why do so many couples ban opp sex friends?

[flyaway]

Doesn't sound very realistic to say that you'd want to have sex with every woman you meet.

 

unless we are living in a world of celebs or something, lol.

 

i think if you want to boink every single woman you see (or man for that matter) then you have a problem. hypersexuality, maybe?

 

i have no doubt that some guys fantasize about people they know. it doesnt bug me. lots of guys fantasize about a lot of different women! doesnt mean that they will cheat. cmon lets give the guys some more credit here, please.

[chucksagent]

Doesn't sound very realistic to say that you'd want to have sex with every woman you meet.

 

No piggyoink, you weren't paying attention the what the teacher said...Every ATTRACTIVE girl a man is friends with he wants to have sex with. We are visual creatures - REAL simple...designed to spread our seed...its biological; not perverted, not wrong, its science. I have NEVER wanted to have sex with ANY ugly girl I've ever met. Trust me on both of these things. I hope other men on this board have enough balls to admit I'm right because they ALL know its true.

 

Piggyoink and Flyaway OBVIOULSY know NOTHING about the way men think...LMFAO...its a proven fact men think about sex once every 2 minutes...Why is it so hard to believe they would want to have sex with EVERY ATTRACTIVE girl they are friends with???

[piggyoink]

unless we are living in a world of celebs or something, lol.

 

i think if you want to boink every single woman you see (or man for that matter) then you have a problem. hypersexuality, maybe?

 

i have no doubt that some guys fantasize about people they know. it doesnt bug me. lots of guys fantasize about a lot of different women! doesnt mean that they will cheat. cmon lets give the guys some more credit here, please.

 

I wonder how any of those hyper people watch tv or movies and deal with all the women they allegedly want to have sex with - lol

[chucksagent]

I wonder how any of those hyper people watch tv or movies and deal with all the women they allegedly want to have sex with - lol

 

Lol,,,funny,,,but making a joke doesn't change facts.

[piggyoink]

For example, lets use Singapore Airlines. They have a well known policy that some may say is sexist. They hire only very good looking women. Now, are you saying the Captain of their planes thinks about sleeping with every one of his cabin crew?

[Quiet Storm]

Tonight I'm going to see a friend I've had for several years whom I used to work with, he's 34 and single, I'm 23 and not single. My bf trusts that nothing is ever going to happen between me and another guy because we're each others partners and crazy in love

 

 

 

IMO, your boyfriend is either very naive, or not that into you, or has some kind of cuckhold fantasy going on, or is stuffing his feelings about this matter. I cannot imagine a man having no issues with his gf staying overnight with other men.

 

I think it is very rare to find a straight man that is genuinely "just friends" with an attractive woman. Even if they share common interests, the guy is going to have sexually charged feelings around her. Even if he doesn't act on them, the girl is thinking he genuinely likes her as a person and values her opinion, and he is concentrating on trying to not think about how she looks naked or how she would be in bed.

 

Men behave differently with their male friends than around females, too. If a girl is around, they are more guarded with their conversations, their words are more carefully thought out, they can't be completely honest about women because they don't want to sound disrespectful. It's just a whole different dynamic going on if a female's in the room.

[Quiet Storm]

For example, lets use Singapore Airlines. They have a well known policy that some may say is sexist. They hire only very good looking women. Now, are you saying the Captain of their planes thinks about sleeping with every one of his cabin crew?

 

Most likely, yes. Not saying they would act on it.

 

Most men do this all the time. However, it is often a short, fleeting thought, and they don't dwell on it.

Edited September 16, 2011 by Quiet Storm

[in_absentia]

IMO, your boyfriend is either very naive, or not that into you, or has some kind of cuckhold fantasy going on, or is stuffing his feelings about this matter. I cannot imagine a man having no issues with his gf staying overnight with other men.

 

I think it is very rare to find a straight man that is genuinely "just friends" with an attractive woman. Even if they share common interests, the guy is going to have sexually charged feelings around her. Even if he doesn't act on them, the girl is thinking he genuinely likes her as a person and values her opinion, and he is concentrating on trying to not think about how she looks naked or how she would be in bed.

 

Men behave differently with their male friends than around females, too. If a girl is around, they are more guarded with their conversations, their words are more carefully thought out, they can't be completely honest about women because they don't want to sound disrespectful. It's just a whole different dynamic going on if a female's in the room.

 

I assure you he is not naive (he has been cheated on in previous relationships), he's totally into me (he was talking marriage ideas and how many children we are going to have within a month or two of starting to officially go out), definitely has no cuckold fantasies (we're both very kinky and open minded and discuss our fantasies, act them out etc. and that's not one of his) and he doesn't stifle his feelings if something does actually bother him, he just mentions them and we talk through it.

 

Bear in mind I wasn't talking about staying over at my friends last night, we met for a couple cups of coffee in a coffee shop and spent a good hour and a half talking about everything and anything going on in our lives. Maybe he thinks I'm attractive, maybe I'm not his 'type' but it does not matter. I honestly feel sorry for those who think male/female friendships are always a hotbed of sizzling stifled sexual feelings... they could be missing out on so much, I get such different things from all of my friends, male or female. I love them to pieces and I tell them so, whether they're men or women. I've had a really ****ty past ten years in my personal life (living with divorced warring parents, literally watching my mum die from alcoholism, being bullied, suffering from a chronic pain condition that ruins me life at times, having a relationship with someone which brought almost nothing but pain and anxiety, siblings in prison, burying family members etc.) and I swear on my life, my friends are the most important people in my life. They've been there for me like rocks throughout all that stuff as well as for the good, fun times, I know them inside out and vice versa and it's just an incredible feeling to connect on that level with another human being, whatever private parts they have does not come into it.

[nofool4u]

Lol,,,funny,,,but making a joke doesn't change facts.

 

well PO doesn't contribute much except for short empty sentences.

[Leigh 87]

I would not care if my boyfriend had females he considered friends; I would care if he spent a lot of one on one time with them. More than once a week, alone with them, would be too much.

 

Having a female friend that my boy associated with when in a GROUP of his friends, would be fine. It is fine to get along well with other girls.

 

The problem is: it is easy to get feelings for other people. There are many people who are a good match for you, and you will be faced with them while in a relationship.

 

If a girl is very beautiful, I would NOT want my boyfriend being close to her, in a way that extends beyond mutual outings with other friends. There is a possibility, if the girl has a personality he loves, that HE could grow to love her, if they spent too much time together.

 

The facts are... even if you are in a loving relationship, it is still possible for one party to spend enough time with the opposite sex, to develope feelings.

 

The key is, to not let yourself spend enough time or energy on a very attractive member of the opposite sex, if you are not only sexually, but also attarcted to how their mind works.

 

 

Texting females often would be out for me, also. A text now and again to see what they are up to is NORMAL and fine. TExting every day or every second or third day, however, is investing too much time on another attractive women.

 

I say attractive, because, providing my boy loved their personality, it would b e EASY for them to fall for them, as being beautiful on the inside AND OUT, means there is nothing stopping my boy from wanting to be with them, both sexually and otherwise.

 

Evenif my boy started to be close to a unnatractive female, who he would never consider bedding, constant texts or too much energy put into the friendship, would be out for me. There is still a chance he would fall for her, once he got to know her deaply.

 

 

I personally, believe that very deap friendships with the opposite sex, should be rare, and carefully considered; they have to have history, and the guy or girl HAS to KNOW , that they have previously been able to a ssociate with them regularly, without feveloping feelings.

 

 

I will never be an unreasonably jealous girlfriend; my boyfriend can go out and party alone. He can think a girl is " cool" and enjoy talking with them. He can get their number and invite them out, WITH US, so he can also share this new cool person he met with ME.

 

In theory, there should be nothing wrong with really liking to be around a member of the opposite sex. To go out, have coffees, have dinner together and enjoy your time, sharing common things you both enjoy.

 

The problem is; a relationship is when you love being around a person of the opposite sex, and also have a sexual attraction with them. It is all too easy to get feelings for a person, IF you were to spend too much one on one time together.

 

Spending more than one or two days a week alone with the opposite sex, along with texting each other more than say, twice a week, runs too much of a risk of letting you develop feelings....

 

EVen if the guy/girl do NOT set out to fall for another person, it is simply easy to do, if u spend enough time alone together, and invest too much time emailing or texting one another.

 

 

So, YES: I feel fine with my boyfriend talking to girls when he is out without me, and if he thinks they are very cool people, to even have a coffee alone with them once a week.

 

There are just special boundaries, once u are in a relationship. I KNOW many people love being close to both male and females, however; for me, there is just too much of a risk of losing my boy, to a girl ( which only happelns if they spend a lot of time together).

 

 

Before meeting my boyfriend, I thought it should be fine to have girls that the boy I loved, to like people, regardless of their sex. If he loves being around a girl a lot who cares?

 

HOwever, now that I AM in love, I just realize that, although he should be alloud to talk to girls and be friends with them, that spending a lot of time together, always carries the risk that he will find them to be a better match for him than I am.

 

My boyfriend is satisfied with his male friends and having me for a deal emptional connection. I have not even discussed having opposite sex friends. We just both KNOW what is right. He has not once struck up a female friendship, that he then invests that much energy into.

 

I do think there are exceptions; some people like being close to members of the opposite sex, and like to have a close relationship with them. They can keep things platonic. However, they still took the chance that they COULD fall for their friend; they just didnt. The risk was still taken.

[Leigh 87]

.

 

Hmm who knows... I am still leanring what is and is not accceptable. I do know some basic boundries though:

 

- if he meets a really cool girl, he shoulsd tell me. My boyfriend shares with me when he meets people of interest.

 

- he should tell me if they are going to spend one on one time. Not because I do not trust him, but because it is respecful. It is in bad taste, once u have a partner, to see opposite sex friends without telling them.

 

- if they are very attractive, and he also likes them enough to otherwise want to be with them, IF he WAS single, I would only like him to be around them while in a group, so limit too much one on one, personal communication. ( just because he loves me, does not mean he cannot go through the process of getting feelings for a new person.)

 

 

Lastly, it depends on the person. SOme people are very social, and like spending a lot of their time with people besides their partner.

 

I would just make sure that my boy would KNOW that he had no interst in them, IF he was the type to need close female friwnds ( which he does not), then I would let him do it if he knew there was no risks of him falling for them.

 

 

Lets face it, though; who wants their boyfriend meeting an Angelina Jolie, and loving their personality in addition to their physical beauty?

 

It is much easier, if the girl is nto attractive ( or not as attarctive as u).

[rafallus]

and I swear on my life, my friends are the most important people in my life.

 

This caught my eye.

 

So far I had no problem believing all that, but now it begs the question: Is your boyfriend fine with knowing he's on the back seat? Or does he know?

[in_absentia]

I suppose I wasn't clear on that; I include my boyfriend when I say 'friends', He's one of my best friends, we live together, we see each other every day, I tell him things nobody else knows, we have sex... he's one of the closest people to me, but he happily knows he shares that top spot with some very close people in my life (a couple females and a male I've known for years and been very close to throughout that whole time). I'm not even a social butterfly kinda girl, I much prefer a quite night in with my boyfriend snuggling or a coffee with friends to going out and socialising and partying all night, but at various points in my life I just struck lucky I guess.

 

My friends vary in age too, from people in their 20s to people in their 40s and 60s who I've met through the place I volunteer at. The guy in his 40s is one of my closest friends and his wife/my bf think nothing of us getting together for a coffee regularly and sharing what's going on with our lives. Partners come and go (this one I hope's for life, but how can you know? I've broken up with people before) but friends are for life, if you're lucky and find the awesome ones.

[piggyoink]

IMO, your boyfriend is either very naive, or not that into you, or has some kind of cuckhold fantasy going on, or is stuffing his feelings about this matter. I cannot imagine a man having no issues with his gf staying overnight with other men.

 

I think it is very rare to find a straight man that is genuinely "just friends" with an attractive woman. Even if they share common interests, the guy is going to have sexually charged feelings around her. Even if he doesn't act on them, the girl is thinking he genuinely likes her as a person and values her opinion, and he is concentrating on trying to not think about how she looks naked or how she would be in bed.

 

Men behave differently with their male friends than around females, too. If a girl is around, they are more guarded with their conversations, their words are more carefully thought out, they can't be completely honest about women because they don't want to sound disrespectful. It's just a whole different dynamic going on if a female's in the room.

 

According to your regulations then I'm not a straight man. I have common interests with my female friends, and there are no charged feelings. lol

[chucksagent]

Listen...don't complicate things people...

 

Why are you with your significant other?

 

USUALLY because they are ATTRACTIVE, YOU HAVE THINGS IN COMMON, AND YOU GET ALONG WELL.

 

So, whats the difference if you're hanging out with a friend of opposite sex a lot who is ATTRACTIVE, YOU HAVE THINGS IN COMMON, AND YOU GET ALONG WELL. How can you HONESTLY say you won't develop feelings for that person or make a temporary lapse in judgment?!?

 

You know what Socrates said? "The wisest man knows that he knows nothing." People who speak in absolutes are ALWAYS the people who get burned (pride comes before the fall). I KNOW that I am not perfect and I KNOW that people aren't perfect...so why, then, if I am TOTALLY in love with my girlfriend, would I risk a temporary lapse in judgment to ruin EVERYTHING we have??? For what???

 

Bottom Line: Yes, men want to have sex with attractive women. It IS that simple. The guy posting on here saying he hasn't thought about it with his attractive female friends IS a liar (or just trying to make a point and not being honest with himself). AND the example about the airline, are you kidding me??? OF COURSE the pilot wants to have sex with them all!!! That's not to say he will try but TRUST me he wants to.

 

Why do you think places like Hooters use hot women? Why do you think often times bar's hire hot women? Advertisements use hot women. Modeling uses hot women. I mean, come on, use common sense!!!

[piggyoink]

Sounds like you lack self control and/or lack judgement.

[chucksagent]

PEOPLE lack control and judgment. How many people smoke? How many people drink alcohol? How many people do drugs? How many people eat McDonalds (or any unhealthy food place)? How many people stress? How many people don't get yearly check ups?

 

ALL of these things are stupid - doing each of these things shows bad judgment, but people do them ALL the time!!!

 

You act like human beings don't make mistakes...LOL. Too err is human, to forgive is divine. I'd rather NOT risk cheating on and hurting a person I love.

[piggyoink]

I'm not a psychologist but it doesn't seem that healthy to me to artificially limit your social circle to such an extent as desribed.

[robdrm32]

I'm not a psychologist but it doesn't seem that healthy to me to artificially limit your social circle to such an extent as desribed.

 

Maybe you are capable of purely platonic friendships with beautiful women, where you never contemplate sex with them, but most men are not that way.

 

Knowing girls in a social circle is one thing but close friendships with beautiful women that are purely platonic are very rare for any man.

 

It's like the eagles song "She has lots of pretty pretty boys that she calls friends"

 

Friends of the opposite sex are often just options that people keep around.

[Leigh 87]

Chucksagend - YES YES YES. I get it now. Having beautiful women, in the same social circle as your boyfriend, that your boyfriend also gets along well with? FINE . He can make do with only seeing them out in a group, by chance.

 

HAving a close friendship with an attractive women? Yeah right.

 

My main point, as you pointed out : You have relationships with someone, because they are as beautiful as you can get, and u also get along so well with them, that u develope feelings.

 

I would not risk losing and I would not want MY boy to risk losing ME, by being friends with a very attractuve women, who he also LOVES spending time with. THAT IS WHAT I AM TO HIM.

 

On the other hand, a women who is less attractive than me, who he gets along well with? It would be fine - but still, there are boundaries.. NO constant texting more than 3 days a week, or no more than 2 one on one meetings with them a week....

 

There is LESS chance of him falling for a women less attractive than me, as she is not as good of an option than I am! However, there IS still a chance of him falling for a less attractive women. Although slim, as we tell each other everything, and he already has that sort of very close outlet to vent and talk with, with ME.

[flyaway]

shame. i know a couple men who can have genuine platonic relationships and are fine with both their girl hanging with them and their friends or one-on-one. my rule is, if something is going on, you wont be allowed to meet or hang out with his friend. if he has nothing to hide, you can meet up and see that stuff is normal.

 

leigh, i disagree. i am friends with people because of common interests. not because we get along as a whole. we usually have a few things that we like to talk about and maybe do together, but thats about it. in terms of emotional stuff, thats what my boyfriend is for. most of my friends, female and male, are very different from me in many ways but we share some things in common.

 

leigh, i dont mean to be rude, but werent you the one in another thread who said that you let your boyfriend participate in sex with other women?

 

sorry but i think youre way more at risk by letting him do that than having opp sex friends.

 

youre worried about him "falling" for another chick by being friends but yet you trust him not to "fall" for her once he sticks his willie up inside of her?

 

what is wrong with this picture?

Edited September 20, 2011 by flyaway

[rafallus]

I'm not a psychologist but it doesn't seem that healthy to me to artificially limit your social circle to such an extent as desribed.

 

I pretty much agree.

 

It really doesn't make any sense to me to order your GF around and tell her that she can be friends with this and that guy, but not with that guy. She's not a slave (well, except for some sex plays, that is) and has her brain, plus such control gets tiresome. If she decides to go over the line with other guys, joke's on her.

 

And yes, seems like "not hiding things and not banning you to join, if you feel like it" is a distinction.

[flyaway]

yep i think being open is key. bf knows all my friends and is welcome to hang with us if he wants. he may be bored out of his mind (one of my male friends is reaaaallly into politics and the stock market) but yeah, he's welcome to come with.

 

on the same token, he always offers to have me tag along with his friends (male or female). sometimes i go, sometimes i dont.

[chucksagent]

"My boyfriend is for emotional things"

 

Come on, we're all adults here...What does that even mean???

 

My friends and I are soooooo close...I share EVERYTHING with them. As you should with ALL good friends. Are you saying you can never see yourself being "as good of friends" with a guy as you are with your girls?? Why not?? If everything is equal and all is good, why can't you be??

 

Oh, because emotional stuff is reserved for your boyfriend, and, well, female friends...but a female friend is just a friend the same, how is that any different than a male friend because a male friend is a friend is a friend is a friend is a male friend..but female friends get my emotional stuff too, but that's only for my boyfriend, special, him only...well...and my female friends..and come to think of it, the girls im barely friends with at work when I need an opinion, and well, I guess my male friends when drunk and I'm complaining about my boyfriend...LMAO.

 

You know people...those of you who want to have your cake and eat it too will continue to do as you do because, you are American after all...Instant gratification, no moral code, etc. Heaven forbid you do THE RIGHT THING!

 

****************************************

 

Think about every classy couple who has been married for a long time. Do they communicate with opposite sex people?

 

I'd think it strange if my Grandfather wrote letters to some woman other than my grandmother. Especially several letters a day. (no different than texting - both are means of communication) Or if my grandmother spent time at night talking on the phone to some guy OTHER than my grandfather. Nothing is sacred with you people anymore and its really sad and pathetic.

Edited September 20, 2011 by chucksagent

[Leigh 87]

FLYAWAY - My boyfriend and I have threesomes, very occasionally. He is young and still wants variety in sex. He has no desire to seek sex alone; sex is a shared thing he wants only WITH me - including another women is just something that feeds is need for variety. It works for us. We are as in love as any other couple.

 

It may not work for u, but it works for us, so u go do what works for u, and just accept that threesomes can work for some couples:)

 

 

I agree that I can be good mates with guys. However, if the guy is very good looking; lifewise, if a girl is VERY beautiful, very attractive... and she is an awsome girl.. then there is a chance u will FALL for people, if u find them to be STUNNING looking, and also love who they are as people.

 

That is why having very good looking friends of opposite sex, that u also love being around, leaves a great risk of falling for them.

 

If they are nto attractive enough to want to have sex with badly, then fine. Less chance of infatuation.

 

My boyfriend and I choose to stick good mates to the opposite sex who we do not find ridiculously good looking; as we do not want to risk losing one another.

 

Lastly, I tell my friends everything, hower; the deap, emotional stuff are for each other. Although I do reveal and seek personal advise through friends and even aquaintances ( and also give it to them..) I do leave the deapest things to my boyfriend. That is what we are for - to be everything to each other.

 

My summary works for us. Each to their own.