I feel like crap

[Ross MwcFan]

Don't kill yourself man. Think about the people, the people who you care about who will be left behind to pick up the pieces.

[Teknoe]

I'm such a loser. Everything I want is so close but I just can't get it. And I'm just being teased. Why doesn't she put me out of my misery? I should have been able to make her like me but I totally failed with her.

 

I really want to tell her off. Which I could have done last night if she answered her f-ing phone. I have so much anger in me I feel I can explode.

I'm sick of only depending on myself. I can't have a happy, peaceful life alone! Nobody can! That's the reason we get into relationships! How come only I have to learn to do it? I'm not a bad person.

 

But when things go wrong or don't happen I start to get mad and begin having violent thoughts. Things that are so out of character for me, but maybe I'm supposed to do them? I'm obviously not supposed to have a happy and fulfilled life.

 

On my list of priorities getting a girlfriend is a 10 and getting male friends is a 2. That's just how it is. If I meet a guy and he wants to hang out, great. But I'm not going to go out of my way trying to make any male friends. I just don't have any energy to try and pursue something like that.

 

My original plan was to kill myself before my 30th birthday, but I put that off because I started to get some hope Now I doubt I'll make it to the end of the year.

 

Things would be so much easier if I didn't love my immediate family. They are the only people who care about me. No offense to the people online.

 

 

Again, you didn't answer my question regarding the activity night. WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THAT instead of beating yourself up?

 

Please answer me that.

 

And please seek therapy ASAP. It's obvious you have suicide tendencies, and that's very unhealthy.

 

Again, please answer my activity night question, and why you refuse to just do it? You could even meet a really cute girl that way. It's a win-win.

[tman666]

Somedude,

 

A lot of people here have been giving you sound advice, but I don't believe any of us are qualified enough to deal with someone who is suicidal. That's not a cop out, it's just a fact.

 

We can share our experiences and suggestions until we're blue in the face, but there's only so much we can do on our end (as internet people). We can't be there to "show you". We can't be there to be your friend in real life. We can only "tell you" our thoughts over the internet. There's a big difference, hence the suggestions that you find real life friendship.

 

Like many here have told you, the level at which you allow these various girls to dictate your happiness is not only unhealthy, but dangerous. You're talking about having an actual plan to off yourself by your 30th birthday. Do you not see how unbelievably horrible and tragic this is? Throwing away the only shot at life you will ever get? Dismissing the fact that you have a shot to change the world for the better?

 

You see, the major disconnect is that you're asking and receiving advice from people who are more or less "centered". The advice that we give you makes perfect sense to us. The way out of your personal hell seems like a clear road to us. I can now see from your most recent post that no matter what advice you're given here, you might truly be incapable of using it to your benefit. That's not a dig against you, but you need to realize that you are sick. When a person has cancer, they don't fight in on their own. They have a support team in the way of their families, doctors, friends, and spiritual leaders. Each plays a different role, but all are incredibly important in getting through it.

 

Things can change. You need to realize that you might not be capable of dealing with your problems by yourself at this point. You need to seek help from qualified professionals who can help walk you through the steps needed to get you back on your feet.

[Dorie]

If it's reached the point of contemplating suicide somedude81, surely you'd be open to attempting ANY advice, wouldn't you?

 

The advice that promises the largest returns is getting your condition of dysthmia addressed.

It's clear it's not being managed as it should.

That alone is colouring your outlook and affecting your actions. It makes me incredibly sad to know you're in this amount of pain.

 

You're right to think of your family as well. Suicide destroys those left behind. Given that, is medication and talk therapy honestly too much to ask?

[somedude81]

Don't kill yourself man. Think about the people, the people who you care about who will be left behind to pick up the pieces.

Why should their pain be more important than my own?

 

They don't have to live my life.

 

It also won't be a total surprise. I've already talked to my parents about how lonely I am. My dad completely understands how I feel. We talked over email a while ago and he said this.

 

"If not for (my stepmom, his wife) I probably would've blown my head off at one point or another."

 

And my mom knows I've desperately wanted a girlfriend for many years.

Again, you didn't answer my question regarding the activity night. WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THAT instead of beating yourself up?

 

Please answer me that.

 

And please seek therapy ASAP. It's obvious you have suicide tendencies, and that's very unhealthy.

 

Again, please answer my activity night question, and why you refuse to just do it? You could even meet a really cute girl that way. It's a win-win.

Because I don't really care about having male friends.

 

You keep saying how I'm not emotionally ready to have a girlfriend. I'd say I'm not ready to have a guy friend. I had a buddy about five years ago and he got really pissed off at me because I kept trying to get him to hook me up with his friends. I was using him because he had access to girls.

 

I just never put much value in male friendship.

 

I'm also anti-religion right now after having gone to church for so long and it not doing a damn thing for me. Hell, the Pastor's son was even killed in a motorcycle accident while I was going. That did a real nice job of strengthening my faith.

 

A lot of people here have been giving you sound advice, but I don't believe any of us are qualified enough to deal with someone who is suicidal. That's not a cop out, it's just a fact.

 

We can share our experiences and suggestions until we're blue in the face, but there's only so much we can do on our end (as internet people). We can't be there to "show you". We can't be there to be your friend in real life. We can only "tell you" our thoughts over the internet. There's a big difference, hence the suggestions that you find real life friendship.

The advice I get here, is pretty similar to what most therapists have said. "Find friends and don't focus on the negative thoughts."

 

Like many here have told you, the level at which you allow these various girls to dictate your happiness is not only unhealthy, but dangerous.

Of course I know that, but I can't turn it off. As you said, I'm not mentally healthy.

You're talking about having an actual plan to off yourself by your 30th birthday. Do you not see how unbelievably horrible and tragic this is? Throwing away the only shot at life you will ever get? Dismissing the fact that you have a shot to change the world for the better?

Not so much a plan but a strong desire to do so. I've had a few other periods in my life when I planned to kill myself but I never got anywhere close to doing anything. They were at 18, 21, 25 and 30 (which I've since decided against.)

 

And yes, I've hated my life for around 15 years, maybe 20 as I was unhappy as a child. With me nearing 30, I can see that there is little hope that it will get better. I don't want to live the next 30 years of my life in misery; being punished for a crime I didn't commit.

 

That's not a dig against you, but you need to realize that you are sick. When a person has cancer, they don't fight in on their own. They have a support team in the way of their families, doctors, friends, and spiritual leaders. Each plays a different role, but all are incredibly important in getting through it.

This isn't the first time I got this close to contemplating. I've already put my family through this before. All they can do is provide a temporary solution. This is a life long problem. And I'm tired of dealing with it.

 

What really hurts is that I'm not being allowed to try the one thing that I believe will help me.

 

Never mind the fact that I'm not the only person in the world who wants to find somebody. I'm posting on an international forum called Loveshack...

If it's reached the point of contemplating suicide somedude81, surely you'd be open to attempting ANY advice, wouldn't you?

Not really, because this is not something new. The advice is nothing new, nothing that I haven't tried already.

 

The advice that promises the largest returns is getting your condition of dysthmia addressed.

 

It's clear it's not being managed as it should.

That alone is colouring your outlook and affecting your actions. It makes me incredibly sad to know you're in this amount of pain.

For some reason, the therapy I've had, has done a very poor job of managing the dysthmia.

 

I still believe it's the whole putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound thing. The bullet needs to be taken out and the wound sewn (my loneliness) before the healing can begin.

 

But everybody wants to skip the first step. They want me to try and be happy while I have this thing inside that's killing me.

 

You're right to think of your family as well. Suicide destroys those left behind.

I know it does.

 

That's why I wish I would just die in my sleep or get killed in some freak accident. I kind of get jealous when I hear that somebody was suddenly killed and wish it was me.

 

I don't have any will to live.

 

If I ever do really get to that point, which won't be for a couple of months, I'm glad to have these threads as a record of how I felt. I just hope they don't get deleted. I would want my parents to read them.

Edited August 16, 2011 by somedude81

[somedude81]

No I'm not joking but I'm not going to do anything until December, after the fall semester ends. There is no danger at all until then. Even then I'll probably end up postponing it.

-----------

 

Getting back to the girl.

 

I sent her a message around 11 AM accusing her of ignoring me. Then she got back to me at 12 saying that she's not ignoring me but that's she's busy. I brought up last night that she just stopped responding so it's making me think that she's trying to avoid me. Her reply was that she fell asleep.

 

After that one thought came to mind.

 

I told her to give me a second that I need to find a facepalm picture and that got a LOL out of her. So I sent her another message telling her that It's been a long time that we hung out and asking when she's free. And it's been 20 minutes since then.

 

Ugh, this girl...

[Els]

Sigh, OP. Her responses towards you are perfectly nomal for a girl who wants to be friends but nothing more. She is not wrong per se... She is just not interested. And the more you do this, the less interested she is going to be. Seriously, just grabbing and kissing her would be less likely to piss her off. You'll meet her eventually and be able to make your moves and find out one way or another. In the meantime, distract yourself with something? It's only been a few weeks since you've seen her last...

 

I think you should seek out your immediate family for support in times like these. And I don't mean to be mean, but I hope to jolt you out of this : Plenty of people have far worse lives than yours. People struggling to survive a battle with cancer, people being oppressed by war, children who work 20 hours a day in a sweatshop just so they have enough to eat for the day... They would all cry tears of frustration that they are doing all that just to stay alive but you're thinking of ending your life just because you don't have a girlfriend.

[Ross MwcFan]

somedude, I used to be in exactly the same place as you, maybe even worse.

 

I'm 35. I had never even experienced a girl being interested in me offline. Thought that it actually wasn't even possible for a woman to be attracted to me offline, not one woman in the whole world.

 

I beleived that there must've been something biologically wrong with me which caused it to not be possible for any women to be sexually attracted to me.

 

I never took anyone's advice, because, what would be the point, if it isn't possible for me to sexually attract another human being offline?

 

There would be times where I would feel really really miserable, I wanted to kill myself, but never had the guts too.

 

Most of the time when I wasn't feeling really miserable, I just felt indifferent about dying, I really didn't care if I did die.

 

But I've managed to pull myself out of that place.

 

I started taking anti depressants.

 

I started listening to self help/hypnosis mp3's. I did the mental exericises.

 

Now those two things, were for just life in general, but from doing those things, I started to feel more positive, started to think, maybe it is possible to attract some women, I started to think, it would be worth listening to people's advice, and actually 'trying' to get a ONS/GF/Relationship, when I'm in a better place to do so.

 

And then a few months back, I met this wonderfull girl online, who I'm going to meet.

 

So al in all, I'm not in that dark place with no hope anymore. I actually do have hope now, I have faith, I really think it could be possible to attract women offline, and if I wasn't with anyone now, I would actually be working at it.

 

If I can pull myself out of it, me of all people, then I'm sure you can.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Els]

Awesome post, Ross.

[somedude81]

Ross, you kept saying offline why is that? How was online easier than the real world?

 

And yes, she's a great girl. I almost met her, but she got ill when we were supposed to meet up. No, I wasn't trying to take her from you

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, you kept saying offline why is that? How was online easier than the real world?

 

And yes, she's a great girl. I almost met her, but she got ill when we were supposed to meet up.

 

Because, plenty of women online, had flirted with me, shown interest in me, had developed romantic feelings for me, and even wanted to meet and **** me.

 

But offline, it's like a completely different world. No one has ever shown interest for some reason, or at least, I've never noticed it.

 

Online, it's like it just happened naturally, I'd never plan it or try to make it happen. It just happens naturally like it does for other people in the real world.

 

What will help, is having your pic as your avatar, so women can see what you look like, and just being in a good care free mood when posting in forums. Then one day, bam, it just happens.

 

No, I wasn't trying to take her from you

 

Lol, I know.

 

You sound like you're suffering from depression. Have you ever got it looked at? Have you ever tried meds? CBT?

 

This would be the best first step for you to take.

 

It was the first step I took.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

Awesome post, Ross.

 

Thanks Elswyth.

[somedude81]

Because, plenty of women online, had flirted with me, shown interest in me, had developed romantic feelings for me, and even wanted to meet and **** me.

 

But offline, it's like a completely different world. No one has ever shown interest for some reason, or at least, I've never noticed it.

 

Online, it's like it just happened naturally, I'd never plan it or try to make it happen. It just happens naturally like it does for other people in the real world.

 

What will help, is having your pic as your avatar, so women can see what you look like, and just being in a good care free mood when posting in forums. Then one day, bam, it just happens.

Hmm.

 

That just seems really odd, why would somebody like you online but not in person? I think you mentioned having some type of social anxiety. I figure that doesn't affect you online.

 

That might be an idea for me to try. Using my picture as an avatar. Though it would have to be at a forum where I don't post anything really negative. I would hate for somebody who I know to recognize my online presence here. My words here are so depressed and I don't always say the nicest things about women.

 

You sound like you're suffering from depression. Have you ever got it looked at? Have you ever tried meds? CBT?

 

This would be the best first step for you to take.

 

It was the first step I took.

Yes I have dysthmia. It's a chronic, milder form of depression but it's very long term and somewhat resistant to medication. I did CBT for about six months. It doesn't really help.

 

You know what guys? I'm actually in a good mood. Want to know why?

 

Because we talked on the phone and joked around today. Also it's seems pretty likely that we are going to go to Six Flags this week. So far it's still a maybe and she needs to figure out her schedule.

 

I also just realized something. If I were in her shoes, based on how I've been acting, I would have said no. Frankly, I'm amazed she has put up with me for so long.

 

I really do need to figure out why I depend on women so much for my happiness.

[betterdeal]

I'm such a loser. Everything I want is so close but I just can't get it. And I'm just being teased. Why doesn't she put me out of my misery? I should have been able to make her like me but I totally failed with her.

 

I really want to tell her off. Which I could have done last night if she answered her f-ing phone. I have so much anger in me I feel I can explode.

I'm sick of only depending on myself. I can't have a happy, peaceful life alone! Nobody can! That's the reason we get into relationships! How come only I have to learn to do it? I'm not a bad person.

 

But when things go wrong or don't happen I start to get mad and begin having violent thoughts. Things that are so out of character for me, but maybe I'm supposed to do them? I'm obviously not supposed to have a happy and fulfilled life.

 

On my list of priorities getting a girlfriend is a 10 and getting male friends is a 2. That's just how it is. If I meet a guy and he wants to hang out, great. But I'm not going to go out of my way trying to make any male friends. I just don't have any energy to try and pursue something like that.

 

My original plan was to kill myself before my 30th birthday, but I put that off because I started to get some hope Now I doubt I'll make it to the end of the year.

 

Things would be so much easier if I didn't love my immediate family. They are the only people who care about me. No offense to the people online.

 

I spent 3 weeks on a mental health ward and had surgery on my wrists requiring general anaesthetic the cuts were so deep (and millimetres away from being fatal) and I can say, without a doubt, you are depressed and your thought patterns are dangerous to others as well as yourself. Seek help immediately.

[Teknoe]

I really do need to figure out why I depend on women so much for my happiness.

 

 

YES! Finally. You're starting to "get it" and see the light here. You ABSOLUTELY have to do this. Talk to a therapist or counselor about this, even if you done so in the past things are different now because:

 

A. At least now you're aware of this fact, or more aware today than whenever you last spoke to a counselor about this (if you have at all in the past)

 

B. You're also in a different stage in life (no matter how small it's still a different stage).

 

I had/have to ask MYSELF that question. I would crush like nobody's business. I was verbally rejected by 3 girls in 12 months. I finally had to ask myself what the heck I was doing, and why I rely so much on a "good relationship with a girl" to make me feel so good about myself.

 

Glad you are in a happy mood as of your last post but again, it's because you and the girl had a good "talk." Man, I used to be in your shoes like you would not believe. It's really unhealthy because your mood shouldn't swing with how your conversations with a female goes. That leads to unstability and ultimately, a rather depressive state of mind and being.

 

 

You keep saying how I'm not emotionally ready to have a girlfriend. I'd say I'm not ready to have a guy friend. I had a buddy about five years ago and he got really pissed off at me because I kept trying to get him to hook me up with his friends. I was using him because he had access to girls.

 

 

You're not emotionally ready to have a girlfriend.

 

However, you are ALWAYS ready to have guy friends, supporters in your life. And remember, to have a friend you gotta BE a friend. Using people for girls is not cool... that's why that "friendship" of yours 5 years ago didn't last. Nobody likes to be used that way.

 

But yes, go to the activity night. Make some guy friends.

 

Think about it... if YOU were a woman would you date a guy with NO friends? No guy friends? That's a major red flag. Who would he invite to the wedding? Who would his best man be? These last 2 questions may seem a little superficial, but it also rings true and speaks to the kind of life the man is living.

 

Having no (guy) friends is a major red flag. It would tell me the guy has trouble connecting to other guys, and might mean bad news if I were to marry him. If he's going to depend on me to keep him happy, good gosh, that's a lot of pressure on me because I'm human and will inevitably fail!

 

 

I just never put much value in male friendship.

 

You should start. In fact, you acknowledged earlier in this thread you admit having male friends IS important.

 

 

I'm also anti-religion right now after having gone to church for so long and it not doing a damn thing for me. Hell, the Pastor's son was even killed in a motorcycle accident while I was going. That did a real nice job of strengthening my faith.

 

Bad things happen to good people.

Good things happen to bad people.

 

That's just how it is some of the times. Some things are not explainable or even understandable since humans are finite. Only God knows for sure.

 

And I know you're anti-religion right now, but what does that have to do with an ACTIVITY night? Do you know that small groups don't ALWAYS have Bible Study, but they also have:

 

-Board game nights

-Movie nights

-Mini-golf nights

-Bowling nights

 

where believe it or not, no one brings a Bible or quotes scripture. People just hang loose and have a good time hanging out.

 

Do yourself a favor and check out an activity night JUST ONE TIME.

 

Doesn't matter if you're anti-religion. I'm not asking you to attend a Bible Study. I'm asking you to attend a harmless activity night.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Teknoe

[Els]

Well, that's a breakthrough, somedude.

 

Personally, I do think that for some people, it is easier to let go of inhibitions online, as well as the fact that when you meet someone online and both parties do their best to be genuine, you really get to know the person inside before being distracted by 'first impressions' like appearances, charisma and style. So it is probably conducive to people who don't prize such things that much, and who themselves do not have such things as their forte, to meet online. Of course, here I am referring to the development of a natural romance online - ie you start chatting somewhere and it leads to Skype, etc, like Pyro and CE from our boards. NOT online dating sites - those are probably even more shallow than hooking up at a bar.

 

The sad part is that such online romances lead to LDRs more often than not.

 

Also, I agree with Teknoe that if you aren't part of the partying, drinking crowd (and thus the minority, it seems, in US cities?) church activity nights are probably a good idea.

Edited August 17, 2011 by Elswyth

[Teknoe]

I agree with Teknoe that if you aren't part of the partying, drinking crowd (and thus the minority, it seems, in US cities?) church activity nights are probably a good idea.

 

 

What are you waiting for, SomeDude81?

 

I recall you live in Southern Cali. Not sure which part, but a quick Google search brought me to MANY links.

 

Here's one

 

http://mosaic.org/smallgroups/

 

The girl on that page kind of looks like the girl you like -- except she shows more skin, heh.

 

But in all seriousness, you have me and quite a few others agreeing that a small group activity night might be JUST the scene you need to self-improve and maybe even get some emotional/mental healing done.

 

I can tell you from personal experience 2+ years ago I was depressed. I visited my local church, attended their hang out activities -- game nights, 4th of July fireworks, bonfire on the beach, it really brought a lot of healing from my depression I was facing.

 

Just good people, and many people caring for your best interest. They lifted me up during a time no one else cared for me. I know you can experience a similar healing process as I did 2+ years ago. I recommend and speak all this from personal experience! Which is why it's so agonizing seeing you say no to something I know can really help you out. It's like you're sinking, someone throws you a rescue rope but you refuse to take it, instead waiting for a rescue plane that may well never come. But the rope is there.

 

TAKE THE RESCUE ROPE! (i.e. check out your local small group activity night)

 

GO FOR IT!

Edited August 17, 2011 by Teknoe

[AD1980]

somedude im 31 and never been evne kissed i know how it feels to not be wanted by the opposite sex and how it can get lonely and depressing feeling unwanted

 

All i can tell you is you have to learn how to appreciate the little things in life wheter its nice weather good food and friends whatever and be thankful for it..

 

 

Things could be much worse..having your health and a loving family is a blessing..maybe go to a childrens hospital to gain some perspective on things and youll see people whod do anyhting to trade places with you to have good health..

 

I think the friend thing is important and something you should try..While i dont have a huge social circle the few close friends i do have are there for me and give me support..

 

 

Their wives are like sisters to me and give me that nurturing also that maybe a Man cant give..and they also tell me how im a gentleman and great guy and it gives me hope that somebodies out there for me..

 

I believe im a catch for a women because i have a lot of love to give and the right one just hasnt seen it yet just like i beleive for you..

[cerridwen]

Well, that's a breakthrough, somedude.

 

Personally, I do think that for some people, it is easier to let go of inhibitions online, as well as the fact that when you meet someone online and both parties do their best to be genuine, you really get to know the person inside before being distracted by 'first impressions' like appearances, charisma and style. So it is probably conducive to people who don't prize such things that much, and who themselves do not have such things as their forte, to meet online. Of course, here I am referring to the development of a natural romance online - ie you start chatting somewhere and it leads to Skype, etc, like Pyro and CE from our boards. NOT online dating sites - those are probably even more shallow than hooking up at a bar.

 

The sad part is that such online romances lead to LDRs more often than not.

 

Also, I agree with Teknoe that if you aren't part of the partying, drinking crowd (and thus the minority, it seems, in US cities?) church activity nights are probably a good idea.

 

Interesting, Elswyth.

 

You don't have to say which of course, but are you on other boards, somedude? Boards that either deal with your interests or boards for emotional support?

 

If not, would you be open to joining some for the purpose of finding common ground with others and a possible date?

[Dorie]

Hmm.

 

That just seems really odd, why would somebody like you online but not in person? I think you mentioned having some type of social anxiety. I figure that doesn't affect you online.

 

That might be an idea for me to try. Using my picture as an avatar. Though it would have to be at a forum where I don't post anything really negative. I would hate for somebody who I know to recognize my online presence here. My words here are so depressed and I don't always say the nicest things about women.

 

Yes I have dysthmia. It's a chronic, milder form of depression but it's very long term and somewhat resistant to medication. I did CBT for about six months. It doesn't really help.

 

You know what guys? I'm actually in a good mood. Want to know why?

 

Because we talked on the phone and joked around today. Also it's seems pretty likely that we are going to go to Six Flags this week. So far it's still a maybe and she needs to figure out her schedule.

 

I also just realized something. If I were in her shoes, based on how I've been acting, I would have said no. Frankly, I'm amazed she has put up with me for so long.

 

I really do need to figure out why I depend on women so much for my happiness .

 

I'm happy to hear you're in a bit of a better spot now.

 

However, it's still very concerning how low your spirits can become.

 

Betterdeal's concern is not an overreaction.

 

It seems your dysthmia has altered your perspective to a dangerous degree. This isn't to discount the realities of your situation. However, you must acknowledge mood alters thought and your mood is more in control of you, than you are of it.

[betterdeal]

You want a shag. That's why you're fixated on this woman.

[somedude81]

I spent 3 weeks on a mental health ward and had surgery on my wrists requiring general anaesthetic the cuts were so deep (and millimetres away from being fatal) and I can say, without a doubt, you are depressed and your thought patterns are dangerous to others as well as yourself. Seek help immediately.

Wow, that's brave of you to admit that.

 

Thank you.

 

Personally, I'm primarily a lot of talk. No doubt that I intensely hate my life though I don't think I have the guts to really do anything.

 

My younger brother actually attempted suicide a few years ago. Managed to survive a self-inflicted gunshot. I know the pain it put my family through.

 

My life isn't bad, I'm just sick of being alone.

Think about it... if YOU were a woman would you date a guy with NO friends? No guy friends? That's a major red flag. Who would he invite to the wedding? Who would his best man be? These last 2 questions may seem a little superficial, but it also rings true and speaks to the kind of life the man is living.

I make acquaintances fairly easy, just actually making real friends is harder. I'm not anti-social at all. It's just the deeper connection required to make friends is hard for me. Right now all of that energy goes into pursuing women. The last guy I tried to reach out to, just forgot about me. I thought we were becoming friends last semester but once school was out, I never saw him again. If anybody takes the time to invite me to something, I'd gladly go. But people seem to be stuck in their own little worlds.

 

If I ever get married. My youngest brother will be my best man. I may or may not have guy friends/acquaintances there. It doesn't really matter because I have a big family.

 

In fact, you acknowledged earlier in this thread you admit having male friends IS important.

I know it's important, but I just don't care about it that much. Once I get a girl, I can bother with other guys. Having my needs met, would mean that I'm able to be a friend and wouldn't use anybody.

 

Yes, having my mood completely controlled by women is something that I need to talk about to a professional.

 

Well, that's a breakthrough, somedude.

A breakthrough, what is?

when you meet someone online and both parties do their best to be genuine, you really get to know the person inside before being distracted by 'first impressions' like appearances, charisma and style. So it is probably conducive to people who don't prize such things that much, and who themselves do not have such things as their forte, to meet online.

Heh that's funny. In other words, women who care about the first impression things that would normally turn them off to a guy they meet in person, are forced to turn those things off if they meet a guy online. And then when they finally meet, they have already made a solid impression and how he looks and acts won't effect as negatively as if the met right in person at first.

 

The sad part is that such online romances lead to LDRs more often than not.

I have no interest in a LDR at all. I shouldn't have to resort to something like that.

But in all seriousness, you have me and quite a few others agreeing that a small group activity night might be JUST the scene you need to self-improve and maybe even get some emotional/mental healing done.

Wow, you are really pushing for the activity thing. I'll do a search and see if anything is happening in my area.

somedude im 31 and never been evne kissed i know how it feels to not be wanted by the opposite sex and how it can get lonely and depressing feeling unwanted

 

All i can tell you is you have to learn how to appreciate the little things in life wheter its nice weather good food and friends whatever and be thankful for it..

Yeah it is really hard.

 

I do notice the little things, but it's not really a reason to keep going.

 

maybe go to a childrens hospital to gain some perspective on things and youll see people whod do anyhting to trade places with you to have good health..

Knowing that people have it worse off than me isn't going to make me feel better. There are a lot of homeless people in my city. I just wonder why they don't go jump off a bridge and get it over with.

 

I think the friend thing is important and something you should try..While i dont have a huge social circle the few close friends i do have are there for me and give me support..

Close friends are hard to make.

I'm happy to hear you're in a bit of a better spot now.

 

However, it's still very concerning how low your spirits can become.

 

Betterdeal's concern is not an overreaction.

 

It seems your dysthmia has altered your perspective to a dangerous degree. This isn't to discount the realities of your situation. However, you must acknowledge mood alters thought and your mood is more in control of you, than you are of it.

Yes it is pretty scary. And I'm reacting this way to minor things.

 

If I was dating somebody and got dumped, I don't know how I'd take it. The illness doesn't help.

You want a shag. That's why you're fixated on this woman.

It's so much more than just sex.

 

If it was just sex, I would have given up on her a long time ago and went on to chase somebody hotter and or easier.

[betterdeal]

Wow, that's brave of you to admit that.

 

Thank you.

 

Personally, I'm primarily a lot of talk. No doubt that I intensely hate my life though I don't think I have the guts to really do anything.

 

My younger brother actually attempted suicide a few years ago. Managed to survive a self-inflicted gunshot. I know the pain it put my family through.

 

My life isn't bad, I'm just sick of being alone.

 

Then don't talk about it. I used to be all talk. Then I met a girl and got involved. And then I tried killing myself. See, you're all talk about getting a girlfriend, and when you actually take a risk and hold her hand / kiss her / say something unambiguous / actually do something, you'll be doing the things you talked about. And then you'll do the other things you talked about. Like trying to find other things that make you happy.

 

And you'll get used to being alive, to doing. And when you hit a low spot you'll do what you talked about doing when things looked down. Like killing yourself.

 

I make acquaintances fairly easy, just actually making real friends is harder. I'm not anti-social at all. It's just the deeper connection required to make friends is hard for me. Right now all of that energy goes into pursuing women. The last guy I tried to reach out to, just forgot about me. I thought we were becoming friends last semester but once school was out, I never saw him again. If anybody takes the time to invite me to something, I'd gladly go. But people seem to be stuck in their own little worlds.

 

You need to have things to be friends about, around. A shared interest. It can be drinking or rowing or clubbing or bird watching or drug taking or playing pool. It's almost irrelevant what that interest is, so long as you enjoy it, you'll meet other people who do it and that's how friendships grow.

 

But your talk is dire. The deep talk. The talk you talk here. And it is all talk, so it's actually superficial until it becomes action. Until you talk the way you walk, you will find deeper connections hard to make because you are so unused to your expressing inner self in anything except hyperbole and sarcasm.

 

It's so much more than just sex.

 

If it was just sex, I would have given up on her a long time ago and went on to chase somebody hotter and or easier.

 

No you wouldn't. You revel in unrequited love because it fits your world view. It's easier to be a victim than an active participant. Even if you contrive that victim status by doing pretty everything you can to prevent things moving on to another stage. You play cat and mouse with her. Pulling her back when she goes and pushing her away when she come to you. And that's your choice. You are choosing to live this life.

[Yellow_Duck'y]

Hi somedude81,

 

You mentioned having dysthymia.

 

I hope that you'll consider proper medication and continued management of your depression. I know you said you tried it briefly, but Dysthymia isn't something that can be left untreated. While it's good to discuss your thoughts and feelings with friends, family, and on a message forum, it is not a substitute. It is chronic, not accute...

 

You mentioned attempting suicide, it's obviously caused you deep distress to get to that point and I hope that you will consider taking good care of yourself because you deserve much better and so much more than you realize...

 

If you want to fix the issue, as you said you do, you have to put in the work and investment in yourself. Talking on here is good, but I hope you are open to other possibilities as well.

 

Hugs.

[Teknoe]

No you wouldn't. You revel in unrequited love because it fits your world view. It's easier to be a victim than an active participant. Even if you contrive that victim status by doing pretty everything you can to prevent things moving on to another stage. You play cat and mouse with her. Pulling her back when she goes and pushing her away when she come to you. And that's your choice. You are choosing to live this life.

 

I definitely see SomeDude exemplifying the very behavior you describe above. Personally, I like to call it self-sabotage. Sometimes some people find it easier to play the woe-is-me card, act as though they're the victim, and everyone is just kicking them while they're licking their wounds.

 

For example, I remember she invited him to dinner with her folks. Although he claims it was more of a pity invite... it was still an opportunity to spend time with her and her parents. Who knew what would have happened if he JUST went?

 

After all, 50% of life is really just showing up.

 

SomeDude, think of it this way.

 

Ordering wrong is BAD.

 

NOT ordering at all is the worst.

 

And when it comes down to it, you just don't order at all. You close the menu and you prefer to stay in your little box/comfort zone.

 

What did you do that night you turned down her family dinner invite? Since you don't have friends really, I know you didn't spend it with the guys instead. You were probably in your room on LoveShack or other sites. Dude, you passed up spending time with your crush and family to do something you can do ANY TIME???

 

Internet = anytime

Dinner with your crush and her folks = maybe that was your last shot

 

I recall you saying something like "No worries, there will be other times"

 

What we don't realize until it's too late is... maybe that one time was THE last time.

 

Again, self-sabotage.

 

 

Right now all of that energy goes into pursuing women.

 

Time to channel that energy into something more doable. Like I said, let's crawl before we walk. What's not doable right now for you: having a healthy girlfriend, being a healthy boyfriend. What IS doable: making some new guy friends who could hopefully turn into pretty good friends (i.e. people who have your back, you have theirs, and they would be at your future wedding hands down and you at theirs).

 

 

If anybody takes the time to invite me to something, I'd gladly go. But people seem to be stuck in their own little worlds.

 

If you wait around for people to come to you, you'll never make friends. You gotta put yourself out there. Funny thing is, when you do this, some people will be receptive, but you just got to believe you're worth it.

 

 

I know [having guy friends] it's important, but I just don't care about it that much. Once I get a girl, I can bother with other guys. Having my needs met, would mean that I'm able to be a friend and wouldn't use anybody.

 

Having male friends will go a long way in making you a healthier more whole person. Again, do you remember my 22 year old cousin example? Very few girls will become some guy's boyfriend who has zero social life. And the very few that would probably have the same unhealthy issues. It's just unhealthy to have NO real friends to speak of, and a major red flag. And you always assume having a girlfriend will automatically equal having your needs met.

 

Sorry, it's time to throw away that fantasy. You will have WHOLE NEW issues crop up, but like I said, a relationship's just not happening for you until you sort out your issues a little bit. Not sort all of it (remember, 1 baggage vs. 10 bags' worth?), just sort through your issues even a little bit, perhaps even moderately.

 

 

Wow, you are really pushing for the activity thing. I'll do a search and see if anything is happening in my area.

 

GREAT! This is the best thing you've posted in this thread. Please be a man of your word and FOLLOW THROUGH. Keep us posted on this. I for one would love to hear your experience.