triggerbunny Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Basically, me and this guy have known each other for just under a year. when we first met we really hit it off, and we were in the same class together all year one a one year uni course. I had a boyfriend when we first met, but broke up with him a couple of months later, nothing to do with anyone else, the relationship was just over. It was tough though, and this guy friend was really there for me. We were always a bit of a duo in class and along with a group of mutual friends would see each other a lot socially. We got closer and closer, text each other all the time and there was always a flirty element. Then about a couple of months ago, i admitted to myself I had more than just friendly feelings for him. Things seemed to be changing with our friendship... a lot more physical contact, he would compliment me instead of teasing me ALL the time, and then one night out we were with everyone else but we were very together, it felt like a date...we were holding hands all night in the club and a lot of our friends asked me if we were finally getting together. Then he was due to go on a lad's holiday. He arranged a whole day of things for just us two to do together before he went, which had never happened before, and I ended up staying at his house overnight after we spent the whole night talking. Nothing happened, but then he told me that when he went away he wanted me to text him, he took a cheap phone with him and didn't give any of our other mutual friends the number. we stayed in contact over his holiday, i didn't over-text, he was texting and asking me lots of questions about what i'd been doing etc and he started putting kisses at the end of the texts as well, which was new. Then, after two weeks, he came back and i had really missed him. I didn't see why he wouldn't want to meet up, but we haven't and its been over a week since he's got back. We have been texting, and we are supposed to be going on a mini break with our other mates next week, but I just guess I thought if he felt the same way I do then why doesn't he want to see me before then? Also, from a friendship POV we usually see each other quite a bit. At least once or twice a week if we aren't in uni. I understand that he's probably just busy/needs to recover from holiday, but now I'm worried that he thinks I've been bothering him, trying to see him. Also, the previous weekend due to a total misunderstanding (and the fact i'd had a horrible weekend and was feeling really low after some heavy partying) I asked him if he was ignoring me. He immediately responded that he wasn't, it was a misunderstanding (I had assumed he was back on his old phone number and he wasn't) and he said of course he wasn't ignoring me, was sorry if I thought that, asked me how I was etc, still kisses at the end. but then when we spoke on the phone today I was like 'yeah, had a bit of a crazy couple of weeks' and he said 'yeah that text you sent me was weird, what happened that weekend' etc...the conversation was fine, i made him laugh about it, but I'm worried i've done something really wrong. and I just don't get why he doesn't want to make more of an effort to hang out. I'm just confused really. does it sound like he fancies me? like he just wants to be good friends? like he's gone off me? like he's playing me a bit? I don't know ha, help! guys opinions would be good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author triggerbunny Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 I don't know...I think they definitely can be when there is no attraction. In your opinion though, from what I've said, does it sound as though he wants something more? Or am I misreading everything...I just don't know, with him. I've never been in the situation where I've been 'just friends' with a guy then developed feelings for him, my other boyfriends always came about from pulling the guy on a night out, or soon after I met them. Link to post Share on other sites
KR10N Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Guys and girls are never just friends.Nonsense! I've plenty of male friends who are nothing more than friends. There's absolutely no physical or emotional attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Perhaps he met someone else. His behavior prior doesn't sound platonic to me. TBH, most of my truly platonic friendships with single women happened in the 15 or so years prior to losing my virginity. After that point, about the only women I've been truly platonic friends with were/are our married female friends (my exW's female friends) and the wives of my male friends. I can share with you that I never flirted with platonic female friends, nor held their hand, nor in any way acted like they were a 'date'. The subject matter might have been less 'male' than with my male friends, but otherwise the interactions were just like with a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author triggerbunny Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hmmm, that was one possibility that crossed my mind. But it would be weird for him to have met someone else in the week he came back from holiday...that immediately replaced the year of everything we had been building up to, if that behaviour wasn't platonic, like you say? argh, I don't know. It's reassuring that it doesn't sound platonic. i just feel a bit hurt I suppose, and I really feel that absence has made the heart grow fonder for me, but maybe not for him. Or at least not as much. Its just difficult to know how to react, because of the friendship. If he was 'just' one of my platonic male friends, then I would be calling him tomorrow because we need to arrange this trip next week, no problem. But as a potential bf interest, I don't want to seem clingy, or needy by contacting him all the time! this transition thing is so difficult to get right...though I'm holding out hope that maybe he's nervous about seeing me? Because he feels like things have changed? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 How many girls have you seen him with over the year you've known him? Link to post Share on other sites
copperhead246 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 hmm it seems like he is interested i think it would take more than a week of him not getting in touch with you to solidify disinterest...is he a touchy feely sort of guy? some guys like all that cuddling and hand holding stuff...even if you're supposed to be platonic. i never liked doing those sorts of things unless i'm interested in someone because i feel like it can lead to confusing situations like this one...at the end of the day the only thing you can do unfortunately is to confront the situation and see what it says hopefully it's what you want to hear Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts