Wife being heartless about being caught having an affair!!

[radioflyer]

Ok...well my other post that my wife moved out after a year is still ongoing. i have another topic to discuss with the forum. this has been the most devastating thing i have ever gone through!! To start out, my wife hired this gentleman who is 3 years younger than her ( a big difference if you are 26 years old). right away she starts talking about him all the time. mentioned his name in every conversation. i realize eventually what is going on. my wife is starting to confide in this guy and i need to put a stop to it. All said and done, she has moved out and just showed no emotion. like she was getting up and running away and turning her back on everything that is negative. my wife is being absolutely heartless about the whole thing. she is living with her "lover" and his 2 roomates because she has no where to stay. she told me that she has a separate room with a bed and he is giving her the space she needs to think. now how would anyone feel if your spouse is telling you this over the phone. why do i feel like i am competing with my wife over another guy. she said that she is torn and how she gets so frusterated when i call..as with him she said, he is giving her the space she needs. i can`t believe that i am hearing this from MY WIFE`S mouth!!! I knew something was going on all along and have constantly been questioning about their relationship. she gets defensive and screams and yells about how they are just friends and why can`t i accept that. Now she tells me that they intended to start out as friends, it grew and they started talking about everything together. I became more and more suspicious and getting hard evidence and SHE LIED after i had the evidence. she has lied to me and her family and friends (right to their face) with no remorse. she is shutting everyone out but him and is cursing her mom out because her mom is trying to reason with her about her decisions. now mind you, we have been together for 4 years and married for just ONE year!! and this is happening already because in one way she said that she wasn`t happy in the marriage and on the other hand i told her that i failed as a husband somewhere in the marriage , and she said no you didn`t. my wife told me that i didn`t fail, but this is 100 percent all her. she said that she couldn`t control her feelings for him. i asked how long this has been going on and how long she has had these strong feelings for him and she (with no hesitation or remorse)

said..."oh, a long time"! i mean, we have been married a year, so a long time is considered what? this is so heartbreaking to hear this come out of the person that i couldn`t love anymore if i tried and she just shows no sign of emotion about it. i am sickened to the fact that she told me that her feelings have been strong for a long time, the fact that she leaves in the morning and kisses me and calls me ect....yet knows inside that she has feelings for him that she supposively cannot stop. i wasn`t born yesterday!! she is 26 years old and i am 25, i had planned on only marrying once in my lifetime. so here is the catch....will this affair last since she has had feelings for a long time, or will it be short-lived because i "caught them in the act" (literally in the act). like the secret is over and the novelty of this secret affair is worn off. what does that do to the cheating spouse when the betrayed has caught you. i spoke with her on the phone after the incident and said that she "doesn`t want to be touched at all".

i think that she has gone completely crazy about this whole thing, that she would throw away her whole life to be with this guy who she thinks she is in love with because they have been sharing emotional bonds. why is she shutting everyone out of her life because people are telling her what they think and what she should do. she said that she is sick of it and she needs to do what she feels makes her happy and no one else!! does this sound selfish or realistic?? i am her freaking husband for God`s sake and i cannot talk to her on the phone without her getting mad at me for calling and talking. i want to know what is going through her head and what she is thinking. is this a good idea, or should i just let her go and pull the "no contact" trick? My friends are saying that she is in her own world right now of denial and all she want to do is be happy with him, when in return , she is just going to fall flat on her face and realize what she threw away. by then, will it be too late, the damage done, or should i work it out. i feel deep down inside that we can work it out whole heartily. i feel that there was some type of communication breakdown in the marriage that caused her to confide in this other gentleman. When i asked her about the communication breakdown, she said not at all, but she said that she def. has not communicated with me like she should have been doing.

Here is another tidbit for you who are reading this long rant. i privately asked her if she would go to separate marriage counseling and no one but her and i would know. she said that she will think about it and later said forget it and go ahead and file for separation! anyways please let me know any comments or answers to my numerous questions. thanks again for your support!

[freebird]

RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

 

I would hate to be there when she "comes down" from her fantasy trip! You deserve so much better!

 

Divorce her, get YOURSELF into counseling and MOVE ON! She is not worthy and certainly has gone about this with no class and no remorse whatsoever.

 

Take care of you!! We all have ideas how we won't marry ever again after marrying once - but sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way.

 

Perhaps god is saying - get out while you can...it's just another lesson learned! I'm sorry, your wife, perhaps soon to be EX-wife is really selfish - that is the antithesis of what marriage is about!

 

Good luck! Don't look back, you'll only trip and fall...look ahead and walk tall!! Blessings!

[Fritz]

She's definately in the fog of "love" or lust or whatever. Who knows what she's going to say and she may not really mean it. Regardless, get a lawyer for your criminal stuff and consult a divorce lawyer. I hope you don't get jacked up by the DA on those charges.

 

Personally, I'd dump her and get the hell away as freebird said. If she's straying after only 1 year... Try <removed> and their forums, you might get some good info there too.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself!