moonlight-thoughts Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Hey Cyber people, I was hoping to get a little advice because I find myself in a really hard place. ~All my life, I've either has 1 friend or no friends.... My whole life I have struggled to maintain friendships. I come from an abusive home, and I was often teased as a child for being thin and pale. I was the girl who belonged no where. People were my friend when they had no one else to turn to, and then "friend dumped" me when they could hangout with the more popular crowd. As a result, I've always felt really guarded and not good enough. I switched schools and have NO childhood friends. I am currently finishing my last year of medical school and still I don't have a single friend. I am great at putting on a show, and getting to know people when I'm out, which allows me to easily Make friends with people..... but for some reason I just can't maintain a friendship (despite my hardest efforts) I've tried everything from inviting people out, to making plans, to seeming too cool, to giving sincere gifts.... nothing works. And I'm really heartbroken because I have no-one. Any advice out there for a sad lonely girl? Link to post Share on other sites
sitting Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Maybe you are trying to hard? asking to do stuff to much and getting them on their nerves. And you should not buy gifts to people just because you want to be friend with them, i mean you are not earning the friendship, you are trying to buy it. And it dont work in the long run, it makes you look needy You have the skill to meet new people, but you dont have the skill to keep the people around you, it must be something that you do, something that they dont like... think about it, are you coming on to strong? Edited July 30, 2011 by sitting Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Aaaaaaaah Moonlight, I can relate. I've only kept one true friend for more than a year....and I honestly only think that's because we're pen pals instead of face-to-face meeting friends. Everyone else gets interested in me for a few months, then bored with me so they just stop talking to me. I try to keep in touch, but I come off as a bit formal, so people don't really engage in extended conversation with me. For a long time I felt like something was wrong with me, but I know I'm fine now. Instead, I'm rather convinced that there's some important element to platonic relationships that I just haven't grasped yet. If I keep putting myself out there, I figure I'll stumble across it sooner or later though. As someone in the same (or a similar) boat as you, those are my $0.02. Good luck to you! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
xisnotx Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 you sound intj. I don't have friends, just people who know me. Link to post Share on other sites
SillyS Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Friends is a strictly qualitative and not quantitative thing. You need to remember that perhaps your past has made it hard to become close to people, and that in the long run it has shaped you for who you are. Next time you meet a potential friend, just be honest, no pretending to be something you are not. We often times forget that other people have also experienced hardship in their lives, and that sharing our pain with others can be the most real and connective thing we do with others. So I hope you can let people in and let them know the real you, and hopefully this will help you in both your romantic life and attempts to finding friends in your life. Good luck, my dear Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 There's good advice here but I just wanted to add something. Sometimes it's just about timing. I mean Life's timing. For no apparent reason, things just start falling into place. It could be after a move, or after getting a certain job. Just like with dating, what you've tried in the past suddenly starts working. All of a sudden, making friends (or getting dates) becomes easier. What's important to remember is that you keep trying. As corny as that sounds (and that's why I hesitated posting this), it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 you sound intj. I don't have friends, just people who know me. ^^^^Didn't think of this when I replied, so glad xisnotx mentioned it. Meyer's-Briggs personality categories did put relating to people in a whole new light for me. It may not help you "find friends", moonlight, but it doesn't hurt to know that information, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moonlight-thoughts Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 Thanks everyone for replying. It always means a lot to hear from others about something so personal. Just to clarify.... I haven't tried all the above mentioned "friendship tactics" at one. For instance, I have often tried to 'play it cool' waiting for people to call me. With others I will send one text inviting them out, or mention it casually in class but no one seems to want to join me. I put effort into making myself smile and be nice as I have been told by many people that I am "intimidating". Well, many of you have posted, I will just keep trying, putting myself out there and hopefully things will come together and I can make some friends Im not sure if Im ISFP, I'll have to try the test again. I know when I first did it 2 years ago that I was one of the rarest personality types. Will update with any results. thank you again Link to post Share on other sites
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