I feel like crap

[Els]

I know what you're trying to say. But my issue is that when ever I wanted to hang out with somebody, I'm always the one who had to invite them and arrange everything. I shouldn't have to go to church to find somebody like that, besides it's not the like the people I hung out with met me at church...

 

It should be possible to make friends outside in the world, but it seems I have to do all the work and I've never been that outgoing.

 

Well, people are inherently 'selfish', for lack of a better word. If there is no motivation for any of them to get a newcomer to stay, why would anyone venture outside their cliques to purposefully befriend someone shy and invite them out? That is why people who are new often do not fit in if they are shy and don't want to make the first move. For your classmates, it matters not to them whether or not you stay or go. Places like church have a 'motive' - again, for lack of a better word - they believe that they have done something for the great good if they get a newcomer to stay in church.

 

It is certainly possible but usually when you are coming into an established place (ie you joined college not in freshman year, yes?) as a lone individual, people are not going to be doing the work for you.

 

 

 

 

 

How do you even meet people online?

 

I played WoW for about 4 years and never met anybody. Then again, I'm not too keen on a LDR. Maybe in the past, but I need something real now.

 

So far all the girls I met who game in real life have been taken or not interested. It sucks how they are in such high demand.

 

Well, there are RL clan/guild gatherings (think The Guild! ) and such, some people know each other online and meet there. Others usually have to do LDR before one of them moves, yes.

 

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I was a girl instead. Same hobbies and interests, same personality but with a female twist, same relative attractiveness. I'd probably be married with children.

 

If you are solely talking about getting a mate through gaming, then yes, certainly being female would be in your favour. Simple law of supply and demand - far more men than women play them. Really, though, personally, I don't know if being female is worth that advantage. Not being bitter, simply an astute observation.

 

Retail and temp jobs plus lots of video games.

 

You never met anyone in retail? That seems like a relatively social job.

 

Teknoe, I think SD stated that he has blocked you.

Edited November 20, 2011 by Elswyth

[Teknoe]

Teknoe, I think SD stated that he has blocked you.

 

 

No need for long faces. I'm not surprised (if he did in fact).

 

1000x sadder than his blocking me is his blocking his own happiness and success in life. He's a guy who can't handle the truth, skits around it with the same tired excuses. I know a 100 guys like him in real life. Eventually, if they continue on NOT seeking actively toward healing, they're just going rot away in obscurity and pain and self-hatred. It's a sad cycle.

 

Maybe I didn't approach SD with "kiddy gloves" but I definitely meant well. It was simply clear though that he's not really open or ready to make a true effort toward change.

 

Deuces!

[somedude81]

Well, people are inherently 'selfish', for lack of a better word. If there is no motivation for any of them to get a newcomer to stay, why would anyone venture outside their cliques to purposefully befriend someone shy and invite them out? That is why people who are new often do not fit in if they are shy and don't want to make the first move. For your classmates, it matters not to them whether or not you stay or go. Places like church have a 'motive' - again, for lack of a better word - they believe that they have done something for the great good if they get a newcomer to stay in church.

 

It is certainly possible but usually when you are coming into an established place (ie you joined college not in freshman year, yes?) as a lone individual, people are not going to be doing the work for you.

I often wonder how others do it. How they made friends when they were in a new situation. How do those cliques even form? And it is hard to join an established one. People forget about you easily.

 

And yeah, I transferred as a junior and even though I've been here for two years, I haven't been able to make any real friends. So far there was only one guy I hung out with a couple of times, but he got too busy. Except for him, there was all the girls I spent time with who only saw me as a friend and ended up kicking me out of her life. Then a bunch of other girls I was never able to get beyond classmates with that I might have lunch with a couple of times.

 

Well, there are RL clan/guild gatherings (think The Guild! ) and such, some people know each other online and meet there. Others usually have to do LDR before one of them moves, yes.

Seeing as how roughly 95% of people playing online are men it's roughly not the best place to meet girls. I remember being in guilds where there was only one or two girls. It's just really easy for girls to meet guys online, due to the sheer girl to guy ratio.

 

If you are solely talking about getting a mate through gaming, then yes, certainly being female would be in your favour. Simple law of supply and demand - far more men than women play them. Really, though, personally, I don't know if being female is worth that advantage. Not being bitter, simply an astute observation.

No, not just gaming. That's just if I wanted to find somebody who has a similar interest. Throw in dancing as well and there'd be no shortage of guys. And that's not counting all the everyday guys who sincerely want to pursue a relationship.

 

Frankly, it seems that the hardest thing a girl has to do is reject men she's not interested in. It would certainly be a nice change of pace having people present themselves to me instead of chasing for scraps.

 

You never met anyone in retail? That seems like a relatively social job.

I meet people all the time. I talk to lots of people at work. No one has ever invited me to hang out at any jobs I've had. At my current jobs I just mostly talk to the girls but it never gets beyond small talk. There are two girls who are friendlier than most girls are, but they both have boyfriends. If they were single, I'm sure I would have hung out with one or the other outside of work.

[Els]

No need for long faces. I'm not surprised (if he did in fact).

 

1000x sadder than his blocking me is his blocking his own happiness and success in life. He's a guy who can't handle the truth, skits around it with the same tired excuses. I know a 100 guys like him in real life. Eventually, if they continue on NOT seeking actively toward healing, they're just going rot away in obscurity and pain and self-hatred. It's a sad cycle.

 

Maybe I didn't approach SD with "kiddy gloves" but I definitely meant well. It was simply clear though that he's not really open or ready to make a true effort toward change.

 

Deuces!

 

Well, I think everyone has the right to do what they see fit with the advice given them - as fellow anonymous posters and not their parents, we can't really tell people what to do. As long as the poster is polite and civil, I don't personally feel slighted if my advice isn't taken. It is really their life, in the end.

 

I often wonder how others do it. How they made friends when they were in a new situation. How do those cliques even form? And it is hard to join an established one. People forget about you easily.

 

My experience has been that most cliques form at the beginning when everyone does not know each other. Haven't had experience with longterm work but that has been the case in all schools and colleges. If you miss out on Year 1 you had better be really outgoing or you'll be a little lonely.

 

And yeah, I transferred as a junior and even though I've been here for two years, I haven't been able to make any real friends. So far there was only one guy I hung out with a couple of times, but he got too busy. Except for him, there was all the girls I spent time with who only saw me as a friend and ended up kicking me out of her life. Then a bunch of other girls I was never able to get beyond classmates with that I might have lunch with a couple of times.

 

I have had trouble joining Year 3 of my college classes as well, although I think there are several factors that affect my predicament as well, such as culture, race, and gender differences... And possibly the fact that all lectures are recorded and posted online so there is rarely motivation to actually go to class.

 

Seeing as how roughly 95% of people playing online are men it's roughly not the best place to meet girls. I remember being in guilds where there was only one or two girls. It's just really easy for girls to meet guys online, due to the sheer girl to guy ratio.

 

Certainly, but it is the best place to meet gamers nonetheless.

 

 

No, not just gaming. That's just if I wanted to find somebody who has a similar interest. Throw in dancing as well and there'd be no shortage of guys. And that's not counting all the everyday guys who sincerely want to pursue a relationship.

 

If similar interest does not matter to you, then you would indeed have a much wider range of options.

 

Frankly, it seems that the hardest thing a girl has to do is reject men she's not interested in. It would certainly be a nice change of pace having people present themselves to me instead of chasing for scraps.

 

I did not mean in relationships... I meant that many things in life, in general, are easier for men. Men whom I have spoken to about this have usually told me that sex/relationship-wise they would have preferred to be a woman, but in all other aspects of life they prefer being a man. I don't wish to derail your thread with details, as it may bring down the flamebaiters, but this has been my experience at least.

 

Regardless, I believe that most of us aren't born with everything completely 'fair' to us - some of us are born poor, some with chronic diseases, some with less talent or intellect, some in worse countries... and the list goes on. Male or female is only one of those things that we are born with - and the advantages or disadvantages thereof are just part of life.

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by Floridaman

SD,

I said limited experience, as in not dating a lot or never-married.

 

A singles group, that's where I met that 30 y.o. virgin I dated for 6 mos. when I was 26, my first real adult relationship.

A professional woman (a teacher), she had dated of course but not much, hadn't been in any significant LTR and was waiting for the right guy.

Her virginity status wasn't well-known and was something she confided to me in our dating.

 

The woman I married (met her @30, she was mid-30s), she went on dates in her 20s but never found the right guy after an earlier engagement and like me, hadn't many LTRs.

 

When I last went to a couple of singles groups at church, it was mainly people over 40.

 

Most young women, have no need to go to something like that.

 

Women in their early 20s may not, but you may find the older ones, the ones in late 20s and 30s, there.

 

Please, SD, consider dating women closer to your age.

You won't get as frustrated.

 

My mom in her late 30s dated a never-married guy her age.

I don't think this man, who I liked, was highly "experienced."

Didn't see his lack of dating experience become a problem with their relationship that went on for a couple of years.

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

 

Contrary to media images and the phony world of campus life, there are many adults who live responsibly and don't have sex with everyone they date.

 

They may do that for moral, logical and religious reasons.

Some may not have found the right person, so they haven't dated a lot.

You wouldn't be out of place in the 30-something adult world.

 

 

Those two statements have little connection.

SD,

Stated that to show you there are women out there that don't have tons of dating or sexual experience. Of course, the young girls outnumbered the older ones by a longshot, but still, there were older women (late 20s, 30s, 40s) returning to school.

 

You need to understand college is an artificial environment.

Once you get out in the cubicle world and work your profession, it won't have any resemblance to college.

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

Many of those are the older adults returning to college for grad school and night classes. Check them out.

Posted this bec. like me when I returned to grad school @28, I noticed older adult women, like in their 30s and 40s, also in classes.

Of course, many were married...

 

I am absolutely out of place in the 30-something adult world. I have no relationship experience whatsoever. There are 16 year old boys who know more about women than I do.

 

 

Yeah, and there are 40+. College only has people 18-22 and 40+. I'm the oddball out.

Singles groups can be hit and miss.

Remember @30 going to a singles group function. There were mostly 40-something women there, so didn't stay with that one.

 

But you have to keep trying and looking.