hART Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 <a href="http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=219107#post219107">link to old thread</a> This is long, a summary is at the end (ie I don't expect you to read this whole thing). The new situation: After making the above thread and reading the advice I drove down to my boyfriend's house to give him a letter saying "it's either me or her" (I would have just called, but his phone was dissconnected for financial reasons, it has happened before). He read it and says he can just be friends with her and she doesn't turn him on (including an yeck!). He said he didn't do anything and sounded a little hurt that I couldn't trust him. So I'm giving him another chance, since he was so honest with me (plus I still love him lots). Problem: He is mad at me now for it and I feel a little guilty for being so needy. She was over at his house tonite studying (he has finals and he met her in a class, so it is legit) and I'm worried he let her read it (he would do the same thing for me). If she did read it it might push them closer together. I don't feel comfortable with this, because I don't think she is right for him (of course, it is thier business). She has a boyfriend and might cheat on mine if he was hers (if that makes sense). I love being with him and trust was never an issue before. He honestly loves me and just wants to explore. I trust he still loves me, because of the look in his eyes ( I do have a high emotional IQ). The desire to explore seems natural to me, but I'm worried about why he wishes to. I don't know if I hurt him and he is acting out or if it is just about sex (if it was, it wouldn't be a big deal, I'd just let him do it)... I'm trying to understand why this is happening and if our relationship is worth saving. (6 and a half years, for those who don't read the first thread). My perspective: Logically, I don't see anything wrong with him doing something with another girl. Emotionally, it hurts me so much I start feeling torn between my emotions and logic. I actually want him to experiment, so he can get it out of his system. I'm emotionally, physically and logically attached to him (he is usually smart) and I'm worried his experimenting would ruin his new friendship and our relationship (and any possible friendship after we break up). He says it is curiousity and nothing else. I do beleive he is curious, but I still want to know why. (ie should I beleive it doesn't go deeper than that?) I'm thinking I just want to let go and be alone for awhile (I withdraw when things get too intense). He seemed a little troubled that I don't want to be with him or would make him choose. I'm honestly worried about him and that bothers me more than anything. (I feel like I might have hurt him, without him saying I did). How I'm feeling: detached, depressed, hurt, confused, accepting, contemplative, illogical, but mostly detached. I don't feel like he is making me feel this way, honestly. <b>Basically:</b> I want to let him explore, because I see nothing logically wrong with it. This also tears my emotions and logic apart. I'm worried about trust and love. I'm wondering if our relationship is worth it, I think it is. I don't mind letting him screw around if it isn't an indicator of something else. (I'm scared it might be, because we weren't getting along before this, partly my faultjavascript:emoticon('')). Thanks for reading! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Hart - this is a perfect example of what the quote in my signature means sometimes you can't equate logic with emotions - if people could do that this site would not exist this is very similar to your earlier thread about your b/f being sexual with another girl and I stand by what I wrote there cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Author hART Posted April 27, 2004 Author Share Posted April 27, 2004 "sometimes you can't equate logic with emotions" javascript:emoticon('') While I understand your signature (sort of surreal) and don't think everything has to be based on either one. Logic can guide emotions in the right direction and emotions can be indicators of flaws in logic (is that part of what you were saying?). Why do you think emotions and logic cannot equated? Link to post Share on other sites
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