1Dunno Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 So I broke up with this girl a couple of months ago. We had only being seeing each other a few months, and although she didn't see it as anything serious, I had obviously fallen for her as it's been hard getting on with things. Unfortunately I still care about her. She's now seeing her ex again, so pretty sure I was just "the rebound guy", which hurts even more. I acted reasonably cool about the breakup (even though it hurt) and let her know that I accepted her decision. The problem is that she's being using me as a doormat ever since. Partly my own fault as I agreed to the "friends" bulls**t. On occasion however she continues to ask me for favours. Granted it's only small things like picking up her bike and transporting it for her, but I just think that it's inappropriate for her to ask. I know it's not her intention (she's probably doing it partly for an ego boost too), but it feels like she's using me big time while rubbing my nose in the fact that she's back with her ex. The thing that annoys me the most is that the only time she ever contacts me is when she wants a favour, and she always attempts to make some inane bulls**t smalltalk before she asks, as if she's really interested in what I'm doing. I want to tell this girl to f**k off and get out of my life, but unfortunately it's not that easy either as I work at the same place as her so have to maintain some level of diplomacy. If i could go full NC I would, but it doesn't help when we run into each other at work, and when she asks for a favour it's pretty hard to worm my way out of it. Please LS, I need your advice! Link to post Share on other sites
HardknockLife Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Pretty easy, tell her how you feel jsut like you mentioned above. Talk to her, and tell her not to do this anymore and to leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1Dunno Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 Thanks Hardknock. I guess you're right, I should really just tell her to quit it. Just other unresolved feelings make it hard for me I guess. I should mention that she was the one who broke it off with me, although that's probably irrelevant anyway. Why do girls do s**t like this (continue to ask favours after breaking up)? Is it her trying to see if she still has any control over me, or am I reading too far into it and she just genuinely wants a favour? Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I've been in your shoes my friend and I know from my situation that the girl simply didn't realise that I'd fallen for her so badly. Our "relationship" (if you can even call it that) was very short and we both stayed friends afterwards. Sadly, feelings often build up not when someone's with us, but when we're apart. I tried to maintain friendship and she treated like yours is treating you - not badly, just as a friend, and no doubt a close one. In fact I would imagine she does think highly of you and may still have some hidden feelings, just not enough to make them into anything more. Tell her, explain how you feel and how difficult this is. If she's a nice girl (you haven't said anything to question that - okay, you were a rebound, but many of us do that) then she will understand and appreciate your honesty. Don't expect it to get easy right away though as you will miss her more and be tempted to break NC. Seeing her at work won't be easy either, I had to change locations due to mine. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
SelfControl Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) Ask yourself if have self-control in this situation? In other words, can I control myself enough to say no to her requests? If you do, then let her ask you for favors. And, when she does your response will be very simple. You say, 'No', and shake your head no at the same time. Then don't say anything. If she asks again, say no again. It's called having a spine and people, not just women, will respect you for it. Give it a try. You'll be glad you did. Edited July 31, 2011 by SelfControl Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 you just say hey i dont want be friend with you. ask your bf if you need help. so please dont contact me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 if she thinks your rude to her so what? she is not everybody, she is the ex, and the ex that hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1Dunno Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 Thanks for the replies all! Some good advice. Found this, certainly rings a bell: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/200911/the-good-guy-contract I've been in your shoes my friend and I know from my situation that the girl simply didn't realise that I'd fallen for her so badly. Our "relationship" (if you can even call it that) was very short and we both stayed friends afterwards. Sadly, feelings often build up not when someone's with us, but when we're apart. I tried to maintain friendship and she treated like yours is treating you - not badly, just as a friend, and no doubt a close one. In fact I would imagine she does think highly of you and may still have some hidden feelings, just not enough to make them into anything more. Tell her, explain how you feel and how difficult this is. If she's a nice girl (you haven't said anything to question that - okay, you were a rebound, but many of us do that) then she will understand and appreciate your honesty. Don't expect it to get easy right away though as you will miss her more and be tempted to break NC. Seeing her at work won't be easy either, I had to change locations due to mine. Good luck. Sorry to hear about your situation smudge. It's amazing how being with someone for such a short time can have such a profound effect. I'm trying to avoid contact as much as possible and ensure that if anything I never initiate it. I'm torn between telling her that I refuse her friendship and just keeping NC. If I tell her that I don't want her friendship then she will more than likely read between the lines and infer that I still have feelings for her (which I do). I don't want to give all my cards away I'm blaming myself for getting into this situation in the first place. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing! Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 ugh! my ex treated me the same way. the only difference is he never asked me for favors. my fawning adoration was enough of an ego boost for him that is -- until i went NC i realize you're in a bind because you work together but i would echo HardknockLife's advice and be up front and tell her how you feel and why you can no longer do her favors for her anymore. she should be embarrassed to be asking you to do these things to begin with. as for you're being torn between telling her that you refuse her friendship and just keeping NC - - does it really matter if she know that you still have feelings for you or not? against my friends' advice i told the ex i wouldn't be in contact with him because it hurt too much to know that he was actively dating and would eventually meet someone else. while i may have shown him all my cards, it made it easier for me to stick to NC because i knew i had said everything that needed to be said on my end; so i felt more at peace with the direction i needed to go in (away from him ). while i told him that i would return to the friendship once i had had time to cool down and get used to the idea of him being with someone else; i've since decided that i have no desire to do so. but - - i won't be telling him that. i'll let my silence speak for itself. Link to post Share on other sites
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