I feel like crap

[somedude81]

I just talked to her.

 

She doesn't want to go swimming. I really want to see her in a bikini. I'll have to try and convince her when I pick her up Saturday.

 

This talk comparing me to OG is just funny.

for whatever reason she's still entertaining you, but everything at this point really looks like a pity meh hang-out to her, until she can find something better.

She has friends and a social life, she doesn't need me.

 

You just waiting for her to tell you off is delaying the inevitable.

How is me waiting, delaying anything?

 

Do you know how pathetic and selfish that sounds?

 

Please don't ask her to put some sunscreen on you. Good grief man she won't even hug you -- what makes you think she'll say yes to putting on sunscreen on your bare body?

ROFL dude. Chill out.

 

Again, do you know how pathetic this sounds?

Here is the post that I responded to.

 

If you do end up dating someone with a healthy social group or a penchant for hobbies- you're not going to be able to see them every day- so you want to have your own plans in place.

Why is it pathetic to want to see somebody twice a week if you're dating them?

 

Eventually, on like page 16, you're going to bitch about how the girl's flaking out on you and if you should still pursue/how to pursue.

Heh, you think this would reach 16 pages? I wonder when that will happen.

 

And no, I would not tolerate a flake at all without a valid reason.

Edited August 19, 2011 by somedude81

[Teknoe]

I just talked to her.

 

She doesn't want to go swimming. I really want to see her in a bikini. I'll have to try and convince her when I pick her up Saturday.

 

This talk comparing me to OG is just funny.

 

sigh sigh sigh.

 

She's softening you up bud. She really is. She's easing into her way to worm out of this meet up. She's gonna bail on you Friday or early Saturday. Probably some not feeling too well excuse, or "Hey, sorry something came up with the family. Have a great weekend" AND you best believe she won't say "But let's hang out next weekend."

 

That's the sign the girl flat out isn't interested, if she doesn't counter-offer, or if her counter-offer is some weak BS like "but we'll get together some other time...." which is NICE girl talk for "please get a clue and back off so I don't have to be harsh about rejecting you."

 

And this talk comparing you to OG is not funny.

 

It's sad it's come to that. It's even sadder than everyone sees it except you. Denial is a powerful mind trick. You think OG is a disease, and you're not that bad. You got some issues man. You need to get them checked out.

 

INVEST IN A LIFE COACH!

 

Like someone trained and paid to work closely with you and whip your butt into shape (not just physically but mentally and emotionally). You should need some kind of outside intervention.

 

Why do I even bother at this point... it's like talking to a wall. Or, One Goal. Ignores all the good advice or shoots it down. In denial. Same broken record. Same 10+ page 3,000+ view threads that are nothing but train wrecks. Posters try to help you and OG out. You and OG just keep living in denial and no real attempt to improve.

 

Something is just not right with you SomeDude. The sooner you seek professional help, the better. Like OG, you're using LoveShack as something to enable your destructive behavior, rather than gaining new perspective on how to approach life. Coz everything we say you just ignore.

 

One Goal 2.0

[somedude81]

And if she doesn't bail, what then?

[Teknoe]

And if she doesn't bail, what then?

 

 

Down for a friendly wager if you are.

 

If she bails, which I believe she will, you have to contact a small group leader and attend a social activity night sometime in September 2011.

 

If she DOESN'T bail, I'll stop pushing the social activity night thing on ya. I'll even apologize for having believed she will bail on you.

 

How bout it?

 

(But you have to give me your word you won't lie about the outcome. i.e. if she bails you don't tell me "oh she didn't bail")

[Teknoe]

She has already bailed 2 times right?

 

1st was Six Flags.

 

2nd was swimming.

 

The signs are clear.

 

you are acting like one goal.

 

stop it.

 

And she didn't offer to make it up to him whenever she bailed, right? Not shocked. If a girl likes you, she will make EVERY attempt to spend time with you. A girl who isn't interested doesn't.

 

Funny thing is, SD said the same thing to One Goal. Yet in his own shoes he can't see his situation is much the same.

[somedude81]

Down for a friendly wager if you are.

 

If she bails, which I believe she will, you have to contact a small group leader and attend a social activity night sometime in September 2011.

 

If she DOESN'T bail, I'll stop pushing the social activity night thing on ya. I'll even apologize for having believed she will bail on you.

 

How bout it?

 

(But you have to give me your word you won't lie about the outcome. i.e. if she bails you don't tell me "oh she didn't bail")

LOL, I don't gain anything from either of those. Though being with her would probably be my reward.

 

She has already bailed 2 times right?

 

1st was Six Flags.

 

2nd was swimming.

 

The signs are clear.

 

you are acting like one goal.

 

stop it.

Going to six flags was a maybe and she was apprehensive about the cost the whole time. We may still go.

 

I misunderstood what she meant by going to the beach. I want to go in the water apparently she doesn't.

 

We're going to the Santa Monica pier. I'm still going to try and get her in the water

 

What signs?

[Teknoe]

LOL, I don't gain anything from either of those. Though being with her would probably be my reward.

 

 

You know you'd lose, that's why you're not taking the bet.

 

And I ain't shocked. You said you would check out the activity night thing like 3 days ago. Now I can see you were full of BS. It's clear you ain't gonna do JACK. You said that just to say it, but you never actually meant it.

 

You don't gain anything from stepping out of your comfort zone to meet some people who might actually help you along life's journey?

 

I'm done trying to help or encourage you. You are stubborn and stuck in your destructive ways, plain and simple. Not even teachable.

 

You're drowning, people are passing by throwing you a rope to get back on life's boat and adventure, and you refuse to reach out for the rope.

 

Good luck. I'm done with this One Goal 2.0 circus charade.

[HeavenOrHell]

>I doubt I'm going to have a mental breakdown.<

 

But a few days ago after losing hope with this women you said >My original plan was to kill myself before my 30th birthday, but I put that off because I started to get some hope. Now I doubt I'll make it to the end of the year.

 

Things would be so much easier if I didn't love my immediate family. They are the only people who care about me. No offense to the people online <

 

Which implies you'll top yourself if things don't work out with her You're pinning all your happiness on her, no wonder she can't step up to the plate.

[HeavenOrHell]

I didn't mean that to sound harsh, I'm just concerned about you and what you're doing to yourself.

[somedude81]

Yeah, my original plan was before my birthday, but as I said, I've put that off. Now it's in December, but it's really about how I'm feeling at the time.

 

My absolute worst fear is being in my 40's and still in this situation. I don't want to become a lonely old man.

 

Why live a life with no happiness?

----

As for the girl, we're still on for tomorrow.

 

It seems like we're going to have some time to talk. There is so much I want to ask her but don't know if I should. I really want to find out about her intimacy issues and why she's against hugs. Also if there is anything else I can do.

 

Or maybe I should just try being physical at first? Like putting my arm around her.

 

Sigh, I just don't have any experience being intimate with women.

[Dust]

Yeah, my original plan was before my birthday, but as I said, I've put that off. Now it's in December, but it's really about how I'm feeling at the time.

 

My absolute worst fear is being in my 40's and still in this situation. I don't want to become a lonely old man.

 

Why live a life with no happiness?

----

As for the girl, we're still on for tomorrow.

 

It seems like we're going to have some time to talk. There is so much I want to ask her but don't know if I should. I really want to find out about her intimacy issues and why she's against hugs. Also if there is anything else I can do.

 

Or maybe I should just try being physical at first? Like putting my arm around her.

 

Sigh, I just don't have any experience being intimate with women.

 

go in for a kiss

[somedude81]

Are there any steps that lead into a kiss?

 

Or just surprise her when she's not looking?

[Dust]

Are there any steps that lead into a kiss?

 

Or just surprise her when she's not looking?

 

Make up as you go along. Be yourself and try not to over think it. You’ll know when the time is right.

 

You’ll know. I can’t tell you. If I give you some rule or script to go by you’ll just end up being lame and unnatural and over thinking. Just do it. Trust you’re instincts for once in your life instead of stressing yourself out.

 

Tell me have you ever wanted to kiss a girl? That was the time. Right then. That was the time to try.

[somedude81]

 

Tell me have you ever wanted to kiss a girl? That was the time. Right then. That was the time to try.

Have I ever wanted to kiss a girl?

 

I actually don't know.

 

The thought just seems so unnatural to me.

 

Did you know I have never kissed a woman I had sex with? Foreplay was non-existent.

 

So do I want to kiss this girl? I really don't know. Of course I would kiss her if she wanted me to. Ugh, that is so backwards.

 

Man I'm so confused.

[Dust]

Have I ever wanted to kiss a girl?

 

I actually don't know.

 

The thought just seems so unnatural to me.

 

Did you know I have never kissed a woman I had sex with? Foreplay was non-existent.

 

So do I want to kiss this girl? I really don't know. Of course I would kiss her if she wanted me to. Ugh, that is so backwards.

 

Man I'm so confused.

 

Well I can’t answer that question for you. What I can say is you need to figure this out. Clear mind and just do what’s natural.

[stronganyway]

Sweet guy, you know what would REALLY help you? CODA (Codependents Anon) or SLAA (sex and love addicts anon). You have dangerously low self esteem, perhaps caused by not being loved or treated right as a child. These programs saved my life. I got addicted to LOVE and PEOPLE like they were drugs. Please check out these sites on line, read what the groups are about and GO GO GO!!! to a meeting! IT will help -no, it will turn your life around. Love your SELF. Peace to you my friend.

[somedude81]

Me addicted to sex and love?

 

That's like somebody being addicted to heroin when they never tried it.

 

No, I was not treated right as a child. And then when I started to try and get love from girls, they never treated me right either.

 

I don't have any issues with my parents but I never got affection from anybody else.

 

Now I'm a grown man wanting something I've never had.

 

Even though I shouldn't be, I'm kind of offended that it's suggested I should go to a group like that.

 

If I was going from relationship to relationship or having strings of meaningless sex encounters, then it might make sense to do something like that. Hell maybe if I stalked women or something.

 

But I'm not any of those. I'm just a normal guy who wants a normal life. I'm not a freak.

[AHardDaysNight]

The problem isn't that the OP is a sex addict! It's that he has no luck with girls.

 

Calling a virgin a sex addict is like calling a diabetic someone who isn't addicted to sugar.

[Cracker Jack]

Looking forward to reading your progress after chilling with her tomorrow.

 

Hope you get more physical with her. I think it's needed here.

[D-Lish]

Me addicted to sex and love?

 

That's like somebody being addicted to heroin when they never tried it.

 

No, I was not treated right as a child. And then when I started to try and get love from girls, they never treated me right either.

 

I don't have any issues with my parents but I never got affection from anybody else.

 

Now I'm a grown man wanting something I've never had.

 

Even though I shouldn't be, I'm kind of offended that it's suggested I should go to a group like that.

 

If I was going from relationship to relationship or having strings of meaningless sex encounters, then it might make sense to do something like that. Hell maybe if I stalked women or something.

 

But I'm not any of those. I'm just a normal guy who wants a normal life. I'm not a freak.

 

Why does seeking help in any way, shape or form, make ANYONE a freak?

 

I've been in and out of therapy my entire life- and I can guarantee you that unless you've been molested, you have a better chance than me of getting healthy.

[somedude81]

It's the things that she was suggesting I get help for. Sex addict? Seriously?

 

I know she means well but it's just a misdiagnosis.

 

I just looked up codepenency and it's "Codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or caretaking."

 

I'm not addicted to love and sex mainly because I never get either, and I'm not codependent.

[betterdeal]

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-the-First-Move

 

You could *actually* tell her you've never kissed before. You know, so long as it's said to try and get a kiss, not as a defence mechanism. Add a cheeky smile and a wink and you may stir her loins.

[HeavenOrHell]

She's not your gf, why kiss her? Unless you and her are both into FWB's or ONS.

 

 

 

Are there any steps that lead into a kiss?

 

Or just surprise her when she's not looking?

[Cee]

Sweet guy, you know what would REALLY help you? CODA (Codependents Anon) or SLAA (sex and love addicts anon). You have dangerously low self esteem, perhaps caused by not being loved or treated right as a child. These programs saved my life. I got addicted to LOVE and PEOPLE like they were drugs. Please check out these sites on line, read what the groups are about and GO GO GO!!! to a meeting! IT will help -no, it will turn your life around. Love your SELF. Peace to you my friend.

 

SLAA is also for sexual anorexics. It's two sides of the same coin. Like people who binge on food and those who starve to death. The point of 12 step programs is to offer a new path. A lot of people are suggesting you walk a different road. 12 step is good because you make friends and share from your heart while people listen.

 

I knew ppl in SLAA who hadn't been intimate with a romantic partner in decades. I won't lie and say there was a ton of dating success among anorexics, but their growth in loving themselves was amazing.

 

This may not be for you, but I wanted to correct your misconception. Google sexual anorexia and see if it fits.

[somedude81]

She's not your gf, why kiss her? Unless you and her are both into FWB's or ONS.

People keep telling me that I should kiss her. She's not my GF but I want her to be.

 

I don't have any experience in dating so I don't know how those things start happening.

 

This may not be for you, but I wanted to correct your misconception. Google sexual anorexia and see if it fits.

"Sexual anorexia is a term used to describe a loss of "appetite" for romantic-sexual interaction. However, the term is used broadly and can be better defined as a fear of intimacy to the point that the person has severe anxiety surrounding sex with emotional content i.e. in an intimate relationship."

 

Hell, that sounds like her. I should try and sign her up.