eleanor01 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Wow. No Expectations and Kismetly, You are in for a rough ride and I am awfully sorry. I have been there, too, except that I was actually the BS and my live in boyfriend is a rabid alcoholic. It took me a really long time and a whole lot of counseling to be able to get out of it. I had been off relationships for several years before I got involved with my MM (I'm learning the abbreviations, albeit slowly), who does not have addiction problems. I was resistant to counseling, but it made a huge difference for me. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Al Anon helped, too. Please, help yourselves. It can be so easy to let somebody else define you: yesterday you were "the most beautiful, smartest, kindest woman alive." Today you are "uncaring, selfish, and worthless." It's really hard not to internalize these things. Best, Ellie P.S. I didn't want to threadjack, but if anybody thinks that my story about the above relationship might be illuminating, let me know and I'll fill you in. I actually don't think about it all that often anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 The best way for me to answer is that is, yes, I am working my program fully...and you are exactly right, being a sponsor and sponsee are crucial as well as 12th step work. You have to give the gift away to keep it. I love this program and I am forever grateful to my HP. Nice to meet a fellow friend of Bill's 2Sunny. right on! now - knowing that my HP would never choose any man that exhibited extreme ego, behavior patterns that are concerning, and selfish or self seeking behavior only - that is the guideline that i use when considering spending my free time with a potential dateable man. i never want to settle. life is too damn short for me to go invitig negative energy into my free time. i wait... knowing i deserve a kind, loving and decent man - in the meantime i get busy being happy and living a little bit! Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 I feel Spark and BNB have been saying something so great here, I just want to back the stance. I would add that for someone in a position of not loving her/himself, loving yourself can seem to make no sense. Like an outsider looking in. For me a big step was when I realised it was OK to feel how I am feeling. I spent many years thinking it was not OK to be me, because I didn't know how to accept how I felt. It's easier to be yourself and accept yourself in the way spark and bent talk about if you accept the way you feel first. Maybe that makes sense. Anyway, you'll take good things from this thread Link to post Share on other sites
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