Steve11 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I've been NC for about 2 months. I went round my house today (i'm renovating) and there was a birthday card from my ex. She had crossed out the name of the dog on the front & wrote the name we were going to give 'our' dog. I texted to say thanks for the card. She asked if i wanted to come round and see her new car & that she'd make me a cup of tea. I said i couldn't, but she could buy me a coffee sometime. Then she texted back saying glad i had a gd birthday and no worries. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I take it that this relationship is truly over ? The reason I ask is that you both seem like you are hurting for each other. NC is the best way to heal and move forward and I always recommend it but there are also times that maybe time apart makes the heart grow fonder.. I guess this has already been hashed out here on LS.. Let me just say I hope you heal... Breakups suck.. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.goodguy Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Did she break up with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Yeah, she broke up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Am I beIng stupid thinking it could mean more that it does? Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Go have that tea or coffee with her. Don't be shy and ask her whatever questions are on your mind. Then you will know for sure how she is feeling about everything at this current point in her life. At least you'll know what's up. Better than not knowing if its bugging you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 We done that before & she said she had moved on! So I stopped contact. Then she sends this! Dunno what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 That's why I thought the coffee or tea meeting might give you a clearer picture. This really comes down to how much more energy you are willing to give to pursueing this with her. No contact is the way to heal. If you do meet with her once more be sure to ask point blank all the questions on your mind so you will get exact answers about what is going on from her point of view or if her feelings have changed in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 I can't deal with the rejection again. I'll send her a card because I'm nice like that & leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Well, if she sent it to get me thinking about her - it worked. I can't stop thinking about her now! I will send her a card. But, did she do this to get me thinking. I mean, who sends there Ex a birthday card! *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Steve.. if you send her a card you are both just tip toeing around trying to make each other think about the other.. Forever Learning's post was pretty good.. go to get a cup of tea/coffee with her.. she did offer in her card.., go with no expectations and go with the attitude in your head that you will use that meeting to figure it all out. In the end if all she is doing is soothing her guilt then you will at least know it from here on out. If she doesn't want anything other than the occasional card then you will know that too and can adjust yourself accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Just keep NC. You are not ready for a cup of coffee. Honestly you wont be ready for a lot more months. You still have feelings for her and she will see it if you meet up with her and you are still on her string. If she has told you that theres nothing there for her already just move on and ignore her. Let her conscious eat away at her, its no longer your responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 Well, I posted it last night. Feel a little bit of regret because I rushed it, so the handwriting was poor & there wasn't much to it! Better than nothing I s'pose. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Dude, I really think that she's trying to get you in the friend zone. She broke up with you and she can't stand the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates her. Therefore, by getting you into the friend zone would ease her guilt about dumping you. " Oh look I ended it with him and we're still really great friends!" At least that's what she's hoping to achieve in her head. I'm a firm believer that she's not looking to reconcile until you get the card that says, " I'm so sorry. I made a huge mistake. Can you come by for coffee and we could talk?" any less than that is breadcrumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 Well, it's too late now. I pretty much shadowed what she said in my card. I didn't write anything I would of regreted. Just didn't write it clearly enough lol I'm still moving on. I'm not ready for another relationship yet, but I've been with two girls since. It helped, a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 I haven't had a message of thanks or anything for the card today. Ah well. Back to NC! Link to post Share on other sites
Bubby Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 look after you. My marriage has just broken up and it is difficult. Do you feel emotionally strong enough yet to have coffee with her and be objective about what she says and your reaction to her. It is not unusual to want to contact the other partner after several months to see what is happening, make sure it was the right thing to end the relationship. As you said you are still getting over her. You have already started to rebuild your life without her and you are grieving still for what could have been with her. You know I believe that there is a plan for everything that happens in my life. Often if I am patient the reason for something happening has always shown itself to me afterwards. And oh boy was I glad,especially when it has been something huge like a relationship break up. So look after you and know that whatever you decide to do and whatever the outcome there is always positive benfits for everything, including if you see her or not. If you do see her do something you really enjoy which will help you burn off some steam after and confirm why you are on your own at present. This is true when you are actually free to do it and it may have been something that you stopped doing while you were in the relationship with her. Good luck and enjoy your renovations ! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I've been NC for about 2 months. I went round my house today (i'm renovating) and there was a birthday card from my ex. She had crossed out the name of the dog on the front & wrote the name we were going to give 'our' dog. I texted to say thanks for the card. She asked if i wanted to come round and see her new car & that she'd make me a cup of tea. I said i couldn't, but she could buy me a coffee sometime. Then she texted back saying glad i had a gd birthday and no worries. It's one thing to send a bday card, it's another to do that! (bolded part). When I read that, all I could think of is WTF? Intentionally done to stir up emotions in you. She was the one who ended it, why do that to the guy you broke up with? It's like she is enjoying you pining over her and missing her. Do your best to stay in NC mode. It's for your own good and has nothing to do about her. NC is your path to grieving and letting go so you can begin your healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazel_eyes Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 It's one thing to send a bday card, it's another to do that! (bolded part). When I read that, all I could think of is WTF? Intentionally done to stir up emotions in you. She was the one who ended it, why do that to the guy you broke up with? It's like she is enjoying you pining over her and missing her. Do your best to stay in NC mode. It's for your own good and has nothing to do about her. NC is your path to grieving and letting go so you can begin your healing process. This also got my attention. I don't know your ex or her intentions, but I can tell you from experience that you need to go NC. I know a couple of girls, my sister included, who even though they break up with a guy they just can't stand the thought of him moving on to someone else even though they themselves don't want him back. It doesn't matter if he dates another girl, stays single, or what, they just like knowing that they can snag him back anytime they want or that they were the 'best' that guy ever had. So they real him in just enough to get his emotions going then put on the brakes. Then when he starts to move on they do it all over again. And they do it by doing the sorts of things that your ex did. It's horrible and game play all for the sake of their egos, but there are girls out there that do it. Just be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Yeah, the dog part was weird. She's texted back and thanked me for the card. I texted back saying no problem etc & left it at that. What I don't understand is, I expressed my feelings for her months ago & got nowhere. She told me she'd moved on. So, after 2 months, why send card! Ego boost, I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
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