unsure if im making the right choice by staying

[franki_j]

This may be a tad long, I will try to do a quick summary for you = ) first off, my boyfriend and I of 3 years moved in together last october after a long dist relationship. I had complete trust in him when we lived an hour apart. However living together has opened my eyes to a lot! I would like to say that he is not abusive towards me, listens, and is loving. Now for my quick rundown of all the" stuff" he's put me through...forgetting my bday, texting ex wife (no kids), found pics of him and some girl together hanging all over one another, him lifting her shirt (we were together at the time), emails in inbox from sex hookup sites not spam, sex is starting to disappear, yet he masturbates all the time, in our bed when I step out briefly, at his work, his porn obsession (I don't mind that he watches, told him I would even watch with him, but he's sneaky about it...has tons on his work pc). oggling other women when im with him, I tell him when he's out on his own he can ogle all he wants but when with me show me some respect.

Now back to the ex wife...a HUGE thorn in my side here. I used to not be the jealous type, but he's turning me in the green eyed monster! Anyhow..at the beginning of our relationship he made it out to be that him and his ex-w were not on good terms . Yet he had her stuff in his house still, pictures of them, her shampoos and lotions. I believe that he didnt get closure in that relationship so he was still holding on. Well, He painted her out to be this horrific woman. I ended up disliking her myself based on what he told me. When we first moved in together last oct, I saw that he was texting her, they were platonic sounding...but he made no mention of me and him being back together (we broke up a month before briefly). I told him there was no need to be talking to her. They were divorced, had a history, and we are trying to build our own relationship. He said he was done talking to her. Flash forward a few months and major issues later, i asked him if he talked to her since i told him to stop, he said no. I just caught him in a lie, I should say another lie here, I knew with all my heart he had been. Yet he denied it as he denies all his lies. I didn't have proof. So when I was going insane trying to find proof I accessed his phone bill (he gave me passwords so not a matter of evading his privacy) I found out that not only had he talked to her since than via text msg (one time, when we were having personal problems) but before I yelled at him in nov...he had been texting and calling her for over a year. in the time period that we broke up, they had 1000's of text msgs between each other. And to top that after I moved in as soon as he'd leave for work he'd start texting her until he came home. I was livid. Especially after he said they were" just friend's" im sorry but even with my friends I don't send even 100 msgs. He said he texted her recently to seek advice on our relationship problems! What?!? I should also mention here that he had an msn messenger that had only 4 girls on it..2 past lovers, a chick he liked at one time, and his ex wife (who he added 2 months after I asked him to stop talking to her). He denies talking to anyone on there. But still seems shady to me. That old womens intuition I suppose. Its scary at times.

He says he'll never talk to the ex wife again. We are working on everythin now. My controlling behavior and standoffish personality. His lying and sneaking behind my back. Im sorry if this is a rambling mess. I haven't even included everything. I guess what I want to know is...am I wasting my time here. Will he change? Stop lying, let go of the ex wife. Can trust be rebuilt? I've read so many articles on rebuilding trust, yet Im still unsure. Okay, sorry, reaching my conclusion here. Thank you for taking the time to read and any input you can give!

[Woman In Blue]

Well Franki, the guy sounds like one big, hot mess. It looks as though YOU have to do a ton of work "working things out" because he seems to live for his genitals and has no boundaries, whatsoever.

 

This guy sounds like an awful lot of WORK for very little payoff.