Infidelity Board Attack

[HappinessSeeker]

I went on the Infidelity board and I read a thread called "Are You Serious, Really?" I just cut and paste what he/she wrote:

Quote:

I try not to go over to the "other" part of this site and stay out of "their" forum for the most part, but still happen to read a few things based on "New Posts" and whatnot.

 

So I guess this is one of those, anyone else less than sympathetic posts?

 

I mean come on, there is some heavy whining of entitlement going on over there from people that are an accomplice to hurting others, and yet complain that its not fair about their MM/MW this, its not fair about their MM/MW that.

 

that would be like someone who likes to beat up other people trying to drum up sympathy when someone hands them their ass.

 

The complain about "fairness" when in a relationship with someone elses spouse.

 

Really?

End Quote

 

OK, I really don't get it, if the posters over "here" disgust them so much, Don't come over here.

The OP just HAPPEN to come over and read some of the posts...LOL

I'll quote the OP Subject Line "Are you Serious..Really?"

 

The cruel things some of them were saying really made me angry.

To insinuate that we are whining and feel entitled is ridiculous. I'm certainly not here to "drum up sympathy" Personally I'm here to get support as I'm sure most of us are.

 

I just had to get that off my chest, I wanted to reply to that thread so bad, but figured I would leave "their" board alone.

[Heart On]

The thing I find notice is that the MM and WS don't put themselves in the middle of the people they triangulate for fear we would eat them for lunch if they showed up here trying to defend thier duplicity.

 

They still have "us", as women, triangulated and it's par for the course that

we would find ourselves polarized as BS and OW's.That's just the way they want us so we don't compare notes on thier tactics of manipulation and lies!

 

If they,BS, have anything to judge,it should be the ease in which thier husbands cheat on them and use us to do it.

 

And if they could face just how deceptive thier Husbands were to them and us,they wouldn't blame us at all.They'd blame the men who betrayed them.

 

And if I wrote that in an Infidelity Forum....instead of an "OW" forum....

I'd get more reamed than thier H's ever did!

 

The lowest common denominator in an affair is the BETRAYING SPOUSE.

 

I never had any problem with his wife,he did.

And I never blamed her for his choices to cheat on her.

I also know that he was the problem in his marriage and he

lied to have his cake and eat it too and in the end,

if we women both pointed our fingers at THEM,they wouldn't just get away with cheating or hurting either party.

 

It's really NOT us against the wives....it's us against the lying MM and the BS against the lying MM....we just get caught up in these forums while they run and hide and deny any and all personal responsibility to either party!

 

And we "fight" it out! Seen it a million times in forums and it's a shame!

 

WHERE ARE THE MM who do this to us?

 

Onto the next ow I presume!

Edited July 30, 2011 by Heart On

[bentnotbroken]

The thing I find notice is that the MM and WS don't put themselves in the middle of the people they triangulate for fear we would eat them for lunch if they showed up here trying to defend thier duplicity.

 

They still have "us", as women, triangulated and it's par for the course that

we would find ourselves polarized as BS and OW's.That's just the way they want us so we don't compare notes on thier tactics of manipulation and lies!

 

If they,BS, have anything to judge,it should be the ease in which thier husbands cheat on them and use us to do it.

 

And if they could face just how deceptive thier Husbands were to them and us,they wouldn't blame us at all.They'd blame the men who betrayed them.

 

And if I wrote that in an Infidelity Forum....instead of an "OW" forum....

I'd get more reamed than thier H's ever did!

 

The lowest common denominator in an affair is the BETRAYING SPOUSE.

 

I never had any problem with his wife,he did.

And I never blamed her for his choices to cheat on her.

I also know that he was the problem in his marriage and he

lied to have his cake and eat it too and in the end,

if we women both pointed our fingers at THEM,they wouldn't just get away with cheating or hurting either party.

 

It's really NOT us against the wives....it's us against the lying MM and the BS against the lying MM....we just get caught up in these forums while they run and hide and deny any and all personal responsibility to either party!

 

And we "fight" it out! Seen it a million times in forums and it's a shame!

 

WHERE ARE THE MM who do this to us?

 

Onto the next ow I presume!

 

 

Now that some funny :lmao:shiggidty.

[carhill]

Thread link

 

IME, pretty normal. People who have been hurt by affairs/infidelity have their perspective and are entitled to it.

 

How's NC going?

 

FTR, since you're fairly new, I'm a fMM and fOM and have definitely experienced my share of BS 'perspective' over the years. It is what it is. As long as they stick to the topic and avoid personal attacks, they don't get my wrath. I've actually learned a lot from BS's on this forum, which was excellent adjunct study to professional therapy (MC).

 

On LS, as in life, we have choices. Choices what to read, choices what to say, choices who to associate with and respond to.

 

Like my best friend said of my exW, 'she's angry'. Anger comes from hurt. Even with the rancor in our M, my A still hurt her. Accepted. Done. Learn. Move on. All are choices.

 

I was an off and on OM from 25 to about 33. I remember that time well and can relate to the feelings you shared in your other threads. That's valid. Focus on yourself and learning from these experiences and growing your own health and leave the others and their perspectives to their own lives. As I used to say, my own life is way too complicated to be living other's lives. This was a reaction to unhealthily caring too much about others, in general.

 

Hope it works out

[KathyM]

I make the distinction between the woman who is unknowingly made a party to an affair. She is an inocent party that has been victimized just like the wife is victimized--by a selfish man who uses women. If an OW is told the guy is single or divorced or separated and she gets into an affair that is based on lies to her, then there is no one to blame but the MM for what he is doing to these women. But women who know the man is married, and either pursue him or allow themselves to get into an affair knowing full well that he is married and still with his wife, then she is also to blame and cannot be put into the victim role. Then they are "partners in crime" against the BS, and it is only the BS that is the injured party in that scenario. I don't know the contents of the thread being discussed as the subject here, nor did I post on it. I don't go into specific forums and I just read the new posts board on the general board. But I did want to respond to this topic, because I can see how it would be odd for an OW, who knowingly gets into an affair with a MM, and then complains how she was treated by him, just seems rather ridiculous to me. The OW volunteered for the position. She inserted herself into that triangle. She really has no right to complain about it at this point.

[alexandria35]

I went on the Infidelity board and I read a thread called "Are You Serious, Really?" I just cut and paste what he/she wrote:

Quote:

I try not to go over to the "other" part of this site and stay out of "their" forum for the most part, but still happen to read a few things based on "New Posts" and whatnot.

 

So I guess this is one of those, anyone else less than sympathetic posts?

 

I mean come on, there is some heavy whining of entitlement going on over there from people that are an accomplice to hurting others, and yet complain that its not fair about their MM/MW this, its not fair about their MM/MW that.

 

that would be like someone who likes to beat up other people trying to drum up sympathy when someone hands them their ass.

 

The complain about "fairness" when in a relationship with someone elses spouse.

 

Really?

End Quote

 

OK, I really don't get it, if the posters over "here" disgust them so much, Don't come over here.

The OP just HAPPEN to come over and read some of the posts...LOL

I'll quote the OP Subject Line "Are you Serious..Really?"

 

The cruel things some of them were saying really made me angry.

To insinuate that we are whining and feel entitled is ridiculous. I'm certainly not here to "drum up sympathy" Personally I'm here to get support as I'm sure most of us are.

 

I just had to get that off my chest, I wanted to reply to that thread so bad, but figured I would leave "their" board alone.

 

Okay so you realize that you're not behaving any better than the posters your complaining about right? I mean your complaint is that a poster from the infidelity board came and read some stuff over here, got pissed about what they saw, went back to the infidelity board and started a thread to discuss their displeasure with the posters here. And here's what you did. You went over to the infidelity board, read some stuff over there, got pissed about what you saw, came back here and started a thread to discuss your displeasure with the posters here.

 

You suggest that the posters on the infidelity board don't come over here if the posters here digusts them so much. Good for you! Umm..now what advice would you give yourself?

 

By the way there is no rules against reading AND posting on both boards. I think you should have responded over there but didn't simply because you lacked the courage to do so.

[INeverWillAgain]

Hiya Happiness.

 

I have to disagree with your post completely. Sorry. It dosent matter how the A started, continued and and ended. They are wrong. It cause heartache and pain for everyone involved.

 

I have learned so much from all the BS's that have posted to me in the last couple of months. They gave me another perspective of the other side of things. The only way you learn is from hearing all sides of a situation. Then that decision is yours to make and yours alone. Then you have to reap what you sow and pay the consequences of your actions.

 

Trust me, I know.

[reboot]

Let's be fair. The "OP" in that thread is a radical who makes no friends with either side. Most of us don't share his opinions.

[HappinessSeeker]

HeartOn: I do agree that the MM/WS does seem to avoid the "fire" in most cases, and it is very unfair.

 

Hi Carhill: Taking NC one day at a time it's been 5 weeks so far, thanks for asking. I do realize that people can read and post what they want. I've been on both boards even before my first post and I have seen quite a few messages from BS that would exude anger and resentment to the OW in their situation, which is understandable, I get that. This was the first time I had seen such a rant on OW on this board in general, as well as the calling out of specific posters I thought was really unwarranted. I do realize I can't take it completely to heart, but I just had to get off my chest, which i did, so I'm good Thanks Carhill!

 

As I don't want this to get into a heated discussion, I will say this. From my short time posting and reading on this board, it typically ( i know not always) has been a support system. At least that's what I use it for, and it has been. I have never gone to the other board with the intent of laughing or ridiculing the posters over there. I go over there to get their side, and it has helped me.

I have read plenty of posts from a lot of angry BS, but most of their comments were directed to the OW in their particular situation, which is understandable, but I was taken aback by the blanket statement with regards to the OW that post here in general (With one poster actually calling one poster out specifically) and I think that's what got my feathers ruffled.

 

As someone made a point to mention I have the right to post my feelings as they have a right to post theirs.

And let me also mention that in this post I never said anything demeaning about any of them, I can't say the same for what they posted...and there lies the difference.

[road]

The cruel things some of them were saying really made me angry.

To insinuate that we are whining and feel entitled is ridiculous. I'm certainly not here to "drum up sympathy" Personally I'm here to get support as I'm sure most of us are.

 

I just had to get that off my chest, I wanted to reply to that thread so bad, but figured I would leave "their" board alone.

 

 

Support for what?

 

That you made yourself a third wheel in someone else's marriage?

That the pain you caused between a husband and wife, their parents, their children don't matter.

 

What matters is they have the affront to question you putting your need to get some piece of ass from a person not available to give it up due to a prior vow.

 

Is that vows only matter when they are to your advantage?

[HappinessSeeker]

Reboot: I am fairly new, and I was not familiar with that poster and I probably would have chalked it up if I hadn't seen so many others chiming in after him/her.

 

INeverWillAgain: You may have misunderstood me. I am not saying that affairs are good. The reason I go on the Infidelity board IS to get their side and it really has helped me in moving past my situation. I'm glad that you said that this affects EVERYONE because it does. My post was really about the thread and negative condescending things that were said about the posters here.

[HappinessSeeker]

Road: Support in moving on!

I never said what I did was right, it was a really bad mistake that I regret.

BTW! You should ask the WS about vows, not me

[INeverWillAgain]

 

INeverWillAgain: You may have misunderstood me. I am not saying that affairs are good. The reason I go on the Infidelity board IS to get their side and it really has helped me in moving past my situation. I'm glad that you said that this affects EVERYONE because it does. My post was really about the thread and negative condescending things that were said about the posters here.

 

 

LOL..Its cool. I was in general making a statement that everyone has their own POV. If I was cheated and lied to , I probably would feel the same way they do. I think some of the posters are angry and feeling betrayed, just like us( as an FOW) and need to vent. It dosent always come out right and sometimes its not directed at the right people that deserve it. Ya know?

 

Good luck with NC. It sucks, but Im told it gets better.

[alexandria35]

Happiness to be honest I didn't really see much wrong with the post you copied and pasted here in your OP. He seemed to be expressing shock at the sense of fairness OW/OM expect even when they are knowingly involved with a lying cheating spouse. I think this is a normal response to OW/OM. Why does that offend you so much? People that haven't been in the OW/OM's postition simply cannot grasp the idea of an OW/OM expecting honesty or fairness from someone who is clearly not being honest or fair to their spouse, the one person they vowed honesty to. Can you not see how a BS or outsider would find the OW/OM expectations kind of incredulous?

 

I don't think that thread really got nasty until some other posters showed up to argue, which is why I wondered why you didn't just post your opinion in that thread. Others people certainly did.

[Heart On]

Now that some funny :lmao:shiggidty.

 

Funny how? I think it's ridiculous to blame the OW or the BS for what the MM chose to do to either of them.They BOTH get lead on,they BOTH get lied to,they BOTH get manipulated and they BOTH get hurt.

 

Isn't that the NATURE of an affair?

 

Some BS's act as though thier H's are victims of OW's.

I think that's very rare if it happens at all.And they take them back as

though they somehow "won" because he came home and claimed all he wanted was sex from his OW and that he LURVES his wife!

 

Pullease!!!!!! If he loved his wife....he NEVER could have betrayed her.

 

 

I do agree that the MM/WS does seem to avoid the "fire" in most cases, and it is very unfair.

 

Unfair is an understatement.Whomever sticks around and "fights" for the "winning" position in the MM's triangle is the one most in denial if you ask me.But the reality is,the MM/MW don't typically wind up alone and they really should considering what they did to both parties.'

 

BTW! You should ask the WS about vows, not me.

 

No sh*t! If a MM wants to betray his vows,it could be ANYONE he lies to and manipulates into thinking his wife is the problem and he needs a third party to make him feel better!

 

I'd like to know where the forum is with the MM who feel so guilty,ashamed,remorseful and willing to make ammends to ANYONE for the problems he has caused women in his lie.

 

All I've see is them feeling entitled to going home or leaving thier wives without any conscience because it's all about them!~

 

 

 

Support for what?

 

That you made yourself a third wheel in someone else's marriage?

That the pain you caused between a husband and wife, their parents, their children don't matter.

 

What matters is they have the affront to question you putting your need to get some piece of ass from a person not available to give it up due to a prior vow.

 

Is that vows only matter when they are to your advantage?

 

 

OMG! Really? OW's are INVITED into someone else's marriage!

Actually, we are manipulated in with pity ploys about how horrible the BS is and even if we know they are married,we fall prey to thier incessant complaining about you.

 

Mine BEGGED me to never leave him despite the fact that he refused to commit to me or her! HE caused the pain!Actually my xMM's wife NEVER found out and he expected me to stay silent as he didn't want to give HER the right to make the choice to dump his cheating a$$!

 

And I didn't WANT him so I was more than happy to walk away after seeing what he was capable of doing to people who trusted him!

 

And...the person who is trying to get a piece of A$$ from someone who is OFF limits to him is the MM! You are villifying the WRONG person in this.

 

But that's so damn typical! Men are somehow excused for thier behaviors and women they use or betray get left holding the bag everytime!

 

Like I said,the triangulation they created continues!

 

And again...off goes the MM into his future without anwering for anything and WORSE being defended by someone who must be daft to have it that mixed up!

 

This kind of message makes me want to inform his wife and ruin his life as he did mine, all the more! Sometimes,I can't believe I fell for his manipulations...others I think....people just don't understand Narcissism!

 

It's so much easier to stay with a MM when you blame the OW for his actions...isn't it?

[Tenacity]

Bollocks. You knowingly went with a MM. You knowingly went with a liar. You are arrogant to think that he'd lie to her but wouldn't lie to you. Stop playing the victim.

 

Often not the case. My ex-MM was legally separated, divorce papers filed, and had been living on his own for awhile. Several others here have been completely duped into thinking the guy was single when he was in fact married.

[bentnotbroken]

Funny how? I think it's ridiculous to blame the OW or the BS for what the MM chose to do to either of them.They BOTH get lead on,they BOTH get lied to,they BOTH get manipulated and they BOTH get hurt.

 

Isn't that the NATURE of an affair?

 

Some BS's act as though thier H's are victims of OW's.

I think that's very rare if it happens at all.And they take them back as

though they somehow "won" because he came home and claimed all he wanted was sex from his OW and that he LURVES his wife!

 

Pullease!!!!!! If he loved his wife....he NEVER could have betrayed her.

 

 

 

 

Unfair is an understatement.Whomever sticks around and "fights" for the "winning" position in the MM's triangle is the one most in denial if you ask me.But the reality is,the MM/MW don't typically wind up alone and they really should considering what they did to both parties.'

 

 

 

No sh*t! If a MM wants to betray his vows,it could be ANYONE he lies to and manipulates into thinking his wife is the problem and he needs a third party to make him feel better!

 

I'd like to know where the forum is with the MM who feel so guilty,ashamed,remorseful and willing to make ammends to ANYONE for the problems he has caused women in his lie.

 

All I've see is them feeling entitled to going home or leaving thier wives without any conscience because it's all about them!~

 

 

 

 

 

 

OMG! Really? OW's are INVITED into someone else's marriage!

Actually, we are manipulated in with pity ploys about how horrible the BS is and even if we know they are married,we fall prey to thier incessant complaining about you.

 

Mine BEGGED me to never leave him despite the fact that he refused to commit to me or her! HE caused the pain!Actually my xMM's wife NEVER found out and he expected me to stay silent as he didn't want to give HER the right to make the choice to dump his cheating a$$!

 

And I didn't WANT him so I was more than happy to walk away after seeing what he was capable of doing to people who trusted him!

 

And...the person who is trying to get a piece of A$$ from someone who is OFF limits to him is the MM! You are villifying the WRONG person in this.

 

But that's so damn typical! Men are somehow excused for thier behaviors and women they use or betray get left holding the bag everytime!

 

Like I said,the triangulation they created continues!

 

And again...off goes the MM into his future without anwering for anything and WORSE being defended by someone who must be daft to have it that mixed up!

 

This kind of message makes me want to inform his wife and ruin his life as he did mine, all the more! Sometimes,I can't believe I fell for his manipulations...others I think....people just don't understand Narcissism!

 

It's so much easier to stay with a MM when you blame the OW for his actions...isn't it?

 

 

We know you think it is ridiculos. We know that you think you were used. We know that you think women are daft if they stay with their husbands. We know you think they don't answer for anything. And that's what I find funny as hell!

 

If you went into an affair knowing he was married, then you allowed yourself to be the istrument used to lie and deceive, why because you wanted to believe his lies(as much if not more than his wife). If you didn't know he was married(as some OW on here didn't know)then you might be the victim of the lying piece of doggy do. If you were a willing participant, then your anger might be justitfied, but just know the person in the mirror holds as much responsibility for your situation as that lying not so in love with his wife, but telling you both lies married male. For the record, I was married to a NPD peronality for more than 20 years. Next.

Edited July 30, 2011 by bentnotbroken

[KR10N]

Support for what?

 

That you made yourself a third wheel in someone else's marriage?

That the pain you caused between a husband and wife, their parents, their children don't matter.

 

What matters is they have the affront to question you putting your need to get some piece of ass from a person not available to give it up due to a prior vow.

 

Is that vows only matter when they are to your advantage?

This is the most important & by far the most selfish thing anyone can do. I don't care what anyone's reasons are for cheating. It's certainly not fair to the kids. I don't care if I get bashed for saying that either. It is what it is.

[alexandria35]

Funny how? I think it's ridiculous to blame the OW or the BS for what the MM chose to do to either of them.They BOTH get lead on,they BOTH get lied to,they BOTH get manipulated and they BOTH get hurt.

 

Isn't that the NATURE of an affair?

 

Heart I really like you and I have enjoyed reading a lot of your posts. I don't doubt that the OW gets lied too, gets led on, get manipulated, and gets hurt just like the BW, but that's where the similarities end. The BW doesn't know about the OW, she has nothing against her and she isn't after the destruction of the OW's family. I know some OW have no desire to see her MM leave his wife, but for many OW that is her ultimate goal. To have the MM up and abandon his wife and kids to come and be with her. She desperately wants the BW's marriage to fail and she is an active participant in making that happen. By contrast the BW has no such plot for OW's life, she doesn't even know that she exists.

 

Some BS's act as though thier H's are victims of OW's.

I think that's very rare if it happens at all.And they take them back as

though they somehow "won" because he came home and claimed all he wanted was sex from his OW and that he LURVES his wife!

 

I don't think the MM is the victim of the OW and I don't think the OW is a victim of the MM. They were both fully aware that he was married and cheating on his wife.

 

So here you are sneering at the wife for believing what her husband says about the OW when you were more than happy to believe whatever he told you about his wife.

 

 

Pullease!!!!!! If he loved his wife....he NEVER could have betrayed her.

 

Why does the AP always say that? I've had numerous MM come on to me over the years and I never once thought 'oh well clearly he doesn't love his wife' I usually think 'this guy is an idiot' On a deeper level I think that cheaters are selfish childish people who may very well be unable to love in a mature and healthy manner. I think they probably do love their wives as much as they are capable of loving anyone. I could live the rest of my days never being loved by a cheater and that would be okay with me because cheaters really suck at love.

 

 

 

 

Unfair is an understatement.Whomever sticks around and "fights" for the "winning" position in the MM's triangle is the one most in denial if you ask me.But the reality is,the MM/MW don't typically wind up alone and they really should considering what they did to both parties.'

 

I don't fault a BW for wanting to fight for her marriage. I have a great aunt and uncle who succesfully recovered their marriage after his affair. They had been married for 22 years when the affair occured and they went on to have 25 more years of marriage after the affair. She just died this year and they were one of the most happy devoted to each other little old couples you would ever have pleasure of meeting. They had lifetime together before the affair and they had a lifetime together after the affair. Time doesn't begin and end with the affair, the affair becomes one of many many events that a couple has faced over their lifetime together. They do move on from it you know?

 

 

 

No sh*t! If a MM wants to betray his vows,it could be ANYONE he lies to and manipulates into thinking his wife is the problem and he needs a third party to make him feel better!

 

I agree

 

I'd like to know where the forum is with the MM who feel so guilty,ashamed,remorseful and willing to make ammends to ANYONE for the problems he has caused women in his lie.

 

Most MM are cowards by nature, however there is an infidelity forum that has a section for wayward spouses. There are men posting there who are guilty, ashamed and remorseful. And they are willing to make ammends to their wives.

 

All I've see is them feeling entitled to going home or leaving thier wives without any conscience because it's all about them!~

 

Yep, those MM can sure be self centered little buggers.

 

 

 

 

 

OMG! Really? OW's are INVITED into someone else's marriage!

Actually, we are manipulated in with pity ploys about how horrible the BS is and even if we know they are married,we fall prey to thier incessant complaining about you.

 

Yep the OW is invited into the marriage. MM tend to not be very original so they usually use pity ploys and lies to extend their invitation to the OW. I have certainly had my fair share of MM try this tactic with me. I don't fall prey to them, I feel nothing but disdain for them. Common sense dictates that this behaviour is inappropriate. You know? Don't pick your nose in public, don't play in traffic, don't speed through play ground zones, don't get involved in other peoples relationships.

 

Mine BEGGED me to never leave him despite the fact that he refused to commit to me or her! HE caused the pain!Actually my xMM's wife NEVER found out and he expected me to stay silent as he didn't want to give HER the right to make the choice to dump his cheating a$$!

 

MM typically never want their wives to find out.

 

And I didn't WANT him so I was more than happy to walk away after seeing what he was capable of doing to people who trusted him!

 

You should be proud of yourself for wising up to him.

 

And...the person who is trying to get a piece of A$$ from someone who is OFF limits to him is the MM! You are villifying the WRONG person in this.

 

You're right! The MM should have considered you off limits to him. I also consider MM's to be off limits to me.

 

But that's so damn typical! Men are somehow excused for thier behaviors and women they use or betray get left holding the bag everytime!

 

Like I said,the triangulation they created continues!

 

And again...off goes the MM into his future without anwering for anything and WORSE being defended by someone who must be daft to have it that mixed up!

 

And again you are sneering at the wife for believing lies just as you did.

 

 

This kind of message makes me want to inform his wife and ruin his life as he did mine, all the more! Sometimes,I can't believe I fell for his manipulations...others I think....people just don't understand Narcissism!

 

Typical. Most OW are pleased as punch when it's the wife who is being betrayed and disrespected. Their MM is just a poor misunderstood guy who is unfairly stuck in his unhappy marriage.

Then when the OW is on the receiving end of the same crap she was so happy to see his wife getting she turns nasty and wants to get even and suddenly prince charming is a narcissitic psychopath.

 

It's so much easier to stay with a MM when you blame the OW for his actions...isn't it?

 

Why are you so hostile towards the BS? What did they do to you? How did they interfere in your life? How did they participate in your pain? Why are you so angry at them when they truly didn't play a part in the affair?

[KR10N]

I'm lost... what is BS?

[Tenacity]

I went to that forum and read the thread.

 

I would not worry about it. The posts are largely by BS's who need to feel as if the OW or OM are homewreckers, that it was just about sex, that all we cared about was getting sex no matter where it came from.

 

They don't, and cannot, understand the real complexity of what really went on, because most don't ever hear the full extent of the story... only what their WS told them. Most never hear the things MM or MW said to us... promises made, confidences about how terribly unhappy they were, desire to spend time together, loving words, promises to be together in the future. How they are so horribly misunderstood by their BS and how they never get intimacy or sex. How they don't desire their BS anymore. On and on. I heard it all, very convincingly, and I'm betting most others do as well.

 

Even if they DID hear the full story somehow, it is necessary for them to believe that we are evil people, only out to get an orgasm, not caring who we hurt, certainly not in love with, manipulated by, or lied to by the WS. It is what they need to believe in order to move on and not be destroyed themselves.

 

However the fact that they are here posting about it says they have not moved on.

 

Just facts. I can't possibly understand what it would be like to be a BS, but it must be the most horrible thing in the world. Yet, it wasn't very fun to go through what I have as a former OW. I certainly did not go into this just for some sex, not caring who it was from. That is so far from the truth that there are no words to describe it. What happened nearly destroyed me.

 

Anyway, I think we just need to understand that it is necessary for them to put us in this light, in order to not be destroyed themselves.

Edited July 30, 2011 by Tenacity

[bentnotbroken]

I went to that forum and read the thread.

 

I would not worry about it. The posts are largely by BS's who need to feel as if the OW or OM are homewreckers, that it was just about sex, that all we cared about was getting sex no matter where it came from.

 

They don't, and cannot, understand the real complexity of what really went on, because most don't ever hear the full extent of the story... only what their WS told them. Most never hear the things MM or MW said to us... promises made, confidences about how terribly unhappy they were, desire to spend time together, loving words, promises to be together in the future. How they are so horribly misunderstood by their BS and how they never get intimacy or sex. How they don't desire their BS anymore. On and on. I heard it all, very convincingly, and I'm betting most others do as well.

 

Even if they DID hear the full story somehow, it is necessary for them to believe that we are evil people, only out to get an orgasm, not caring who we hurt, certainly not in love with, manipulated by, or lied to by the WS. It is what they need to believe in order to move on and not be destroyed themselves.

 

However the fact that they are here posting about it says they have not moved on.

 

Just facts. I can't possibly understand what it would be like to be a BS, but it must be the most horrible thing in the world. Yet, it wasn't very fun to go through what I have as a former OW. I certainly did not go into this just for some sex, not caring who it was from. That is so far from the truth that there are no words to describe it.

 

Anyway, I think we just need to understand that it is necessary for them to put us in this light, in order to not be destroyed themselves.

 

 

Alrighty then.

[anne1707]

Anyway, I think we just need to understand that it is necessary for them to put us in this light, in order to not be destroyed themselves.

 

Just as anybody would whichever side of the triangle they are on. Self-preservation is carried out by AP and WS just as much as by BS.

[Tenacity]

Alrighty then.

 

I'm sorry... I don't understand your post. Do you disagree with me?

 

That's fine if you do; I just wasn't sure.

[fellhard4u]

From Alexandria35:

"Typical. Most OW are pleased as punch when it's the wife who is being betrayed and disrespected. Their MM is just a poor misunderstood guy who is unfairly stuck in his unhappy marriage.

Then when the OW is on the receiving end of the same crap she was so happy to see his wife getting she turns nasty and wants to get even and suddenly prince charming is a narcissitic psychopath."

 

As a former OW, I can assure you that I was NOT pleased as punch in knowing that xMM was betraying his W. I did not want him to betray the BS, I wanted him to be honest with everyone and that includes BW and myself.

He knew that I was not interested in being someone's # 2.

 

After xMM told me that he was going to work on his M because he needed to do the right thing, I expected him to leave me alone and to do his damned best to improve his M for real.

Well, he didn't and he continued to pursue me and kept crossing those boundaries, all the while pretending to be doing the right thing. Without wanting to put a label on it, I do believe that this kind of behavior is sick.