My Journal of self Improvement and remaking of my life

[KME39]

For the last year I have gone from a shy, unhappy person to a outgoing, generally happy and optimistic person. It has been a tough year and I am not telling you that every day is rainbows and butterflies. There are days that I just want to cry but never give up the hope that it will be better.

 

In August I was 80 lbs heavier than what I am now. I didn't think that I was that overweight and had no idea how much my health was hurting. My social skills were bad also because I felt so bad about myself that I just wanted to stay in my emotional jail. That is what it was a jail that had windows but there were bars and black out shades. This jail saved me in my head of so much heartache and sadness.

 

Fast forward to April of this year. I finally was starting to have enough of my hubby treating me badly. He would insult me and not think anything of it. In May, I made a couple of new friends that figured out how to get through that jail. They listened and got me to open up more. I opened up more to my therapist and that is when the real healing started.

 

As I got emotionally stronger and my confidence increased I started to see things that were going on in my life that didn't make me happy. The first thing I did was talk to my friends about my marriage. In July I finally after the newest complaint or change of his (get rich quick) that we are done. I am no longer happy with him. Well he didn't fight me at all on this.

 

The first few weeks were stressful with getting the separation agreement done. I can't move out until September because the apartment is not ready. I have been packing and purging stuff.

 

I walk with more confidence . My head is held high, and my back is straight. I have the confidnece to walk into a room where I don't know anyone and just talk to them. I end up leaving the room with a couple of new people to associate with. Yesterday I went to lunch with my girlfriends and we laughed like fools.

 

My future is very bright now. I am not going to fall into the trap of depression and locking my emotional jail. The windows are open in my jail. There are a few windows with bars still but it is getting better.