reimeivn Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I went shopping for groceries today and the card didnt work. then i went home and from feeling "nothing really" i changed to feeling "blue". I am not wondering if the ex has a new gf already or not. I think he possibly is having one. He is a very horny person and not very picky. But then i can tell myself to not think about it and so i stop there, so it wouldnt hurt. I saw his recent picture the other day and i hated his face. He looked stupid and stubborn. My mom said that hes my first so it hurts a lot, but once i move on i ll move on forever, and i can see that. I guess I just feel like I am too skinny and ugly and nobody will ever find my attractive again. I am very much in doubt about this entire love thing. I do not know if i will be able to walk away next time when a guy loses feelings for me. I dont even know if somebody will love me for a long time or if they just gonna leave me. Right now I just feel bad in generals. I wonder if I will ever gain some more weights. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 i just want to fly back home with my mom and be like, I gave up. people hurt me too much, people hurt me enough. thats enough. Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Hi reimeivn. You are showing what we in the self-esteem business call "negative self-talk." It's easy for me to spot it in others though very difficult to identify in my own mind. But I do it all the time, especially now: I'll never find a wife, I'm too old to have children, healthy women aren't attracted to me, bald men turn women off, etc. etc. So when I see a beautiful young woman like you lamenting that she's not attractive or too thin, it seems ridiculous to me but very serious to you. But your thoughts aren't "true." They are just what you tell yourself. The way to begin overcoming these thoughts is to pay attention to yourself when you think them. Then STOP them right there. When you think you are too thin, say STOP! I am BEAUTIFUL just the way I am. When you say, "I am ugly," say, "I have eyes that make men have little heart attacks." If you doubt you will find a permanent partner, tell yourself that there are hundreds of men who would fight for the privilege. This is what you MUST do. You have to fight the negative talk. It is NOT TRUE so you don't have to believe it. I have to do the same thing and I'm beginning. It's not easy since I've had negative talk my whole life. Either fight it or believe it. I'm sure everyone on LS will agree that your looks are not your problem ... it's your self-talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 why is that i lost faith in all guys though. even when somebody comes to me i feel like he is just gonna use me and leave me. how can you keep going and dating and thinking that you deserve somebody which is a good person if you just keep getting hurt. and my mom told me that if my bf cheats on me thats my fault i dont know how to keep him. now that makes me feel even worse. feel like i m not attractive enough, not nice enough, not funny enough. actually my ex didnt even want to touch me before he dumped me. long time ago he would tell me that i am disgusting to want to cuddle with him, and he would push me away. it really hurt me a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 i am havign a hard time getting over it. Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Well! You are giving other people such wonderful advice, why don't you give yourself some of the same advice. You WILL get over the hurt given to you by your boyfriend. You WILL find a man you can trust. You WILL ignore the advice of your crazy mother (sorry, but she is telling you untruths (my own mother thought my girlfriend left me because I don't have cable TV)). We all wonder how we can trust anyone again after being hurt so badly. I think we learn to acknowledge that we trusted some people who didn't deserve our trust. We now know how to recognize untrustworthy people and to avoid them. You are probably not ready to find another man yet. You need to believe how wonderful you are. When you believe that, then others will see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 You WILL ignore the advice of your crazy mother (sorry, but she is telling you untruths (my own mother thought my girlfriend left me because I don't have cable TV)). I dont have a cable tv neither XD Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I dont have a cable tv neither XD Ha ha ha! I think I'm in love. Link to post Share on other sites
replicator Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Reimeivn, This guy sounds like a total jerk - as he abused you verbally and emotionally. Honestly, you'll look back and think it was a great thing that you guys split up. Sure, rejection hurts.. Right now this has got you questioning if you're good enough, but you don't need him or anyone else to tell you that. Imagine you actually ended up marrying this type of guy - you got out ahead. Now you make something better out of it. ps. you are not ugly - quite the opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
Finch Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Reimeivn, Everyone has days where they feel blue - being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean you're going to be happy all the time. A relationship should be like the icing on a cake - it's only good when there's something solid underneath it. If two people are both unhappy then they will continue to be unhappy when they are in a relationship. But when you are happy on your own you bring a positive attitude into the relationship, which makes it more fulfilling. Work on doing things to get your self-esteem up and that make you happy. You are most certainly not ugly! No no no! And as for your mother telling you it was your fault your ex cheated on you because you "couldn't keep him" - that's just nonsense! Cheating is a choice HE made, not something you caused him to do. Replicator is absolutely right - imagine if you had ended up marrying that guy! You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and who you feel comfortable and confidant with. A relationship where the person cheats on you and makes you feel bad about yourself is not a healthy relationship. But it still hurts, and it takes time to get over being hurt, so don't be too hard on yourself. You also have to remember that you have the right to expect to be treated with respect, dignity and kindness. You will be ready to date again when the time is right for you. It could be next week, or it could be next year. When you are ready, keep in mind the things that you have learned from this relationship and do not put up with someone who treats you poorly. Also to lovesickmoney, my boyfriend and I live together and we got rid of cable about three months ago! Definitely not something one needs in order to maintain a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Also to lovesickmoney, my boyfriend and I live together and we got rid of cable about three months ago! Definitely not something one needs in order to maintain a relationship! That's a relief. My mom is USUALLY right about everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 all of us are broken right. broken somewhere somehow. after all the relationships and the breakups, dont you ever feel like your too broken at something that cannot be fixed? Link to post Share on other sites
ichooseme Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 all of us are broken right. broken somewhere somehow. after all the relationships and the breakups, dont you ever feel like your too broken at something that cannot be fixed? I don't think you're too broken at something after many break ups.. you sort of become different, every experience breaks something and something else comes of it, whether good or bad, but usually good. You gain wisdom, you're more attentive to the red flags and such. However, the key is not to lose the hope or will to heal and eventually be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
triphopper414 Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 all of us are broken right. broken somewhere somehow. after all the relationships and the breakups, dont you ever feel like your too broken at something that cannot be fixed? Everyone can be fixed. It just takes time to heal and the healing time is different for everyone. I truly don't think one person can break another person. Hurt a person definitely, but it is up to the person who got hurt to make the pain go away. The person who hurt you does not care (and I hate saying that), why should you? My friend said it best: "Why are you sitting around crying about him? Do you think he is sitting around crying about you?" You are not ugly, don't let anyone tell you that! Don't say that about yourself! Your ex-boyfriend is a total jerk but it seems like he did you a favor. He did not respect you and everyone deserves to be respected. He is not your problem, he is someone else's. To combat the blues, I would just stay busy and try to identify why you are feeling the way you are and to see if anything triggers it. Have yourself some "me" time. If you are not feeling better within 2 months, I would seek counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 ok i really am trying my best and be as brave as I can. the school year will start soon and i will see the ex around, the school is that small. however, i ll try my best to go a new route, and not hang out with the same people anymore. i think i ll not even go shopping for groceries in the same place. i ll be hard working and i ll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
ichooseme Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 ok i really am trying my best and be as brave as I can. the school year will start soon and i will see the ex around, the school is that small. however, i ll try my best to go a new route, and not hang out with the same people anymore. i think i ll not even go shopping for groceries in the same place. i ll be hard working and i ll be fine. Hey reimeivn, I would also suggest you don't change your life around too much because of him. I guess at the early stages you gotta do what you gotta do, but then do not bend out of shape and make your life inconvenient or whatever. And don't think about how much time it takes to heal. Some people take 3-6 months, and some people take a year or more. Only focus on you~ And keep a diary if you aren't keeping one already, it will organize your thoughts and feelings in a neat way, so that you don't wonder off in your "blueness". Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 i think i am still raw from the breakup. and we have too much that can be called mutual. so for right now i would just get away for a little bit. until i am sure i am fine. Link to post Share on other sites
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