iris219 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I don't know if this is a gender thing or not, but I don't necessarily equate good customer service with friendly customer service. I actually don’t prefer friendly customer service. I don't prefer rude either, but efficient, no-nonsense customer service. You can be respectful and good at your job without being overtly friendly. I also prefer to be left alone in retail stores; I don't like feeling pressured. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 It shouldn't be easy but, it shouldn't be also THIS difficult considering there are more women on this planet than men. Furthermore, I was just trying to explain why sometimes guys may say the wrong thing when talking to a lady. Women always say a guy should be "confident" and "say something unique and interesting". Well that is freaking hard especially when you go up to a complete stranger who you know nothing about. How many women could pull that off? Maybe women shouldn't be so quick to dismiss if a guy gets up the courage to come talk to a woman and isn't able to generate the most "interesting and unique" conversation. But put yourself in a woman's shoes--why would she give a chance to a random stranger who comes up and says something uninspiring? A charming approach can generate interest, but if she isn't interested--what is the point? Let me ask you a question. How much money does the female gender spend on products solely designed to enhance your appearance? Makeup, lingerie, clothing, breast augmentation, botox, collagen, hairdressers.... The list goes on and on. And then after you do as much as you can to make yourself "Physically attractive" you get upset when you receive the male attention that those products are designed to attract. It's like something I once said in response to the question "Why do women wear revealing clothing and then get angry when men look?" It's because those women are advertising but only for those men who "meet their qualifications" unfortunately, automated, mind reading-self adjusting clothing will probably not be invented for another several centuries, so women will just have to deal with what fishermen have been doing for centuries; cast a wide net and toss all the undesirables back into the ocean. It's hard work... guess what, so is life! Women dress and groom even when we aren't looking for a partner. We dress for the partner we have, for ourselves, or for other women (competition between women). I agree that it is no great hardship to get attention from men, but it can be awkward at times. Especially when a smile and friendliness is interpreted as mutual interest, which gets back to the topic of the OP (why women might avoid being smiley and friendly with strangers). Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I don't know if this is a gender thing or not, but I don't necessarily equate good customer service with friendly customer service. I actually don’t prefer friendly customer service. I don't prefer rude either, but efficient, no-nonsense customer service. You can be respectful and good at your job without being overtly friendly. I also prefer to be left alone in retail stores; I don't like feeling pressured. Right, and don't forget, women don't like to be approached in gyms because they're ONLY there to work out (and not socialize) They don't go to stores to buy things, not have men talk to them. <insert other venues where single women don't like being approached> I guess that being said, that's what online dating sites are for. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Right, and don't forget, women don't like to be approached in gyms because they're ONLY there to work out (and not socialize) They don't go to stores to buy things, not have men talk to them. <insert other venues where single women don't like being approached> I guess that being said, that's what online dating sites are for. LOL I don't mind being approached by a men in public, if he has something to say to me and it's not an awkward time. Typically a woman will let you know if you should approach with eye contact and a smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Most even semi cute women are treated like mini celebrities so of course allot will act entitled I blame allot of it on Men with spoil these women and let em get away with any bs because they look good Its like raising a child in that if you spoil him all their life never discipline or call em out on their bs theyre gonna grow up to be spoiled and entitled because theyre always used to getting their way That's whats happened with allot of women until men stop spoiling and treatign em like their perfect and their sh-t doesnt stink theyll continue to be entitled and stuck up That's how my granny was. When she was younger she looked like Betty Grable, but when she got old she looked like a monkey!!! Even when she was 83, she still acted like that spoiled girl in the Willy Wonka movie! Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 He said she was stuck up, but never explained how or why. He asked her why she was taking her job so seriously. I would have been annoyed by this. I hate when people (and it's always guys) do the "SMILE! It can't be that bad" thing while I'm drinking coffee, trying to work, and minding my own business at a coffeeshop. What he did sounded similar. Well, if an employee is giving off a very unfriendly vibe to the point that it's bothering the customers.. Well, I don't care if you're female or male, a part of being professional at your job is usually that the customer is always right, even if they're *******s. It's bad for business. He wasn't hitting on the girl, he was probably just uncomfortable because he's a timid fellow and she probably looked like she wanted to stab someone. I've worked in retail and fast food.. You'd get fired at your job if a customer gave you lip, even if he was in the wrong, and you stooped to his level. It didn't look good. The "smile" thing does sound idiotic, only because they have no idea why you look miserable. If you really are miserable because you work in a coffee shop.. damn, I figured that job couldn't be THAT hard.. Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I don't mind being approached by a men in public, if he has something to say to me and it's not an awkward time. Typically a woman will let you know if you should approach with eye contact and a smile. So, how would I know that a girl isn't glancing at me a few times with a blank face because simply because she caught me glancing at her? How does that translate to "approach me if you will.."? I'm not a mind reader. I don't want to intrude on anyone's personal space. I might make small talk, but that may not even be well received. Plenty of girls return my quick glances, but they don't really show anything, neither utter disgust at my fugliness nor wide-eyed ecstacy at the realization that someone as beautiful as me exists.. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 But put yourself in a woman's shoes--why would she give a chance to a random stranger who comes up and says something uninspiring? A charming approach can generate interest, but if she isn't interested--what is the point? Why; because presumably the woman would be single and straight and thus be open to meeting a guy. Charming is extremely hard. How many truly charming guys do you know? I am going to assume that since I am a male, I know way more guys than you and I can count on 1 hand how many of them are truly charming. I am going to speak for myself here but, I can confidently say that I am a good conversationalist and can be funny. However, I usually need to know something about the person, where they went to school, where the work, who they work it, who they are friends with etc... to be funny and witty. What I am not is a stand up comedian and that is what it seems like women want. They want someone to come up to them and without any knowledge about them be able to make them laugh. That is what a stand up comedian does when he/she does a set. So IMO if women weren't so quick to dismiss and be a little bit more patient, be a little more open, a little more friendly and easy to approach, a lot more connections would occur. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSkool Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 In retrospect, I actually think this girl's attractiveness might have benefited her in this situation. Had I been in the OP's position with a male clerk, I probably would have demanded to know if he had a problem with his job, a problem with me or both, and would he like to have a conversation with his manager and I about that problem. There are recent studies that indicate an attractive woman has a similar effect on a man's judgement as does alcohol. That being said, it's time for a cold one. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I think there is one more thing going on other than just bitch face. Certain women think that every man actively wants to have sex with them. Listen up ladies and take it from someone who can see both sides of the issue: Men finding you attractive and being extra friendly as a result does not mean that they are "thinking" that they want to have sex with you. On an unconscious level, they may think you are hot. Conciously all they are trying to be is friendly. Here's another tip, most men over a certain age are involved in some way. Most men have a wife/GF, they have a woman or two they are very interested in, or some other involvement. They aren't in the market looking to have sex with you. So drop the attitude, and realize your farts do smell rank. Link to post Share on other sites
PatFinkle Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 You shouldn't think a girl will be unfriendly just because she's attractive. Sometimes you get friendly + pretty together! Double the fun! --Pat F Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Maybe women shouldn't be so quick to dismiss if a guy gets up the courage to come talk to a woman and isn't able to generate the most "interesting and unique" conversation. This is like saying maybe men shouldn't be so quick to dismiss women who aren't as pretty/thin/attention-grabbing/whatever. Very few people are going to go for this argument. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I usually need to know something about the person, where they went to school, where the work, who they work it, who they are friends with etc... to be funny and witty. That's why online dating is so good. You can learn about someone before you meet them so when you do meet, you are less likely to be rejected because you have become friends. Men don't seem to have the patience. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSkool Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Women dress and groom even when we aren't looking for a partner. We dress for the partner we have, for ourselves, or for other women (competition between women). I agree that it is no great hardship to get attention from men, but it can be awkward at times. Especially when a smile and friendliness is interpreted as mutual interest, which gets back to the topic of the OP (why women might avoid being smiley and friendly with strangers). Equal parts truth and misdirection. Yes‚ women dress to show off and to compete, however there is a definitive boundary between slutty and classy. Yes, it is easy for women to get sexual attention from men. The acid test is how a woman reacts to the 'unwanted attention' from certain types of men. In the military it is given the term "collateral damage" Welcome to the Battle of The Sexes Link to post Share on other sites
LoveandSuch Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I can honestly say I have never thought of a woman or women when dressing. If it is for anyone other than myself, it would be a man, period. My only concern regarding other women, would be it the attire is appropriate for the event or place. My solution to working out my bod without men admiring it, and feeling relaxed and not oogled which is expected given the mini shorts and top is a women's only gym. Problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Maybe women shouldn't be so quick to dismiss if a guy gets up the courage to come talk to a woman and isn't able to generate the most "interesting and unique" conversation. Well... I don't dismiss guys who approach me and aren't necessarily super witty or unique. I dismiss the ones that offend either my eyes or my ears. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I gravitate toward a sense of humour. If someone can make me laugh- I'll find it very attractive. Men never approach me in RL-they'll stare sometimes.. But on POF- I get bombarded with messages. Do good looking people have advantages in life? Yeah, probably. Sad but true. If you go into an interview and you're not overly attractive- but have the skills on paper... Research shows that most companies will hire a less qualified person if they are more attractive... Link to post Share on other sites
OldSkool Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I can honestly say I have never thought of a woman or women when dressing. If it is for anyone other than myself, it would be a man, period. My only concern regarding other women, would be it the attire is appropriate for the event or place. My solution to working out my bod without men admiring it, and feeling relaxed and not oogled which is expected given the mini shorts and top is a women's only gym. Problem solved. Thank you! When women "prepare" themselves (visually) for the 'Male world', they know exactly what they are doing and which hormones they are trying to play upon. No self respecting woman I know deliberately exposes herself to 'compete' with another woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Queen Zenobia Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Adversity builds character and women like men with character. Don't scurry off in fear like a I'm a woman and I find this completely ridiculous. Collecting rejections does not make one attain character. It can, but it can also make one bitter, or can eat away at their self confidence. Expecting men to just throw themselves into the meat grinder continually in the name of accumulating character is not realistic. At some point they're going to need some success. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Easyguy14 Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 OK, well I don't have any problem with this at all. Treat 'em both the same when it comes to customer service. Tell the manager if they say rude stuff to you or whatever. I'm all in favor of that. I really don't think that's what happened with the OP though. He wanted to flirt and she wasn't having it = she was "stuck up." he pretended he was complaining about customer service...but subsequent posts made it clear that wasn't strictly true and this really isn't so much about customer service as wanting a pretty girl to smile at him, specifically, and then condescendingly telling her to lighten up. Yeah. Not her job. So. Not buying what he's selling. my following posts said nothing about me wanting to flirt. your doing that argument all on your own and losing it quickly. Im not gonna bother here, because its clear that your gonna keep twisting what I say to meet what you believe is true, regardless of what's clearly stated. thank god men are the logical ones because we'd be extinct by now. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 This is like saying maybe men shouldn't be so quick to dismiss women who aren't as pretty/thin/attention-grabbing/whatever. Very few people are going to go for this argument. I am all for being less rigid for both guys and girls take a chance at making a connection. I believe you made a thread regarding what to do about a guy who you emailed but didn't give you the best response. You probably don't remember but, I was the only one in that thread telling you to give the relationship a chance. Look I am not saying you should date someone you find unattractive or you should date a guy who comes up to you and is a compete bumbling idiot. What I am saying is both guys and girls should be more flexible when it comes to relationships and shouldn't be so quick to dismiss people. The way I see it, we are on this earth for a short period of time so why not take chances with people, you never know what you may find. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 my following posts said nothing about me wanting to flirt. your doing that argument all on your own and losing it quickly. Im not gonna bother here, because its clear that your gonna keep twisting what I say to meet what you believe is true, regardless of what's clearly stated. thank god men are the logical ones because we'd be extinct by now. It's okay- you will be soon. We can reproduce via injection with modern science. We really only need a handful of smart men to impregnant us to continue bringing humans into the world. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 are all good looking women self-entitled? No, of course not. They are "entitled" by the very attitudes of men such as yourself. Were they not in such high demand by the likes of you, they wouldn't be able to get what you seem to think is whatever they want. So the seeming entitlement is a product of you, and not of themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 OP, I kind of discovered your title assertion to be mostly reflective of my experiences back when I was your age or younger. There were a few really shining exceptions and they kept me out of the abyss. I've never dated NYC women but have some female friends who live in Manhattan or are from there. I can see how they can come off as self-entitled. It's a tough city to survive and thrive in. I find them very direct. Compared to how folks are in my area, I almost feel like I'm being rude just talking with them normally (to them). It's like a different culture. Anyway, I've found the best way to process it is to see them (the good-looking self-entitled ones) as on a different path. Their path is valid for them. Our paths will just never meet. They won't mind this at all; in fact, 'normal' people like you and me don't even register in their world, so win-win If you travel like I do, you'll see a wide variety of people, cultures and perspectives. One nuance I've seen in my life experiences with universally attractive people (these are people who turn the heads of both genders wherever they go) is that they are accustomed to getting what they want; as other LS'ers have suggested, they have it 'easier' in society in many ways. I don't see anything wrong with that. We, as 'normal' society members choose to teach them how to treat us and give them what they want. We decide. Topically, you make that choice when you fall all over yourself when a beautiful woman enters the room and you can't wait to go hit on her. You decide that. You and every other man who services her ego teaches her how to treat you. Make different choices. The good-looking woman and her self-entitlement or lack thereof is outside of your influence and control. Accept it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSkool Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 It's okay- you will be soon. We can reproduce via injection with modern science. We really only need a handful of smart men to impregnant us to continue bringing humans into the world. Wow! What arrogance. What makes you think that 'smart men' would want to impregnate someone like you? Ever seen the movie Idiocracy? Do you really think a "Smart Man" would want to reproduce with you? FAIL Link to post Share on other sites
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