottest.

 

Guys will go after them regardless.

To be honest, I have seen you turn down so many things; I have not met a person, man or woman, who refuses to do all of them and yet has been in relationships, other than the odd high school date or so. Sure, they exist, I've just not met them.

Many things? You mean the ones I listed. That's not many and I wasn't really turning down anything.

 

The thing with this thread is, SD doesn't actually ask for much help. It's more a sounding board for his feelings, especially those from his shadow side (we all have one). What he posts, when not responding to advice, is most often statements.

 

One theme in your statements, SD, is a sense of exasperation in not being able to read women. I'm going to guess you don't read men too well either, although you're not concerned about that. Do you read yourself well? Maybe that's a good place to start? And what would "reading" someone mean, to you?

 

Fair enough. I guess I would happily stop responding, if he truly prefers to just rant and not get advice.

No, I do appreciate the advice but it gets annoying when people try to focus on something I don't care about. You're fine Elswyth so don't worry. But people like Teknoe often go above and beyond what I'm asking it and it's not helping at all.

 

I definitely need help in trying to get this relationship thing sorted out but it almost feels like a lost cause to me so I'm very frustrated.

 

As for what I meant by reading women, it's basically being able to tell if they are interested or just being friendly, also to know if a woman is lying to me or what her intentions are. But the main thing is being able to detect interest and recognize when it's not there.

[Yamaha]

As for what I meant by reading women, it's basically being able to tell if they are interested or just being friendly, also to know if a woman is lying to me or what her intentions are. But the main thing is being able to detect interest and recognize when it's not there.

 

Why leave it up to the women?

You know if YOU want friends or more so let that be known to them and you will have no question what their interest is in you.

 

Why waste time learning what their interest is when you can find out quickly by letting them know what yours is in them ( by flirting and asking them out on a date )?

 

You say you don't know how to flirt but I think most men know how to flirt when a women you are interested in is available. Compliments and a little sexual suggestion are not that hard to master.

 

A women knows quickly if she wants friendship or romance from you and you know the same thing from her. You date to find out if the person your sexually attracted to is the kind of person you want in a relationship. You don't find out about them first and then try moving that to a sexual relationship. If you want a friend that's fine but romance requires the reverse. You establish sexual interest first then you find out about them on a personal level.

[Teknoe]

But were they actually opportunities at all?

 

Getting into a relationship with a woman thousands of miles away, no matter how attractive she is, is meaningless to me. I know exactly what I need and a LDR can not meet that.

 

 

Another person suggested LDR for you -- I DIDN'T. I don't think LDR would work well for you. What I suggested was try speed dating one more time.

 

Will you consider giving speed dating one more chance?

[somedude81]

Why leave it up to the women?

You know if YOU want friends or more so let that be known to them and you will have no question what their interest is in you.

 

Why waste time learning what their interest is when you can find out quickly by letting them know what yours is in them ( by flirting and asking them out on a date )?

Because I don't want to ask out a woman who isn't interested in me. Also I've been out on "dates" with women who had no idea I was interested and weren't interested in me, when I thought they were.

 

There may have also been women that were interested in me and I didn't pick up on it. I'm not going to ask out everybody but I probably would have if I known somebody was interested.

 

You say you don't know how to flirt but I think most men know how to flirt when a women you are interested in is available. Compliments and a little sexual suggestion are not that hard to master.

I stand by what I said. I've been awkward most of my life and I don't know how to flirt. If I did, do you think I'd be in this mess I'm in now?

 

A women knows quickly if she wants friendship or romance from you and you know the same thing from her. You date to find out if the person your sexually attracted to is the kind of person you want in a relationship. You don't find out about them first and then try moving that to a sexual relationship. If you want a friend that's fine but romance requires the reverse. You establish sexual interest first then you find out about them on a personal level.

Yeah, so while a woman may know quickly, I don't know what her decision is until I've actually asked her out. I'm sure most guys can tell if a woman is interested but I can't.

 

What's most important to me is figuring out how to actually get women interested in me.

[Teknoe]

quick review, and this is coming from his own mouth:

 

-SD feels awkward around girls

-SD doesn't know how to flirt

-SD has trouble reading if girls likes him as just a friend or more

 

Hmmm, doesn't it strike anyone else peculiar he is against speed dating because he tried it once and it didn't work out?

 

That doesn't mean a 2nd time would yield the same results, because the girls would be different!

 

Plus, all 3 of his "problems" he can practice with speed dating. The thing about speed dating is, it is understood that both parties are LOOKING. You cut straight to the chase, no need to worry if he's just a friend or if he's looking for something more.

 

It seems speed dating would help out a guy like SD if he would only try it again, but it didn't work once so it must not work at all.

 

Another poster made this observation earlier in this topic, and it seems legit: SD -- YOU GIVE UP WAY TOO EASILY. You're never going to get a GF with that attitude/mindset.

[somedude81]

Wow Teknoe, when you get stuck on an idea you get stuck on an idea.

[Yamaha]

I don't know what her decision is until I've actually asked her out. I'm sure most guys can tell if a woman is interested but I can't.

 

So if you ask and she declines then you know her decision. That girl is a lost cause and you look for another one that interests you. Then you rinse and repeat until you find one that accepts a date from you.

 

A guy has the right to ask and a girl has the right to say no. That is the way of dating. If you don't want to know and hope by hanging around she will feel sorry for you and date you then that is a different problem.

 

As a guy you have to put yourself out there. It really is better to be a guy b/c you can ask any girl that interests you. You risk rejection but there is no other way to do the dance of love.

 

A woman wants a man to be the aggressor and let her know he is interested in HER. You'd be surprised how by showing interest you create interest in her. But it requires you to let her know you desire her. Some men do not want to tell a woman they desire her.

 

Are you ashamed to let a woman know you desire her as a woman? That is question only you can answer.

[Teknoe]

Wow Teknoe, when you get stuck on an idea you get stuck on an idea.

 

 

Haha, yes, I do.

 

And since we're being honest here, that description FITS YOU AS WELL.

 

The difference right now is, the ideas I'm stuck on are positive, and POSSIBILITIES for a person to experience healthy breakthroughs.

 

You're stuck, however, on negative ideas and concepts.

 

Well, only you can make the change.

[somedude81]

So there is a girl in my dance class that I could be interested in. She's really fun to interact with and she's pretty.

 

The problem is that she has a guy friend in the class that I think she's known for a long time. Now that's not really an issue, but what is, is the way they interact. This dude is always touching her, so much so that it almost seems inappropriate. I'm wondering if they are dating but something tells me they aren't, but his hands are all over, almost all the time.

 

Now I don't want to seem rude, but the dude is basically a fat slob. Really fat, doesn't know how to dress, hair is a mess.

 

I'm thinking about asking her out, but I have no idea on the situation between them.

[Dust]

So there is a girl in my dance class that I could be interested in. She's really fun to interact with and she's pretty.

 

The problem is that she has a guy friend in the class that I think she's known for a long time. Now that's not really an issue, but what is, is the way they interact. This dude is always touching her, so much so that it almost seems inappropriate. I'm wondering if they are dating but something tells me they aren't, but his hands are all over, almost all the time.

 

Now I don't want to seem rude, but the dude is basically a fat slob. Really fat, doesn't know how to dress, hair is a mess.

 

I'm thinking about asking her out, but I have no idea on the situation between them.

 

Go with your gut. He's just some fat slob she got touchy with and he likes her but she just thinks of him as some friend she enjoys teasing. Go for it, go for it.

 

If it were me I'd invite her to something she couldn't resist. Then try to fck the hell out of her on that first date. Seriously do strange sht to her she won't expect like making her ride you revers cow girl style. Twist her nipples just to make her scream!

[Yamaha]

So there is a girl in my dance class that I could be interested in. She's really fun to interact with and she's pretty.

 

The problem is that she has a guy friend in the class that I think she's known for a long time. Now that's not really an issue, but what is, is the way they interact. This dude is always touching her, so much so that it almost seems inappropriate. I'm wondering if they are dating but something tells me they aren't, but his hands are all over, almost all the time.

 

Now I don't want to seem rude, but the dude is basically a fat slob. Really fat, doesn't know how to dress, hair is a mess.

 

I'm thinking about asking her out, but I have no idea on the situation between them.

 

She can't fault you for asking. It isn't rude to ask ( unless you know the woman is married or in a serious relationship ).

 

If you find her attractive ask her on a date. Even if she doesn't accept you will know the answer to your question ( about how she feels ) and in the end it is better to know than wonder.

 

It gets easier to ask the more you do it and the answer less hurtful.

[Els]

So there is a girl in my dance class that I could be interested in. She's really fun to interact with and she's pretty.

 

The problem is that she has a guy friend in the class that I think she's known for a long time. Now that's not really an issue, but what is, is the way they interact. This dude is always touching her, so much so that it almost seems inappropriate. I'm wondering if they are dating but something tells me they aren't, but his hands are all over, almost all the time.

 

Now I don't want to seem rude, but the dude is basically a fat slob. Really fat, doesn't know how to dress, hair is a mess.

 

I'm thinking about asking her out, but I have no idea on the situation between them.

 

It's up to her to make the situation clear to you, not you, so you can go ahead! But you need to ask yourself whether or not you'd like a gf who doesn't mind guys she isn't dating 'having their hands all over her'.

[cerridwen]

Go with your gut. He's just some fat slob she got touchy with and he likes her but she just thinks of him as some friend she enjoys teasing. Go for it, go for it.

 

If it were me I'd invite her to something she couldn't resist. Then try to fck the hell out of her on that first date. Seriously do strange sht to her she won't expect like making her ride you revers cow girl style. Twist her nipples just to make her scream!

 

Good advice!

SD, do this thing.

When are you making a move?

[somedude81]

LOL Dust's advice is good? Seemed a little bit out of my range, the whole twisting nipples cow-girl thing.

 

The only time I'd really have to ask her is when we're dancing is as she's pretty much always with that dude during class.

 

I'd prefer to test the waters first before I straight up embarrass myself.

 

And the class is only on Tuesdays.

Edited October 20, 2011 by somedude81

[cerridwen]

LOL Dust's advice is good? Seemed a little bit out of my range, the whole twisting nipples cow-girl thing.

 

The only time I'd really have to ask her is when we're dancing is as she's pretty much always with that dude during class.

 

 

Granted, nipple twisting on a first date is unorthodox but the totality of what Dust's advising is solid.

Now's the time to be bold!

 

I'd prefer to test the waters first before I straight up embarrass myself.

Hm. This doesn't sound bold. What do you mean by "test the waters"?

[somedude81]

Ignoring the sexual stuff, Dust suggested to go with my gut.

 

And obviously I'm divided on this issue.

 

If the dude wasn't there, I would have asked her out already.

 

He is an obstacle, one that is always present. It's kind of hard to ask somebody out when some dude is giving her a massage or hitting her in her back, if you get what I mean. He almost seems like her annoying brother but she's never stopped him.

 

During class I usually only have her for 5 minutes to myself. Though I can find out her relationship status if I focus.

 

And then there is the question that Elswyth asked if I could date a girl who is that close to a male friend and that answer is probably no.

 

Ugh, this sucks. I can never catch a break. There is always some sh*t to mess things up.

[Teknoe]

Ugh, this sucks. I can never catch a break. There is always some sh*t to mess things up.

 

In life you make your own breaks. Sure some breaks fall into one's lap from time to time, but most of the times successful people GO OUT AND MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. They are proactive, not reactive. They prepare, do their homework so to speak, and are ready when opportunity presents itself.

 

Only you can stop yourself. It's what many of us have been saying to you all along.