When an ex talks to you as if you're still in a relationship??

[SugarHoney]

Hey everyone!

 

I know I've already posted about this in the second chances forum, but its still going on and I was hoping others may have experienced similar things? Or have advice on how to cope with it.

 

Basically my ex and I broke up 4 months ago and I think probably he just wants to be friends, but he's giving me a lot of mixed messages and I don't think he knows what he wants.

 

But he keeps calling me by my old pet name, telling me how much he misses me, flirting with me and just generally talking to me as if we are still in a relationship, asking for my advice about things etc.

 

And I'm trying to just play it cool and be his friend, but all his mixed signals are really messing with my head. I mean why would he still be calling me "honeypie" etc, flirting with me, telling me he misses me, asking for my advice on things one minute and then going cold and distancing himself from me the next, if he only wants to be friends? I just don't get it. And its sending me crazy.

 

We hung out together the other night and he told me he really misses me and still has feelings, but says he doesn't know whats going to happen, but that he'd like to be friends. I just don't know if I can cope with all the mixed signals much longer. In the short term its good because it gives me hope, but really its soul crushing every time he goes cold on me.

Edited August 1, 2011 by SugarHoney

[RodG]

The only thing I can say is go no contact. He's leading you on big time. If he wants you back, he'll come back. This is only hurting you and he's getting exactly what he wants.

[SugarHoney]

The only thing I can say is go no contact. He's leading you on big time. If he wants you back, he'll come back. This is only hurting you and he's getting exactly what he wants.

 

Do you think maybe he's trying to have a relationship with me without putting any effort in? I don't want to have to go no contact on him and cut him out of my life again, but I know thats probably for the best.

[radiodarcy]

ugh. the ex did this with me too. i finally concluded that he was just keeping me around as a back up for either sex or an ego boost.

 

just go NC like RodG suggested. the longer you hang in there the more he's going to keep you running in circles.

 

my guess is he likes going through the motions of being in a relationship with you; even though he doesn't want to be in one with you anymore. ask yourself this - - how are you going to feel when he does meet someone he wants to be with?

 

i asked myself that question and it didn't take me long to come up with the answer: like **it. i went NC soon after - - i figured it was better for me to jump ship now than be thrown overboard for someone else later.

Edited August 2, 2011 by radiodarcy

[shayla]

It was an ego boost for him, it would have made him feel better about throwing me under the bus and marrying another woman right after he left me, and it would have helped him pretend with everyone he knows that he was really a nice guy that didn't do this to me, the lie he's telling still to this day 8 months later.

 

I will have none of it. You left me, you betrayed me. I'm not mad at you any more. Let bygones be bygones, and you can get the hell on.

 

You can take that stance and not be angry at all. it is just you putting you first instead of allowing his mental masturbation any more.

[betterdeal]

What is the difference between being friends and being a couple, in your mind?

[SugarHoney]

What is the difference between being friends and being a couple, in your mind?

 

Friends don't call each other by the same lovey dovey pet names that they used during the relationship, friends don't flirt with one another.

 

I know everyone here is right, I need to talk to him, clarify how I feel about the whole situation and then go properly NC until I am fully over him and the relationship we shared and no longer affected by his mixed messages.

[English-Rose]

There are clearly still strong feelings on both sides here. I think you should explain to him that you love him too much to just be friends and tell him that you'd prefer to cut ties with him in the meantime. Tell him he knows where you are if he changes his mind but be clear that you are not waiting for him to do so. Then walk away with your head held high and do all you can to distract yourself from contacting him. Yes you'll miss him like crazy but what you want is either for him to miss you or for you to get over this and be happier again. He is never going to miss you if you are always there. You're providing all the good stuff without any commitment, and you're only making yourself miserable. If I'd taken my own advice a lot earlier into my breakup with am ex who sounds very much like yours, I reckon I couldve got him back or at least have saved myself months of heartache. Good luck xx