little_bear Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 A guy friend recently told me that if a man tells you you're pretty then he just wants to sleep with you. If he says you're beautiful then he actually is interested in you as a person. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
lemonlegs Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I think 'beautiful' is an intense word to use. A lot of guys feel mushy saying 'you're beautiful' whereas 'you're pretty' comes off as being more casual. So perhaps he's right, but I wouldn't drop a guy simply because he called you pretty instead of beautiful in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author little_bear Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 lol this guy friend of mine told me to stay away from any man who calls me pretty!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Does he look into your eyes and listen intently when you share with him and does he remember what you've shared? Words are easily said. Backing them up with actions is a lot harder. Words and actions in balance. I personally tend not to comment on a woman's appearance in such ways until I get to know her better. Two reasons: One, it's a generally different path than that taken by most men, as well as feeling more natural to me; more my 'style'. Two, I prefer there to be a balance of 'compliments' between the superficial (appearance) and the substantial (her character, personality, morals, etc). Example: When I experience a woman who is loving and caring to those around her, this enhances her 'beauty' to me and I'm more likely to compliment her on both aspects of who she is, in balance. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Maybe true of that guy, but I don't think men have a universal code. As carhill says, HOW it's said matters more than the precise synonym the man chooses in the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I wants me some both. Ok, pretty is kinda momentary, as in "you look really pretty in that moo-moo" or w/e. Beautiful means you just look damn good in anything or with nothing. God, you're beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 ummm....there is no manual that says pretty=sex beautiful=relationship. If a guy wants to sleep with you he will tell you whatever he feels he needs to get you in bed. Including calling you "pretty", "beautiful","stunning", "captivating","enchanting" etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Your guy is a stupid dumbass. A guy wants to have sex with you whether he thinks you are pretty or beautiful. Guys want to have sex with all women whom they find attractive regardless the level of the attractedness. Link to post Share on other sites
Roman Griffen Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 A theory based on absolutely nothing. Now, IF you said the difference between sexy and beautiful, he might be onto something. But even then not much. Either way, take it for what it is, a compliment. No need to read into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Guys generally split women-kind into two rough groups. The hot girls and the beautiful girls. Your friend simply used the word 'pretty' instead of 'hot'. A hot girl is a girl that is physically attractive to a guy up to the point that he'd be willing(or wants) to have sex with her, but he doesn't want a relationship with her. Guys tend to see girls who are merely hot as classless sluts, sorry for the language, but that's the unsugarcoated version of what many guys think of hot chicks. Guys don't see such girls as girlfriend material. A beautiful girl tends to be a girl that's physically attractive to a guy, but is also attractive in terms of personality, intelligence, i.e. she has class. Beautiful girls are more attractive for guys than hot girls. Beautiful girls are considered girlfriend material. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Guys generally split women-kind into two rough groups. The hot girls and the beautiful girls. Your friend simply used the word 'pretty' instead of 'hot'. A hot girl is a girl that is physically attractive to a guy up to the point that he'd be willing(or wants) to have sex with her, but he doesn't want a relationship with her. Guys tend to see girls who are merely hot as classless sluts, sorry for the language, but that's the unsugarcoated version of what many guys think of hot chicks. Guys don't see such girls as girlfriend material. A beautiful girl tends to be a girl that's physically attractive to a guy, but is also attractive in terms of personality, intelligence, i.e. she has class. Beautiful girls are more attractive for guys than hot girls. Beautiful girls are considered girlfriend material. Nexus, to be clear, you're not saying "hot girls" and "beautiful girls" necessarily look any different, right? The difference is in how they carry themselves and who they are. I don't know that the phrasing matters, but there is definitely a "she's hot but not GF material" category, so that makes sense. However, I don't think all guys go to the extreme where a girl they'd bang but not date is a "classless slut" (some do, but there is also middle ground, particularly in the younger generations where female sexuality is less taboo) but I do see the dichotomy. Or perhaps there is a third group or something, but it seems like there are a lot of times when a guy is attracted to a gal, but they're incompatible in some way, and he views her as potential FWB/sex material but not necessarily, "What a horrid person!" --- just not his cuppa GF wise. And yes, he'd still bang her, but it wouldn't make her a slut because he doesn't suffer from some virgin/whore complex. Either that or my male friends hide their grossness well, but I just never see this weird virgin/whore complex as overstated IRL as online. Most of my friends -- male and female -- find my views of sex a bit prudish (I'm not judgmental about their sex lives, I hope, but I cannot see the allure of any kind of sex outside of a loving relationship), if anything. I find this black/white view much less common. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 When I am put together with hair, clothes, makeup, nails, etc., I feel pretty. People know I like to look pretty. But when I hear that I am beautiful, it means more to me. It's does seem like, when people give that compliment, they mean it. That is, they perceive beauty in me. It is this perception of beauty that they experience that means more, that means they are actually looking at me. If a man calls a woman "pretty" it seems to me then that it's something casual, almost just in passing and upon first impression. When they call a woman beautiful, it's much more thoughtful. And I don't associate pretty with hott at all. It's much better to call a woman beautiful (bonus points when you mean it) than pretty if she's hot and you want to win her over. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 that's about right, 'pretty' is a casual compliment. i don't say pretty per se, on a first date the word that typically comes to mind is 'you look great'. i would consider pretty to be on par with that. beautiful is reserved for someone i am attracted to in more ways than just physically, and i'm trying to send a clear message by using that word. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Nexus, to be clear, you're not saying "hot girls" and "beautiful girls" necessarily look any different, right? The difference is in how they carry themselves and who they are. I don't know that the phrasing matters, but there is definitely a "she's hot but not GF material" category, so that makes sense. However, I don't think all guys go to the extreme where a girl they'd bang but not date is a "classless slut" (some do, but there is also middle ground, particularly in the younger generations where female sexuality is less taboo) but I do see the dichotomy. Or perhaps there is a third group or something, but it seems like there are a lot of times when a guy is attracted to a gal, but they're incompatible in some way, and he views her as potential FWB/sex material but not necessarily, "What a horrid person!" --- just not his cuppa GF wise. And yes, he'd still bang her, but it wouldn't make her a slut because he doesn't suffer from some virgin/whore complex. Either that or my male friends hide their grossness well, but I just never see this weird virgin/whore complex as overstated IRL as online. Most of my friends -- male and female -- find my views of sex a bit prudish (I'm not judgmental about their sex lives, I hope, but I cannot see the allure of any kind of sex outside of a loving relationship), if anything. I find this black/white view much less common. You have a point. Imentioned two extremes, but there are many gradations in between those two extremes. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Either that or my male friends hide their grossness well, but I just never see this weird virgin/whore complex as overstated IRL as online. They hide it well. It's a very prominent part of the male psychology, and probably what causes a lot of cheating on the male side of relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 They hide it well. It's a very prominent part of the male psychology, and probably what causes a lot of cheating on the male side of relationships. I don't really believe this, but whatever floats your boat. My male friends are all just as close and important to me as my female friends, and I actually find them more honest in many cases (but my male friends tend to be more like me, so perhaps they just have better self-honesty; my female friends tend to bring me different perspectives; when I meet girls who are stoic or rational, we rarely get along, even though we've a lot in common; so this is likely not a gender thing---just the guys I pick as friends vs. the gals I pick as friends). So it would surprise me. But, male or female, you never really know who another person is 100% I suppose. I just have to trust what I see. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 A guy friend recently told me that if a man tells you you're pretty then he just wants to sleep with you. If he says you're beautiful then he actually is interested in you as a person. Thoughts? Nah, never really caught myself making such a subtle distinction. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Or perhaps there is a third group or something, but it seems like there are a lot of times when a guy is attracted to a gal, but they're incompatible in some way, and he views her as potential FWB/sex material but not necessarily, "What a horrid person!" --- just not his cuppa GF wise. And yes, he'd still bang her, but it wouldn't make her a slut because he doesn't suffer from some virgin/whore complex. Either that or my male friends hide their grossness well, but I just never see this weird virgin/whore complex as overstated IRL as online. Most of my friends -- male and female -- find my views of sex a bit prudish (I'm not judgmental about their sex lives, I hope, but I cannot see the allure of any kind of sex outside of a loving relationship), if anything. I find this black/white view much less common. I am seeing the black/white or virgin/whore view much less common too, which is nice. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 They hide it well. It's a very prominent part of the male psychology, and probably what causes a lot of cheating on the male side of relationships.I think it's normal and healthy for men to want to marry women who are sexual selective and not promiscuous. And I think it's also normal to have different criteria for short-term and long-term relationships. It's only a problem if a particular man believes that he should be able to sleep with anyone he wants, but his wife/girlfriend should only sleep with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 If it's true, I'm in the clear! My boyfriend calls me 'beautiful' nearly every time I see him and every once in awhile calls me 'gorgeous.' Never called me pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I think it's normal and healthy for men to want to marry women who are sexual selective and not promiscuous. And I think it's also normal to have different criteria for short-term and long-term relationships. It's only a problem if a particular man believes that he should be able to sleep with anyone he wants, but his wife/girlfriend should only sleep with him. This is not the virgin/whore complex I was speaking of. Honestly, though, I'm not sure men in my generation think about or care about sexual selectivity at all, really, in a numbers sense. My male friends certainly don't want to be with someone who is obviously trashy in the way they dress, act, or communicate themselves. But I know lots of relationships begun off of 1st or early date sex, most of them don't seem to even ask a girl's number, and none of them have retro jealousy issues. I'm not saying ALL guys in my generation are like my friends, but these guys really don't seem to think about sexual selectivity. If anything, they look for relationship selectivity more, as do most gals I know. But that's normal: nobody wants to feel like they're with someone who'd be with just anyone. I think my generation has a lot less female sex stigma though. While I don't think the show is an example of healthy adults, Sex and the City helped us out there. That was on while I was in HS. I don't think anyone really likes the idea of being with someone trashy unless maybe he/she is trashy themselves, but trashy for most people I know isn't about some number---it's about the way you carry yourself. But beyond sexual selectivity, the virgin/whore thing is thinking of a woman as a slut purely because (a) you know she's not GF material for you (whatever that means) and thus don't treat her like a GF and (b) she sleeps with you anyway. And you think her behavior is bad somehow. There's a sort of fracked up logic there. That does happen, even in my generation, but usually only with losers (who then wonder why they never get great girls). There's a prominent example on this board, though I haven't seen him much lately. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) I think it's normal and healthy for men to want to marry women who are sexual selective and not promiscuous. And I think it's also normal to have different criteria for short-term and long-term relationships. It's only a problem if a particular man believes that he should be able to sleep with anyone he wants, but his wife/girlfriend should only sleep with him. I would agree with this, however, despite the romantic idealism that the madonna whore complex is dead, it's still very much alive. And it feeds the double standard that men have. When that double standard doesn't apply, you have a guy with decent values. But that's not the norm, in my opinion. It's better than it was before, but there's still quite a ways to go. Honestly, how many women consider it a deal breaker if a guy was promiscuous in his past? And vice versa? Women are forced to accept it. Personally, I don't date men with promiscuous pasts or presents (knowingly.) I don't think I'm the norm. The problem is, you have the more animalistic gender that sets the standards for the lesser of the two. Men have more testosterone. It is what it is. However, it's blatant hypocrisy that men have very low standards for who they'll sleep with, yet call women names for activity that can be less than promiscuous. It's like holding women responsible for their lack of will power. Not that I'm bitter about it. Edited July 31, 2011 by daphne Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I think the word 'pretty' is more of a children's word. Saying 'you are pretty' to an adult is kind of weird. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Honestly, how many women consider it a deal breaker if a guy was promiscuous in his past? And vice versa? Women are forced to accept it.How many men consider it a deal breaker if the woman makes less money than him? Or if she has less education than him? Or if she is shorter than him? Or if she doesn't own a boat or flashy car? Or if she lives in a townhouse?!?!? Men are forced to accept lots of deal breakers, too. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Daphne is talking about double standard? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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