Insecure and Need Advice. read if you like the long/complicated ones.

[jenhotpants]

[font=courier new][/font]I have a big problem and its gotten to the point where I don't know if I'm paranoid or if its the truth.

 

So, I've been going out with this guy from work since late January. We've been attracted to each other since, well, the beginning. I don't usually go for the magnetic attraction thing, because in my past I used to shut down every guy who ever approached me.

 

I think he is cheating. Well, no I don't. Suspect. But he knows i have severe trust issues with men. This women I work with, Patty, was like, "I know something, but I can't say anything"

"what are you talking about?"

"About your man, but I don't want to say anything because I don't want to be involved in gossip"

I'm getting feeling kindof frantic, this is a weak spot for me, and a five year old could jerk me around.

"what do you mean? about Jared?"

"Yes, but I don't want my name mentioned at all, or I will not even talk to you after this"

"does it have to do with another girl???"

"yes, i saw him kissing another girl at the Saddleback Apartments across the street"

I really really want to throw up at this point.

"what do you mean? do you know what she looked like? I mean, are you sure it was him?"

"Sure it was him. I said hi to him and then walked around the back way of the apartments, and he didnt see me, but i saw him kiss another girl."

"Was she pretty?"

" I didnt get a good look at her, i just saw him"

"what did she look like??"

"I don't know"

"was she young? pretty? anything?"

" I don't know, I didnt get a good look, I just know he was kissng another girl."

 

Ooooookay. no more of the instant replay. BUT. Patty is like, sixty years old. and a big gossip. BUT SHE WOULD HAVE NO REASON TO LIE, WOULD SHE???

She told me she thinks 'the world of me, but doesnt like jared, he's lazy and has a dirty mouth' and continued to go on about how bad he was and how she disliked the people he worked with. She told me not to mention her name under any circumstances.

 

He told me the last time he went to the Saddleback and i was all how often? To hang out with the guys from work and smoke a little pot he said. About 10 times, to Nate' apartment, Cuz thats where they go. Nate has this incredibly warped ****ed relationship with stacie. They are both whores. Stacie just ****in told me one day, while cleaning the store that "Don't freak out, but I'm Bi. And nate is big, he just doesnt know how to use it, and i havent been satisfied in awhile." and just walks off.

 

I don't like or trust stacie, cuz she bet jared that if i hung out with her a couple of times she could get me high for the first time. and I did a couple of days ago, with her, some people from work and others i didnt even know at this party. I don't like people who think they can "corrupt" me. When I do something, I want to know it was because of me, what i choose. Not someone on a powertrip.

 

So, he was like, 'it was with guys and stacie was there twice.' He didnt tell me because we always get in fights about him smoking and i get upset/angry/escalating in to "your such a ****ing a**h***"

 

I confronted him and he was like " I swear to God, the Lord Jesus, that i havent and would not cheat on you" he started yelling "this is bull****. I wouldnt cheat on you, I've never cheated on anyone that I've been with"

and was like "who said this? i want to call them out on it. I swear to God, jen, i wouldn't cheat on you" and all later on he was like "do you believe me?" all through the day.

I get paranoid and think, this is the perfect thing for a player to say. He's a guy so he must be lying. Don't trust. How many other girls is he 'not cheating on?' yeah, I'm considered fairly attractive, but my secret is I've always always been insecure around guys, no matter how pretty someone says i am.

 

I've just been hearing rumors about him and my two best friends, (one knows him, the other just through me) say he's too far gone with me to be intrested in anyone else. who knows. He didnt return my call tonight and i got super paranoid. What if he's cheating, why would patty lie to me? what if he's at the saddleback apartments this moment?

 

Loraine, one of the managers, (was at the party cuz she's a party animal, but its kindof not allowed at work) well, i went up to her and was like "how relaible is patty as a source? she said she told me jared was kissing another girl"

 

"Not Relaible At All"

 

okay. reassured.

 

Then. I overheard her offer to give someone a ride to Saddleback since she had to go there anyway. I feel all manipulated and think, "wouldnt that just bite if he was cheating with her???" no wonder he wasn't home when i called. He was at the saddleback with her. Loraine has never had a problem with guys having a girlfriend. early on, when me and jared were first flirting, I asked why she never went after him, she said some people just don't mesh and she knew that i liked him.

 

Great. Tell me. I think I'm turning seriously warped and insecure. Or am i just being normal? is he messing around? I'm driving my friends and myself crazy with this. This guy is denying cheating and I'm afraid he'll leave me if i keep pushing him. ****. I'm a wreck.

[come on I'm nick]

Hey, jen!

Don't believe anybody. You know how often my wife was under attack with such arguments like "your husband is ****ing with another girl", but all of this was bull****. You can't relay on their suggestions about your boyfriend. believe yourself only. Let's imaging that your boyfriend is cheating you, if you would have a chance to check it out - fine do that, but before forget about it. Otherwise, you'll crash not your own life only, but his one too. Think it over carefully. Live and enjoy this short period of history you live in. Don't think about cheating at all before you catch him yourself if he's doing it.

[sushigirl]

hi!

 

I agree with nick. I think you may be a bit too uptight about things right now. The main thing to remember is that the person you are in this relationship with should be a person you trust. Don't judicial systems work that way? Innocent until proven guilty. And trust me, alot of people like to talk crap just so they feel they have power over you. I have experience. Besides, this is only the first time you've heard things like this about him right? It just all depends on you and whether you think you can trust him again. It just seems to me like you are basing this whole situation on what ONE person said to you. And a person that likes to gossip too. Pretty flimsy case if you ask me.

[SoleMate]

Wow, so much bad stuff going on here.

 

Patty spreading rumors.

 

Your bf smoking pot.

 

You cursing your bf out for smoking.

 

Stacie talking to you about Nate's genitalia.

 

Stacie planning to get you high against your will.

 

Your bf being friends with Nate and Stacie.

 

etc.

 

In general, my response to cheating is to say, "Look at the OVERALL relationship to see whether you are happy with it, because you cannot do 24/7 surveillance on anyone in this open society of ours. Anyone can cheat. What do his overall behavior and character say?" But I don't like the setup, with your bf associating with these undesirable companions. What about the pot smoking? If you don't like it and he won't stop, why are you still there?

 

He's a guy so he must be lying.

No, some of them are actually quite truthful.