Needing to Vent - On Dumpers.......

[radiodarcy]

I really doubt that from you ex's point of view she was stringing you along, that's how you see it. In many cases when couples break up it's because of a communication breakdown. Have you seen the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Where her and the guy are talking about why they broke up and she said that she was TRYING to fix the relationship for a year, and he just never noticed.

 

The issue was, she just never talked to him about the problems. Often times both people are guilty of this.

 

I will say, I'm usually the dumper, one time I strung someone along and I was 16, other than that I've been very clear in my intentions and how I feel in a relationship. I try to communicate clearly and concisely about my feelings and emotions, but not everyone is open to hearing that.

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting and hope that time quickly heals your wounds.

 

unfortunately, not all dumpers are as considerate. and of course, it depends on the situation. i had been trying to get him to talk for well over a year about his feelings and got nothing until i pushed one time too many and he exploded on me.

 

granted it's my fault for hanging in as long as i did. but he had plenty of time to get things off his chest and he didnt - - until the situation become inconvenient to him.

[Audrina]

unfortunately, not all dumpers are as considerate. and of course, it depends on the situation. i had been trying to get him to talk for well over a year about his feelings and got nothing until i pushed one time too many and he exploded on me.

 

granted it's my fault for hanging in as long as i did. but he had plenty of time to get things off his chest and he didnt - - until the situation become inconvenient to him.

 

I understand. But still, my point stands. Communication is the key to any healthy, stable and prosperous relationship. I remember one time I gave this advice to a friend and she immediately got him on the phone and started ACCUSING him of things, which put him on the defensive.

 

If a relationship is having problems, while sometimes yes, it can just be one person's fault, it can also be the other person's fault for not recognizing that their communication method is not working for the other person.

 

I know sometimes when I say things a certain way my boyfriend goes into apology mode - I try to tell him, please stop, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to facilitate a discussion so we can resolve this issue, tell me how to talk to you.

 

When you're in a relationship, and for a year, things are bad, it's also your responsibility to find out why - to be open and receptive to what you hear and work on changing your way of communicating so it works for the other person.

 

It's not easy and it doesn't always work, but you know when you've done that I feel like you have given the relationship your all and what else can you do if you still get dumped?

[radiodarcy]

I understand. But still, my point stands. Communication is the key to any healthy, stable and prosperous relationship. I remember one time I gave this advice to a friend and she immediately got him on the phone and started ACCUSING him of things, which put him on the defensive.

 

If a relationship is having problems, while sometimes yes, it can just be one person's fault, it can also be the other person's fault for not recognizing that their communication method is not working for the other person.

 

I know sometimes when I say things a certain way my boyfriend goes into apology mode - I try to tell him, please stop, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to facilitate a discussion so we can resolve this issue, tell me how to talk to you.

 

When you're in a relationship, and for a year, things are bad, it's also your responsibility to find out why - to be open and receptive to what you hear and work on changing your way of communicating so it works for the other person.

 

It's not easy and it doesn't always work, but you know when you've done that I feel like you have given the relationship your all and what else can you do if you still get dumped?

 

good point. i tried and tried to get him to tell me what would be a better method of communicating; when my other attempts didn't seem to work. but he would never tell me. admittedly i hung in there longer than i should have.

 

but like you said, when i finally did get ditched at least i knew i had done everything i could which has made easier to stick to NC. so in my case, i couldn't really move on until i knew i had given it everything i had to make things work.

 

which isn't like me at all -- normally i give up pretty easily. but i loved him so much i could bring myself to do the letting go until he was ready