LK30 Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 You know, I'm back on love shack as ever just wanting to rant!! I was looking forward to this week, what with taking out a 20 year old (I'm 31) for a drink (altho it was mainly a friendship thing) and also taking an ex work colleague to a wedding reception and to be honest, hoping for some intimacy. Well, since the 20 year old all I've had is a text to say 'my hand hurts' from when we were ten pin bowling, not 'oh lee, thanks for treating me, I had a really nice time, let's do it again' and I've just got home from dropping the other girl off who said 'you're welcome to pop in for a coffee, but coffee is all I mean by that.' Nothing happened in case you're wondering! And there's another colleague I know who basically is bored in her marriage and wants to know if I'd like some 'fun!' To be fair, I've lacked intimacy since last Nov, and two eligible girls have given me the cold shoulder and typically the married woman is available, but morally I could NOT do that to her husband and kids. What IS going on! Everything is going wrong that could, and do you know what? Every time things like this happen I just think back to my ex who I split with in Jan 2010 and just wish I'd not broken up with her! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 You're responsible for your own luck. Do something about it. You're obviously hanging out with the wrong crowd. Coworker, 20 year old, woman unhappy with her marriage. Do you see how this is the wrong crowd? How old are you again(Don't answer rhetorical question)? Do you even know who you are and what you are looking for? You don't you are confused and you need to start doing this now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LK30 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 Cheers wilsonx. Harsh words but fair enough! I'm not sure how to find the right girl really. I work in education and most of the women are in their 40's!! I'm not struggling to meet someone my age - I'm just struggling to meet someone a) who finds me attractive (and not just a friend) and b) a girl who is actually single!!!! The reality is a lot of them are settled down by their mid 20's. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) Look I did not mean to sound too harsh but people have to step outside their current lives and see whats going on. If something is not going the way you want it to, take a step back and just figure out what is wrong. Analyze it. Get a journal. Write down something you did not like that day happening to you and for you. Then write something down that you thought was positive for the day. I will coach you a bit here on your recent posting I'm not struggling to meet someone my age - I'm just struggling to meet someone a) who finds me attractive (and not just a friend) and b) a girl who is actually single!!!! The reality is a lot of them are settled down by their mid 20's.[/Quote]a) Step #1 go look in a mirror. Do you find yourself attractive? Can you look at yourself in a mirror and say. I am attractive. If you can't do this then no woman will because you display a lack of confidence. If you dont find something attractive about yourself go fix it. If you have some weight you are conscious about then go run/jog join a gym. If its something cosmetic such as teeth, go to a dentist. Start fixing these problems until the day you can look in a mirror and say "Damn I am attractive" b) The reality is sure a lot of them are settled by their mid 20s but not all of them. If you are not into the club/bar scene go somewhere else, coffee shops, bookstores, where ever that you share interest in. Last tip. Stop trying so hard. The more you try, the more you are setting yourself up to fail. Just go out and enjoy life and have fun. Women love to hang around fun guys. Don't ask women out on dates. If you meet someone that is interesting and you would like to hang out again. Tell her, I find you really interesting, we should grab some coffee/tea next week. If she says sure, you pick the date and time Edited July 31, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
Author LK30 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 Cheers wilsonx, Well, I've looked in the mirror and could do with more chiseled looks and a new nose, but other than that I guess I'm about average! Clearly whatever I think is a bit irrelevant because I need women to find me attractive, and I don't see a queue he he! I think you're right about hanging out. I don't visit coffee shops much, and tbh I don't know why people suggest bookstores because, similar to libraries, they're 'quiet locations' which don't really encourage conversation!! You've hit the nail on the head about trying so hard. Just frustrating as other people take their r'ships for granted, yet I'm struggling to get one started. I think's this is the time to change my approach drastically! There's a really nice girl in my office I should try talking to, and perhaps I just need to accept rejection, and possible humiliation because the feeling of being alone in 10 years time is probably worse than the above feelings put together!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I agree, when i was first dumped-11 wks ago, i was a mess, wanted to just replace him and get past the pain of rejection etc, but because i was not in the right mind set i.e had zero confidence and clutching at straws, the first 2 dates I went on were beyond awful, making me feel even worse. Then I focused on getting myself together, validating myself-positive thinking, gratitude journal, going to the gym, seeing friends, and since then mey "luck" has totally changed, met a couple of nice guys, none of whom i want a relationship with but thats mainly because i dodnt want to rebound into something i want to make sure I dont ever "settle" for less than what i truely think I deserve. And you know what, I am a 38 yr old attractive woman-(someone walked into a door because they were checking me out on friday night! ) I totally know, even though I still have bad days-today was one after an e mail from my ex that irritated me-i know i will be ok and meet someone lovely who is just perfect for me, it may not be tomorrow, or next week month or year, but as long as i know my worth, am honest with myself and have my integrity I am happy. And believe me I could not have said any of that 5 weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 LK30- Its a shame you're not over this side of the pond. I'm 24, single and I love English guys lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LK30 Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 Cheers Sugarkane - perhaps we should start the first 'loveshack' romance!! Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I agree, when i was first dumped-11 wks ago, i was a mess, wanted to just replace him and get past the pain of rejection etc, but because i was not in the right mind set i.e had zero confidence and clutching at straws, the first 2 dates I went on were beyond awful, making me feel even worse. Then I focused on getting myself together, validating myself-positive thinking, gratitude journal, going to the gym, seeing friends, and since then mey "luck" has totally changed, met a couple of nice guys, none of whom i want a relationship with but thats mainly because i dodnt want to rebound into something i want to make sure I dont ever "settle" for less than what i truely think I deserve. And you know what, I am a 38 yr old attractive woman-(someone walked into a door because they were checking me out on friday night! ) I totally know, even though I still have bad days-today was one after an e mail from my ex that irritated me-i know i will be ok and meet someone lovely who is just perfect for me, it may not be tomorrow, or next week month or year, but as long as i know my worth, am honest with myself and have my integrity I am happy. And believe me I could not have said any of that 5 weeks ago. Great advice sleepykitten. I'm now in a much better stage in my life also. And your right once a person regains his or her selfworth things start to turn around for that person in a positive way. It takes awhile but once your there you think back to when you were in a such a desperate state and wonder how it could of happend. I know for me the reason this last breakup effected me soo much was the fact that i'm in my 30's also and i just hope i'd have my life in order the way i want great career which i do have, house, and have a beautiful wife and kids to share it with. Plus i find your 30's are those crucial years where life decisions must be made. I feel like i'm almost there but not yet and it can be frustrating at times. However I know stressing over it will not make it come any sooner so i've been trying very hard over the last little while to not stress over things I have no control over. I gotta just believe things will happen in time. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 ya that makes sense. i think i just quit thinking about boys for a while. all of them seem to have gf quickly and i feel lonely and out of luck. i have to work on myself though, i have too much going on and messed up, dont know if having a bf is the right thing right now or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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