perpetual_illusion Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Hello all, I've been floating around the forums for the better part of two weeks, but this is my first post. I thought I was handling things well, but now I'm not so sure. My girlfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago. It was this whole cluster ****. We had an argument, I saw something that suggested she had lied about something, told her we should go our separate ways, we had a big fight. Turns out what I saw was wrong. But I was still angry at some of the things she had done and said. We managed to talk about things the next night, but I guess she had had enough, or was just too hurt, because the next day she sent a text saying that she just didn't see the problems that I saw and that we should go our separate ways. After about a week and half of NC, I felt that I had had enough time to cool off and evaluate what had happened. I sent her a text last night, apologizing for my actions, expressing that I understand what I did wrong and how insulting it must have been and how it must have hurt her, and saying that I hope one day she could forgive me. I didn't tell her it was all my fault, because it wasn't, I didn't ask her to get back together or anything, it was just an apology for my actions. I sent it last night, she must have already been asleep, because she sent a response when she woke this morning. I honestly wasn't expecting to hear something so soon, I figured she would sit on it and ponder it or something. Here was her response: "Your sentiments are appreciated. I am replying to your text to acknowledge it; however, I don't have anything to contribute to it. I am in a state of letting you go, and to do that, I can't talk to you. I sincerely hope you will find someone that leaves you with no insecurities, is pacifying, and is not argumentative. Good luck with your future." I can't believe she would give up so easily after a stupid fight. She can't even accept my apology or admit any fault of her own? Especially with how we felt about each other, or at least how she said she felt about me. I'm having trouble dealing with this, how should I take this? Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 My personal thoughts on this would be to reply back stating that you can't believe she's throwing away the relationship so easily. You said sorry and are willing to talk about things. Surely after so long it's worth talking rather than just walking away... That would be my personal take, but I'm others would have different view points. She's clearly angry and upset, responding so quickly is never a good sign (I would partly believe she may even regret what she's sent you at some point). Maybe send her a quick "I'm so sorry you feel this way..." message along with something that states you will give her space but that you're not giving up on the relationship. I don't know, it's hard to say as only you know her. People do react very strange after arguments - there may be more to it and you may need to back off for a while. Let her calm down and experience no contact from you. See if she misses you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author perpetual_illusion Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 Thanks for responding so quickly. She can be very stubborn, maybe she is still upset, but to feel that she has to let me go, just like that. I'm leaning toward continuing NC, which was my goal to begin with, I didn't expect my apology to be a magic fix, but I didn't expect this either. I suppose I'll see what others have to say. Thanks again for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Probably the best thing to do, although I know I'd struggle with this in that situation, would be to call her bluff and go 'no contact' on her. If she's serious, then you can start healing quicker and if she's being rash, then she'll probably come back... Link to post Share on other sites
Author perpetual_illusion Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Just finished talking with her. Turns out every word she said was a lie. She said that I was too confrontational and too intense, whatever that means. Pretty much, we had been on our way out anyway in her eyes. I can't believe that I let myself believe her. How can someone say those things to you and just drop you without any remorse? Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Just finished talking with her. Turns out every word she said was a lie. She said that I was too confrontational and too intense, whatever that means. Pretty much, we had been on our way out anyway in her eyes. I can't believe that I let myself believe her. How can someone say those things to you and just drop you without any remorse? God only knows. It's a very cold and disturbing phenomenon. Keep reading all you can around here, you are not suffering alone. Next time you will be all the wiser and hopefully won't get roped in by someone who doesn't have the same feelings for you, as you do for them. It's agony I know, so sorry you are going through this, don't let it make you jaded or embitter your for your future relationship life. Just proceed with caution in the future. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaphod B Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Sadly some people can be very coldhearted and once they've made up their mind about something, there's no convincing them otherwise. When I read your first post it sounded to me like your GF had well and truly made up her mind she was ending it and it was probably for other reasons rather than that argument. Sounded almost like she was just looking for that final excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Sorry to hear it's gone this way. NC really is the only option now, don't belittle yourself by doing the begging or pleading, just avoid all contact. I think one of the hardest things to do is accept that people can change like this. We put our all into a relationship and then this happens. We feel so betrayed and let down. It's hard to get past that. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Here was her response: "Your sentiments are appreciated. I am replying to your text to acknowledge it; however, I don't have anything to contribute to it. I am in a state of letting you go, and to do that, I can't talk to you. I sincerely hope you will find someone that leaves you with no insecurities, is pacifying, and is not argumentative. Good luck with your future." When I read your first post it sounded to me like your GF had well and truly made up her mind she was ending it and it was probably for other reasons rather than that argument. I got the same feeling as well due to the way she worded her response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author perpetual_illusion Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Thank you for your responses. I will definitely be going NC now, I can't stand being friends with someone so cold that they can't accept an apology, or even give a simple sorry for the way things turned out, let alone have let one so close to me. She was the one that came to me, she was just getting out of a long term relationship, and told me how I was the only one she ever wanted, how she thought we were soul mates (we knew each other in high school), I was reluctant to believe her at first, but after over a year of contact and months of dating, I let her in. Now, after a few bumpy weeks, "every conflict, every awkward moment, every fight hacked away at [her] desire to be in this relationship." We only had two fights, both about the same thing, and I can't count enough of the other two to label the "every". She told me I was too confrontational and too intense. She said she had come to the realization that she didn't want the relationship that it was turning into and that she had been wanting it less and less. But the whole time still told me she loved me and that I was the only one she wanted. I mean WTF? You were correct then, she had well and truly made up her mind for reasons that I don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 you dont need to understand a girl like that. girls are either good or bad, this one is bad. and no, hey if she left you, she definitely doesnt deserve an apology. If she does, she would have sit down and talked to you about what bugs her the most, so keep that in mind, next time, once the dumper walks out of the door, you are done. You dont need to say sorry anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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