Fiance cheated and I punched but is he right to get mad

[Charismatic]

Last week I found out my fiance cheated on me with my friend Aracelly. I discovered this through a message written on his email and confronted him about it. As you can imagine, he went on expressing remorse and saying sorry.

 

It was then I punched him hard in the mouth, drawing a bit of blood. He went on saying ''What the ****, stupid *****, that is assault and you had no rights to hit me. What if you were the cheater and I hit you for that, you would have had me arrested right so why can I do the same. Forget it I don't feel bad about it anymore'' and he left.

 

Since then it's been NC but was he right in his reasoning? I think I overracted but getting cheated on hurts and even worst when they do with your friend.

[leftfordead2]

Two wrongs doesn't equal a right. He was wrong to cheat but you went just as low by punching him. Yes, it hurts, but that doesn't give you the right to assault someone...

[Cracker Jack]

It's understandable that you were upset, but you really shouldn't have hit him.

[carhill]

It might not seem so, but men feel both physical and emotional pain like women do but we are socialized to process it differently. So, I'd say you made your point, physically and emotionally. Now go punch out your 'friend'.

 

Or, alternatively, walk away from both of them and find people who don't impel you to strike them in anger and hurt, presuming this is a rare behavior for you. If it's common, I suggest counseling.

[carhill]

It's a good way to get a bullet in your brain, should you take on the wrong person. Better to find a different path.

 

If it's common for her to respond to stressful or painful situations with violence, then IMO it's a good idea to work on that and find another way.

 

The guy hurt her badly by cheating on her; she responded emotionally and struck him, drawing blood, after he apologized for his poor choice. I'd call it even, presuming she doesn't routinely hit him (or him her). Since he didn't respond to her violence physically, I presume he doesn't routinely hit her. She can correct that as appropriate.

 

The OP asked if it was 'right' for him to be mad about getting hit. IMO, it's just as 'right' or as 'wrong' as her getting mad about being cheated on. Each is entitled to their own feelings and perspectives. Hopefully there won't be a repetition of either.

 

The instructor said to aim for the chest but I was thinking 'what if they're wearing body armor?' It's all so complicated.

Edited July 30, 2011 by carhill

[ilikesunita]

You had no right to hit him. Emotional/life situation management is key.

[jnj express]

No she had no right to commit battery (assault is threat of doing something, battery is the physical touching, or hit in this case)---but she just reacted to getting her heart trampled---she doesn't need counseling---she just needs to move on, and take plenty of time before committing to a relationship----just go out and date, and don't let guys talk you into anything, until you are completely sure of who you are with.

[ilikesunita]

What this thread entails happens 24/7 anyplace around this worls and I promise most of the people that strike out to a bastard partner, aren't actually violent people with problems.

 

Anyone is capable if pushed far enough and I mean anyone.

 

I lived through 7 years of seeing my sister break-up get back together and his cheating, seeing my sister cry all the time and even wondering if I should "go over" Was never sure if they were fighting or not. So when I heard he got the girl he was fooling with, pregnant, that was it... I decided he is gone.

As I pulled into the yard with my truck he comes out and says some stupid WWF wrestler saying to me...I think it was "Wanna piece of the Rock or something lol.. Big mistake, because it intensified my rage and I gave him full force of what I could do.

 

The cops told me if they could they'd let me go, bu tmy dumb BIL wanted to press charges lol.... What a pussy.... he had it coming, should of took it like a man like it's always been. But no, he turned into a girl and had to press charges....moron.

 

So why are you justifying assault? And why is it more acceptable to hit a man? What did men do to you?

[Professor X]

Since then it's been NC but was he right in his reasoning?

 

I think he lost his right to be right when he cheated on you.

 

Good job with the punch though, he deserved it.

[Jynxx]

Can't believe what I'm reading. You people are either trolling or total weirdos. Calling hitting someone because you don't like his behavior justified or "call it even", what century are you in?

 

OP, you're a psycho. Not because of how you acted in the moment, but because you justify your actions and don't even fully realise it was wrong. Please, leave the guy alone and tell every guy you're interested in dating about this, they have the right to know what kind of person they risk getting involved with.

[Ginger Beer]

I sympathise with the OP. I wouldn't think less of someone who hit their cheating partner, male or female.

[Ginger Beer]

Can't believe what I'm reading. You people are either trolling or total weirdos. Calling hitting someone because you don't like his behavior justified or "call it even", what century are you in?

 

OP, you're a psycho. Not because of how you acted in the moment, but because you justify your actions and don't even fully realise it was wrong. Please, leave the guy alone and tell every guy you're interested in dating about this, they have the right to know what kind of person they risk getting involved with.

 

This is way over the top. Please chill out.

[Buck Turgidson]

This is way over the top. Please chill out.

 

It was not way over the top. The OP initiated VIOLENCE into what had been, up until then, a nonviolent disagreement. The willingness of people here to gloss over and excuse violence (while demonizing mere sexual misbehavior as unforgivable evil) is repulsive.

[Professor X]

It was not way over the top. The OP initiated VIOLENCE into what had been, up until then, a nonviolent disagreement. The willingness of people here to gloss over and excuse violence (while demonizing mere sexual misbehavior as unforgivable evil) is repulsive.

 

It was way over the top.

 

She's a chick who punched a guy for cheating on a her (which is not a "mere" sexual misbehavior lol), not like she stabbed him or cut his arm off.

He deserved it.

 

People would punch you for a lot less, I hope you know this.

[mickleb]

There's no justification for either his or the OP's behaviour.

 

Self-control isn't often the easiest option but it's almost always the wisest.

 

x

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes he is right in his reasoning, if you'd cheated on him and he punched you everyone would be aghast and get you to go to the cops.

He shouldn't have cheated on you and it's even worse with a friend, but you shouldn't have punched him.

 

Last week I found out my fiance cheated on me with my friend Aracelly. I discovered this through a message written on his email and confronted him about it. As you can imagine, he went on expressing remorse and saying sorry.

 

It was then I punched him hard in the mouth, drawing a bit of blood. He went on saying ''What the ****, stupid *****, that is assault and you had no rights to hit me. What if you were the cheater and I hit you for that, you would have had me arrested right so why can I do the same. Forget it I don't feel bad about it anymore'' and he left.

 

Since then it's been NC but was he right in his reasoning? I think I overracted but getting cheated on hurts and even worst when they do with your friend.

[Ross MwcFan]

Counseling lol....oh come on!

 

She had her heart ripped out and handed to her in a acid filled jar.... He deserved a fist kiss:laugh: If he has her arrested then he is even more of a douche pile.

 

I get so tired of people saying in these situations... "Ohhhh that is too violent, you need help, that was totally wrong to do, I would never do that, because I am a very forgiving person blah blah blah duh.

 

pfffttttttt

 

He was saying if it's a common thing that she does.

[Ross MwcFan]

I find it understandable that you punched him in the heat of the moment, as he hurt you bad.

 

But I also find it understandable for him to be pissed off about being puched.

 

Your kind of, both right.

[Buck Turgidson]

She's a chick who punched a guy for cheating on a her (which is not a "mere" sexual misbehavior lol)

 

Not a "mere" misbehavior? Did it involve physical violence against nonconsenting others, then? Or did the OP escalate the situation to violence. Why do you continue to rationalize and excuse violence?

 

People would punch you for a lot less, I hope you know this.

Does that make it right? Might makes right, that's your argument? Or maybe two wrongs make a right? Or "everybody is doing it?" I can't tell what your actual attempt at argument is here, but whichever of those you choose, I suspect that your namesake might have something to say about it.

 

Disgusting.

[Ross MwcFan]

It was not way over the top. The OP initiated VIOLENCE into what had been, up until then, a nonviolent disagreement. The willingness of people here to gloss over and excuse violence (while demonizing mere sexual misbehavior as unforgivable evil) is repulsive.

 

It was over the top, and I think most people would disagree with you.

[Professor X]

Not a "mere" misbehavior? Did it involve physical violence against nonconsenting others, then? Or did the OP escalate the situation to violence. Why do you continue to rationalize and excuse violence?

Yes, it's not a "mere" misbehavior.

He cheated, he emotionally hurt the OP, so she in respond physically hurt him - and mind you, just a punch.

Emotional pain is worse by far than physical pain - don't tell me you don't know this; So in regards of her escalating the situation - no, she did not.

 

 

Does that make it right? Might makes right, that's your argument? Or maybe two wrongs make a right? Or "everybody is doing it?" I can't tell what your actual attempt at argument is here, but whichever of those you choose, I suspect that your namesake might have something to say about it.

 

Disgusting.

 

My point is that it's life, and that's how things work in the real world, outside of the PC environment.

 

Indeed disgusting that people live in their small bubble of self righteousness.

 

@Heavenorhell - you can't really compare a woman punching a man to a man punching a woman, now can you...

[Ross MwcFan]

Yes he is right in his reasoning, if you'd cheated on him and he punched you everyone would be aghast and get you to go to the cops.

He shouldn't have cheated on you and it's even worse with a friend, but you shouldn't have punched him.

 

A man punching a woman in the face is just a bit different than a woman punching a man in the face.

 

Think about the size and strength difference.

[Ross MwcFan]

Yes, it's not a "mere" misbehavior.

He cheated, he emotionally hurt the OP, so she in respond physically hurt him - and mind you, just a punch.

Emotional pain is worse by far than physical pain - don't tell me you don't know this; So in regards of her escalating the situation - no, she did not.

 

 

Too true, he caused way more pain than what she did by punching him in the face.

 

Maybe Buck Turgidson should be concentrating on the former.

[Buck Turgidson]

My point is that it's life, and that's how things work in the real world, outside of the PC environment.

 

So... your argument is "everybody does it," then. So that makes it OK. And it must be a super good feeling to know that you can give anyone you like a good sock in the teeth, enough to draw blood, whenever your poor little feelings are hurt, since anyone who says otherwise is just being "PC".

 

Actually, come to think of it, you're hurting my feelings. Mind if I come by and give you a good smash in the face right now?

 

Indeed disgusting that people live in their small bubble of self righteousness.

 

You're kidding, right? "Punching people is wrong" is a bubble of self-righteousness? Lovely planet you've got here.

[Buck Turgidson]

Too true, he caused way more pain than what she did by punching him in the face.

 

Maybe Buck Turgidson should be concentrating on the former.

 

Two wrongs make a right, then.

 

Yes, he hurt her. She hurt him too. You say they are both kind of right; I say they are both completely wrong.