Naive Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Uggggghhhhhh!!!!! I am so mad at myself!!! A few months ago i wrote on here my story with MM, right after I wrote that me and MM lost contact for approximately 3 months; however he called me again about 2 weeks ago and I fell into the same routine with him, AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I have to admit I missed him a lot while we did not talk and I could have gotten a hold of him but I decided not to. When I gave up all hope of ever talking to him again BAM! he called me!!!!!!!! Now I want him more than ever but I cannot help and wonder that if we would ever get back together as an "official couple" would I be able to trust him? What do I do? How do I walk away from the love of my life???????????????? HELP PLEASE Link to post Share on other sites
justcallmesnug Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Please don't do this to yourself. If I could get past three months, I would be so happy to have ended my affair. My question is, is he still married...if so, he still prefers where he is and who he is with for now. If he missed you so much after all of this time, then maybe he should get away from who he is with and be with you. Please don't do this to yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 28, 2004 Author Share Posted April 28, 2004 Unfortunately he is still married!!!!!!!! I do not know what to do...... Even though I feel like saying no to him when it comes down to it I cant!!! What do I do??? He makes me feel wanted and beautiful. I wish I could make him tell me the truth about his REAL intentions with me. I actually just came from having dinner with him and you know what makes it harder? That he respects me, by that I mean he never tries to go all the way!!!! What can I do? I am so depressed. When I am with him I am so happy but when he leaves I feel very sad! Link to post Share on other sites
justcallmesnug Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 Unfortunately he is still married!!!!!!!! I do not know what to do...... Even though I feel like saying no to him when it comes down to it I cant!!! What do I do??? He makes me feel wanted and beautiful. I wish I could make him tell me the truth about his REAL intentions with me. I actually just came from having dinner with him and you know what makes it harder? That he respects me, by that I mean he never tries to go all the way!!!! What can I do? I am so depressed. When I am with him I am so happy but when he leaves I feel very sad! Yes, you can say no! The guy is not available.....He does not have any REAL intentions with you. If he did, he would be acting upon them. His REAL intention is to stay where he is and have you on the side. I would hate to have you go through the hell I have, so I will offer the advice of get away from him....or just wait until you are so fed up that you will flip out. It is better to go out with your dignity Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 I wish I could make him tell me the truth about his REAL intentions with me. You'll never hear the truth from his mouth, so you'll just have to judge by his actions. he respects me, by that I mean he never tries to go all the way!!!! Hunnhh???? Not following you here. He plays with your head even when he knows he will never satisfy you emotionally and that you have done your best to be free...and this great "love of your life" also withholds sex from you. This all sounds like the opposite of respect to me. if we would ever get back together as an "official couple" would I be able to trust him? I hope to h*ck not, because that would indicate your lack of judgment and failure to learn from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 29, 2004 Author Share Posted April 29, 2004 I went out with him again last night. You know what is it that I do not understand? Why is it that I always do what I want when it had to do with other things or dilemmas even if it's real hard or it seems that I cannot do it, but when it comes to MM I seem to always do the opposite of what I want to do !!!!!!! I wish I could just say no and that is that!!!!!!!!! I wish I could walk away from all of this BS but I feel that I have to figure what keeps me accepting him back into my life!! At times I think that if it were love I would have left him a long time ago because it would hurt too much for someone who I love to do this to me. When me and him were together I left him over a lie that he told me and I walked away... Why cant I do it again? Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 Helpful Hint #1 - Block his number from your home phone, cell phone, work phone. Block his email address from your email. If you can't hear from him, you lower your risk of temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 It will never work if you force yourself to stop. So take it easy, start with small things. Take Caterpillar's advice and go to "no contact area". Then small steps, set small goals,like: "I'm not gonna think about him today at all" and respect that. You can spoil yourself during week-endswith allowing yourself to look at the pictures, only so that you feel really bad about yourself and try harder the next week. The trick is not to hate yourself for having feelings for him. If you feel bad aboutyourself, you know what you're doing is wrong so you feel the need to punish yourself by getting more hurt -e.g. contacting him. Like in a vicious cercle. So to me it actually is about loving yourself and accepting your faults. Because, as Arabess said on one thread, it's not that he doesn't love you. Sure he does. It's that he doesn't love you ENOUGH. Have some dignity and start your own life, don't accept so easily leftovers from somebody else's. Now you know how. Link to post Share on other sites
reachingskywards Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 I used to have the same problem with not being able to say no. Being out of control of your life make you feel even worse. Even if you are seeing a married man you still need to feel in control of the situation. My suggestion is to make other plans. I would get really busy and get your mind off him. Call up all of your friends and make plans to spend some time or do things with them. Or perhaps sign up for some classes (dance, painting etc). Or perhaps get onto RSVP or equivalent get yourself some dates with other guys. Whatever, – if you’re doing other things you can’t be seeing him. I also suggest that you start to focus on what your needs are… you say that you want him more than ever… but wants and needs are not the same thing. For example, I might want to spend all my money on clothes and shoes but I need to pay my bills, I want to eat chocolate and pizza all the time (I really do !!) but need to have healthy food most of the time. I suspect that even though you might really want this guy… inside your real need is very different – you need to have a good relationship with someone who loves and is there for you. Focus on that. Forget him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 30, 2004 Author Share Posted April 30, 2004 Thanks, the advice that you gave me is all so true!!! I know that I should change my cell phone number and ignore his e-mails... I actually thought about things very thoroughly yesterday after speaking to him and I came to the conclusion that I should stop talking and going out with him!!! As much as I care for him or wish that he would be mine reality is IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!! The only thing that worries me is that I know that even if I try to have no contact with him it's inevitable because our families are old friends that know each other for years! therefore I see him at any type of gatherings that our families have. I know I can avoid going to his gatherings or so on but I cannot stop him from coming to ours. That's how we were reunited in the first place. If you only knew how complicated this is all to me. I really want to break all the chains that have me tied up to him... I want to date someone that I can call my boyfriend!... I actually even feel so bad for his wife!!! I do not want her to know because it would probably break her heart and as much as I love him or care for him I do not want to be the cause of another woman's tears!!! I have only seen her 3 times because he does not bring her around very often, but I definitely want to stop all of this as soon as possible. I will keep you updated. And you were right it's not really about what I want it's about what I need Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 How about bringing a man the next time your family meets? Just a thought I know that healing just like hapiness must came from within but... if you can get a little help on the way, why not? If telling yourself to refuseconact with him doesn't work, then start going out. It will keep you busy, you'll have friends around you, maybe you'll even have fun - how about that!!! Seriously, you won't believe what a relief it is to stop feeling guilty, stop feeling guilty because you're happy etc. Again, just a thought! Link to post Share on other sites
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