Not even one year, feeling worthless.

[Hushpuppy]

[font=courier new][/font][color=black][/color]My first year anniversary is next month. Just 3 weeks ago my husband told me he no longer wants to try to win me over, he is not happy. He said he would give me a chance to fix it but he didn't. He seems disgusted with me at times. I have changed many of my bad habits, I lost 14lbs and now weigh 118. I was too addicted to TV, I was very self conscious and wouldn't want to have sex because of that. I stopped wearing sexy outfits. He would ask why and I would say they don't fit. I stopped watching TV, I stopped eating junk food and I am extremely "anxious" all the time now. But he now says the issue is trust. I have a problem with little lies. I do not know what I am scared of but I do it all the time. For instance, my dog chewed a whole in the carpet. I had it fixed before he returned from a work trip and he found out anyway. There have been several of these. We have separate credit cards and he once asked me if I had anything on it, I said yes and he got mad. He likes zero balance. I once got really drunk with friends and didn't tell him, he asked why, when I did finally tell him, and I said I was scared. He said, Of what, but I don't know. I asked him to teach me how to not do this but he does not want to. He wants a separation and me to move back with my parents. I am going to have to do this because I am getting sick from trying, I continually lose weight. He ask listens to the new Hoobastank song "The Reason" and says he wants to believe it but he will not. I think he is too afraid of failure and he is taking the easier way out. I am so in love with him, and it hurts so bad. We have been together for 3 years, and I was happy. I did have too many distractions, pets. But I have already gotten rid of 2 and working on the third. Every now and then he used to say "if". Example, I am bringing out my guns and dressing really sexy. He still cannot resist me, he asks, "If we were to stay together, would this stop?" I say no. We sat and had a talk, I explained that I will do whatever it takes, I believe in us. But I do know that it takes two too make things work. He decided that he does not want to try. Then much later that day he calls me and asks, "Did we make the right choice?" I tell him, "Of course I am going to say no." I know I can move on. I know there are plenty of other fish in the sea, but I want him. Please let me know any advice. I do appreciate it.

[HokeyReligions]

You say you are willing to do anything for him -- what is he willing to do for you?

[Hushpuppy]

[font=courier new][/font][color=black][/color]I know when my mind is on my matters, I tend to forget my english, and sometimes I misspell things. Anyway, from what I have seen in our conversations, he has lost some of his love for me and he does not believe it is worth the effort. He thinks that if I try, it will only last for a little while. He says he has been trying for a year, but I was pushing him away. I don't agree. But he still says what if we get back together, and that is what kills me. I think this would all be easier if I didn't see any hope and he was mean about the whole thing. We are still friends through this all.

[HokeyReligions]

Have you tried some marriage counseling to help you both sort things out? Even if you do agree to divorce, you can at least say you tried everything and you may part with a better understanding of your self which will help you in future relationships.

 

I'm sorry that your marriage is in so much trouble. It is so sad to see a marriage end and people hurt.

 

Look at the information at Marriage Builders <URL removed>

 

Some of the information there may help you to communicate with your husband, and even understand yourself a little better.

[friendforyou]

I am little confused? What have you done that is so bad? I am really lost.

[Micheal]

dude is a f***ing idiot hahaha,but serouslive been there to with my ex-fiance but shes my ex for a reason,either accept the way he treats u or find someone to treat u right,its like wasteing time if things just end up the same.u have to be happy thats what lifes about f*** evrything esle nothing better than fun,f***ing,and fighting, hahaha

[Hushpuppy]

I have lied. I don't think they are horrible lies but the man never ever lies. i cover up what the dogs do. i try to fix things with out telling him. and the biggest is we both have our own credit card. i continued to put things on mine for some stupid reason. i never told him about it. when he finally did ask i told him but i lied about the amount. he now thinks i have like 3 credit cards. he thinks i would lie about anything. he thinks i cheated on him, but i did not. i would never. i want him so bad. i am at my parents now and it isn't helping. this is just making me more depressed. i want to die. he wrote me a letter after i left the house and he said he almost chased after me. but he didn't. this would be easier if i didn't see hope, but i do and i want to take it. he is worth it to me. i my life back, it seems to come close then slip right through my fingers. he said that he would have taken me back if he only saw me try to fix the problem. i told him that each time i just opened my mouth i messed things up. Example, say something that pissed him off or not have a reason for not telling him. the credit card he said he would have paid off for me but i told him that i was ashamed of it. i want to go home and i have only been gone for going on 5 days. i feel so worthless. i want to fix it.

[friendforyou]

First Question, Do you work? And do you have any idea how many husbands and wifes have arguments about the credit cards! I had mine cut up by my husband, with my consent, kinda I cried it was pretty upsetting. But anyway, he still loves me. I mean this is so little. He has to learn not to sweat the small stuff! I mean how is he going to handle a real tragedy?! He is controlling at all? And do you make yourself feel this guilty? If so, you are very very hard on yourself. This is a very common problem. Everything that you stated. Believe me!

[CaterpillarGirl]

Go to counseling, alone if he won't go. See if you can find a credit counselor, as well. It's good to be financially secure whether or not he takes you back.

[raj]

Originally posted by CaterpillarGirl

Go to counseling, alone if he won't go. See if you can find a credit counselor, as well. It's good to be financially secure whether or not he takes you back.

[Hushpuppy]

Well i went home. Everyday i was home i emailed him. i also tried to call, but he wouldn't answer. My dad and my cousin advised me to give him space, let him miss me. Well i don't know what happened in the days of "space" but it worked. He wanted me home. He wanted our life back. He wants no lies ever about anything. I have been home for a month and things are very good. Sometimes i still worry about boring him or me not happy or what he is thinking about. Those times don't last very long. Just yesterday we had a boring day. It is really, really hot where we live and sometimes you can not play outside, badmitten, RC cars, etc. well i said i was bored, he said welcome to my world. Then after cleaning a bit he dragged me out to go play with the RC truck he has and that was quite fun. i promised i wouldn't be afraid of anything so i played with it too, before i wouldn't. Anyway i have learned that anything broke can be fixed. Next week we are having his daughter down and that will be so much fun. i love her dearly. I am afraid of lying and i am trying really hard not too. The other thing is to be happy. it is a lot easier said then done. Sometimes you can think you are happy but you are not. And you don't know it until you lose something. I hope I give reassurance to those who need it. I never thought I could turn him around but I am worth it. I am optimistic and will move forward in life.

thank you for all your support, this is a great website.