JennaL Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Hey all, will try to be short. Was with a guy LDR for about 9 months. Felt like he was withdrawing his affection little by little. When we would have talks about it, he would insist that he still loved me and with our time differences and his life and mine, we were just going thru a difficult period. I started to feel like maybe he just didnt wanna totally let go of me because he didn't want to hurt me like that. So I figured I would give him an easy way out and do it for him. One night last week we got into a discussion about it again and I thought now was the time to do it, so I broke up with him while we were on phone. He couldn't even talk and kept trying to hang up on me.... but I wouldn't let him until I made clear the reasons why I thought we should break. He was quiet, I know he was upset, no bye he just quietly hung up. This is where I freaked and had second thoughts so I gave it 24 hrs for us both to calm a little. Texted him I was sorry and I wanted to fix it as I realized I might have effed up, and I still loved him and I was soo sorry. Nothing. Waited a couple days. Sent an email apologizing. Was totally my fault for jumping the gun. Nothing. Waited 3 days letter and sent another email...nada. Secretly in the back of my head, I'm thinking that maybe I was right, maybe he didn't want to hurt me and I did him a favor by breaking up. Otherwise, why won't he talk to me? No email reply, no text, no nothing. I'm losing hope, and I'm scared to make a 2nd mistake by moving on and forgetting him. And I'm trying not to be selfish and cutting him from my life completely so I can move on. Don't know what to think at this point. Any one been thru this? I want him back but have a feeling he really didn't want me in the first place anymore by his silence. I'm so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Desensitized Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Hey all, will try to be short. Was with a guy LDR for about 9 months. Felt like he was withdrawing his affection little by little. When we would have talks about it, he would insist that he still loved me and with our time differences and his life and mine, we were just going thru a difficult period. I started to feel like maybe he just didnt wanna totally let go of me because he didn't want to hurt me like that. So I figured I would give him an easy way out and do it for him. One night last week we got into a discussion about it again and I thought now was the time to do it, so I broke up with him while we were on phone. He couldn't even talk and kept trying to hang up on me.... but I wouldn't let him until I made clear the reasons why I thought we should break. He was quiet, I know he was upset, no bye he just quietly hung up. This is where I freaked and had second thoughts so I gave it 24 hrs for us both to calm a little. Texted him I was sorry and I wanted to fix it as I realized I might have effed up, and I still loved him and I was soo sorry. Nothing. Waited a couple days. Sent an email apologizing. Was totally my fault for jumping the gun. Nothing. Waited 3 days letter and sent another email...nada. Secretly in the back of my head, I'm thinking that maybe I was right, maybe he didn't want to hurt me and I did him a favor by breaking up. Otherwise, why won't he talk to me? No email reply, no text, no nothing. I'm losing hope, and I'm scared to make a 2nd mistake by moving on and forgetting him. And I'm trying not to be selfish and cutting him from my life completely so I can move on. Don't know what to think at this point. Any one been thru this? I want him back but have a feeling he really didn't want me in the first place anymore by his silence. I'm so sad. First of all, YOU broke up with him for a reason. Try and remember what that reason was. Obviously, your relationship wasn't working, so you decided to cut all ties. He threw a fit because you were breaking up with him, and you freaked out because he didn't give you the reaction you were looking for. Move on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennaL Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 Thanks for your input. I did freak over his reaction. Thought he would agree and say okay...I mean, we were arguing about it once a month. But all he could say was "I can't believe your saying this" then the trying to hang up on me etc. So now I'm here thinking I totally effed up...I shoulda been more patient with him.. I need to fix this ASAP, the sooner the better. But no, hes being silent so I guess I'm not sure if I still keep trying, or throw int the towel for the 2nd time. It's been 7 days since we last spoke and that was the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 The same thing happened in my last relationship. I felt him distancing from me so I decided to jump the gun and break things off. We did talk again in a couple days and I asked if he wanted try and make things work and he agreed. Turns out my instincts were correct though because he broke up with me about 3 weeks later. Some people are cowards, they would rather have you do the dirty work for them. I know my ex wanted me to leave him to make it easier on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennaL Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 yeah. I think I was wise to trust my instinct. Have cut off all ties as about an hour ago and I actually feel like I can breathe although its bittersweet. I'm sad for the loss but I know I will get over it. Thanks for sharing your experience DLish Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 yeah. I think I was wise to trust my instinct. Have cut off all ties as about an hour ago and I actually feel like I can breathe although its bittersweet. I'm sad for the loss but I know I will get over it. Thanks for sharing your experience DLish I don't know what to say here.. The message here is women break up first because they think their bf isn't into them.. I suspect must women are a good judge of this however. Jenna, you ex's lack of response ... i.e. nothing at all says a lot. .. generally it means he has moved on.. and maybe just maybe you were right. Link to post Share on other sites
shanemike88 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I was just in your position. I just broke NC with my ex who I broke up with a few days ago and got no response. Everybody is right you broke up with him for a reason as I broke up with her for a reason. We can't give into some lonely nights, weekends, etc. Just stand by your decision. Don't regret breaking NC it is what it is. Just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 yeah. I think I was wise to trust my instinct. Have cut off all ties as about an hour ago and I actually feel like I can breathe although its bittersweet. I'm sad for the loss but I know I will get over it. Thanks for sharing your experience DLish I think your instincts were bang on- and you acted accordingly. You're only doubting yourself afte ward because it's painful to lose someone you love. Listen- remain NC with this guy. If he truly wants to be with you, he'll show you. Our insticts are seldom off, we don't pay as much attention to them as we should. Animals in the wild know when to run because there is an effing lion sauntering up the pathway... But us humans have this thing called cognition- so we are able to reason our way out of trusting our instincts. I think you did the right thing. If he's truly wanting to be with you- he'll respond and make things right. Until then- leave him alone and start the process of healing. Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hey all, will try to be short. Was with a guy LDR for about 9 months. Felt like he was withdrawing his affection little by little. When we would have talks about it, he would insist that he still loved me and with our time differences and his life and mine, we were just going thru a difficult period. I started to feel like maybe he just didnt wanna totally let go of me because he didn't want to hurt me like that. So I figured I would give him an easy way out and do it for him. One night last week we got into a discussion about it again and I thought now was the time to do it, so I broke up with him while we were on phone. He couldn't even talk and kept trying to hang up on me.... but I wouldn't let him until I made clear the reasons why I thought we should break. He was quiet, I know he was upset, no bye he just quietly hung up. This is where I freaked and had second thoughts so I gave it 24 hrs for us both to calm a little. Texted him I was sorry and I wanted to fix it as I realized I might have effed up, and I still loved him and I was soo sorry. Nothing. Waited a couple days. Sent an email apologizing. Was totally my fault for jumping the gun. Nothing. Waited 3 days letter and sent another email...nada. Secretly in the back of my head, I'm thinking that maybe I was right, maybe he didn't want to hurt me and I did him a favor by breaking up. Otherwise, why won't he talk to me? No email reply, no text, no nothing. I'm losing hope, and I'm scared to make a 2nd mistake by moving on and forgetting him. And I'm trying not to be selfish and cutting him from my life completely so I can move on. Don't know what to think at this point. Any one been thru this? I want him back but have a feeling he really didn't want me in the first place anymore by his silence. I'm so sad. Jenna the same thing happend to me. I felt like my gf was pulling away so I ended it. Ofcourse as soon as it happend i regreted it, especially when she said " i thought we were cool". I tryed apologising after that and wanted to work things out. But guess what I should never have regreted my decision because as things unfolded she showed her true colors and I finally understood she was not the right girl for me period! Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I dont blame him if he does not speak to you again. Maybe he was planning to drop you, who knows but the right action would have been to talk with him or fly him but you decided to take matters in your own hands. Deserves you right to be in pain now. Off course you overreacted and everybody does mistakes so if he truly loves you he will show you but you were wrong to finish it for him like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Sebastian76 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Same thing happened to me. Gf got more and more distant and it tore me apart. After yet another depressing skype convo (ldr) I told her I couldn't do it anymore and broke up. I soon regretted what I had done and begged for a second chance, but you can know the rest... Ignored me completely afterwards and was on with her life in a flash. Three days later she wrote me a real bitchy message ending it 'I guess I'm just not completely over it yet'. Can you believe it? But halfway there? Wtf, it took me six months to reach 'almost over it'. Later I've realized that I was just doing her dirty undies, and that I never had a chance. She was just too much of a coward to do it herself. Everything she did and didn't do after that reinforced this. Funny thing is she likes to see herself as the good person who always does things the right way - yet she is the most selfish person I think I've met. Don't blame yourself for wanting your ex back. Everyone who get dumped feel that way - and yes it was in fact you who got dumped first time around too. / Sebastian Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennaL Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 I know how he is with people he is major stubborn and its hard for him to admit mistakes. I was with him when he had a fallout with a really good friend of his so I know his mind process. Even tho I understood that he was angry at that person, that person didn't deserve to be discarded like a used tissue, especially in regards to their past friendship. So yeah, the fact that I was the dumper, prolly serves as unforgivable. What kills me is that I can't help but feel like I've been living with a lie the last few months. I had talks with him bout how I felt like he checked out and wasn't into us anymore. He would beg and plead, so I started to think I was crazy. I'm not normally so damn insecure. Would be good for a few weeks then back to the same ol' crap. 11 days of silence. He really was over us, and that hurts like a b*tch. Thanks for all your input and letting me vent guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennaL Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) Another odd thing with all this. He has a best friend, she's female. They had a thing together in the past but decided they were better off as friends. I became close with her as well while dating him. Anyway, she had been with him thru his few dates here and there and last major break up he had with someone he cared about. She said he was inconsolable and a mess. She is the ONLY person I have been able to talk to her about this cause she understands him too. She asked if I wanted her to talk to him about this and I declined. I don't want her friendship compromised with him or me...don't want any lines drawn in the sand lol. At first she was like, oh you guys will get back together I know he loved you. But now, even she is floored by his reaction. She asked him if he was okay the other day if he needed to talk and he told her everything was fine, just busy with work. So blowing her off too, which she thinks is odd cause he always went to her with his female issues. What a mess. Edited August 4, 2011 by JennaL By the way, hasnt even told her that we've broken up ...I broke the news to her. She doesnt wanna push him so shes on standby Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 well as harsh as it was, i kind of agree with 69ways. The dumper makes a decision whether its for selfish reasons or for practical reasons to end a relationship. How the dumpee responds is simply the result that the dumper has to live with. Alot of times people are scared to end a relationsihp that they know is bad in fear of feeling guilty and having the responsiblity of ending it all on their shoulders. I don't think that neccesarily makes them cowards. fetish Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennaL Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 "scared to end a relationsihp that they know is bad in fear of feeling guilty and having the responsiblity of ending it all on their shoulders. I don't think that neccesarily makes them cowards." Key words in your statement "scared" and "fear". So stay in a relationship that's bad, lie to that person, and waste your time plus theirs so you don't have to be the bad guy. That way when they dump you, you have no responsibility. Kinda doesn't make sense but thanks for your POV (this excludes of course mentally/physically abusive relationships cause I've never been in one so can't presume to understand what that person goes thru) Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I see what you're saying, and i was in a rush and probably could've put a little more thought in to my last post, but let me try to re-explain what i was "trying" to get at. Fear is a natural human emotion. I'm scared of what tommorow will bring. I'm scared of the day i have to lose a parent. It's life and It's all subjective. I'm just saying that i don't think in "All cases" that being afraid to end a relationship is "cowardess". fetish Link to post Share on other sites
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